Chapter Eight

Tom's P.O.V:

Just like magic, we fell asleep almost immediately after we got in the same bed. I hoped that Bill changed his mind about shutting me off, but no such luck….

In the morning I awoke to find Bill gone, instead I was holding the gigantic teddy I bought him last Christmas. Hearing the water running in the bathroom made me want to hurry there, I got up and headed to the bathroom when I saw Bill yell and throw a washcloth on me.

"Get out! Can't you see I'm showering?"

"Geez! No need to yell, what's your problem? It's not like I'm a stranger!"

And a shampoo bottle followed the washcloth making its way to my oblivious head.

"Bill! What the fuck?"

"Get. Out."

Bill's tone was threatening, and his teeth were clenched, he wasn't intimidating, I just didn't feel like throwing a feud that early, I knew tomorrow would be the end of the week off, and Bill would have to get back to school but I didn't think he was ready.

I dropped my toothbrush and walked out, feeling the need for a big breakfast to take my mind off things. Downstairs the smell of freshly baked pastries could be noticed from across the street, I helped myself with a whole bunch and dipped them in liquid chocolate, I got two mugs of coffee and headed back upstairs without uttering a word to my parents. Although I did reply to my mom's sickly sweet "good morning pumpkin."

When my struggle to open the door while holding a big tray ended in me putting the tray on the floor, I noticed that Bill was back in bed, for a second I felt pissed at the way he was acting and just wished he could get over it and move on with his fucking life and before I could snap out of that thought, he had caught it..

"Easy for you to say, you're not the 'sissy' one. You could function fine on your own, what am I? I'm nothing…."

He said the last part with a sardonic laugh, that made me sigh and regret thinking that, but how can I help my thoughts?

I picked up the tray and placed it on my nightstand after I closed the door and locked it. I went closely to Bill's bed, when he didn't react, I sat down and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're not nothing, you're my everything."

"It doesn't matter what I am to you! But what am I to the world? I need a big brother to escort me to school! And we live in Magdeburg!"

"Bill I'm always going to be here, so it's not a problem."

"NO! No you're not, you were gone for two days and I almost got killed! I can't survive for two days Tom! You can but I can't, and guess whose fault is that? YOU! Oh yes! All this time playing the "protector" and shit! You never gave me the chance to be independent, you controlled my life! What I ate, who I befriended, what I studied, who I talked to, where I went, EVERYTHING! You've always insisted on going with me wherever I went! I can't even take a walk by myself without having mom and dad panic to the point of calling the police! Do you know why? Because thanks to your overprotective foolishness, I know no better than a child!"

Bill's P.O.V:

I was panting as I let everything I was feeling for the past couple of days out, I watched Tom looking at me dumbfounded, and I wasn't sure if I was feeling better, but I knew for sure that he had to know that he can no longer treat me like a kid.

I took another look at him and saw that he was struggling to find something to say, it was an antagonizing wait until he opened his mouth.

"But that's what big brothers are for."

His voice was small and apologetic, he spoke softly and I could almost sense the shiver in his words.

"You're not my big brother, you're my twin. That makes us equal stupid! We were conceived at the same time, you just popped out first, why do you get all the advantages?"

"But Billa….It has always been this way."

I sighed at his denseness, apparently I caught him off guard, he was still deciphering what I'm trying to get him to understand, and he wasn't getting anywhere.

"It has, but how did it end? You were gone for two days and I got raped! If I had grown up taking care of myself, I would've been able to stop it from happening, I'm not bitter about, I'm angry and I feel that my intelligence and strength as a human being are being mocked by the way everyone treats me! You don't notice this, but when people talk to us, they look at you, because I'll agree to whatever you agree on, I'm just a body Thomas, no one take me seriously, because I don't take myself seriously…because you don't take me seriously."

Tom had an indistinguishable look on his face, you couldn't quite get what he was feeling, but whatever it was, it didn't look good.

"So…what do you want now?"

"I don't want you to get me breakfast; I don't want you following me around like a goddamn bodyguard; I don't need you holding my hand, or helping me with homework, I don't need you defending me, I just need you to be there, I still love you Thomas, as much as I've always done, but I want you to respect my ability to be independent, I want you to believe that I can be like you, because after all we're twins."

"Oh….O.K."

And with that he headed to his bed, crawled under the sheets and took a deep long shaky breathe, It took a lot of self control to not run to him and snuggle with him and tell him that I'll always need him. I know I will always need him, I just don't want to need him that way, it's exhausting for me, and even though he'll never admit it, it's exhausting for him too.

"Billa…"

His voice was again soft and shaky…he almost sounded like me when I'm on the verge of crying...

"You're not going to leave me from now on and drift away from me, are you?"

"Thomas, look at me."

And glassy, tired, brown orbs that matched mine glanced at me.

"No family, friend, teacher, law enforcer, religious leader, political activist, drug, activity, moral reason, health complication, scientific experiment, candy, god, teddy bear, bully, or even alien can take me away from you."

And with that promise, he chuckled, and I smiled at him. I knew tomorrow is going to be a rough day, but I'll think of it as a much needed experience.

After that we laid in our beds without saying a word, I was content with how things are, as much as I didn't like all the new responsibilities that I took voluntarily, I was proud of myself for admitting that I do-in fact- need to grow up. After a while Tom broke the silence, but his voice was more playful than the last time he spoke.

"Bill?"

"Yeah?"

"If you called me Thomas again, I'll have to kick your ass, and no 'I'm your twin' could save you."

On that I just chuckled and made a scared face.

"I love you Tomi."

"I love you too Billa."