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BPOV

Friends?

What the hell was I thinking?

I was straying pretty far from my original plan of avoiding him and trying to make him think I hated him. I was crumbling so fast and so easy. I couldn't even find it in myself to regret what I was doing. I knew that it was bad and I felt guilty but no where was there regret.

I stayed there with Edward just letting him hold me until I heard Tanya come back into the house. I left him without a parting smile and went to find something to do with myself besides obsess over Edward and all the mistakes I was making.

I went in my room and found Kate rummaging through my closet. I let out a low warning growl behind her and she waved me off with a dismissive hand without even turning around.

"Have a heart Bella. I've got a date tonight and I NEED your grey cashmere sweater dress," she said flashing her most winning smile at me over her shoulder. "I happen to really like this guy. He invited me to come to his sister's wedding rehearsal dinner. I want to look understatedly sexy," Kate said.

"Whatever. Please just take it off before you have sex with the guy. I never got that stain out of my skirt that time," I told her.

She plucked the dress she wanted from the hanger and kissed my forehead. "I promise," she said before skipping off toward the door but stopped right before the exit.

"Hey you should come with. You've been in a rut lately and I've seen the best man. He's definitely your type," she offered.

I shook my head. The offer didn't even sound tempting. "No, you go ahead. I've got a date with the library tonight," I replied.

Kate took a step toward me as she concentrated on the dress in her hands like it was engraved with some sacred script.

"You know Bella if you ever needed to talk about anything or...anyone. You know that you can talk to me, right? You've only been with us a short time but I feel like it's been forever. You are family to each and every one of us and we love you so much. We would never stop loving you...no matter what."

I looked at her for a long time before responding. I didn't know what to say. It could have just been paranoia that led me to believe she was talking about Edward. She could have fairly well been talking about Jasper. Both my other sisters had already talked to me about it, it would only make sense for Kate to mention it too. But something about the way she was talking really made me think she was talking about the former.

"Um...thanks," I finally said training my eyes on my lap.

I looked up to see Kate nodding her head absently before leaving my room. I sighed and covered my face with my hands. Everything was going downhill and it was going downhill fast. I wished that I could just press pause and have everything around me stop for just ten minutes. That however was not the case.

I took a quick shower and changed my clothes. They smelled like Edward and walking around smelling our combined scents (which by the way was like heaven squared) was not good for my sanity. After cleaning up, I sat down at my vanity and started brushing my hair up into a ponytail. It however was extremely tangled from my shower. I was getting frustrated and about to just ball it up atop my head when a voice from the doorway stopped me.

"Don't you dare!" Alice exclaimed. She appeared behind me and grabbed a comb. "Your hair is much too beautiful for that."

My whole body tensed as she smiled at me through the mirror. The smile was so sweet but the look in her eyes was full of malice. She began to comb through the knots in my hair concentrating wholly on her task. I concentrated on her. I realized that I should say something about Jasper, help her understand that he was just a friend to me but I didn't know what to say, Alice, however, did.

"You're getting a little too close to Jasper, Bella," she sighed as if this was a great tragedy. I opened my mouth to begin my explanation but just as I did our eyes met in the mirror. Her deathly glare silenced me instantly. When I closed my mouth her face took on a controlled calm.

"I understand though Bella, so don't worry. You're just a newborn and you can't control your urges. You're a succubus and will take sex from anywhere you can get it. I saw you at the club that night and I know how you use that coy little act to beckon the men to you," she said. I noticed she wasn't combing my hair so gently anymore. It was actually quite painful but I refused to let it show on my face.

"You're a very compelling actress but I assure you it won't work on him. So you can drop that he's just my friend bullshit now. Jasper is beautiful, strong, kind, and intelligent, but more important than any of that he's my husband. Mine. As I am his. He's not looking for some random lay that's been had by God knows how many tourists," she said now using her fingers to comb through my now straight hair and dragging her nails down my scalp like claws.

"Keep yourself out of harm's way and stay away from him, Bella," she issued as a warning with a smile.

