How To Be Yourself When You're Not Yourself
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By: plus2-minus1-brilliance
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Chapter Four - The Gap
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Leonardo and Donatello had told him to get some rest, but Michelangelo was having trouble doing this. Sure, he was exhausted, but…how the hell was he supposed to sleep when something so freaky was going on?
Sighing, he looked down at himself for what had to be the thousandth time. His frame was thin, and he could tell that his muscles had diminished somewhat. The skin that now covered his body was extremely pale - almost white. His brothers' skin had been that way, too, and he assumed it must be because none of them ever got any sun.
This gave Michelangelo an interesting thought: Now that they were human, maybe they could go walk around outside for a bit. Do all those normal, human things he'd seen on TV, and been jealous of. He made a mental note to ask Leo when they'd all finished their resting.
Michelangelo ran his now-five-fingered hand through his hair. He'd taken to doing it a lot in the last few hours, enjoying the feeling of soft hair between his fingers. He wondered if the others felt the same way with their hair. Donatello had looked annoyed at his shoulder-length mane, since it kept getting in his face. Leonardo didn't seem to care one way or the other about his curly locks. Raphael had seemed more interested in…well, a certain part of his anatomy that used to be less visible.
Michelangelo made another mental note to ask Leo about getting some clothes. Humans wore clothes. It felt awkward not to.
With another sigh, Michelangelo turned over onto his side and willed his brain to just shut off so he could rest. He certainly hoped the others weren't having this much trouble with it.
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When the four brothers finally came back together, it was evening of the following day.
Leonardo had actually gotten up in the early afternoon, but decided that none of his brothers would be of much use if they were still tired, so he let them sleep longer. He made tea and sat down at the kitchen table to drink it while he attempted to think up a plan of action.
Raphael had been the next to appear, looking grumpy (not that that was a big change). He grabbed a box of Honey Smacks from a cabinet and flumped down in a chair across from his older brother. Neither spoke, having nothing to say, and no energy to start a fight, which was what would most likely happen if they tried conversing.
Donatello and Michelangelo came in at the same time, each taking a seat on either side of their older brothers. Michelangelo had brought his blanket with him, holding it around himself like a toga. Raphael quirked an eyebrow at him in question and Michelangelo shrugged back in response. Raph nodded and held out the box of Honey Smacks to him.
"Thanks," Michelangelo muttered, taking a handful of the cereal.
"Yeah," Raph replied, switching the box to his other hand and holding it out to Donatello.
"No, thank you. I'm still feeling kind of queasy," Donatello replied, wrapping his arms around his stomach.
"Are you feeling well enough to start working?" Leonardo asked, worry clear in his voice. "It's okay if you're not. I know I still feel as though I could sleep for a week…"
"I'm not a hundred percent, but I can work," Donatello conceded.
"All right, get started as soon as you feel up to it."
"You should eat first," Raphael said. "Queasy or not, you haven't eaten for over twelve hours."
Donatello smiled at Raphael. Hot-tempered bad boy he may be, but he cared about his brothers.
"Do you think Master Splinter is hungry?" Michelangelo wondered.
The four of them looked over to where they'd put the rat. Before going to bed, Donatello and Michelangelo had constructed a sort of cage out of a square plastic container and its lid and some chicken wire. They'd given him a dishcloth to sleep on, and a dish of water (although Michelangelo suggested he might prefer tea), and placed the makeshift cage on the coffee table.
"Probably," Raphael answered. He got up, went to the cabinet, grabbed the Cheerios (Master Splinter's cereal of choice), went over to the cage, and poured a few into the base.
The others came over and watched as the rat poked his nose out from underneath the dishcloth, sniffed a bit, then scampered over to nibble on a Cheerio.
"Aww!" Michelangelo cooed. "He's so cute!"
The other three rolled their eyes, although they all secretly agreed with Mikey's assessment.
"Come on, we all should have a proper breakfast," Leonardo said after a bit. "Or, well, I guess it'd be dinner…"
They all went back to the kitchen, and Donatello got out bowls for each of them, while Raphael grabbed spoons, Leonardo got out the milk and apple juice, and Michelangelo grabbed the Froot Loops for himself, the Apple Jacks for Donatello, and the Honey Chex for Leonardo. Donatello also put on a pot of coffee.
