You're the reason I'm alive…………..
I watched them from afar, sitting in the court, dressed in formal, next to their expensively paid lawyers.
Discussing our family, they would split it, like a pie, I don't care who takes what; but they decided to split us too, me and Tom I mean.
They would separate me from my other half, from the only reason I'm alive.
"You're the reason I'm alive, I'm the reason you're alive, for eternity, part of your soul I shall be."
They shook hands, and agreed, obviously not caring what me and Tommi felt. I turned to where he was sitting, a bit far from me, trying to keep me from seeing him crying.
He has always been the strong one, but this wasn't just some bullies in school, crazy parent's fights, this is us, the two of us, they're tearing us apart…..against our will.
Tom looked silent, but tormented with obvious grief, his chocolate brown eyes, swollen from the lack of sleep, his dreads were down, he didn't wear a cap today, his long blonde, rough looking locks, were like jungle, falling wildly over his shoulders.
His lips, dry, pink, and slightly parted, his lip ring, glistening in the light. His hands were lying in his lap, helplessly, I could tell, that the two of us were the most miserable creatures on this earth.
We went home, but didn't speak to anyone, our parents, although we didn't tell them a thing, were too frightened to talk to us. Anyone can feel the wrath in our abnormal silence.
We got home, while mom and dad got out of the car, looking at us in guilt, maybe even trying to apologize.
We were too angry to take bullshit, we ran up to our room, and smacked the door behind, Tom ran into the bathroom, and locked the door.
Walking slowly toward the bath I knocked lightly
-Tommi? Tommi baby are you okay?
-Go away! He sniffed, obviously crying.
After few seconds I knocked again, my voice small and breaking.
-Tommi I'm scared, please don't leave me alone!
After a moment of silence, I heard him unlocking the door, looking at me, his eyes red from crying, and I'm pretty sure they reflected my own.
-I'm scared……………would you hold me?
He walked slowly, hugging me numbly, I cried in his neck, this was it, the last night, we will no longer be………one.
That night, we hugged each other tightly, didn't sleep, we just laid there, not sobbing loudly, our eyes couldn't possibly produce any more tears.
Minutes passed faster than ever, pretty soon, we were embraced by the warm light of the sun, telling us that our final time together is over.
I didn't sleep that night, neither did Tom, we didn't say anything either, it's fair to say, there was nothing to be said.
A knock shook me out of my sadness.
-Boys, it's time, Tom you need to pack, open the door boys.
-Don't open; just give me few more minutes….please Bill!
Came the quite whisper.
I looked up, the look on his eyes, shattered my heart to shreds, he was begging me for more just more mere seconds to capture this last memory….for the old times.
I nodded, he sighed relief, and sat up, pulling me into his lap and hugging me, and I rested my head on his shoulder and just breathed his scent.
"You're the reason I'm alive, I'm the reason you're alive, for eternity, part of your soul I shall be."
I looked up and he uttered the oath again, I glanced at him in disbelieve.
-Tommi, you need to pack!
I stood up frantically, pulling a shirt over my naked torso, and taking another one from the drawer, and throwing it to Tom, who looked at me in such pathetic eyes…
-Billa please, it's still early, just one more minute ok? Come here.
His voice was so sad, small, low, and heartbreaking, nonetheless I ignored it.
I pulled a suitcase from underneath his bed, opened it, and start folding jeans and T-shirts and throwing them in it, in a crazed speed.
-Bill stop it!
He yelled at me, I looked at him, and then quietly returned to packing his things.
Soon it was all packed, Tom didn't say a word, nor made a move, he sat on the bed, watching me in anger.
-Now what? We'll say goodbye? We'll see each other on Christmas? And call occasionally? What about our freaking oath? Are you throwing it all away?
He asked in the smallest voice, my eyes were full with tears; I stared at him, begging him not to hate me.
-Tommi i was just……
He got up, grabbed his shoes and suitcase, and left the room.
I fell on my knees, Tom is no longer there, when we're depressed there will be no one to talk to, a part of our soul, has been ripped out, as we watched, and now even Tom is mad at me, yes things can't get any worse, simply because, everything else is insignificant.
I heard the car engine, and I looked at the window, Tom didn't wave me goodbye, he didn't look at me, he just threw his bag in the trunk, and got in the front seat.
The car was moving away, getting smaller, harder to see and there he is, my twin, leaving out of my life.
-Bill honey are you ok?
I looked at her in anger; I just walked past her, and down the stairs. I've never been this mad at mom, but she was a part in ruining the only good thing in my life!
-Honey, look at me, do you want to talk? I know this is hard for you, I know you were close with Tom, but maybe this will help you become an individual, you know, become more independent.
I didn't answer, I just grabbed my makeup kit, and took some milk from the fridge, today, will be the first day in my life, to go to school without Tom, I was frightened.
-----------------
-Well well well, look what we have here, sissy boy without his gay gangsta brother.
He smiled; I ignored him and walked past him to my seat in the school bus, that was Mike the bully, he was sixteen, and he scared the shit out of every one.
Never had he lay a hand on me nor Tom, for we both have always been together, but now, I was an easy prey, and I couldn't care less, as I said before, save for Tom, everything is insignificant.
The teacher was talking, something about genes, it all sounded like jargon to me, I didn't care, I had way too much crap this week, to care about why some people looked the same as their parents.
And the bell rang, it was about time, I carried my books, and walked out to the lockers.
I shoved the books in my locker, as I took a look to the left, there was it, Tom's locker, empty, I was invaded by a sudden urge to cry, so I ran to the bathroom, I didn't want anyone to see me, the reputation I have is enough already.
I pushed the door open and crawled into a corner in the bathroom, hugging my knees, and weeping wondering what is Tom doing now, I had a feeling, that just like me, he's crying, I wish I wish he can hold me now.
Suddenly the door was opened roughly, there he came, Mike, looking at me, devilishly, I looked up to his merciless face, as he grinned.
I knew he was going to hurt me, it was way too obvious, I just stayed there, blanked away everything, and had one thought in my mind, my twin's smile.
-I feel like fucking a chick……………………….