SM owns.
Thank you Mommakat!
Just to be clear, because I know that some people were unsure. No, Bella did not have sex with Dominic. All that pleasure she was feeling was from drinking human blood for the first time.
EPOV
It was impossible to concentrate on anything else for the rest of the night. I couldn't believe that she left with that guy, but then again I could. Bella was so determined to deny our bond. I really should have seen this coming, but I didn't. I thought that we were getting somewhere. Slowly but surely getting closer to being together. Clearly we weren't. We'd taken two steps forward and eighteen million backward.
As I watched her leave with him, I was overcome with so many emotions. Hate. Jealousy. Fear. Anger. Despair. Disappointment. Understanding. Acceptance. Love.
It was not the ideal way to realize you loved someone when they're leaving a nightclub with some other guy but that's how it happened for me. All the aggression and envy I felt was toward the guy. I'd seen him walk up to her and how happy she had been to see him. I hated him for being close to her. I was jealous that they could be so publicly affectionate. Bella was mine but I had to wait until we were alone in order to touch her or even have a normal conversation. It just wasn't fair.
I was disappointed in Bella and hurt but I knew what she was doing and instantly forgave her. I couldn't be mad at her. It was literally impossible. Some small part of me wanted to barge up to them at the bar and scream at her for letting another man touch her. I wanted to demand to know what he had that I didn't. The thing was it wasn't what he had, but what he hadn't done. He hadn't lied about affections for her sister and participated in all sorts of intimate acts to convince himself that he really did feel something. But I had and that's why I was the one left behind to watch her leave with the other man, quite possibly the better man.
Later that night, after we'd all gone home and Bella was still out with that guy, Esme came into my room and wrapped her arms around me.
"Don't worry, honey. Things will work themselves out in the end. I just know they will."
I nodded my head but really her thoughts had done nothing to soothe me. I really felt like I was fighting a losing battle. There was a time when I would have thought mating made everything and everyone else secondary in a vampire's life. That was apparently not true. Bella had shown me that tonight. Her loyalty to her sisters had trumped what we had or could have had. And while this should have made me sad, I was mainly just in awe. In awe of just how special my Bella was. Only someone as unique and strong as her could successfully shun their mate.
I was suddenly pulled from my reverie by a powerful onslaught of dread and anxiety. It was churning in the pit of my stomach like the water of a violent hurricane. My breathing picked up and the only thing I could think of was Bella.
Something was wrong.
"Edward, what is it," Esme asked. I could hear and see the concern on her face.
"I don't know. I just…something's wrong with Bella,"
All three Denalis appeared in my room the second Bella's name left my lips. Kate had her cell phone pressed to her ear. Her thoughts were a constant stream of, "Please pick up, Bella. Please pick up, Bella."
"How do you know?" Irina asked.
"I just do," I replied concentrating on Kate so that I would know the second Bella answered the phone. She never did though and the call went to voicemail.
"What hotel does Dom usually stay at," Kate asked her sisters.
"He usually rents a house but I don't know where it is," Tanya replied. "Edward, why do you think something is wrong?" she asked turning to look me in the eye.
She was scared but couldn't really understand why I would just think something was wrong out of the clear blue like this. I didn't know how to explain and I really didn't want to at the moment either. I was too worried and just wanted to find Bella. She was a vampire and there was very little that could hurt her but I knew without a doubt that she needed help. I couldn't be bothered with anything else at the moment.
"Call her again, Kate," I said.
She nodded her head and pressed redial on her phone. I was pacing the floor like a mad man listening to each ring willing Bella wherever she was to pick up. On the third ring though, I heard her. Not on the phone but her impossibly quick and feather light footsteps approaching the house. I ran down to meet her but when I got to the front door she was already on the porch. I was so happy to see her that I didn't even realize what she was carrying until the stench reached my nose.
A dead body.
"Oh God," Tanya breathed from behind me.
