Hi everyone!

I just wanted to thank you all so much for reading and reviewing this story, cause I don't think I've thanked you yet…so thanks! I never guessed this would turn out to be so epic, and yet…

TigressSami, since you seem to be the most prominent reviewer at this point, I'll reply to your comments… thank you for your suggestions! I actually think I meant to use hydrochloric acid, I just spelled it wrong. Oops :p. And I'm not sure if this matches with anything I said in the first chapter, soccer, (I wrote it ages ago, I can't really remember the exact details) but I think I decided to forgo the Rachel/Harvey story, so that the Joker and Harvey could be 'friends'. And the Joker and Harley have always had an odd love/hate relationship, I didn't make that up. Harvey/Ivy and Harley/Riddler I am completely guilty for though :D. Thanks for all of your suggestions! Thanks for reading anyway through all of the blemishes.

And don't be alarmed by 'Doctor Fabulous' on the reviews, I know him, and as his name suggests, he is quite fabulous.

So with that, here is a further installment of the Arkham Chronicles. I do not own DC or any of its characters. I never have.

We open on a regular scene in Arkham Asylum…

"I…HATE…PANCAKES!!!"

"Now, sir…" the nurse at the food station stammered, cowering a little at the huge man who seethed before her. "All we have for breakfast today is panca…"

"I DON'T CARE!" he roared, slamming his fist down on his tray, catapulting his milk across the cafeteria. "I HATE THEM!"

The Joker sighed and tugged on the arm of his irate friend.

"Come on Harvey, it's only breakfast."

"BREAKFAST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY!"

"Okay, you have to quit the all-caps deal. It's getting on my nerves."

"Sorry. But I hate pancakes!"

"I think we've got that." The Joker said, steering him out of the line. "But you're holding up the line here. Just sit down and do whatever hocus-pocus they do to calm you down in anger management, hmm? I have to go talk to Harley."

"I tried talking to Ivy yesterday." Harvey muttered.

"And?"

"She yelled at me with all of these 'smart' words and ran off. I don't know, I think it's pretty much…"

"I don't have time for your moaning." The Joker snapped, sitting Harvey down at a table. "I'm going to get pancakes."

"I HATE…"

"Riddle me this, Harvey." The Riddler said, rubbing his ears as he passed by. "I have a headache."

"That's not a riddle."

"Why is it that you always expect riddles from me?" he sighed.

"Because it's what you do, you twat."

"Well sure," he shrugged. "But they can't all be riddles, can they? I also enjoy jokes, puns, word problems, puzzles, conundrums, brainteasers…"

"Well, you aren't The Brainteaser, you're The Riddler. So stop with the complaints pronto." Harvey grumbled.

"Well isn't this a riddle!" he exclaimed, sitting next to him. "Harvey Dent, asking that I tell more riddles!"

"I never said…"

"I'll start thinking up more right away!" he exclaimed gleefully. "Oh, with numbers, and colors, and…"

He didn't have time to finish, due to the large fist that collided painfully with his face.

"Riddle me THIS, ASSHOLE!" Harvey yelled, both fists cocked. "I HATE YOUR DAMN RIDDLES!"

"Now Mr. Dent…" a nurse warned, slowly approaching him. He swung a fist at her and she ducked, but just barely.

"Harvey!" Ivy screeched, running up to him. "How could you hit poor Eddie like that?"

"Where have you BEEN?" he yelled. "I ALWAYS punch him! On an average of about four times a day!"

"You're a bully." She frowned, leaning over the Riddler.

"EDDIE!" Harley screamed, bolting into the cafeteria. The Joker was running after her. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY EDDIE?"

"WHY IS EVERYONE SO SURPRISED?"

"The pain…" the Riddler gasped melodramatically. "Oh…how it hurts…!"

"Oh, Eddie." Harley sniffed, kneeling over him. "You're such a bully!" she yelled, pointing at Harvey.

"Yeah, so I hear." He said irritably. "Well guess what. I PUNCH HIM FOUR TIMES A DAY!"

People were starting to gather as Harvey yelled.

"AND HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE…"

"Harvey, we've talked about the yelling." The Joker said, approaching him.

"I DON'T CARE!" he yelled, smacking him. The Joker growled,

"That is IT!" he screamed. "I have TRIED and TRIED to be patient with you, but I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

And he launched at him, clawing viciously at Harvey's face.

"Yeah, you get him Joker!" Harley called, still bent over the Riddler.

"That's MISTAH J, TO YOU!" he screeched, bringing his hand to her face, slapping her hard, sending her flying over the floor.