Silence prevailed as they tucked into their breakfast-dinner, each keeping to his own thoughts. Then, after a few minutes of this, a frustrated growl came from Donatello. His brothers looked at him questioningly.
"Sorry," he said, smiling apologetically. "This stupid hair just keeps getting in my face. I need to get something to tie it back with…"
"I think your hair looks pretty cool, actually," said Raphael.
Donatello blinked at him. "Really?"
"Yeah," Raphael replied with a shrug.
"I like it, too," Michelangelo joined in. "I don't think any of us really got bad hair, though."
"I don't know…I never thought of myself as a curly haired individual. And I wouldn't have thought Donnie would have, no offense, girl hair," Leonardo commented, pulling at one of his curls.
"Just because it's long doesn't make it girly! Casey has long hair," Donatello argued.
"Yeah, but your hair's not girly cos it's long, is it? It's just…kinda girly," Michelangelo explained.
"Don't take it the wrong way, bro," Raphael said. "It looks good on you."
"Oh that's great! Girly hair suits me. That's just great," Donatello pouted.
Michelangelo giggled. "Guess that means we'll be getting you a dress when we go out!"
"What do you mean, "when we go out"? Who said we were going anywhere?" Leonardo asked, frowning at his littlest brother.
"Oh, well…I just thought that since we were human now, we should get something to wear. I mean, Donnie said it would take a while to get back to normal, and I don't wanna be naked the whole time. It's weird."
"He's got a point," Donatello said. "If nothing else, it's rather drafty."
Leonardo frowned in thought, his brothers watching him intently, waiting for the verdict. Finally, Leonardo decided, "You're right, we should get some clothing."
"Yes!" Michelangelo cheered, pumping a fist in the air.
"The problem is," Leonardo continued, "how do we go get clothes without first having clothes to go get clothes in?"
They all paused and thought for a moment.
"Well…I've got my trench coat," Raphael finally stated. "For when I go out with Casey, you know?"
"That's good for you, but we can't all wear your trench coat," Michelangelo stated wryly.
"Then I guess only one person can go," Raphael retorted.
"Aww, that's not fair! I wanna go out!" Michelangelo whined.
"No one is going out alone," ruled Leonardo. "Not in our weakened state - it's too dangerous."
Donatello snorted. "Well, Mikey does have his blanket - we can make a little dress out of it for him."
Michelangelo sneered back, then brightened. "Dudes! We've totally forgotten!"
"Forgotten what?" Leonardo asked.
"Master Splinter's robe! It would totally fit me now that I'm all small and stuff!" Michelangelo beamed at his brilliant thought.
"So…does that mean we're sending out Raph and Mikey to get us all clothes? Talk about dangerous, they really would get me a dress!" Donatello pouted some more.
"But you'd look so cute!" Michelangelo teased.
Leonardo sighed. "No dresses! Just get jeans and tee shirts, okay? And go to the store and back, nothing more, got it?"
"Why? We're human now, just like everyone else!" Michelangelo reasoned.
"There and back!" Leonardo repeated forcefully. "We don't need any trouble."
Michelangelo pouted. "Fine, there and back."
Once they'd finished their meal, Michelangelo went to put on Master Splinter's robe, and Raphael his trench coat. After promising Leonardo a few more times that they wouldn't do anything but go straight to the store and come straight back (and that they'd not purchase any dresses), the two brothers set out on their way.
Halfway to the "exit" from the sewers, Michelangelo stopped.
"What's up?" Raphael asked, stopping as well.
"Are there any clothing stores open still? It's, like, nearly midnight…" Michelangelo asked.
"Oh…" Raphael replied. "I was figurin' we'd just do what we normally do - sneak in, leave cash, and sneak out."
"Yeah, that'd probably be best anyway. I so don't want the first time people see me to be in this ratty old robe," Michelangelo said, then paused again, before bursting out laughing. "Ratty robe! Haha! Get it?"
Raphael rolled his eyes, shook his head, and started walking again. Michelangelo followed, still chuckling.
When they got to the surface, it was to discover that no one was about this late at night in this area. They'd chosen to come up a ways before the actual store they planned to sneak into so that they could at least do a bit of walking in the world of humans.
"You think maybe Leo will let us do human stuff later? I mean…it's not like we won't have the time, according to Donnie, right?" Michelangelo questioned, trying to look everywhere at once. He'd never seen the City from this angle before, after all.
