-Bill!

He looked at me with a surprised face, and tried to hide his hands behind his back but I knew better, it ached my heart that he was hurt, but burnt my heart that he was hurting himself. I looked at him with a shocked face and did nothing but stare, he was there looking guilty, afraid, fragile, and weak. He was exhausted, everything was against him, and now I had to mend him, because if he was broken, I will be broken too.

-Are you mad?

He looked at me with guilty eyes, the way we used to look at mom when she'd caught us eating cookies after bedtime. I shifted and sat next to him in the corner, and he looked very uncomfortable.

-No, Bill. No one is mad at you.

I came to a halt when I didn't know what to say, was I really mad?

-Bill? Why are you doing this?

-I don't know. It's just... they told me it'll make me feel better and I...

-No, Bill that's not what I was talking about, why are you shutting me off? You used to tell me everything and now...

I shifted uncomfortably as I searched for words that won't hurt my already wounded brother.

-Don't you trust me Bill?

He looked down and I noticed his bloodied delicate fingers toying the blade, his legs were fidgeting as he thought of an answer.

-I...Tom I think we shouldn't be that close anymore.

I chuckled at the way he said that.

-Says the guy who almost cried because he wanted to shower with me!

I didn't receive the laugh I wanted, but instead I got a glare, which made it clear that Bill was serious, is he really shutting me off for good?

-Bill? What do you mean? We've always been close, why would you want to change that?

No answer, I waited for a couple of minutes as I saw him looking out the window, staring with full attention as if he was seeing what I couldn't see.

-Bill? Can you hear me? Bill! Answer me!

He again acted as if I was invisible.

-Very well, you seem as if you'd need some time alone. I need that too, I'll go for a walk and I'll be back later, then maybe we can talk.

I pecked him on the cheek and he remained the way he was, my stomach made a flip as I tried to repress tears from streaming down my face. I ran downstairs, I know I should've told mom that he was cutting, but at the moment him cutting sounded far less dangerous than him ending our relationship.

I went outside, it was chilly so I zipped up my hoodie and pulled the hood up, as if was trying to disappear.

I went to a nearby park, it was an old park with broken swings, and no one came here since they opened the big park, which was a mile away toward the north. But this park provided what I needed mostly, isolation and clean air. I couldn't think clearly with Bill around me, Bill who I once knew better than myself, is now a stranger, I'm feeling fear crawling in my limbs just thinking how he had changed in those two damn days.

I walked over the damp grass and into a corner when teenagers used to hang out once, I dragged my legs over the green bench and sat there with a falling golden leaf in my hand, I ran my finger on it as I noticed a drop of tears falling over it, washing away its dust, and refreshing it a little, I looked at the leaf carelessly while a piece of my soul was dying slowly. And the only word that my brain registered was why?

Why, would my brother, who had no one but me, shut me off and cast me out of his life? He knows damn well that I needed him just as much as he needed me. But no explanation made sense, however I tried to look at it, it wasn't logical, could he be blaming me for what happened? No, I knew Bill was smart enough to know that it wasn't my call, and I had to leave, I was forced to leave. After a period of time, there was one thing that I was almost certain of, Bill knew something I didn't. I stared at two squirrels running around feeling comfortable, as if the human setting on the bench was just a statue, nothing but a dead piece of wood, then the cloudy sky made me realize that I've been here too long. It was already dark, and it was going to rain, I sighed as I got up and made my way out of the park, my parents will probably be either fighting over what happened to Bill, or fighting about how to ground me for being out so late, or fighting about no reason, but they will be fighting over something. They're always fighting.

I got home and I took the extra key from under the fake rock on our front yard. I opened the door and noticed mom crying silently while dad was making a call. That was odd.

I froze in my place and gave them a questioning look, mom looked surprised to see me, and she came over and held me tight.

-Tom! Where is he?

She was panicked.

-What are you talking about?

-Your brother Thomas, he went out minutes after you and he's not back yet, you can handle yourself but he can't!

-He said he was going to meet you, didn't you see him at the park?

I stood there with one open mouth and a blank expression.

-You let him go out by himself?

They shared a look with each other, and looked confused at me.

-Don't you know that he doesn't even know his way around? He'd always count on me for directions!

-Oh my god! I'll call the sheriff, the police will find him!

I just shook my head, grabbed an umbrella, and an extra coat, and head out. I'll know where Bill is, I always find him.

I made my way through the dark alleys, it's just Magdeburg, it wasn't small, but it wasn't a big city either, almost everyone knew each other, so it was safe and boring, probably why I wasn't that worried.

I thought the only place Bill would go to is the church; he'd go there sometimes when he's depressed. I walked in the worm hall filled with benches, I walked slowly and looked through them for my brother, but when I didn't find him I started to get worried, I bit on my nails as I sat in the first bench wondering where is Bill.

-Thomas Kaulitz! How have you been son?

I looked up at father Jefferson; the always-happy man of god looked at me with a grin. He's very kind, although he's not that happy with my parent' marital status, but I couldn't care less.

-Isn't it late to be here by yourself? And where's your baby brother? I thought you two were inseparable.

He chuckled as I looked down.

-He's lost, I thought he'd be here but he's not.

The priest looked at me with a surprised expression.

-Son? Do you need help finding him? Do your parents know? Did you call the police?

