Chapter 19, The Wedding

Maybe Church was just tired because he'd gotten up at six AM and he hated getting up early, or maybe he was just tired because he'd been trying too hard to win the golf game he was at the end of right now with his "pals". He'd been missing every single fucking green and landing in water or trees or the outskirts----basically anywhere but the green. It was really pissing him off, was it the wind? No, that couldn't be, everyone else's aim was just fine. Maybe it was his clubs?

"Fucking golf clubs." Tucker whined for like the thousandth time today, sitting in a golf cart with Caboose who was trying to figure out how they made the golf balls and how to take them apart. To be quite honest, Caboose probably could have just squeezed it enough to bust it, but Tucker would have been even more pissed if he'd done that instead of just asking repeatedly.

"Church, just take the damn shot." He growled at Tucker, shifting his weight and getting into position for the six hundredth time. It'd been a full twenty minutes, Simmons had been counting.

"Fine, jsh." He swung back and swung forward, making sure to keep just in position. But let's face it, not only is Church's aim awful, but he's also clumsy. The ball flew at good speed and was going pretty high, would've been a good shot if his aim hadn't been at a tree by mistake. Everyone's eyes followed it as the ball hit the tree stomp and ricocheted back to hit Church in the face, which he ducked in time for, but then it, went to hit Wash who was still in his cart. Which it did, right the shoulder.

"Ouch! Fuck!"

"Nice shot…for a blue!" Sarge got out of his cart, singlehandedly deciding it was his turn next. Wash---being the angry person he is----picked up Church ball and chucked it back at him with his uninjured arm. Though the ball wasn't hardly even hard enough to reach six feet, it hit Church in the back of the head, so he cursed few times and told Wash he was an ungrateful son of a bitch---he actually used more curses, which may or may not have involved using God's name in vain.

"Church, am I winning?" Caboose asked after his rant was over and Tucker was taking his shot as Church sat in Caboose's cart, legs propped on the tiny dashboard.

"I don't know."

"Who do you think would know?" Church got a devious idea.

"Tucker." And so, as the man was about to hit the ball, Caboose shouted at him.

"Tucker! Who's winning?" Tucker's ball flew straight into a tree and Tucker cursed.

"Caboose, I don't know!" There was silence for awhile.

"Why is there a minus three on Washingtub's? There's no such thing as minus numbers."

"It's minus he's doing well! The person with the highest minus number is the winner." Church growled and turned away. God was he going to lose his mind.

"Ooh, so that means that I am winning."

"What?" Church sat straight and yanked the card from Caboose's hand. "oh fucking shit, I'm losing too-"

"You are in last place, you have plus numbers."

"Yeah, thanks, I know," he said sarcastically and then tossed the card back to Caboose and turned away.

"You are welcome. Tex told me I was supposed to make you happy today. Am I making you angry?"

"Oh she did, did she? Well its okay, I told Donut to make her happy too."

"Mister Cupcake is going to make Tex happy?" Church snickered.

"Very happy."

Speech

It was official, Tex knew for sure that they were taking shots at each other, there was no other explanation to why Donut had been like a damn squealing girl all day----not that he wasn't like that all the time and wouldn't have been---but she could just tell it was flamboyant for him, I mean, he didn't have to squeal every time she glanced his way or asked him for something. Maybe Church had even thought ahead of her, anticipating her movements and not only hiring one person to drive her insane, but two.

Mass had been like a crazy sister today and sure she was crazy all the time, but today she was six times worse. "I hate hanging out with the same sex as myself," Tex complained to her hairdresser who was intentionally a man for this purpose. He didn't respond, just curling some of her hair.

"Aww, I'm totally jealous," Mass gushed and Tex scowled, but decided to tease her.

"Yeah, it's wonderful, getting dressed up and a big frilly dress, getting your hair done up by a professional and looking your best for the one you love the most. Yeah, it's fantastic." There was a lot more sarcasm than she'd planned, but it was okay, Mass was pretty ditzy so she wouldn't catch it. Which she didn't.

"Aww, you're so mean." Oh, Tex wasn't done yet, this would be funny for after the ceremony.

"Oh, don't worry about it; I'm sure you'll get married soon. Who knows when your man could ask you? Maybe even soon." She winked at her to hint her at her lie. There had been no such mention to anyone and that was good, they didn't really know each other anyway, but Tex liked to see Wash suffer. Which either was he just trying to talk his way out of the situations Tex got him into with a twitching eye, or getting beet red and stuttering around.

"I don't know…"

"Oh, just trust me on this one." Mass got a little red and nodded silently. Strangely enough, Tex got the feeling that Mass didn't like that thought even though she'd been squealing about it just a minute before. "What, you don't want that?"

