You're the reason I'm alive…..

"Mike raped me"……..

My jaw dropped open. My weak, childish, beautiful twin… was raped by a morose ruffian. I could only imagine how he slept that night. Without having me holding him, and affirming-even if it's false assurance- that everything will be okay. Just how did he sleep without me being in the same room with him?

I had to talk to him; but I was too afraid to hear his voice. So I texted him………

I love you baby brother. I didn't know what else to say, maybe because I had too much too say I was angry at my parents, angry at Mike, angry at the shitty life I had, I was sad for Bill, and I was sad for myself. I wanted to know if Bill was alright, I wanted to know what happened to Mike. But mostly I just wanted to tell him that I love him, because I really do. It stung my heart to think that he probably cried when he sent this email, it hurts to know that my twin, my other half, is going through hell, and I can't even be there to wipe away his tears.

My thoughts ceased at the sound of the door being knocked, I didn't answer for I didn't care. So he opened the door without permission.

-Tom, me and Carissa are going out to get some food, would you like to come, and check out Hamburg?

I know lots of kids experience the urge to punch their parents. But I think I had the most sensible reason. I ignored that urge; I don't need more shit in my life anyway. Hopefully he'll go away if I just pretended to be busy unpacking; it hurts to even think that I'm unpacking without Bill.

-I'm busy, and I don't feel like hanging out with you and your girlfriend.

-Tom, would you stop being such a baby! I don't understand what's the big deal?

-You don't have a twin! You'll never understand! I hissed at him, fists clinched, as I shot him a deadly glare; but obviously I wasn't that intimidating.

-Son, I understand your relationship with Bill, but that's why we separated you, you two were too dependent on each other, you need to try to be alone for a while.

-No, that's not why you separated us, you separated us because you cheated on mom, got drunk every night, fought constantly, and made Bill's life a living hell, and forced me to suppress my emotions, to be strong for Bill; so technically we were separated by your selfishness and no other reason, now would you excuse me, I want to email my brother, and tell him that I couldn't sleep yesterday either, and that I miss him like hell. Which you probably won't understand being an emotionless asshole.

Even I didn't know I had this much anger toward my father as I spat my cold response, in disdain him, he was too confused to reply, so he stormed out of the room closing the door behind him, leaving me for my misery.

I ran behind, just to lock the door, I sighed sitting on the blue sheeted bed, I grabbed my guitar; and started hitting the strings, but soon I was bored, so I just lied there, I didn't dare to close my eyes, because I know I'll be seeing images of Bill getting raped, so I stared at the ceiling.

Bill's p.o.v:

I woke up, with swollen ass, pain throbbing all over my violated body; I thought I had the right to skip school.

-Bill? Get up, you'll miss school.

Mom yelled from downstairs, with a calm voice.

-I'm sick leave me alone.

There was no reply. I shifted on my bed, and pulled the blanket over my head, gladly she left me alone; or so I thought.

She opened the door angrily. Eyeing me; as she opened the blinds.

-Bill Kaulitz, get your ass off of the bed and in the shower

Before I get mad, you're not sick; you're just being a baby. She pulled the blanket of my body, revealing the scars, the swollen blue skin. And the obvious evidence that I was raped, her jaw dropped open, as she stretched a finger and ran it over one of the scars over my belly. I flinched at the pain, and tried to remove her finger.

-Wh…who did this? Bill who did this to you? Baby! Why didn't you tell me Bill?

I blinked at the pain, when she hugged me tightly, and all the sudden, I found myself crying in her lab, she hugged me and rocked me, back and forth.

-Can I not go to school today?

She nodded, guilt tears gathering in her brown eyes, oh Billa why didn't you tell me this? I'm your mother for cry out loud.

After a while, I looked up at her an in a small voice, that's barely loud enough to be heard I said

-Can I see Tommi, I really need him.

She inhaled in, as she looked unsurely at me,

-I'll try my best, but who did this?

-I don't want to talk about it.

And I really didn't.

Mom stroked my hair, as she kissed my forehead.

-get dressed honey; I'm taking you to a doctor.

I looked up at her, giving her a "hell no" look.

-Mom, this can wait, I need to rest please, and just make sure Tom gets here today, I need him.

I saw her nodded, as she laid me down, and tugged me in, she went down, and I heard her talking to dad on the phone, I was relieved; I glanced over to my cell phone.

1 new SMS. I opened it "I love you baby brother" Tommi.

I kissed the screen, as I pressed reply "I love you too Tommi, more than anyone, I still remember our oath, I can never forget it, love you" Billa.

I pressed the send button, and laid back, I closed my eyes, I knew I wasn't going to sleep, I hadn't get any sleep since Tom left, and I was starting to get exhausted, but I just couldn't sleep without his warm embrace. Maybe they were right, maybe we were depending on each other, or to be more accurate, I was the dependant one, and Tom played to big brother role happily.

Tom's p.o.v:

I heard the car getting parked, as I realized they were home….already?

I didn't care anyway, and proceeded to throw the caps Bill packed into one of the drawers, as I heard fast steps over the stairs, and without knocking dad and his girlfriend stepped in.

- Why didn't you tell me?

He said loudly, still panting, maybe a little mad but I don't think I can care about anything anymore.

-Tell you what?

I answered in a cold voice, didn't even look at him, I just started to gather the guitar riffs I wrote.

-That Bill was raped?

I dropped the riffs in shock, slowly turning to face him; I didn't know what to say.

-He told me to keep it a secret, how did you know?

My tune was no longer cold or harsh, it was just worried.

-That's not important, pack up, we're going to Magdeburg.

Alright this was boring, but I need more ideas, care to share some? Oh and review please! Love you all for reading this. *invisible hugs*