Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! You all make me smile every time I read that you enjoying this story. I enjoy writing it! Oh and I went to Jefferson City, MO, which is two hours from where I live. When we were driving I saw a river named Blackwater River. I know that is random, but it just made me laugh a little bit. There is Blackwater love everywhere. Lol
I do not own Twilight or the characters!
As usual, the sky is gloomy and it is raining. This puts a damper on the some what good mood I was in. I was already a little ticked off that I had to wake up five times just to pee. One of the times, Jacob's tight grip on my stomach almost caused me to wet the bed.
I sighed and rolled over to face Jacob. He was still sleeping and slightly snoring. If his snoring got any louder, he would be banned from his own bedroom. I smiled when his nose twitched.
"It's really creeping that you are watching me sleep Lee," Jacob mumbled before opening his eyes.
"It's better to do when you are sleeping. That way you don't talk," I smiled and propped my head on my hand.
"Ha very funny," Jacob said.
There was an awkward silence between us. We just looked at each other and smiled then quickly looked away. It was almost as if we were little kids that liked each other, but didn't want the other know.
I knew I really needed to talk to Jacob. I did not get everything out of my system the night before. I was afraid to tell him that I was still in love with him and had made a mistake. First of all, Leah Clearwater has a hard time owning up to mistakes. It's just something I do not handle well. Second of all, I don't do well with rejection. I basically threw Jacob to the side and told him I couldn't be with him anymore? What if he didn't want me in that way anymore? He might just want to remain close friends. Close friends sleep in the same bed. I was for a dumb reason and I regret doing it. I had a difficult time addressing my feelings for him. I knew what my heart felt, but my mind was not in sync with my heart. Or maybe it was in sync with my heart and I was just too stupid to recognize the feeling. I was in love with this guy and I was practically pushing him away. He took the time to get to know me, after a guy had broke my heart into pieces. He was patient with me and never really said anything to intentionally hurt me. Okay, he might have said a few hateful things to me but he apologized for it. I needed to face the fact that no other guy would probably love me like Jake. My bad attitude and unpredictable moods were things Jacob was accustomed to. He put up with it better than any guy in the pack or world would. I needed to let this wall down completely and let Jacob inside. My wall was still half way up and that was keeping me from fully letting myself love Jacob.
I glanced at him and he was staring out the window. His face was calm and his body was relaxed for once. I had noticed how tense he was for the past two days.
"Hey Jake can we talk," I asked as his gaze met mine.
"Leah you know you can always talk to me. I could tell something was bugging you, but I was just waiting for you to say something," Jacob said grinning from ear to ear. He must be happy that he could detect something was wrong with me.
"Okay, well it's about us. I don't even know where to start."
"Start at what you feel."
"Alright. Well I feel good that you stuck around. I mean I know I can be a bitch Jake and you could have easily bailed. I know I would have if you were acting like one. I was just thinking about how I have been kind of pushing you away. I know it's hurting you; it sure as hell is hurting me. I apologize for being an ass and not just talking to you a long time a go. The truth is," I paused to look at Jacob. His face was still calm and he was still listening to me ramble on about my feelings. "The truth is, I'm still in love with you. It's just hard for me to get it in my mind. It's like a push and pull effect with my heart and mind. My heart is telling me that I'm still in love with you, while my mind is trying to push that feeling out. I don't know how to handle this feeling because the last time I felt it, my heart was ripped from my chest. It's really irritating and has been eating at me for the past two days."
"I'm glad you finally told me what you're feeling Lee. I mean I know that I still love you and that I want to be with you. I just wish you would stop closing me out and just talk to me. I won't shun you away or judge you for what you feel. I know it's hard to tell someone your feelings. I know I can be a little intimidating sometimes," Jacob smiled and flexed his biceps. "But I do have a heart and I listen. I know how it feels to have someone not listen to your feelings or understand them. But I'm all ears and you don't have to hide stuff from me. Talk to me and maybe I can help you out. Oh and by the way, I'm still in love with you too."
I sighed in relief. Telling someone how you feel is not the easiest thing in the world. It is one of the most terrifying things to me. Unless you are Edward Cullen, you can't read someone's mind and tell what they are thinking. I needed to work on the letting out my feelings thing, which was going to be hard work. I was confident that Jacob would listen, but it still scared the hell out of me to recognize my feelings and worries.
"Lee, I'm serious just talk to me," Jacob put a hand on my shoulder.
"I hate being afraid to let my feelings out."
"I'm not out to get you nor hurt you. Like I said, I understand how scary it can be to talk to someone about how you feel. Sometimes you just have to shed that tough exterior and let your soft side show," Jacob replied.
"I don't think I like the term soft side. How about real side," I said with a chuckle.
