Chapter 13:

She was really, really angry.

No, seriously. I thought I'd seen her mad before. That was nothing compared to this. I could swear I could practically feel the enclosed space creeping up on us. In my mind's eye, I could see Koizumi casting an accusing glare at me: "Again? Kyon, what did you do this time?"

I kissed her and I bolted. That's what I did.

But school was in session, and even if I wasn't in class, I wouldn't even be able to do anything about the enclosed space. To my surprise, after a while the gloomy darkness that loomed like blackmail began to dissipate and fade until nothing was left.

She hadn't even shown up for homeroom; in fact, it wasn't until third period that she finally stomped in, interrupting the entire class, slumped into her seat behind me, and angrily looked out the window. I'm not sure why she even bothered to show up. I had the feeling that she was carrying around an "I'll show you!" attitude, though.

Sneaking a glance back around at her, I did notice that her eyes were a little red, and I felt a bit of guilt.

Shit. I'm sorry, Haruhi.

I would have said that, too, but here the next problem arose: Haruhi, girl-like, absolutely refused to listen to my apologies. Naturally, she left during lunch, as always, but I had the feeling that she wasn't patrolling as usual. She returned well after class had already begun, and pointedly ignored all eye contact.

Feeling like a junior high girl, I fished out a bit of paper and scrawled, "Please talk to me" on it, and then slipped it over on to her desk.

She didn't even open it; she merely put it in her mouth and swallowed. Ew, Haruhi. You don't know where that's been! I doubt she would've even cared. It was a dare, a challenge, a demonstration of her unmovable stubbornness, and the funny thing was, it wasn't even a far cry from what other girls were like. Nooo...the irony was, this was normal girl behavior.

I sighed and let her be.

Classes ended. She left even before the teacher had finished issuing homework.

Clubs started. I dutifully showed up to a clubroom void of any soul but Asahina-san, sweetly brewing green tea in an adorable maid outfit. At her smile, I felt the familiar happiness rise up in my chest. Cute, gentle Asahina-san, natural anti-depressant and aphrodisiac. At least there was one beautiful girl in this world that I never had problems with.

"Ah, Kyon-kun! Genki desu ka?"

I sank down into a seat by the table and let my head droop between my arms, groaning. It must have seemed terribly rude. But, sweet Asahina-san, knowing instinctively my male needs of pampering, took a seat next to me quietly and sat there for a minute without saying anything.

After a minute, she asked, "Is it Suzumiya-san?"

I let out an oblique grunt.

"Ah, I see." More silence. Then, "Is there anything I can do?"

You could explain to me exactly why the last girl I should be with is the one I want to be with.

She laid a small hand on my arm, and I looked up to meet her gaze. There were the familiar tingles but...why did they seem so shallow now?

She gave a little surprised gasp and took her hand away as the door opened with a bang, and Haruhi entered, scowling at everything but me. She didn't even give me that much. She stomped over to her "commander" chair and sat down, starting up the computer and beginning to type loudly.

I watched her there, wondering if she was actually typing anything but gibberish, seeing as the computer's "start" screen hadn't even had time to load up yet, and then I suddenly stood determinedly. Damn the consequences. Haruhi, you have to listen to me.

I walked over and stood there. She continued to ignore me, so I unplugged the mouse and took it away from her. She gave a little cry and looked up at me with a "I will murder you in cold blood and guts" expression in her eyes.

Then she decided it wasn't even worth her time to get the mouse back from me, and stood.

She stomped over to the tea, still on the counter where the still-seated Asahina-san had left it, and began to slurp from a cup loudly. When I walked over, she turned on her heel and marched back over to the computer. I took my seat next to Asahina-san again. Square one.

She was really starting to piss me off.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that she was completely refusing to listen to everything I had to say. But I was surprised, and I was also annoyed. Why couldn't she just hear me out? Sometimes a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, and even if it's for the good of the girl, she will always, without fail, assume that he's doing it to spite her or whatever and stubbornly refuse to let him clear his name.

I gritted my teeth and frowned as Koizumi entered, smiling as usual and rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry I'm late...I had a bit of an emergency...Ano...is something going on here that I should know about?"

He looked from me over to Haruhi. I can only imagine that my expression must have matched hers at this point: eyebrows drawn so closely together that they almost met, deep lines around the corners of the mouth, folded arms. Although folding my arms across my chest didn't have quite the same effect that Haruhi folding hers did.

I can't believe I'm thinking about stuff like this right now.

Koizumi took a worried look outside. I didn't even bother to follow his gaze to what was undoubtably becoming yet another closed space. Instead, I purposely stared at Haruhi until she met my eye, and then I gave into the dark side altogether.

I leaned toward Asahina-san's face, ignoring the wide-eyed look, and purposely kissed her lingeringly at the corner of her mouth. From Haruhi's angle, I knew it looked like a full-on kiss.

Exactly why I didn't just go full out and kiss Asahina-san was still a mystery to me. After all, I would like nothing less than to kiss her, right? She was so enjoyable and...why was it that I wasn't happier about this right now?

I drew back, not looking her in the face, and sat stunned as I tried to sort out what had just happened in my head. Why...why was it so different? Why was there no inherent urge to go further, after all?

I was so busy ruminating that I didn't notice that Haruhi had gotten up until she was standing in front of me, scowling deeply.

She raised her hand.

CHAK.

There was a shocked silence in the room, though I must admit my head was full of bees and bells, and then Haruhi herded a sputtering Asahina-san and bemused Koizumi out through the door, leaving me alone.

Hello, empty clubroom.