"I wanna get to know my Davidpoo more first!" She brightened up quickly and grinned like she was the happiest woman in the world. Tex began to laugh at the nickname again though as she always did. Damn, it was so funny. Funny enough that Tex could endure three more hours of this just to hear it again.

"You should give a speech-" Tex was cut off by her own hysterical laughter. "And thank your Davidpoo!" And that was enough, she couldn't think of even saying another word. And if it fucking worked, she'd die of laughter when Mass said it.

"But it's a speech for you and Church."

"So? You can say that you wanted to thank everyone that came to our wedding for us and especially your-" she couldn't say it, the name was just too funny.

"Oh my god! You're right! I bet he'd love it if I mentioned him!" Mass excitedly bounded out of the room to rewrite her speech as Tex cracked up again. Yeah, that was going to be the best speech she'd ever hear in her entire life. Even Caboose's couldn't compete, or whatever anybody else dished out. I mean, getting Mass to say DAVIDPOO on STAGE was just…it was a dream come true. Wash might even try and hide.

"Poor unsuspecting bastard!" Tex said cheerfully.

Preparations

"Best friend? Best friend?" Caboose had been repeating his "best friend's" name for at least twenty minutes now through the bathroom door as the irritable man got dressed in his tux. It wasn't so hard, but he'd had himself convinced he knew how to put on a tie, when he didn't. It was looking pretty awful right now, like he'd just tied it like a shoelace----which he had.

"Leave him alone," Wash said as he put a hand on Caboose's shoulder. Tucker was laying on the bed in his tux, texting Sister----Church sore they weren't in contact only one percent of the time---and not even taking his eyes off it to see what was happening. "C'mon, I can help you with your tie, all right?"

"But I want Church to put it on."

"Your fatherly instincts aren't enough to draw Caboose away, Dude, just stop it." Wash glared at Tucker, not because he was ordering him around, but because of why he was saying he wanted to help Caboose.

"I don't have fatherly instincts."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, it helped me in the future and I'm sure it'll help you too."

"I never-" Before he could finish, Caboose handed him his tie.

"Please do not get mad Mister Washington; I do not want you to get mad." Wash let out a deep sigh of frustration and began to fix Caboose's tie on him, which wasn't as easy as he'd first thought it would be. The man was at least four heads taller than him. He had to stand on the balls off his feet just to see clearly.

"Ha ha, Dude you're so short. Let me do that." Tucker got off the bed and tucked his phone in his pocket, but Wash gave him a warning glare. "Jsh, fine, I won't help you."

"I can handle this very well myself without your help." Tucker shrugged and sat down as Church came out, ready to admit defeat.

"Okay, I can't put my stupid ass bow on, anybody know how?" Tucker---being the asshole he was and knowing that this wasn't his fault---pointed at Wash.

"Jackass, but yeah, I know how. My dad made me do that a lot when I was younger." He finished Caboose and walked over to Church, glad that their heights were just a little off. About one inch or two inched probably.

"Hey, Tucker, you ready to be-"

"Am I your best man Church?' Caboose looked at him with his childlike blue eyes.

"Yeah sure, never mind Tucker."

"Asshole."

"Well at least I'm not a pervert." Tucker shut up after that, deciding he didn't want to discuss this at all with anybody, especially Church on the day of his wedding.

"Hey I need advice." Everyone's eyes locked on Wash in surprise. He needed advice from a bunch of retards? What was up with that?

"Is it chick advice?" Tucker asked instantly, trying to determine if he should even bother listening. I mean, if it was anything else, why would Tucker waste his precious hearing?

"Kinda…"

"Then you're in luck, the love doctor is here to give advice! First things first, tell her come to me." Wash backed away from Church.

"I'll get right on that. Now, Megan's been bothering me about not having a pet name for her, so I've been trying to think of something suffice."

"Don't, make her give you a better pet-name," tucker told him, lying down and texting again.

"Oh wait, don't tell me you actually like Davidpoo." Church's voice was almost sarcastic.

"I never said I liked it, I just don't think I can get her to change it."

"You can, she listens to everything you say," Church started walking for the door. "We gotta get going, we can discuss this on the way there." So they followed after him, tucker nearly tripping as he tried to text and walk. "Well, she has a very embarrassing one for you, and if it was anyone but her, I'd say it's because she wanted to make you look like an idiot, but she probably thinks it's truly cute, so, first let's try and play her game. She probably thinks like Caboose except girly, so like Donut, but Caboose is the closest thing we got, Caboose?"

"What about Meganpoo or Megie?"

"Told you."

"B-but, I never wanted to come up with something to embarrass her." Church laughed and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're so inexperienced. You gotta learn to be an asshole to her and not care; it's the only way you'll ever get anywhere. Like with me and Tex! I paid Donut fifty bucks to "make this the happiest day of her life". Ha ha, you gotta laugh at stuff like that, no matter how upset your lover gets."