"Probably not, but I'm not gonna let that stop me," Raphael replied. "He doesn't own us, you know."
"I know he doesn't own us, but he does usually know what's best," Michelangelo said, frowning a bit.
Raphael didn't respond, just looked straight ahead. He wasn't an idiot - he knew some of the things he did weren't the best idea. That's sort of why he did them. Of course, it could have been argued that doing the wrong thing even when you knew it was wrong, actually did make you an idiot. Raphael decided he just didn't care, one way or the other.
"Okay, I was trying not to mention it, but ow! Please let us get shoes, too, cos this gravel is killing my feet," Michelangelo said.
"Yeah, I agree. If we've got enough money, we'll get shoes."
"Do you feel like you're about to tip over all the time, too? And weak, like your legs are just gonna give out if you keep walking?"
Raphael just nodded.
"So far, being a human is just kinda painful and hard…hope it gets easier."
"It should, we just gotta get used to these new bodies. Now where do you wanna go? There's a couple of clothes stores along this street."
As he said this, they passed by a group of guys, around their age, who, as soon as they'd gone by, started laughing. Raphael fought the urge to turn around and kick their asses, mostly because he was just too tired. Michelangelo pouted, but otherwise ignored the situation.
"I dunno," he said with a shrug, looking from store to store. "There's a Gap…" he suggested.
"Gap it is, then," Raphael said, not really caring at this point.
They turned down the alley closest to the Gap, going around to the back of the store. Their plan, as it usually was, was to climb up to the roof, and enter from there. Normally, this was no problem for them, since they were trained as ninjas, but now…
"Oh, good, they've got one of those ladder thingies!" Michelangelo said, relief clear in his words. No way was he able to do any fancy jumping and flipping right now.
They found out that it was a lot easier getting through the ventilation shaft in their thinner human forms, although getting out proved painful. Both boys ended up on their butts when they'd each attempted to drop down onto their feet.
"When we get home, I'm not moving for a month!" Michelangelo groused.
"Hear, hear," Raphael concurred. "Come on, let's get what we need and get out."
"This is so exciting!" Michelangelo said, getting up and walking over to the nearest clothing rack, which was full of Men's sweaters. "I have no idea what to get, though! So much to choose from…"
"Well, you heard Leo, 'jeans and tee shirts'," Raphael said, rolling his eyes. He walked over to a display of jeans and started looking through them.
"Hey, do skirts count as dresses?" Michelangelo asked, having found a rack of said garment.
Raphael laughed. "Yeah, I think they'd count."
"Pity, Donnie would look ever so cute in this one," Michelangelo said, holding up a light blue, knee-length skirt.
Raphael laughed again and shook his head. "Come on, be serious. Help me pick out jeans. Geez, how many different types are there?"
"Oh, oh! I want skinny jeans! It's what all the skateboarders are wearing this season." Michelangelo practically bounced over to find a pair.
"Oh, yeah? Been watching fashion shows again?" Raphael mocked.
Michelangelo rolled his eyes. "Of course not, I've been watching shows where people skateboard."
"Right, whatever. I don't tend to pay attention to what the boys are wearing, so you'll forgive me."
"Well, for you, I'd suggest either skinny jeans, or boot cut jeans. Here, like these!" Michelangelo held up a pair of the boot cut jeans for Raphael to see.
"Yeah, I guess those are cool," he said, and then proceeded to try them on, right then and there. "A little loose."
"So get a smaller size." Michelangelo had finally tracked down the skinny jeans, and was going through them. "Do I want to get dark blue, faded blue, or gray?"
"How the hell should I know?" Raphael responded, finding a size smaller and trying them on.
"Just thought you might have an opinion," Michelangelo muttered, choosing a pair that was faded blue and slipping into them.
"Man, this feels weird," Raphael said, walking around a bit in his chosen jeans, now in the proper size. He'd taken off his trench coat, and was headed towards the area dedicated to Men's tees.
"It does…interesting weird, though, not bad weird," Michelangelo agreed. "What do you think? Do these look cool on me?"
Raphael turned back to look at his little brother. "You'd look cooler without the robe, but yeah. Just like a real skateboarder."
"Thanks!" Michelangelo removed the robe and walked over to join Raph in the tees section.
Raphael, meanwhile, had found just a plain black, long-sleeved tee, and was pulling it on. "There, I'm done."