Even through the rather excruciating pain of Haruhi's flat palm across my cheek, I couldn't help but keep coming back to the way I'd felt when I'd kissed Asahina-san. Sure, it was a relatively innocent kiss, but I couldn't help comparing it back and forth between the moment I'd had with Haruhi earlier. Kissing Asahina-san was—don't get me wrong, it was amazing, but—it was just sweet, and fun. There wasn't any extant desire. There wasn't any overwhelming impulse to go further.

I kept trying to wrap my brain around that. Why was it so different? Maybe because of where I'd kissed her, not on the mouth but next to it? That should have some effect, right? After all, the climax of a movie doesn't happen at the first "kiss on the forehead" scene, but at the first "makeout like a pair of starving walruses" scene.

I was still wracking my mind when there was the almost silent opening and shutting of the door, and Yuki entered, face buried in yet another book. If she keeps this up, pretty soon there won't be any need to go to the library anymore; I'll just bring my questions to her.

And right now, I have a question. But I won't be using words to ask it.

I met her as she was walking across the clubroom and gently took the book from her. She did not resist, only looked up at me with a hint of expectation. I put the book down on the table and cupped the side of her face with my hand, the other reaching down to hold hers.

"Yuki," I said, my voice a little lower than usual, "I'm really sorry about this."

The I bent my head and kissed her on the mouth.

I felt her stiffen ever so slightly, and then she began to work her lips against mine. Even with my limited experience, I knew she was a great kisser; probably she'd been programmed for such emergencies, though that wasn't something I wanted to think about right now. I kissed back, again and again, but it didn't take me long to realize that the normal breathlessness I had from being this close to her was fading away, until I was left with nothing but the empty feeling of skin on skin.

I pulled back, regretful and slightly ashamed, and let go of her hand, not even able to look her in the eye. "I'm sorry," I mumbled again, half expecting her to kick me across the room like that other time with Asakura.

To my surprise, she said only, "It's okay."

My eyes flew up to meet hers. "But...Yuki...I didn't actually mean..."

There it was again. The rare working of the lips that curled into the slightest of smiles. "I know," she said softly. "You did that to compare the sensation of contact with me to Haruhi Suzumiya, didn't you?" I nodded sheepishly, not bothering to ask how she knew.

"Well, now you have your answer." Without another word, she reached around me for her book and walked back to take her usual seat.

Still standing there, slightly stunned, but feeling better, I asked, "Yuki...as a humanoid interface or whatever...did you enjoy that?"

All she said was, simply, "Yes."

I paused for a minute, then said, "I'm glad," feeling a little stupid. She merely turned the page. I reached for the door, the thought of Haruhi suddenly forming enormous butterflies in my stomach. I had to go find her, immediately.

But before I closed the door, I looked back at the blue haired girl reading silently, emotivelessly, and said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she replied.

.

Of course Haruhi was nowhere to be found.

Not in the music room; not in any of the classrooms; maybe in the girls' restrooms, but I wasn't about to check there. Even I know that's sacred territory, the land of dark velvet corners and scented incense seances, into which girls retreat with as many friends as they can gather and hold long meetings from the seclusion of confessional-like cells. Why in the world would anyone talk in a bathroom, anyway? Isn't that like, ew? You do your business, you exit. You don't conduct business, let alone discuss the delicate nature of whatever-mysterious-subjects girls have on their minds and can only unburden over a pot of water or pillows and icecream. Well, that was one thing about Haruhi, anyway. She wasn't the type to do that. Doubtless she marched in, took care of things, marched out. So she wouldn't linger in such a place.

Had she gone home? I doubted it. She'd left her stuff in the Literature Club room, after all. But maybe she had anyway.

Clubs were full in session now; even when I peeked in the music room, I found that the original members had taken over and were cheerfully doing what they did best in there. I could've sworn that one of them even brought ice cream to celebrate with.

I didn't know quite where to go. I re-checked all of the classrooms and clubrooms, to my embarrassment when the members looked up at me and asked me what I wanted. (Ano...betsuni...)

I went outside and checked the hill, that blasted hill. It would've been the most beautiful hill in the world if only she'd been stomping down it like usual. But she wasn't there, either.

I wondered where Asahina-san and Koizumi had got to. I wondered what Yuki was thinking, alone in the classroom.

I reentered the building, listlessly. Maybe she'd gone home after all. That would mean the end, I was sure of it. No more Haruhi in my life, no more Haruhi who wanted me in her life. Last chance, and then, like the stem remains of a blown dandelion, nani mo nai.

Life without Haruhi stretched out in front of me like a great sheet, wagging at me. It was so blank. There was no color, no texture, nor even stains. What if that was all I had left before me? I grimaced a little.

Why does this bother me so much, anyway? Less than a year ago I would've rejoiced with balloons and cake if Haruhi had finally tired of me. The Halleluia Chorus would have been blazing fortississimo in my head.

But it was different now. Because at this point, there were no other "hypotheses". There was no question in my mind.

Did I really...? How had I actually come to...?

I covered my mouth in shock as the pure revelation hit me full force. I leaned over and actually started gagging, whether because it made me feel nauseated or exhilarated beyond comprehension, I really couldn't tell.

"What are you doing?"

I froze, still doubled over. That voice—when did it start making me feel so jittery? Well, always, I guess; but now, I'm not nervous like before—well, no, I am nervous, but not like before—damn it, Haruhi, stop messing with my mind!

I stood upright with as much dignity as I could muster up, and looked her straight in the eye.

"Haruhi," I began, "we need to talk."

Author's Notes: This chapter will make significantly more sense after next chapter, I promise. After all, next chapter is the all important "Next episode: Episode 12!" "No, wrong! Next episode: Episode 12! Hey, you got it right..." I always thought that was a brilliant move.

Translations:

Genki desu ka?: Are you doing well?

Ano...betsuni: Um...nothing really...

Nani mo nai: (something like) everything is not