"Yea that sounds better. I'm anything but soft," Jacob said with a laugh.
"I will try to talk to you about how I feel more often."
"Ok good. I will try to listen and take whatever punches and kicks you have for me," Jacob said guarding his face. I punched his arm and settled back on my pillow.
"That goes for you too. You need to open up to me sometimes. I can see and feel the tension," I said.
"I was only tense because I could tell something was bugging you. Your eyebrows tell it all Leah. You are going to have frown lines if you keep holding everything in."
"I really don't need the frown lines, so I'll work hard at trying to tell you stuff from now on," I replied tracing the pattern on my pillow.
"So what are we?"
" What do you mean?"
"Come on Leah, you know what I'm asking," Jacob said. He knew me like a book; I obviously knew what he meant.
"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend again?" I batted my eye lashes.
"Clearwater just answer the damn question."
"Well you called me by my last name and you are being forceful. You sure this relationship won't turn violent," I raised and eye brow.
Jacob sighed and fell back to the pillow.
"Okay, okay. Don't get your panties in a bunch Black. I'm willing to be your girlfriend, if you're willing to work on your problems and I'm willing to work on my mine."
A smile spread across Jacob's face. "I'm willing to do that."
"Good. Now speaking of telling you how I feel, can I tell you something?" Jacob nodded. "I'm hungry as hell."
Jacob laughed and got up. "Let's eat then." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the bed.
After breakfast, Jacob and I decided to take a walk to the beach.
"So is the imprint broken completely or do you still feel connected to Nessie," I asked taking Jacob's hand.
"It's gone. I know I don't feel that pull anymore. I can be away from her without that pain in my chest, so I know for sure it's broken," Jacob replied.
"What did Quil say about the imprint breaking? How did you break the imprint?"
"Well he said if another Alpha imprints on the imprintee and the imprintee accepts the imprint, then the imprint is broken. So basically since Nessie accepted the Adahy's imprint, she broke the one with me," Jacob explained.
"So since Adahy is dead, can you re-imprint on her? He's not here to fulfill his deeds," I asked. Jacob's grip on my hand tightened.
"No I can't. Nessie is still connected with him, even through death. The Cherokee pack is not affected with imprint withdrawal like we are. They can just up and leave their imprints and not feel anything. Nessie still has a connection with Adahy since she had a baby with him. It only makes the connection stronger and permanent, I guess that's the right term."
"Hmm that's interesting. So you are saying I have you all to myself," I asked.
"Duh."
"I feel like running, let's phase."
"Is that-"
I cut Jacob off. "Yes it's safe now strip," I said walking into the woods.
"No beach?" Jacob stuck his bottom lip out.
I didn't respond but took my clothes off. I sat them near a tree so I could come back for them. Jacob followed suit and then we phased.
"Wanna race," I thought.
" I'm already winning," I saw an image of Jacob running ahead of me. I took off and passed him up.
"Looks like I'm still faster. Ha you are getting your ass whooped by a pregnant lady. Wait until I tell everyone," I thought.
I won the race and Jacob told me he would give me a prize. Of course that prize was food because I was always starving. I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my head.
" Nice look for you," Jacob said pointing to my head.
"Fuck off," I said sitting at the table. " Whatcha cookin?"
" Grilled cheese."
"Jake we need to really invest in a cookbook or something. We cook like college students," I said.
"Well my dad had a cookbook around here somewhere. My mother put all her recipes in it. I can't seem to find it anywhere though," Jacob replied. I could hear the sadness in his voice when he started to talk about his father. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his stomach. I laid my head on his back and traced his abs.
"You okay," I asked him when I felt his body stiffen.
"I just miss them," Jacob whispered. " I would have loved for him to meet the twins. He would have been a great grandpa."
" It's okay Jake. Trust me, he is watching us and I'm sure he would have been a wonderful grandpa. Your mother would have adored the kids. Remember when your dad used to make us that mud pie stuff? I bet the twins would have loved that," I said against his back.
"Oh the crunched up Oreos and gummy worms stuff. I think I can make it."
"Not as good as Billy Black," I smiled.
" Hey, I got skills Lee."
"Those skills got me pregnant."
Jacob laughed and flipped the sandwiches in the skillet.
Jacob made perfect grilled cheese sandwiches and they filled me up. I patted my stomach and got up from the table.
"Thanks for the food. The twins were fussing at me because I waited so long to eat. I guess they have to eat every two hours," I said sitting on the couch.
"No problem. It's my job to feed you, even though we do need to learn how to cook other things." Jacob put his arm around me and pulled me into his chest. We were just getting comfortable when someone knocked on the door. Jacob sighed and got up to answer it.
"Oh hey Emily. Come in." Emily walked in with a tear streaked face.