"Really? You've barely looked at anything!"
"Yeah, well, I'm tired. I don't really feel like looking at every single shirt in the place."
"All right, that's fine. You look cool in that, anyway."
"Thanks. I'm gonna go start looking at shoes; come find me when you've got a shirt, and we'll pick something out of Donnie and Leo."
"Okay."
It was nearly another twenty minutes before Michelangelo joined his brother over in the shoe section. He had chosen a white tee that had a crazy design that looked like it'd been done in crayon. He was also carrying another shirt, which he held up for Raph to see.
"For Donnie!" he said by way of explanation.
The shirt had wide horizontal stripes in alternating purple and silver, with short sleeves and a v-neck. It was also, quite plainly, a Women's shirt.
Raphael smirked. "He's going to kill you, you know."
"Yeah, but, come on! It's totally him, right?" Michelangelo beamed.
"Well, it'll look good with his hair, at least," Raphael said with a chuckle.
"Exactly! Have you found shoes?"
"I found some cool boots, but they're really expensive. It seems the only shoes we can afford here are those flip-flops over there," Raph pointed to a stand that had numerous pairs of flip-flops hanging from it.
"Well, they're cool enough. I mean, I was hoping for some Converse or Vans or something, but…well, it's not like we're gonna be able to wear them when we turn back anyway…"
"True."
So they went over to the stand and picked out a pair each for themselves and their two brothers. Raphael picked an all black pair for himself, while Michelangelo picked a pair that was bright green. For Leo, they found a brown pair ("Matches his hair," Raph reasoned), and for Donatello, a purple pair ("To match his shirt," Michelangelo said, and they both chuckled some more).
They went back to the pants section after that, and decided that Leonardo seemed like a khaki kind of guy. But, just as they were debating over size, they saw something that no one breaking and entering ever wanted to see.
Blue and red flashing lights.
"Fuck, it's the cops!" Raphael stated, ducking quickly behind the nearest rack.
"What are we gonna do?" Michelangelo asked, following suit and looking scared.
"Just stay calm - maybe they're here for the store across the street, or something," Raphael reasoned, though he sounded nervous.
They stayed where they were, holding their breath, staring out at the two police cars that had shown up, waiting for something to happen. Praying the cops weren't there for them.
Luck, it appeared, was not on their side, as three policemen got out of their vehicles and started walking towards the Gap. They watched in horror as each of them pulled out a gun, and one cop circled around to the back of the store, cutting off that exit. Their only hope now, they knew, was to get back into the ventilation shaft.
"We can't make it without being seen," Michelangelo whispered frantically. "We're gonna get caught and thrown in jail!"
"Even if they see us, they still have to catch us…" Raphael whispered back.
"Oh, come on! We can barely climb a ladder, we are not gonna be able to outrun the cops! Plus, in case you've failed to notice, they have guns!"
"Yeah, I noticed…Fuck!"
"What if we gave ourselves in? I mean…we're not really doing anything too illegal, right? Cos we're gonna pay. Paying for stuff's not illegal!"
"Freeze!" said a booming voice from behind them.
The two former-turtles turned to see the cop that'd gone around back pointing his gun at them. In their arguing, they'd failed to hear him enter the building. Raphael cursed again, and Michelangelo put his hands up, dropping the flip-flops and shirt he'd been holding.
"Don't shoot me, I'm innocent!" Michelangelo cried.
Raphael couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Shut up, Mikey," he whispered to his frightened little brother.
"A couple of punks, huh?" said the cop, glaring down at them.
"Look, officer," Raph began, trying his best not to sound indignant, "we're not stealing, we've got money."
"Oh yeah, I'm really gonna believe that," the cop answered sarcastically. He then took one hand off the gun, and pressed the button on his radio. "Two male suspects, as sighted; unknown if armed," he said into it.
"We're not armed, we promise!" Michelangelo said, whimpering a little.
The two cops who'd been watching the front door now entered through it. Raphael could see the store's manager outside, looking extremely nervous.
"So what've we got here, Teddy?" one of the front-door cops said.
"Couple of punks," said Teddy, the first cop.
Raphael sighed - how cliché these officers seemed. "I hate to interrupt your assessment of us, but really, we're just trying to buy some clothes."
"Oh yeah?" said the third cop. "Then why break in? They have store hours for a reason, punk!"