She didn't scream. She didn't cry. She just looked up at him, her eyes cold.

"Yeah. Just like the good old times, puddin'." She said bitterly, her hand on her face where the Joker hit her.

"That's it!" a nurse said shortly, walking briskly into the middle of the huddle. "Anger management. All of you. Now!"

Tapping them all firmly on the back, she ushered them out of the cafeteria and down the hallway, into a small room with a circle of chairs.

"Sit." She commanded, pointing to the chairs. "This is getting way out of hand."

"Is that a pun?" the Riddler asked hopefully. She shook her head at him, and his head fell.

"Now, I know you guys have always had your issues with each other…"

Harvey snorted.

"But this has gone too far." She continued, glaring at him. "So I want all of you to briefly state your opinion on the group as a whole. We'll start with you, Mr. Crane."

"Very well." He said stiffly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I think you're all a bunch of dimwitted dolts (save for you, my dear) who have nothing better to do than whale on each other all day."

"Excellent. It's good to get those feelings out there." The nurse said, nodding. "Mr. Nigma?"

"Nobody likes my riddles!" he wailed. "Do you know what I do every night? I stay up until THREE AM EVERY NIGHT writing riddles for you people, and NO ONE appreciates them. No one. So here's a riddle for you. Screw you! SCREW ALL OF YOU!"

"Very…good." The nurse said. "Sit down, if you please."

He then seemed to realize he was standing on his chair, panting. Embarrassed, he grinned sheepishly and sat back down.

"Miss Quinn? Would you like to go next?"

"Sure. I think you're all lovely. Except you, ya big lousy clown. You ain't even funny."

"Now that's uncalled for." He scowled, crossing his arms.

"Can I go next?" Ivy asked, raising her hand. "I would just like to say how proud I am of Harley, who against all the odds, finally realized that the Joker is an ass. It only took her six years."

"Nine."

"Whatever."

"Yeah? Well I think people deserve a second chance." Harvey said, turning his attention to Ivy.

"Give it up." She said stiffly. "Harley may be an idiot, but I'm not."

"Hey!"

"Sorry Harl, it's the truth."

"…I know."

"Mr. Dent, a few minutes ago, you said people deserve second chances." The nurse said, crossing her legs. "Could you extrapolate more?"

"Could I trample your pole?"

"She means explain more, you simple minded fool." Crane muttered, rolling his eyes. "Can I go please? I have no problems with managing my anger, thank you very much."

"Please, Mr. Dent, continue." The nurse said, ignoring Crane. "Do you think you deserve a second chance? Not just with Pamela, but in society? Do murderers really deserve second chances? Robbers? Sadists and killers?"

"Well…yeah." He shrugged.

"You aren't supposed to say that." The nurse frowned, looking down at her clipboard. "You're sure?"

"Yeah. I think they should let me out of here right now. Of course, I'd be on my thirtieth try, but…yeah."

"Mr. Dent, you really think that murderers should be let back into society?"

"Um, DUH!" he exclaimed, shaking his head. "That's like saying, hey Harvey, you wanna leave? Um, no actually, I'm a danger to society. Sorry. I'll just stay in this CRAP HOLE you call an ASYLUM!"

"Mr. Dent…"

"And I'd like to discuss the brief matter of PANCAKES…" he yelled, standing up so fast, his chair knocked over.

"Mr. Dent…" the nurse said warningly.

"NO! NO! I'M SICK OF THIS CRAP! I'M SICK OF…"

And in a surprising turn of events, it was Harvey Dent who was deemed unstable and wheeled off to shock therapy.

"You haven't asked me what I think about these sad sacks." The Joker said, grinning, tipping back in his chair. "Do you know what I think?"

"What do you think, Mr. Joker?"

"I think they're all quite a delight." He said, smiling. "Every single one of them.

"Do you…do you really mean that?" the Riddler asked, sitting up straight in his chair.

"Oh, absolutely, Eddie! I love the look on your face when you get punched! Delightful! And you, Crane. The way you get picked on because you're literally no physical threat whatsoever…charming! And don't get me started on Ivy. Why, her cold malevolence towards me is simply endearing. And my dear, dear Harley…"

"You mentioned that Jonathon Crane poses no physical threat." The nurse frowned, looking at him intently. "While just a few weeks ago, he proved a great threat when angered. What do you think about that?"

"What? I don't remember that." He said, frowning.

"You were in a post shock haze." Crane reminded him sadly. "You never saw me in my brightest hour.