Bella stepped into the house carrying the man she had left the club with. She was staring down at him with an unfathomable look in her eyes. The whole house had caught the smell and were assembled in the foyer in complete silence.
"Help me," Bella whispered in a voice so tiny and lost.
"Bella…," Tanya began but Bella squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head.
"Just help me!" Bella exclaimed breathlessly.
Tanya nodded her head and suddenly her tone was all business, "Where?" she asked.
"His house. 582 Pebble Creek Road," Bella responded.
"Irina, go clean up. Kate start the preparations. We'll go to the house in Amur. Give him to me, Bella," Tanya said decisively as Irina and Kate scurried off to complete their assignments.
Bella sighed and kissed the man's forehead murmuring apologies and prayers against his skin before handing over his corpse.
"Everything will be fine, Bella. Go wash up and we'll be back as soon as we can," Tanya said.
Bella nodded and went to do as she was told. Tanya left the house to go dispose of the body. I could see in her mind she planning on faking a car crash. Luckily it had snowed earlier and the roads were slick.
I turned my focus back on Bella. I listened intently as I heard the shower in her room being turned on. I waited as I heard the rustle of her clothes as she dressed and then started to make my way to her room when I heard her bed springs compress.
"Wait, Edward let me go up," Jasper said.
"Excuse me?" I replied incredulously.
"Jas maybe she would prefer to be alone right now," Alice chimed in.
"No she wouldn't. I have to talk to her," Jasper said keeping his eyes locked on me.
"And why would you be the one to go up there?" I asked.
"Edward I can help her," Jasper said. I could read in his thoughts that he was going to talk her into letting down her shield so that he could soothe her. I was for anything that would make her feel better. I knew all too well about what she must be feeling right now but I wasn't going to stay behind.
"Let's go then," I said. Jasper sighed but followed me up to Bella's bedroom. The room was open but I didn't think just walking in was the right thing to do. I realized that I had never been inside her bedroom before but I didn't bother taking in the décor. My eyes were trained on Bella was she sat on the edge of the bed staring into space, still as stone.
"Bella may we come in?" I asked keeping my tone low.
She showed no sign that she had heard me or planned to acknowledge me at all. So instead of trying to ask her again I just went inside. I walked around and knelt before her. I gazed into her eyes and was nearly undone by the emptiness I saw there. Her now crimson eyes resembled those of a statue, hollow and devoid of life. Her face was free of all emotion and to be perfectly honest, it terrified me. I had no idea what to do. Stroking her head would not heal this wound.
"Let me, Edward," Jasper thought and I moved aside.
"B, I know that you're hurting and I can help. I can take it away if you let me. Please take down your shield. You don't have suffer," Jasper said imploringly.
"But I should," Bella murmured so low that I wasn't even entirely sure that she did say it.
"No, Bella. We've all made this mistake before. It's alright, honey. I know it doesn't seem like it but it is," he replied.
"No. It's. Not."
"Bella please just let me help you," he begged.
Bella blinked but no light came to her eyes. She looked at Jasper, just staring at him for what seemed like forever. I watched her intently, hoping that she would allow him to help her. I was in pain just imagining what she felt and I was going insane with worry. I sat on the bed beside her and took her hand in mine. She allowed me to touch her but her hand remained limp in my grasp.
"Do it for me, Bella. Please."
Bella instantly pushed her shield away. Jasper wobbled and groaned at the sheer force of her emotions that were suddenly thrust upon him. I picked them out of his mind as he felt them but they weren't many, in fact there were only two. Crippling grief and excruciating self-loathing. Jasper struggled not to succumb to her feelings, the most intense he'd ever felt, and find some peace to offer her.
Bella's mind was now open to me and while I should have jumped at the chance to finally be inside her head I was too focused on something else. Alice had free access to Bella's future and the vision that assaulted her demanded my attention as well.
Bella and I were lying beside a river under a huge tree. Both of us topless, kissing and groping one another with wild abandon. I gasped as a sudden desire for that vision to come true came over me but the vision was cut off as Bella shot up from the bed snapping her shield back into place.
