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BPOV

"If you still think you can stay away from him then I don't think you really understand what a mate is," Jasper said.

I could hear the frustration in his tone but I knew that I could fight this. I could hold out for just two more weeks.

"How do you know? Have you ever tried to stay away from Alice?" I challenged.

He clutched his stomach and shook his head. "Just the thought makes me sick," he replied and I just rolled my eyes in response.

"Would you do it to Carlisle?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"If you were in my place and Carlisle was in Tanya's. I know that Carlisle isn't your sire but imagine that he was. Pretend it was him that saved you from a lonely existence and made everything better," I said. "Now imagine him having a relationship with Alice for fifty years. Then you meet Alice and she decides to break Carlisle's heart because of you. You've listened and advised Carlisle against Alice before you even met her. So when Alice finally came to you would you do it to Carlisle?"

I stared into Jasper's eyes and I saw exactly what I wanted to. Hesitation.

"Not so easy is it?" I asked.

"Bella I'm not saying that you're not in a shitty situation because you are. But if I were in your place, yes I would do it to Carlisle. Alice is everything to me and if I have to go the rest of eternity with only her in my life I would be completely and utterly happy," Jasper replied.

I would have liked to say that I could hear uncertainty or see the lie on his face but I didn't.

"We're different then. Maybe I'm stronger than you," I shrugged.

Jasper laughed so loud that the sound sent little forest animals fleeing. His whole body shook as he fell back on the ground consumed by his laughter. I tried really hard not to break my serious countenance but his laughter was infectious and I began giggling as well.

"Very funny Bella, but get real," he finally said.

"Jasper, seriously, I could totally kick your ass."

"Bella, I taught you every thing you know! There's no way you could kick my ass."

I raised a questioning brow and he responded with a yawn.

So I lunged.

We grappled on the ground for what seemed like forever. Jasper was really badass. I had learned the ways of the badass myself, but it was not enough though.

"So what were you saying?" Jasper asked as he held me down on my knees in a chokehold. I was trying to stand up but he putting all his weight on me.

"You cheated!"

He tightened his arm around my neck and I'm sure if I was human every bone would have been broken.

"Okay! You're stronger!"

"Will you at least reconsider not staying away from Edward?"

"No!"

He tightened his arm.

"You're going to take my head off!" I screamed and felt him shrug his shoulders behind me.

"I'll put it back on."

"Jasper!"

"Reconsider Bella."

"...Fine."

He let me go and I punched him in the chest before rubbing my neck.

"Asshole." I grumbled more upset that he had beat me than anything else.

He smiled and came to give me a hug. "Come on. You know I wouldn't really take your head off, darlin," he said and I nodded. "But seriously Bella. I know what I'm talking about. Edward is more important to you than you know right now. You could literally go insane trying to resist the bond you two have," he told me.

I shook my head. "I may not be a better fighter than you but I can do this Jasper. I'll be fine. See you back at the house!"

I took off back toward home before he could respond. I could only handle so much of Jasper being a cheerleader for the power of mating. Plus if I was being completely honest with myself, I was afraid of what he had said. What if I really couldn't stay away from Edward. What if Tanya hated me for it and I lost her. What if she left Denali, like Renee had left Phoenix? Kate and Irina would follow her. They've been together too long to be separated over me. I could make it without Edward. I had to.

I got home and found Irina sitting on my bed. She glared at me and I flinched in shock.

"What?" I asked.

"Were you alone with him again!" she hissed low enough not to be heard by others.

I sighed and plopped down on the bed next to her. "Irina I'm not in love with Jasper!"

"Well then why do you keep sneaking off with him?" she asked.

"Because...he's my friend," I replied. "I like talking to him."

"Well honey Alice was pacing around here muttering under her breath like a mad woman. I'm a pretty good fighter but Alice is lethal. If she tries to kill you I don't know how much of a help I could be," she replied.

I had to laugh. Irina really thought Alice would try and kill me. I patted her knee reassuringly.

"Irina don't be such a drama queen. Plus Jasper taught me to fight and Alice can't see my next move. I think I could take her...I think," I said remembering how my mouth had gotten me in trouble just minutes ago.

"Bella, please just stop going off alone with him. Even if you are just his friend, he's married and it's not proper. It's one thing to play with humans. Playing with someone's husband, someone's mate, is just wrong," Irina said. She patted my knee just as I had patted hers and left my room.