"Hmm. Real shame." The Joker sighed, rolling his eyes. "Are we done here? Usually we get roped into some sort of sport or something like that and it ends in a whole big mess. Are we getting to that, or…"

"I'm sure you'll all lose your temper one at a time sooner or later," the nurse sighed. "Now I want you to think for a moment about your happiest memory here…" she paused while the Joker broke out into raucous laughter, "and then share it with us."

"I have one." The Riddler said, raising his hand. "When Harley left the Joker for me. She is the light in my life, the one bright…"

He was cut short by the Joker, who was grinding his teeth at him.

"Very good!" the nurse applauded.

"I try."

"Mine was when the Joker got shocked so hard he couldn't function." Ivy said, smirking. "And if things go the way I think they will, I'll be able to recreate my happiest memory here."

"Oh, Ivy." The Joker said, blushing. "You shouldn't have."

"Go crawl in a hole and die."

"Now, Ivy." The nurse said, looking at her sternly. "That isn't a way to talk to your fellow inmate. I want you to apologize to him."

"Hee hee, yes! Apologize, my dear Ivy! I want to hear you say you're sorry."

"Movin' on already." Harley sniffed, crossing her arms..

"Harley, I've told you a thousand times. I won't say it again. But right now, I'm trying to force an apology out of Ivy here. Say it, Pammy. Tell me you're sorry."

"I won't." she snapped, crossing her arms.

"Pamela," the nurse warned. "I want you to…"

But she didn't have time to finish, for the door opened and a highly sedated Harvey stumbled in, a grin on his face.

"They told me to…come back." He said, flopping over in a chair in quite the odd position. "Said I…woah Ivy, when did you get a twin sister?"

"Riddle me THIS!" The Riddler exclaimed, standing up. "What do you get when you cross…"

"We don't want to hear it." The Joker groaned. "This is painful enough as it is.

"No! I will find a riddle everyone likes! IT MUST BE DONE!"

"You're an idiot."

"I can work with that." He shrugged. "I just need to be an idiot that makes good riddles."

"That will never happen." Crane said stiffly, leaning back in his chair. "Do you know what my dearest memory is? When the lights hit me and I started to perform…and you, my dear, your shining face beaming…"

"She still hasn't apologized to me."

"You're an ass. How's that for an apology?"

"It actually doesn't sound like one at all." The Joker frowned. "Try- Dear Mr. Joker. I am ever so sorry I was mean to you. I said you were an ass and should die, but really I meant you are charming and handsome. Please accept my apology. Love, Ivy."

"I'd do what he says, Ivy." Harley advised. "He gets real mad real quick. Which, by the way, is one of the reasons I LEFT YOU!"

"IT'S NOT MY DAMN FAULT!" the Joker yelled. "I'm a SUPER VILLAIN! What the hell do you EXPECT?"

"I'm sensitive." The Riddler said smugly, putting his arm around Harley. "I would never hit her."

"I'm going to hit you if you don't shut your ugly face." The Joker scowled.

"Nicely put." Crane said dryly. Harvey responded by drooling a little bit.

"Do you wanna fight, Joker?" the Riddler asked, standing up. "DO YOU?"

"You want to fight ME?" the Joker asked, laughing. "Oh, this should be great. You suck!"

"I do not suck." The Riddler scowled, his shoulders tense. "Riddle me this, Joker. When two immovable objects meet…"

"You're almost right, Eddie." The Joker agreed. "I am an immovable object. You, on the other hand…"

"Don't hurt my Eddie!" Harley cried, yanking the Riddler back in his chair as the Joker swung at him, so that he barely missed his head.

"Please, can I GO?" Crane sighed. "We're getting nowhere with this."

"I would now ask you all to briefly discuss you greatest fear with the person sitting next to you." The nurse said. "Crane, you're welcome to go."

"Never mind, I'll stay."

"Sucker." The Riddler muttered. Meanwhile, Crane had sprung to his feet and raced over to an empty seat next to the Joker.

"Oh, would you look at that." He said, his eyes wide. "It appears I'm next to the Joker! Wow. What's your greatest fear?"

"I've told you A HUNDRED TIMES, I have no fear."

"Is that so?" Crane smirked. "Well. We'll see about that. Did you or did you not slap your so called 'beloved' across the face because she addressed you with the incorrect name?"

"Maybe."

"I see. Why do you think that was?"

"Because I hate seeing her with that twat." He scowled, glaring at the Riddler, who waved merrily. "Why?"

"No reason…" Crane said, pressing the tips of his fingers together. "How long have you been with Harley, exactly?"

"What's it to you?"

"Would you rather discuss your greatest fear?"

"About six years."