"But I don't think I want her to be upset. And for the record, Megan doesn't usually get angry, she gets sad." Tucker laughed.

"Dude, you want her upset. Crying especially,' Tucker said absentmindedly.

"Yeah," Church agreed. "If you make things too easy for her, she'll lose interest." Wash paused.

"That makes sense. But I still don't want her to cry."

"Let's just go for the big boy, call her Meggiepoo."

"Um…okay."

Ceremony

"What do you think that they're doing right now?" Mass asked Tex curiously as she sat with her in a room with two chairs and a full body mirror.

"Probably F-ing around like retards." She giggled in response, seeming giddy.

"I don't know, maybe my Davidpoo is keeping them in line." Tex laughed again.

"You're so my best friend." Tex hadn't really realized what she'd been saying when she said that. Bad idea. Mass squealed.

"Ooh yay!"She then hugged Tex who protested with curses and pushing.

"Don't do that, no hugs. And for the record, Wash is a complete freak, I bet he's helping them." Mass looked a little disappointed as she pouted in the chair she was in. After awhile of silence, Tex got bored. "So how'd you guys meet anyway?" Mass got happy again. It was like, her favorite story OF ALL TIME.

"We were partners to catch the Director and Maine and we were looking through the Director's phone list and I found one---I think he was proud of me---that had something. We listened and then I danced and he danced and then we sat down," She took a deep breath as if it was the only way she could continue. Tex hadn't heard someone talk this fast before. "then he kissed me, I was so happy, but I didn't tell him, but he apologized and I asked him why he did it and he said he just needed to, so I asked him if I could do something I needed to too and he said yes. So I made out with him."

"I heard you-"

"Yep, that's right! I slept with him!" Tex's eyes grew wide, but before she could ask the obvious questions, the door opened and her "Davidpoo" stepped in.

"Hey ladies." He waved in the space between them.

"Davidpoo!" She jumped up and hugged him. He paused before addressing her with a wary tone.

"Meggiepoo." She looked up to him with the most sincere expression he'd ever seen.

"Oh Davidpoo!" He smiled just a little.

"Come with me, we have seats together."

"Yay!"

"Good luck, Tex." He waved to her before leading Mass away as the woman held onto his arm. They sure were a strange couple. Even Tex had to admit that, as strange as her and Church were, neither of them was like them. Mass was obsessive and possessive, Wash was serious and usually blank. Opposites to say the least.

Tex got to her feet and started out the room to the doors just outside the entrance to the church---no pun intended. Her dress was a long but not puffy black dress, covered in feathers all from her waist down with a lace like pattern just below her bust before the feathers. A heart shaped top to it and a coin like design above the pattern in the center of her chest. Her hair was only slightly curled and no veil, just loosely on her shoulders. "Let's get started." The wedding march began to ring through the air and the French-doors were pulled open, creaking slightly.

The inside was decorated in blacks and silvers all around: the runway, flowers and the fabric on the side of the booths she walked by, but she only saw one thing in that entire crowd of people and beautifully decorated room.

He stood, looking a little agitated, but as handsome as she could ever remember. His hair was styled wildly, eyes just as bored and brown as chocolate and his stubble just as rough-----if not rougher than before. Caboose stood next to him, and then Tucker and that looked like that was it. On Tex's side there was Sister and no one else. The only reason Sister was up there was because Tex couldn't think of anybody else at the time.

Her green eyes stayed intent on Church as she gracefully strolled down, smiling for the first time in a very long time. Even Church was smiling. Though with all those eyes on her, she was a little self-conscious, though that disappeared as soon as he took her hand and helped her up the stairs---even though she didn't need it.

She hardly looked away from him once they were in position and he seemed too mesmerized to even think of looking at anything else, which he was.

They said their vows absentmindedly and placed the rings on each other without noticing. Even after they kissed for the first time as Mr. and Mrs. they felt dazed, but in a good way.

"I give you Mr. and Mrs. Church!" The priest announced and they started down the aisle as everyone but Doc----being an extreme pacifist----tossed flower pedals at them, it landing in their hair and on their clothing. They ran straight to their awaiting transportation that they got in and their driver drove them off. Church stuck his head out the window.

"Suckers! Get your own ride!" a wave of laughter roared over the guests before he could even sit back the way he had been before. Tex was laughing a little as he did so. It was silent for a moment with only a faint purring from the engine. Neither of them were sure what to say right now. "Allison…I love you so much. You look beautiful." She smiled and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Don't ever repeat this. I love you too, Leonard, and you look handsome."

"Sweet." It was Church, what could he possible respond with? He draped his arm over her. The moment was so tender and personally, neither of them thought they'd ever tell anyone about it or ever want to move. He whispered in her ear what she was thinking. "How can I make you happier than you are now? And how can I make this last forever?" Neither of them had an answer. They were too happy right now to think of it possibly getting any better and neither of them could ever imagine things changing. Things were exactly how they should be once and for all.