I sighed and fell back on my bed. I tried to remember a time in my life where everything was just happy. Sadly they all were from the little time I spent with the Denali's before the Cullens came and if I didn't keep my shit together I would never have any new memories like that again.

I snuggled under my covers on my bed, closed my eyes and stopped breathing. This is how I pretended to sleep. I cut off as many senses as I could and just lay still. I knew that it wasn't the same as human sleep but it gave me a sense of peace so I did it often anyway.

The one sense I couldn't cut off was my hearing. So when the most beautiful music filled my ears, my eyes snapped open and I found myself at the doorway of the piano room before I even made the decision to move.

I stood completely still not wanting to disturb him or the music. My eyes were trained on his graceful hands running over the keys as fluidly as water down a stream. The melody he was creating was so complex. I wasn't familiar with it but it had to be composed by one of the greats. It was just too special a sound. It was soft yet powerful, angry yet sweet, wistful yet joyous. If I could, I would have been moved to tears. It was an extraordinary piece.

When it was over, I stepped slowly into the room.

"That was... the most wonderful song I've ever heard," I whispered.

Edward smiled, "Jasper said you would love it."

I nodded my head. "I do love it. What's it called," I asked.

He shrugged and let his hands fall from the keys to his lap and trained his eyes there. "It doesn't have one yet."

"Yet?" I asked, my legs deciding to move closer to him on their own. He seemed sad and I couldn't understand why. I didn't like it either.

"I just wrote it today," he told me.

I gasped in shock and wonder. "Edward...," I breathed. He was suddenly more dazzling than he ever was. I slid onto the piano bench beside him and tilted my head trying to see his eyes or make him lift his head but he wouldn't.

"I wrote it for you."

Then it was my turn to stare down at my lap. I didn't know what to say to that. What must he feel for me, to have composed such a song on my behalf? I didn't even feel worthy of it but I was filled with glee and pride knowing that he thought I was.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me."

"Will you play it again?"

"Of course."

It sounded even better the second time around. My eyes traveled back and forth between Edward's face and his hands. I could see all his passion and I was turned on by it. I hated to admit it but it was true.

When he finished, he moved to drop his hands in his lap again but I caught his right one. The spark between us came to life but I expected it this time. I let my self relish it.

"So talented." I muttered staring at his hand.

I turned it over so that his palm was facing up. I traced the lines there slowly. His skin was soft and so smooth. I remembered how his hand had felt that day we hunted, when he had massaged the skin on the inside of my elbow. I remembered the way his lips and tongue felt on my wrist.

So good.

I brought his wrist to my mouth and reciprocated. I knew what I was doing was dangerous. I knew I should stop but I my body wasn't listening to my head. Edward deserved some sort of reward for penning that song for me and my body wanted to give it to him. My body wanted to give him so much...

"Bella!" Edward groaned as my tongue caressed him.

I loved the sound.

"Thank you so much for writing that song for me," I murmured against his skin.

He moved his hand away from my lips and pushed my hair behind my ear. He trailed his fingers down the side of my face and cupped my cheek. His other hand reached over to my waist and pulled me to him so that there was no space between us on the bench. He angled my face up to his and I could feel his sweet cool breath fan over my face. I could taste it on my tongue.

"Bella," he whispered my name again, this time pleadingly.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn't deny him anything while staring into the molten gold of his eyes. I couldn't bring myself to pull away from his touch. It was the most pleasurable feeling on earth. I wasn't ready to part with it.

"We can't," I replied. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned in to nuzzle my cheek against his. "We can't."

His arms locked around me as he pulled me on to his lap. He rubbed the back of my head just as he had in the forest and I whimpered at just how right we felt but how wrong we actually were.

"Please stop saying that, Bella. Please."

"But my sisters...,"

"Friends," he cut me off. His breathing was jagged and I could tell he frantic. Frantic with need...just like me. "Just be my friend. I hate that you avoid me. That you refuse to talk to me. Be my friend Bella. Just my friend."

I couldn't deny the truth in Jasper's words at that moment. Edward was more important to me than I realized. I did need him, but that didn't mean we had to be a couple. I could have him and not hurt Tanya. I could be his friend. So I nodded my head and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I can be your friend."