"I'm sorry! We were just desperate! All we had was a robe and coat, see, over there!" Michelangelo said, now practically crying, pointing over to where they'd dropped their old garments.
"And," Raphael added, giving Michelangelo a look, "you'll find the money I mentioned earlier in the pocket of the coat."
"You mean the money you stole from the register?" said cop number two.
"No, the money I brought from home. We're not thieves," Raphael explained. It was getting harder to stay calm. He would give anything to just knock these three jerks unconscious and run for it.
Cop number three had gone over to collect the robe and coat, and checked the pockets of the latter. "He's right, looks like there's about a hundred dollars here."
"That we earned," Raphael intoned.
"Steve, go check the registers, willya? The safe, too, and get the manager in here to count the money," Teddy told cop number three.
Raphael sighed in frustration and sat down, cross-legged, to wait, causing cop number two to wave his gun threateningly at him. Raphael just rolled his eyes and put his hands in the air sarcastically. Michelangelo whimpered again, moved a bit behind Raphael, and sat down as well.
It took the manager over an hour to count the money in each of the three registers and the safe.
"All the money is there," he said when he'd finally finished. "They've not stolen any of it."
"Told you," Raphael muttered.
"Shut up," Teddy sneered. "Just because you didn't steal it from here, doesn't mean it's not stolen.
"If you're going to arrest us, could you just get it fucking over with? I've had a long day," Raphael sneered back.
"Um, since they haven't actually stolen anything yet, I don't think you need to arrest them," said the manager meekly.
"We've still got them on breaking and entering, and suspicion of theft," Steve said.
"Yeah, we'll be taking them down to the station," Teddy said. "On your feet, you two!"
Michelangelo leapt to his feet immediately, but Raphael took his time.
"Hey," Raph said to the manager, "how much for what we've got on? Two jeans, two shirts, two flip-flops?"
"Oh, um…I…I'm not sure…" the manager babbled.
"Will fifty cover it?"
"Oh, no you don't! Get those clothes off, right now!" Teddy ordered.
Raphael quirked an eyebrow at Teddy and smirked evilly. "Like watching boys strip, do you?" he said, running a hand up his stomach, pulling up the fabric of the shirt to reveal the skin there.
Teddy growled, looking like he wanted to punch Raphael very hard. Multiple times. With his gun.
"Raph! Stop pissing them off!" Michelangelo said, punching Raphael in the arm himself.
"Fine, fine," Raph said, pulling the shirt off and tossing it on the ground, then doing the same with the jeans. He smirked victoriously as the three cops glanced away embarrassedly, none of them expecting him to be going commando.
Michelangelo pulled off his own clothes more slowly, doing his best to stay behind Raphael so the cops couldn't see him. Never before had he had to go through anything as embarrassing as this.
"Wanna toss me my coat, there, buddy?" Raphael said to Steve. Steve glared, but did as he was asked, also tossing over the robe.
Once the two were redressed, Teddy and cop three came over and handcuffed them, then lead them out of the shop to the police cruisers. Michelangelo noticed, mortified, that a crowd of people had gathered across the street and were watching interestedly as the cops shoved him and his brother into the back of one of the vehicles.
"Leo is gonna be so pissed…" he muttered as Steve slammed the door shut in his face.
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Author's Note: Ta da! Chapter four, all nice and pretty. Whatcha think? Sorry if the bit with the cops doesn't seem very cop-like. I've only dealt with cops once and I wasn't arrested when it happened. I do watch Law & Order: SVU sometimes, though, and lots of CSI. Anyway, I hope it's okay. And I hope that the turtles seem more or less in character.
Also, I forgot last time to apologize for the long wait between chapters two and three. I got distracted by lots of other fandoms and such, starting with PotC, and going through The Mighty Boosh, Power Rangers, Harry Potter, The Big Fat Quiz of the Year…and many others. Plus, I've been studying medical coding, which takes up some time. Trust me when I say I'd much rather be writing.
Wow, I just noticed how long this chapter is! Too long, do you think? Let me know about that, and all your other thoughts in a review, please! And thanks once more for reading! All those who've reviewed and added the story (or me) to their alerts…you're awesome! I love you all so much!
P.S. - Do you think the huge-ass warning at the beginning of the first two chapters might be scaring people away? Should I perhaps move it down to the end of chapter one and leave it at that? Your opinions counts!