I smiled right back at her. "It's funny that you're so sure that he's yours but you're still here threatening me. You must not be as secure as you're trying to make me think you are," I said. "I've said it before and I'll say it again. Jasper is my friend and will continue to be my friend. I'm sorry if I've overstepped my bounds, truly I am," I said trying to convey sincerity but I failed because I was just too mad.

"But Alice you don't know shit about me. So don't come in here assuming that you do. You've surely made an ass of yourself. You had better take your own advice and stay out of harm's way. Don't you ever speak to me that way again," I said turning around to face her because looking through the mirror was just not good enough.

I stood rising to my full height that was admittedly not much but still taller than her. "And thank you for combing my hair," I smiled before brushing past her and out the door.

I had to run. It would clear my head and give me a semblance of the peace I so needed. I kept my feet moving as fast as I could. I reached my spot in record time and took up residence in my favorite tree. It did very little to calm me, though. I just couldn't believe what Alice had said.

Maybe I was going too far with Jasper. Maybe I should have talked to her the second people started being concerned about the relationship I had with him. That however did not give her the right to try and make me feel bad about my lifestyle. In doing so she had insulted not only me but also my sisters. I refused to be ashamed of what we did.

I had dated and flirted shamelessly with men but I had never had sex with any of them. My sisters had slept with many men but they cared about each and every one. They weren't in love every time but it was never just about the sex. They were lonely and they found company in human men in a way that would not lead to our secret being discovered. Plus after Irina's past human love had died I think they were all a little nervous about anything long time with humans. Their lives were just too fleeting and too easily extinguished. Hell, Phil and I were a more recent example of that.

If Alice didn't understand then screw her. I would try not to disrespect her and do anything that could be conceived as inappropriate with her husband but he was my friend. I wasn't going to keep away because his wife was an insecure brat. I needed Jasper. I couldn't stay away from him and still be expected to keep strong with Edward. Jasper was the only confidant I had, even though a part of me knew that Kate was now open for the role as well. I just wasn't ready to confess to my sisters. I felt that would only make everything more tense. Alice was just going to have to find a way to deal.

EPOV

Bella had left the house not long after we made our agreement and didn't come back until late the next morning. When she walked in the door, I could tell something was wrong. She was smiling and she wasn't behaving any different than she usually did but there was something off about her eyes. Something sad.

"Where you been, girlie? I thought you had moved out for a second there," Irina said.

Bella shrugged. "My run lasted a little longer than I realized. You know how I get distracted," she said before turning and going up to her room.

I wanted to know what was wrong with her but I didn't know if asking about it would be the right thing to do. There was nothing wrong with asking a friend if something was bothering them, but our friendship was not a normal one. I would be a fool to think it was. Asking could be a very wrong thing for us.

When Bella came down the stairs she surprised me by taking the empty seat next to me leaving only a small space between us. I had to stifle my smile. Everything was better when she was beside me.

Alice came bouncing down the stairs with Jasper following close behind her. She paused at the entrance when she saw Bella. Her thoughts were jumbled as she thought too many things at once but I could tell she was angry. Her outward expression was still happy though. I could tell that Jasper was picking up on her mood as the confusion on his face matched his thoughts.

"Jas and I are going shopping. Anybody want to join us?" Alice asked.

Every female in the house besides Bella said yes and stood to join her. Esme pulled Carlisle along with her as did Rosalie with Emmett whose thoughts were on convincing his wife to find a lingerie store in town.

"Bella you don't want to come?" Tanya asked her, pointedly glancing at me.

Bella shook her head in response. "No I'm just going to finish up my book."

"Well I could stay with you if want," Tanya replied.

"Oh don't be silly, Tanya! She's not a child!" Esme laughed.

Tanya laughed along with Esme but her thoughts were directed at me.

"Leave her be, Edward. Please just leave her be."

I nodded my head. I planned on doing just that but only if that's what Bella wanted as well. Everyone emptied out of the house and once we could no longer hear the cars driving away the tension erupted. Bella and I sat still as statues on the couch in complete silence just staring at the TV.