"Hey Lee. I was just coming over to talk to you," Emily said sitting in the chair opposite the couch.
" What did you do now, sleep with Embry," I asked rolling my eyes.
Emily looked hurt and continued talking. " No, actually I was here just to talk to you about the situation with Adahy."
"I already know the story. You have a history with him, you snuck off to meet him and you got an abortion because the baby was his. Was the baby his Emily?" I asked. Jacob put his hand over mine and tried to hide a smirk.
" No the baby was Sam's. I just couldn't have it because of my mistakes. I knew Sam would leave me, which is why I just got rid of the baby. I didn't want to raise a child alone. I visited Adahy to work out some agreement with him. I wanted him to leave the pack alone and to stop terrorizing the Cullens. I was just trying to help everyone out, I always feel like I'm not doing anything. I guess you can say I felt left out," Emily explained.
"So sneaking off with the enemy was helping us out huh? You expect me to believe that," I asked.
"It's the truth. There was no physical contact between us while I was at the Makah reservation. I promise I'm telling the truth." A tear slid down Emily's scarred cheek.
" Why didn't you just tell someone that you and him had a past? What was the point of hiding it from us," Jacob asked.
"I was ashamed of it. I didn't want anyone to know I had a connection with the enemy. I knew Sam would freak out, so I just kept it to myself."
"You knew where the bastard was and you didn't even tell us. How was that helping us," I asked throwing my hands up.
Emily was silent and looked down at her feet. I scoffed and stood up to go the kitchen.
"Freaking amazing Emily. You really are a basket case," I said from the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went back to the living room.
" Emily what's the truth," Jacob asked. He was trying to be nice to her, even though I knew he wanted to go off. She put the pack in a bad position and claimed she was trying to help. Yea right. There was more to the story but Emily was only going to tell us what we wanted to hear.
" That's the truth," she said still looking at her feet.
" Okay you can leave now," I said rudely.
Emily looked up at me with tears in her eyes. " Everything is just falling a part. I can tell Sam doesn't want me anymore but he is forced to stay with me."
"I don't blame him for being mad," Jacob said.
Emily stood to leave. " I'm really sorry ya know."
I just stared at her until she got the clue to excuse herself.
" So what the hell did her dad pick her up from the hospital for," Jacob asked.
"I don't know. Emily is hiding stuff and she isn't going to tell us on her own. The only option is to find out for ourselves and that might not be through Emily."
"How will we do that Leah? The whole Cherokee pack is dead."
"I will think something up."
The phone interrupted my thought process.
"Hello," I said.
" Hey this is Nessie. I was calling for Dakota actually, he wants to talk to you." "Leah," Dakota's small voice filled my ears.
" Hey Kota. What's going on?"
"I really miss the baby girl and it hurts a lot. Can I come see you sometimes," Dakota asked in a sweet voice.
"I can come see you."
"No, I can come see you sometimes. You need to rest more." Aww the little guy cared about me.
" Okay. Sure you can come by anytime you want to. Just tell me so I can meet you at the treaty line," I said.
"Okay. Bye," Dakota said.
" He only talks to you Leah," Nessie said in a sad voice. "He is acting very hostile towards me again and I can't get through to him."
"Just give it some time. He misses his dad, that's all," I replied.
"Thanks. Oh I almost forgot to tell you. We have a new family member that Rosalie and Emmett adopted. The girl is about thirteen and her name is Francine JoAnn McGee. She was left on the side of the road and we think she is a rape victim. She was almost dead when Rosalie found her and rushed her back here. Carlisle changed her for Rose,? Nessie explained.
" That's good. We will have to come by and meet her. I will talk to you later," I said.
"K." I hung up the phone and looked over at Jacob.
"I heard everything. This is kind of bad Lee. They aren't supposed to be biting people. We let the whole Bella issue go, but this might not go over well with the Council. I will have to talk to them about letting Kota come on our land too. I mean he did come once and that was because he almost had to. I'm sure they won't really mind, since he did imprint on our daughter. Plus, he is half werewolf. I hope they understand why the Cullen's bit the girl though, this could mean trouble for them," Jacob said.
" Dammit. I will go with you when you talk to them. I mean they did save the girl," I said. I sighed and leaned back into Jacob.
" We got some business to handle," Jacob stated.
So I gave you all an early present. I planned on updating tomorrow, but I got done with this chapter early. Obviously there is something missing in Emily's story. Wonder what is. Finally Leah and Jacob make up and come to an understanding. How will the Council deal with the Cullen's creating a new family member? Will they let Dakota continue to come on their territory? I'm sure you all have a lot of questions and I plan on answering them throughout the story. Reviews make me giddy! Thanks for reading!