I still don't own Chuck. Not sure who does at this point. Maybe Subway.

Elise is obsessed with hooking Sparky and Heather up, isn't she? No, she is. She really, really is – isn't she?

I'll be sure to post warnings on chapters that have violent or sexual situations. I'm going to keep this T – but I might dance on the edge for a bit.

If you enjoyed this or any of the stories on this site, please take a second and send the author a review.

Seduction School

x-x-x-x-x

Elise looked as serious as Kate could ever remember seeing her as she addressed the room. They were in one of the large training rooms on the first floor. Since the building was yet to be guaranteed to be secure, there was a four man armed guard detail, courtesy of the good Colonel Blum, stationed outside the door. Everyone was there, except for Chuck and Sarah – and Janice, of course. Kate winced a little as she guessed what her parents were probably doing. But she could forgive them this once. It was, after all, the same thing that she wanted to be doing. Hopefully, whatever Elise had in mind here would be over quickly and she could drag Alex someplace private. Right now, a broom closet would probably work.

Elise paced back and forth in front of the group that was standing, more or less, in a line. "Thank you for coming," she said. "I bet you're all wondering why I asked you here this afternoon."

Kate nodded her head. She noticed Chuck Junior did too. But Alex and Joe didn't. That was odd.

"It's sort of ironic," Elise said. "This facility is where the CIA trained its agents how to get people of the opposite sex to do things for them that would help in their missions. It had a much different formal name. But we all called it Seduction School. Because for all intents and purposes, that is what it was – how to seduce someone. That is our mission today. To teach Sparky here all that he needs to know to have a chance with the lovely Heather tomorrow night."

"Elise," Chuck Junior groaned. "I really don't need this. I'm actually okay at getting women…" He trailed off as he noticed Elise standing in front of him – with an evil, evil eye.

"Really, Sparky," Elise said firmly. "When I want to hear the sound of your voice, I'll ask you a direct question. Is that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," Chuck Junior sighed.

"Excuse me," Elise said, much louder. "I didn't quite hear you."

"Yes, ma'am," Chuck Junior said, much more clearly.

"I've seen the girls that you date," Elise ranted. "Trust me – there is more into choosing a girl then her bra size. You said that you wanted a girl like me. Is that still true?"

Chuck Junior just nodded his head – then he remembered his place. "Yes, ma'am,' he said. Then he lowered his voice until only Alex could hear him. "At least, up until a couple of minutes ago."

"Well," Elise said. "If you want a girl like me, you'd better learn how to deal with them. Oh I have no doubt that you're successful at getting your big chest bimbos between the sheets. You're everything that they're looking for. You're handsome, confident… breathing. Girls like me… and Heather… and even Kate here have higher standards. We're looking for something different. Or do you want to go through life pining for something that you can't ever have?"

Kate glanced over at her brother. Suddenly she realized what Elise was saying. "Oh my God," she groaned. "That's just wrong. I know that you have always had a crush on her… but she's old enough to be your mother. She's married…" She quickly stopped speaking as soon as she noticed Elise's evil eye directed at her.

"I'm confused," Elise said as she moved directly in front of Kate – and put her face directly in Kate's. "Did I ask you a question?"

"No, ma'am," Kate quickly said. She knew that she was clearly in trouble. After all, the kids had seen the drill instructor routine before. It was always their mom or Aunt Janice. It was a first for Elise. But still, they knew the drill – shut up and listen.

"Then why on earth are you speaking?" Elise demanded. "Let's be very clear about something. Sparky has never once done anything approaching inappropriate. On the contrary, he has been very respectful of both me and my husband – and very incredibly sweet. Tell me Katie, were you sleeping when he just drove half way across the country to risk his life for you? Did you miss the fact that he held off thirty armed men all by himself? And has it escaped your attention that he did all of those amazingly brave things to save your life - for no other reason than because he loves you?"

"No, ma'am," Kate said. Her voice was barely about a whisper.

"Then I would think that you could find it in your heart to be a little more supportive," Elise growled. "We're here to help him – not to make fun of him. Understood?"

Kate just nodded – with a very red face.

"You're actually a perfect example of what I'm talking about," Elise said. "Paul represents what Sparky currently is. I'm sorry to hear about him being killed, by the way. He didn't deserve that. But you went out with him exclusively for four years. Tell me, Kate – at what point did you decide that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him?"

"I never did," Kate said. "You know that."

Elise just stared at her.

"Ma'am," Kate finished weakly.

"That's right," Elise said. "Now tell us, Katie, how long had you dated Alex here exclusively before you decided that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him?"

"Well," Kate said. "Technically, I guess we have never gone on a real date…"

"Exactly," Elise said. "We have to change Sparky. We have to change him from being like Paul – to being like Alex – this afternoon. We'll start with dancing." She turned on a slow song on her phone. "Kate, dance with your brother."