"This is weird," Bella finally said. "I don't want it to be weird like this."

I shifted to look at her and watched her wringing her hands in her lap. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Friend stuff."

I snorted and she cracked a smile, quickly glancing up at me before training her eyes back on her lap. I searched in my head trying to think of something to talk about but everything seemed so trivial in light of the things I wanted but shouldn't talk about. So I articulated as much to her.

"We have to make this work, Edward," she said turning her whole body to face me. "I think it's the best compromise we'll ever reach."

I nodded my head with a sigh before looking into her eyes and noticed how black they were. The purple under them was so dark I couldn't help but run my thumb over the skin there.

"You were gone all that time and you didn't hunt at all?" I asked.

She knit her brows and shook her head. "It didn't even occur to me. I guess my mind was too preoccupied," she shrugged.

"Preoccupied with what?"

"Alice."

Bella went on to tell me what Alice had said to her the other day. I wanted to be mad at Alice for the things she said to Bella but really the person I should have been mad at was myself. It was me that had made Alice suspicious of them because of my own jealousy. I could see that Alice had really upset Bella and that upset me. I was filled with guilt and before I made a conscious decision to I found myself confessing that it was my fault.

"Why would you do that?" Bella asked, her eyes expressing a deeper sadness than I'd seen earlier.

"All I wanted was to be close to you but it seemed that the only person you could see was Jasper. I was jealous and I just wanted to get him out of the way so that maybe you could make time for someone else...particularly me," I said, unable to look her in the eye anymore. "But I'm sorry that I did that. I'm sorry that I misled Alice. I was selfish and didn't think about anything past getting what I wanted."

Bella sighed and put her finger under my chin to lift my head. She stared into my eyes studying them like some difficult equation.

"Why can't I be mad at you?" she muttered. I didn't respond because it was clear that she was talking to herself. While she pondered the answer to her own question I took the time to rejoice in what it implied.

She wasn't mad at me.

I was filled with the mischievous glee a kid would have after getting away with something he should have been reprimanded heavily for. I knew that I was wrong for doing so. The look in her eyes told me as much.

"I want to be mad at you. I don't want to want you. I don't want to feel this. I want to fight this," she said and my response was instantaneous.

"You can't."

"I can."

"Don't."

"I need to."

"I need you."

She groaned and dropped her head. Her body fell limply into mine and I wrapped my arms around her. I stroked her head knowing that it would soothe her. It had become second nature for me to do so. If she was sad, I stroked her head. Simple as that.

"I need you too," she whispered against my chest in a voice so tiny I, with all my enhanced hearing, strained to hear.

"Then there's got to be something else we can do," I told her pulling back to look into her coal black eyes.

"There isn't," she shook head.

"Bella maybe we should just talk to Tanya. All vampires understand mating. All we have to do is explain. She loves you and she will understand. It might be painful for her at first but she will get over it," I said.

"You can't know that. We can be friends Edward. We can because we have to. This was your idea," she replied.

I pulled her so that she was on my lap. I cradled her against my chest like a child and rubbed circles on her back.

"Look at how much we're hurting. We're hurting more than Tanya ever will. You would prolong our suffering for eternity over something Tanya will no longer care about once I leave Denali?" I asked.

"You are selfish."

"Are you mad now?"

"Sadly, I am not."

I laughed and stood up bringing her with me. I kept her in my arms and held her close to me.

"Please consider us talking to Tanya. We can do better than friends," I told her. She opened her mouth to respond but I pressed my finger to her lips to stop her.

I was instantly distracted by how soft they were, full and red, pouty and perfect. I traced the edge of her lower lip and licked my own. Her eyes bore into my own and I saw the lust I felt in her eyes as well. I forced myself to look and step away from her. I didn't want her to feel the growing erection threatening to rip straight through my jeans.

I took her hand and led her toward the door.

"Just think about it for now and we'll talk again later. But for now, you're thirsty. You should feed. I don't like you being in pain."