"STOP!" she screeched clutching her hair in hands.
She raced out of the room and then the house. There was no conscious thought to follow her, but I did. Her legs carried her into the trees ahead of me but I kept her in my sight and trailed as closely behind her as I could. I chased her into the night for miles and miles. I didn't know where she was going or if she was going anywhere at all. She could very well be running just to be running but I wasn't going to let her go anywhere alone. She wasn't stable and the self loathing she had felt had worried me. Those kinds of feeling could lead to unthinkable acts but I would protect her from herself if there was a need.
Bella finally stopped and fell to the ground in front of a river. The same river from Alice's vision. I looked over and saw the tree from the vision as well. I didn't think too much of it though. I couldn't see anything like what happened in Alice's vision happening tonight. Bella was too upset and I would never try for anything while she was in this state.
I crept up to Bella as she sat on the backs of her legs facing the water. I slowly lowered myself to sit cross legged beside her. We sat in silence for an immeasurable amount of time before I finally had to say something.
"Bella it was a mist…," I began but she cut me off.
"How can you even stand to look at me?"
"I love you, that's how and if I could never see anything but your face for the rest of my existence it would be one of the best things that ever happened to me," I replied earnestly.
"You'd be happy to look at a monster for the rest of your life?" she scoffed and got up to walk away but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
"You are not a monster! You made a mistake. A mistake that we've all made before. You killed one man, I've killed hundreds of men!" I exclaimed.
Bella pushed me away from her and finally life came back to her eyes. They blazed with anger but I knew that none of it was for me.
"I didn't kill a man! I killed my friend! Dominic was my friend! I cared about him so much and he cared about me! He was here to visit his family, his grandfather who will never see him again because of me! Don't tell me I'm not a monster because I know that I am," she shrieked at me.
She groaned and fisted her hands in her hair again. I rushed to her and tried to loosen her hands in fear that she would rip her hair out and lose it forever.
"I'm sure that you just lost control. You are newborn and it's harder for you to resist human blood. You're being too hard on yourself. You're only four months old. It took me almost two decades to even begin to try and control myself," I told her.
She shook her head rapidly rejecting my comfort.
"It wasn't like that for me! Resisting blood was never hard for me. I killed Dominic because I wasn't paying attention. I'm careless! I'm a selfish bitch! I'm a coward! I'm…," Bella ranted but I stopped her by covering her mouth with my hand.
"You are none of those things and I won't stand for anyone saying that you are, not even you! You're the closest thing to perfect I've ever come across. I'm constantly in awe of how strong, selfless, brave, and loving you are," I yelled.
I was frantic with my need to calm her, to reassure her. It was killing me to have her feel that way about herself. I'd had more than my share of self deprecating thoughts in the past but I didn't want that for her. I knew of the pain one had to be in to feel that way about themselves and it was no little amount.
Plus Bella had seemed to love the fact that she was a vampire and I'd admired that about her. This 180 she had turned was a very bad sign.
"I'm not! I had no idea that I was draining him until after the fact. I was too consumed with rage to even know what I was doing. I was mad at the world blaming everyone for the fucked up situation that I'm in except for the one person who's really at fault…me," she raved. " It's my fault that everything is all wrong. I was too much of a coward to own up to my feelings and tell Tanya about us. I used Jasper! I used Emmett! Hell, I was using Dominic! I used him and then murdered him."
Bella's knees gave out from under her but I caught her before she hit the ground. I clutched her body to me and stroked her head because I had no idea what else to do. I felt like I was in over my head but I had no plans of giving up. I couldn't let her drown in her pain like this.
"Bella, baby, I don't know what you mean? How did you use them?" I asked, needing to understand before I could attempt to comfort her again. I was surprised though that she seemed to be just a bit better now that I was stroking her head. She wasn't yelling and pulling her hair anymore at least.