"I see…you've grown rather attached to her, haven't you?"

"I…I guess…" he shrugged. "She attached to me more than I attached to her though."

"I see. Now, this separation…is that hard?"

"She's gone off before. It honestly doesn't surprise me."

"You've done it." Crane said, his eyes glistening. "You've just given me the last piece of the puzzle!"

"Piece of what?"

"For years I've been trying to figure out what your greatest fear was…" he said, shaking with excitement. "Years! YEARS! And I've finally got it."

"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyes narrow slits.

"All of those odd questions I ask you…I document them. Write them down here!" he said, holding up a journal that was dog eared and worn. "You see? All of these little tid-bits add up to your greatest fear!"

"I have no fear." He growled.

"Oh, I think you do, my dear friend." Crane said, bursting at the seams with glee. "I rather think you do!"

"I wanna hear…" Harvey muttered, his head lolling.

"Yeah, and then can Harley tell us his real name?" Ivy asked, raising her hand. "You know for once, I like where this meeting is going."

"The Joker's true fear…is…drum roll? Anyone? No? Fine. LONELINESS! The Joker's greatest fear is loneliness!"

"WHAT?" he yelled. "That's ridiculous! You couldn't have given me a cool one like, snakes or…volcanoes or something?"

"No. You're afraid of loneliness." Crane said, starting to circle him. "It all adds up. For six years you stick with Harley…and why? Because you need her there. On July 6th of last year, you mentioned you had no family. Lonely. This past September the 19th, you said you had no real friends."

"Hey!" Harvey protested weakly.

"And you just told me that you and Harley have been together for six years." Crane said, rocking back and forth on his heels." Quite the length of time, considering you don't seem to like her very much…"

"You watch it, buddy." The Joker growled, standing up. He towered over Crane, but it didn't faze him.

"But that's not all!" he cried gleefully. "Now that Harley's left you, you have nothing left! No one! And in missing her, you have nothing left to do but take out all of your bottled up emotions and fears in the form of physical rage."

The Joker responded with a prime example of physical rage, and soon Crane was out cold on the floor.

"Is…is that true?" Harley asked carefully, looking up at the Joker.

"No."

"Mistah J…" she said warningly.

"Harley, not with all of these people here…" he muttered, noticing that everyone was looking at him intently. But she raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. "Fine." He snapped. "I miss you. Okay? Will you come back now?"

"No," she sighed, examining her fingernails. "You hit me."

"Harley…"

"No!" she cried. "You can't even give me a stinkin' apology! You know all you do is hurt me, when all I give you is LOVE?"

"Is THAT what you want?" the Joker cried, throwing his arms in the air. "LOVE? Well if you had just TOLD me…"

"I thought it was OBVIOUS!" she cried back. "YOU DON'T SMACK THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO BE WITH!"

"I've never HAD ANYONE WHO WANTED TO BE WITH ME!" he yelled at her. "SO DON'T BE SO SURPRISED WHEN I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT!"

"DO YOU LOVE ME OR NOT?"

"I FREAKIN' LOVE YOU!" he screamed.

The Joker and Harley, who were both standing up, panting heavily, looked at each other for a split second. Both Harley and the Joker could read the other in a split second. Slowly, the Joker made his way across the circle to Harley, put his hands on her small shoulders, and kissed her.

"Aw, COME ON!" the Riddler groaned, sliding down onto the ground. "WHY? THAT IS THE RIDDLE!"

"Mr. Nigma, sit back down. Joker, Miss Quinn, please return to your seats."

When Harley was returned back in her chair, her face was split into a huge smile.

"Idiot." Ivy muttered.

"Still waiting on that apology." The Joker grinned. She replied to him by giving him the finger.

But Harley still didn't know for sure. Sure, she had been with the Joker almost longer than she could remember, and yeah, he was one heck of a wild ride, but Eddie was sweet, and she thought his riddles were funny…

She didn't let it show on her face, but she still didn't know which one to pick.

Making a mental note to borrow Harvey's coin, she sat back in her chair and watched as the meeting progressed and as disaster unfolded, everything going by in a blur as she reflected on what had just happened.

Thanks for reading! Kind of a different chapter, I know. I had to get all of the drama out of the way though, so there can be double the comedy later, I promise. Reviews are appreciated! Thanks for sticking with me on this.

And I just realized that they never learned how to control their anger...but if they had, there wouldn't be much of a story left. Can you imagine?

"Well, I say, Joker, I think you cheated on this card game."

"What are you going to do about, Harvey?"

"Count backwards from ten to one and make good choices."

I'll try and update soon! 3