... Splits Into Two.

I can't hold the tears… Experiencing his lips tasting like Hinamori is something I cannot bear… Despite his words, there's no chance he can be mine… not while she's around.
- Is something wrong? – He asks.
- This… this is wrong.
- You do realize how long I've waited for this… don't you?
- We can't.
- Are we back to Hinamori again? I said I'll end it.
- You'll never be all mine… and I can't ask you to come with me.
He looks at me with a sad expression; I can feel his hand squeezing mine, don't wanting to let go.
- If I stay longer… I'll have the imperial guard after me… I have to go. If it weren't for my father's pressure I wouldn't even be here today.
- You can't quit now… Why are you giving up now…?
- If I don't, they will not only take you out from your position but imprison you. That's how they work. You will be happy with Hinamori… and you will stay here, in Soul Society, and be the 10th squad captain like before…
- Shut up…
Incoming footsteps can be heard. I let him go and face the pond.
- Ah! Shiro-chan! You're taking so long!
I turn to Hinamori, hiding my sadness with a smile.
- Aw, we were just remembering old things and captain became sensitive about it!
- You can't possibly be pretending that didn't happen… can you?
He's angry. I can sense it in his tone.
- What are you talking about? Look, you two just stay here for a while and enjoy the moonlight. I'll go back inside.
This is wrong. I have to leave… I turn the corner as he says:
- This's a one sided decision.
I take a deep breath. Did that mean he hates me…? I notice Abarai's body standing against one of the walls. He looks at me and I'm aware that I'm throwing a pitiful look back at him.
- Come here. – He says stretching a hand
I approach him and he violently grabs me, pushing my body against the wall... His eyes glow as he slides one of his fingers through my lips. He smirks. My body freezes. As he presses his body against mine I feel the warmth emanating from his skin. This is happening so fast… I can't react.
- I told you not to look at me again with those eyes… You've been warned.
Before I can talk he presses his lips against mine. When were… Abarai's lips so sweet…? Is this what Hitsugaya felt when I kissed him? That's why I felt Hinamori when I kissed him? Abarai's arms hug me with tenderness… he stops kissing and whispers:
- I hope you can forgive me… for I can't help myself when I'm around you.
With my mouth semi-opened, I can't speak. The fact that I like the moment doesn't help at all. I love him, not as a lover but as a friend. Renji looks left. I look left too. A cold reiatsu is increasing.
- This is unavoidable.
Hitsugaya is staring at us looking appalled. One of Renji's arms is preventing me from getting out of here. Hinamori's right beside him…
- You… You don't waste any time… do you?
Abarai smirks at Hitsugaya's remark.
- I believe you were the one who didn't waste your time… captain. I'm simply fighting for who I want.
As Abarai looks at Hinamori, Hitsugaya closes his fist.
- Shiro-chan… What's this all about?
- Yeah, captain… Tell her what this is all about.
He blinks while looking at Hinamori…
- Momo, let's go. There's nothing left here for us.
Hitsugaya and Hinamori leave the place. He throws a last stare at me… He's feeling what I felt.
- Seika…
I'm not sure if I want to hear what Abarai has to say… not now.
- I'll go… with you. If you want me to.
- You mean… you can't do it.
- I'll leave Soul Society. Is this proof enough of my feelings for you?
He's willing to leave everything for me… Hitsugaya is not. Should I consider this… Why am I considering this? I love Hitsugaya more.
- I can't ask you that. I need to go.
I release myself from his embrace and rush inside. I spot Hitsugaya and Hinamori near Ichigo's group. I don't want to deal with it right now. This is over.
- Can I have your attention, please? (everyone turns) Thank you all for coming, this really means a lot to me. (I tremble) It's time for me to go, so… I'm on a tight schedule over here…
One by one, they approached me to say their goodbyes. Among all the seconds of intense conversation, my mind was lost elsewhere. No Hitsugaya, no Abarai…
- I wish you good luck, Seika-san.
- Thanks Hinamori. Take good care of him for me… will you?
- I will, don't worry.
With fake enthusiasm I hug Matsumoto:
- I don't want to cry, Rangiku… But you're leaving me with no choice!
Rangiku's tears were too much for me. It breaks me to leave her, it breaks me to turn my back on this.
- I'll visit you!
- I know! Don't worry sweetie!
After a long period of tears, everyone finally left, leaving me alone in the dojo. This loneliness… I'll just have to get used to it. I've tried my best… I can't have him.