Rigged

Reception was taking place outside on their acres, large tents scattered around the property lit by fluorescent lights and housing the cake, dance floor or buffet. Music blared around the acres, love songs or just cheerful songs like from She & Him.

Tex and Church were seated at the head table, neither of them making contact with the others, preferring to just whisper to each other or sit in silence and listen to the other conversations around them.

It wasn't hot; it was more of a warm day for Texas. What were the chances they'd get a nice day like this? Pretty slim, but they didn't really notice anyway.

Tucker and sister were sitting together by the corner, looked like they were being suggestive to each other by their intense expressions. Caboose and his girlfriend who they couldn't believe was real, were talking as close to the head table as possible, Caboose doing most iof the so called "talking". There was a similar situation with Wash and Mass who were sitting farther away. Unlike with Caboose and his girlfriend, they couldn't make it out, but Mass seemed really excited about something. Then again, when wasn't she excited?

They'd already finished cake and food, so it was time to do the bouquet and garter. Tex had an evil grin so menacing even Omega would've been terrified. Church was grinning, just not in a scary way, of course he had trouble seeming scary, so that could be the reason. "You ready?" she asked, seeming impatient, by the tone of her voice, it probably didn't matter how he answered.

"I guess if you are." She snickered, getting to her feet and snatching her bouquet of black roses she'd had made just for the occasion. Church sighed but stood, ready to get amused. Mass would get excited, this he knew and so did Tex. Even if it was just because Mass believed that wash was "The One". That sounded like bullshit to Church, and Tex too, but then again, Mass wasn't anything like either of them.

Tex shouted what she was doing and the few single women there gathered. Mass, Caboose's girlfriend, sister and doc's sister who'd come with him. She was exactly like him, even sported identical glasses and tried to make everyone "correct".

Tex took a good look at them, memorizing Mass's exact location and turned around. Church watched in amusement as Tex tossed it and it flew right at Mass. Right on target. As planned, Mass caught it and was grinning like a mad woman. Tex turned to watch the show. The other women walked away but Mass bounded right over to Wash, almost skipping and squealing. Church made out Wash mouthing the words "oh shit".

Oh this couldn't have gone any better, they were sure of that. She looked like she was going to rape him or something out of excitement.

"OMG! I caught it Davidpoo! What do you think this means?!" His eyes grew wide, getting what she was saying and understanding that it had been rigged. Those bastards, how could they do that to him?

"It means…I love you…?" She squealed and jumped onto his lap, huggling him as soon as she was comfortable enough. He let out an annoyed sigh but rubbed up and down her back. Oblivious to his irritation, she kept her eyes closed and continued. They were going to be in huge trouble when he got the chance to talk to them without Mass around.

As she continued, Tex and Church began with the garter. Church fished it out with his teeth of course, Tex rolling her eyes and laughing at him.

When Church was about to call them, Wash pushed her off and went to get a glass of wine, not wanting to even attempt catching it. He took his place at the back of large group, his head hardly visible behind Tucker and Doc, who was telling them not to be violent. Unlikely him, there was no escaping Church. He knew exactly how to get it to him, and Church wasn't a total retard, he knew Wash already knew Tex had intentionally thrown the bouquet at Mass.

Church turned around, smirking , lifted his arm as if to throw it, but abruptly turned around and threw it right at Wash. It made a sharp sound as it moved through the air, and before Wash could tell what was happening, it was looped over his glass of wine and slid down onto his wrist. Too perfect, it had gone exactly as planned, though Tucker did wonder how Church could aim so well all the sudden…maybe it was just a lucky shot.

"Damn it!" Wash cursed loudly, pulling it off his wrist and gulping down the rest of his wine quickly. This couldn't have gone any worse, he was sure of. Mass would be convinced now…

But that was their plan. Fuck them.

"Davidpoo!" She bounded over, jumping into his arms as everyone laughed, having figured out what their plans were as well. "That's so funny!" everyone but Mass had figured it out. Of course.

"Yeah, I guess so." He glared at Tex and Church as Mass grinned widely and Eskimo kissed his cheek. Of course things had gone like this.

"Well, that was lame."

"Shut up, Maine! You're just mad because I didn't write you escaped or something!"

"No, I'm mad that you ended it like that."

"Ah, well screw you. And for the record, I have more written…but it's turning into too much to add to this chapter. Actually it's developing into a sequel by mistake."

"You idiot."

"Yeah…anyway, people, doo you think I should end it now or post what I'm writing now?"

"Am I in it?"

"I'm not telling you!"

"Sweet, I am!"

"Stop that, I never said so!"

"Yeah, you did."

"Oh forget you. Please tell me in a review!"