-It's okay Bill only goes to few places this is one of them, I'll probably find him at the mall, thank you.

-Okay, well good luck Thomas, now don't you forget to pray before you go to bed!

I nodded and made my way out, next up was the mall; I entered the close building and climbed the emergency stairs to the roof, that's where I saw Bill.

He was sitting on the wall and swinging his legs over the cities. Something he did a lot.

I walked slowly and pulled him by the waist until he was standing beside me. I turned him around and saw his dirty face wet with tears and rain.

-Bill Kaulitz why the fuck did you leave?

He just stared at me.

-Bill!

-I thought it's about time I stop depending on you. It's just a walk Thomas.

-DON'T call me that!

He just looked away.

-Bill, I'm exhausted, I'm sick, I'm scared, I'm angry, I'm starving, I'm just tired, let's go home and get you in bed.

-No. he whimpered but soon he was walking with me, looking at his feet and not saying a word.

-We'll talk in the morning.

He huffed as we entered the front door; he kicked his shoes and shuffled upstairs only to be stopped by dad.

-Where have you been? Do you have any idea how much we were worried?

Bill stopped and looked at dad with anger; dad backed a little and looked at Bill questioningly.

-I'm not a kid damn it! Can't I go out for a walk without you being all up my ass? Tom goes for walks all the time! You don't seem to mind! What am I? Handicapped? I'm not a toddler.

Bill said the last words threateningly and snapped his arm out of dad's grip and made his way upstairs. Dad ran a quivering hand on his hair and sat there throwing his head backward and sighing; I just leaned to the door and looked at him. Mom was watching from afar, the tension was too much for her to even enter the room.

-Tom, son would you go talk to him?

-He doesn't want to talk to me; apparently I'm no good enough any more.

I said as I grabbed an apple from the kitchen, and took a big hungry bite, but after a while I realized, I'm no longer hungry, I spat the apple in the trash and threw it away. After few moments of awkward silence, I made my way up the stairs and mumbled a good night for the two scarily silent parental.

I tried to open the room's door but it was locked, I feared that Bill was hurting himself so I knocked hard.

-Bill? Bill let me in!

-Go away!

-Are you cutting?

-No.

-Then why won't you open?

-Can't I get some fucking privacy around here?

-Bill Kaulitz opens the freaking door now! I'm fed up with your shit today! I'm dead tired and I want to shower and sleep and I'll get a shower and sleep even if I had to break the door!

Bill didn't answer. Even though I've never used this tone with him before, but today I have had it. A second later the door creaked just a bit and he tossed my pillow, some blankets, some clean clothes and a towel.

-Shower in mom's bathroom and sleep on the couch.

That was all I heard before the small click of the door lock. I banged on the door with all the physical power I had left in me, now I was furious!

-Bill Kaulitz if you won't let me in I swear I'll kick your ass so bad you won't feel it the next time you get raped.

I gasped once I realized what I said, how could such insensitive words come out of me? And to Bill? This was one of the worst days ever!

-Bill? Bill! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to say this, open the door Billa! It's okay; it's just me Tomi, your Tomi! I didn't mean to say this, I'm sorry!

He didn't response, but I heard him sniff and whimper. I knew he was crying, and I also knew that I'm the last person he wants to see at the moment. I grabbed the fabrics he threw and headed down, my parents still in the same position I've left them, but this time they had their eyes fixed on me.

-I'm no good enough to share a room with him either, mom can I use your bathroom?

I walked toward her room without caring whether or not she agreed, I tossed my clothes on the floor and got into the shower, I opened it to the hottest degree and looked at the water leaving red tracks on my already sensitive skin. I remained in the shower long enough to get the whole bathroom foggy. It wasn't until I got out and wiped the fog off the mirror with my shirt that I noticed how red and glassy my eyes were, obviously I was crying but not knowing it.

I kept the towel around my dreads after drying my body; I put the clean clothes on quickly and headed to the living room, what a comfortable sleep I'll be getting tonight. I thought sarcastically.

The living room was empty, I'm guessing our oh-so-wonderful- parents have gone somewhere else, which I was thankful for. I flicked the lamp off and sank my head in the pillow, shifting almost immediately over the uncomfortable couch. After what seemed like forever I turned around and it was only midnight, I laid on my back and sighed wondering if Bill was able to sleep. After hours and hours of failure attempts of sleep, I looked at the clock which tortured me with its loud click of every slow second, and the fact that it announced the time 00:20

I huffed as I got up and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water, I was drained out of energy, but I couldn't sleep. Maybe I couldn't sleep knowing that Bill is mad at me, I had to talk to him, and I had to talk to him now. For the sake of my mental health, I had to talk to him.

I made my firm decision but I hesitated when I reached the stairs, I got myself together and got up anyway, I knocked lightly on the door and there was no answer, but I knew better.

-Bill, baby I know you're awake, I couldn't sleep without you either, I just can't stand myself, and can't stand the fact that you're mad at me, I know I was an asshole, but could you please let me in? I'll do whatever you want to make it up to you.

I waited for three minutes exactly, I was so nervous I counted the seconds, 180 seconds and a half before I heard a click of the door lock and a small scared face sneaking out.

-Will you hold me Tomi?

TBC.

Oh well there you have it, I'm sorry it's a late update, but blame the damn violin teacher, she's killing me! Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thank you for reading, and remember more reviews= faster updates!