"I was too stubborn, too stubborn to just love you. I came up with a list of things to distract myself from you. I used Jasper because I was intrigued by his scars. I used Emmett because he was so competitive. I used Dominic because he was human and because of the way he used to make me feel," Bella murmured against my chest. "All that stuff worked at first but after that day we hunted nothing could tear my mind away from you. I just wanted, needed, you so bad but I was terrified of hurting Tanya but all I ended up doing was hurting everyone else."
"Your intentions were pure, Bella," I whispered burying my face in her hair.
"But my actions were evil. I killed my friend and I hurt you. I hurt you on purpose. I wanted to make you hate me and I really wish that you would. I don't deserve you after all I've done," she sobbed tearlessly.
"Bella we were born for each other. Nothing you ever do will make me turn away from you. Everything that you feel, I feel. The raw need, the animal magnetism is mutual, baby. You have your demons like I have mine but I will never judge you for them," I told her.
"I betrayed you tonight. I saw how hurt you were when I left with him. I went to his house in the hopes that his touch would make me forget you. I let him touch me. I let him kiss me. I hated the way it felt, though. His hands disgusted me because they weren't yours. I wanted him to be you. I wanted you to be touching me and since I couldn't have that I got so mad. I'm ashamed of myself. You should be ashamed of me too. You should hate me," she whispered lifting her head to meet my eyes. "Tell me that you hate me."
My heart broke for my mate, for my beautiful Bella. For the amazing woman in my arms begging me to hate her, but my love only swelled. I took her face in my hands and stared into her eyes as I spoke.
"Never. I will never hate you. I don't care what you've done or anything that you ever will do. I love you and I want you no matter what. I will never hate you."
Bella sobbed again and closed her eyes. "Edward please. Please just tell me. I want you to hate me. I need you to hate me. I need you to be repulsed. My revulsion isn't enough."
"I love you!" I growled grabbing her arms and shaking her to help make her understand. She opened her eyes and looked at me with pleading eyes but I was incapable of giving her what she wanted. "I love you, Bella. Do you understand that? Because I'll do whatever it takes to help you if you don't. You're everything that I've ever wanted. Everything I never knew I needed. I love you!"
Bella exhaled a ragged sigh and rested her forehead against mine. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I denied you. I shunned you. I know that you're not mine but I still feel as if I cheated on you. I'll never forgive myself," she whispered.
"I am yours Bella and you are mine. We belong to each other. Now and forever. I've always been yours and you've always been mine."
Bella searched my eyes. I don't know what she was looking for or if she found it. I ran my hands up her arms and her neck until I was cupping her face. As my hands traveled Bella's skin her eyes fluttered closed and a low breathy moan escaped her mouth. I loved to hear her moan. I loved to make her moan.
"Only you can make me feel this way. Just the slightest touch from you makes everything better. I don't deserve this," she said.
"You deserve everything I want to give you and more. I want to make everything better for you. You deserve everything."
"You are everything."
I could see the love I felt reflected back to me in Bella's eyes. Her forehead was still against mine and I could feel her sweet breath fan over my face, but that wasn't enough. I wanted to taste it. I dropped one hand from her face and grabbed her waist. She bit her lip and I was filled with jealousy yet again.
"It's not fair," I murmured staring at her full lip trapped between her teeth wishing that it was trapped between mine. I didn't verbalize that but Bella seemed to know because she released her lip instantly.
"I'm yours. You said so yourself," she told me and that was all I needed to hear.
I attacked her mouth. There was no other way to described it but Bella's responding moan only spurred me on. I held the nape of her neck as she fisted my hair in her hands tightly. It was slightly painful but wholly pleasurable. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth and savored the taste. Better than any blood in the world. I gently took it in between my teeth and licked it with the tip of my tongue.
Bella groaned as she grabbed my arms. She fell back on the ground pulling me with her, on top of her. I planted my hand on the ground to keep my weight from her but Bella shook her head.
"No! I need to feel you. Please let me feel you."
