Freezing...
- I don't know where I put it! Seika, please help me find it!
- Ok! Where did you last see it?
- Maybe I left in the dojo…?
Matsumoto is looking for her scarf. She opens the door to the dojo just a little and stops.
- AH! I remember now! It's by the well! Stay here, I'll be right back.
Matsumoto quickly runs the opposite way and I look forward. She's such a light headed woman… I can hear voices inside the room so I peek through the slim opening. The mere sight of his silhouette gives me chills… Hinamori's body is preventing me to look at him in the face… With her arms around his neck… She leans… My heart beats faster… As she leans her head to the right I have a clear shot of his face… My throat is sore, my lips tremble… I can't watch it anymore… His lips glued to hers… like stabbings in my heart. I can't move… I'm frozen… I want to leave but my body doesn't move… I want to scream and ask why… but… it's easier this way. The knowledge that I am not loved and therefore I shouldn't linger around someone who doesn't care for me. Now that my body can move, I head towards the east corridor. I'm trembling… I expected relief, but I just want to cry. I run… throughout the dojo's corridors, towards the back gate. Like the first time I saw him… I just want to run and never stop. Someone grabs my arms and violently stops me from running further…
- Seika? Are you alright?
As always… Abarai's voice calms me down… I break down. He holds me against his chest as I tremble from head to feet.
- You're gonna be alright… I'm here.
- I… I want to… Just forget.
The moonlight strikes me in the face as I look at him. Abarai's expression… He jams his head forward and mumbles:
- I'm sorry Seika… I can't make you forget it.
What is he saying…? Am I missing something here…? Could it be, that I'm so blind I couldn't even see I've hurting him all along?
- Abarai…
- I will kiss you… if you keep looking at me that way.
Threads of his hair fall down my face. He looks away.
- Please Seika… I'm dead serious.
Releasing my hands from his embrace I step back. My heart may be broken… but I won't mislead him into thinking I love him…
- I'm sorry… Renji. Thanks for your support.
I vaguely smile. He smiles back at me. I wipe the last of my tears with my hands and forge a fake smile. I have to hang on… for one more night. He pats me in the head as we head back to the dojo, side by side. Even though I don't love him, he makes me feel safe… He makes me realize I still have a chance to do it right… that I can overcome tonight.
- You two!
- Rangiku-san…?
- I've been looking for you Seika! And you Abarai… running late as always?
- Aw c'mon Matsumoto, give me a break!
As they keep fighting I suffer from laughter ensues. I'm feeling like crap, but this can't affect me… Not tonight.
We reach the dojo. Ukitake, Shunsui, Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Ishida and Sado are already here. My eyes scatter along the room to find Hitsugaya and Hinamori approaching us. Renji involves one of his arms around my shoulders to comfort me.
- Ahhh… Seika-san! Haven't change your mind yet?
- No, Ichigo. At this point it's only fair and square that I leave.
- You should consider it though… Yamamoto san gets really cranky when you're not around.
- Please, keep taking care of my father for me, Shunsui…
- Seika here will get a job… and she'll go to school!
Abarai's funny tone always made me choke on my own saliva. Hinamori grabs my hand:
- Why can't you stay?
I look at her… but… he locks his eyesight on me. I slowly feel the urge to drown in them… He's so close to me; I can feel his cold spiritual energy messing with mine. He keeps staring at me… I want to look away… but…
"Stay…"
As his lips move I try to decipher his deaf words… He keeps his mouth slightly open as I keep staring blank at him. "Stay"… He's asking me to stay.
- Hinamori-kun… Seika's already made up her mind. We should wish her good luck.
Abarai's words… He looks away. Hinamori smiles and let go off my hand to reach his. I get swallowed by the rest of the people. I tell everyone to scatter and grab some drinks. Slowly I walk away as my imaginary chains keep pulling me towards him.