I lowered myself, aligning my body with hers and she hummed her satisfaction. The sound traveled straight to my groin, giving me an instant erection. I kissed my Bella's lips, then moved down to her chin before traveling along her jaw trying to taste as much of her as I could. Bella's hands started at the waist band of my jeans and roamed upward underneath my shirt. The feel of her small hands just ghosting up my abdomen made me shudder with pleasure.
My kisses reached her neck and she turned her head giving me more access and I took full advantage. I'd waited and daydreamed about this moment ever since I'd arrived in Denali. The real thing put my imagination to shame. Her touching me, me touching her was nothing short of bliss.
I placed wet open mouthed kisses all over her neck, pausing in certain areas and giving them extra attention according to the volume of Bella's moans. She arched her back pressing her breasts into me and I received an irrational surge of anger toward our clothing. I lifted myself up causing her to groan as if in pain at the loss. I quickly pulled off my shirt and was surprised to see that Bella had done the same. I had never appreciated her speed more.
She had forgone a bra and her breasts were laid bare for me. I took in every exposed inch of her body. Her tiny waist, the smooth flat surface of her belly, her small round navel and her beautiful perky breasts with their pink pebbled nipples. I placed my hands on either side of her waist and moved them slowly up her body, my eyes following their ascent. When my hands got to the sides of her breasts my thumbs moved on their own accord to swipe over her hardened nipples. Bella hissed in pleasure and arched her back again.
"So beautiful," I whispered before lowering my body to hers once more. The feel of our bare chests pressed together caused us both to moan. She spread her legs and bent her knees so that my erection was nestled against her center. I could feel her heat searing through my pants and my hips bucked into her wanting more.
"Ungh! Edward!" she screamed wrapping her arms around my neck. She brought my face back down to her. She covered my mouth with her own and swiped her tongue over my lips. She was granted immediate access and she massaged my tongue languidly with her own.
I moaned into her mouth holding the back of her head securing her to me. I'd never experienced pleasure like this and I was greedy for more. My erection was straining painfully against my pants and as if sensing my need Bella rolled so that she was on top and ground herself hard yet slowly against me.
"Fuck!" I growled grabbing her hips to guide her movements over me.
"You feel so good," Bella whimpered as I thrust myself upward and she pushed down against me. "So good."
I raised up and wrapped my arm around her waist. In this position her breasts were perfectly aligned with my mouth. I palmed the right and flicked my tongue over her left nipple. She threw her head back crying out her pleasure and my dick grew impossibly harder. Her flesh was so delicious and I was afraid I would never get enough. I pinched her right nipple as I covered the left with my mouth, sucking and lapping at it hungrily.
Bella's hands were in my hair once more as she rocked into my erection in a frenzied search of the friction we both needed. I switched off on her breasts suckling the left and massaging the right.
Bella's moans increased in volume and I knew that she was close. I rolled us back so that she was beneath me. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I pinned her arms above her head. I ground my erection into her hard and fast as she writhed wildly. My balls tightened and I gritted my teeth trying to will myself to wait until she got hers first.
"Cum for Bella. I want see you cum for me."
Her hips bucked violently and her body convulsed as she screamed my name with her release triggering my own. I buried my face in the crook of her neck, groaning as the ecstasy of my orgasm crashed over my body like rapid falling tidal waves.
We whispered our love for one another as we came down struggling to catch our breath. The smell of our sex was thick in the air around us and I relished it, breathing in the intoxicating aroma as deeply as I could. Bella wrapped her arms around me and gently ran her fingers through my hair. I stroked her side in return and we basked in our afterglow for an unknown amount of time.
I would have been satisfied with staying there forever but I knew that eventually we would have to leave and go back to our families. I was gripped with fear of what that moment would bring. Would Bella want to pretend that nothing had ever happened? Would she go back to using my brothers as distractions against me? I held her tighter to me knowing that soon I would have to let her go.
Bella sighed and kissed the top of my head. "I won't fight us anymore, Edward." she murmured. "We'll talk to Tanya."