"Elise," Kate groaned. "Can't I contribute in some less painful way – like maybe giving up a kidney? Besides, Junior here is actually a very good dancer. He's a better dancer than I am." It was true. When she was a teenager, all of Kate's friends always had the normal distain for the little brother. But they all clearly always wanted to dance with him. He was just smooth.

"I know," Elise said. "That's exactly the problem. He's too good. Alex, dance with me for a minute."

Alex groaned – inwardly – but he did it. He was very awkward.

"See," Elise said. "He's horrible. That's exactly what we need. It's incredibly cute. Well, maybe we don't need Sparkly to be quite that awkward – but not smooth like he normally would be. No offence, Alex."

"None taken, ma'am," Alex said as he stepped back to his spot in line – with as much sarcasm as he thought that he could get away with."

Elise smiled – for the first time since they had been in the room. "See, Sparky," she said. "If a woman is looking for a man for casual sex, she'll pick a smooth talking alpha male type – like you are. But if you're looking to make her fall in love with you, it takes sincerity, humility, honesty - like Alex here. A girl wants to see that you can be vulnerable with her. Agent West here is a perfect case study. He is a graduate of this facility. He has probably studied techniques in this very room on how to separate women from their panties. When he was in game shape, he could walk into any bar in the country and get the hottest woman there to go home with him about a third of the time."

Joe just scowled. Game shape – what in the hell does that mean? "Actually, Lise," he said. "I was batting a little over four hundred."

Elise turned to Joe with a half smile. "Okay, Ted Williams," she said. "Then tell Sparky here how long it would have taken Agent West to score with Agent Walters."

Joe sighed. "Hell would have frozen over first," he admitted. "She's right about that, Sparky. When I was trying to be smooth, she shut me down… time after time… pretty brutally. When I gave up and started talking to her… well, things heated up."

"See, Sparky," Elise said. "We have to get you to unlearn everything that you think you know about women. Now, I'm not saying that Heather is the one. That's for you both to decide. I'm just saying that when you meet the one, you can't scare her away. Are you ready to begin? Kate?"

Kate groaned – but she moved to the center of the room to join her brother. And to her credit, she did hug him – in front of everybody. "Thank you for coming for us," she said. "That was incredibly brave. You know that I love you too."

Chuck Junior just nodded. Actually, he wished that Kate hadn't said that. It was always embarrassing when she showed affection. And slow dancing with her? He'd rather eat aluminum foil. But then again, if a little cheek to cheek made Kate this uncomfortable – it couldn't be all that bad, right? Maybe he could even milk her embarrassment a little. That might be a little fun. After all, her new fiancé was standing there watching. Maybe Alex would even help in his little game of sister baiting. Sure, he just asked her to marry him a couple of hours ago – but there were simply some things that guys did for each other. And it was abundantly clear that they were quickly on the path to becoming best friends.

It was like Elise was reading his mind. She turned away so that Kate wouldn't be able to see her smirk. "Really Katie," she said. "If you're this uptight about a little dancing – how are you ever going to help him practice the actual seduction part?" Elise looked at Kate's face – and fought to keep from laughing. It was a little on the evil side but she was enjoying baiting Katie – probably more than she should have. After all, she loved Katie as much as she loved anybody in the whole world – even if she was a tad annoyed with her right now. She really wasn't going to ask Kate to do anything physical with Sparky. That would have been across the line. But Kate didn't have to know that.

"Elise," Kate groaned. "I mean, ma'am. Please don't make sit here and practice with my brother coming on to me. That's just gross."

"You really haven't been paying attention at all," Elise said sadly. "Have you? Alex, tell your new fiancé how Sparky is going to put the moves on his newest conquest tomorrow night."

Alex sighed. This was dangerous territory for him. The last thing that he wanted was to make Kate feel bad. But Elise was… well, downright scary. "Umm," he said. "He won't, ma'am."

Elise was actually starting to feel a little remorse. She could plainly see that Kate was on the verge of tears. So she sighed and forced a smile on her face. "Exactly," she said, much more softly. "Come on, Katie – you're a brilliant woman. Why don't you get with the program a little? Sparky won't be coming on to Heather. That's exactly what we don't want. He already knows how to do that. We're going to teach him how to get her to come on to him. She needs to think that it was her idea."

x-x-x-x-x

Yes, ma'am," Colonel Blum said. "I'm afraid that there is no sign of Director Shaw in the facility. He must have escaped in the confusion of the battle. This terrain is very rugged. It would be almost impossible to find a man once he was a hundred yards out of sight – especially a trained agent."

If it had been anyone else, Sarah would have asked him to check the building again. But with Colonel Blum, she knew that he had already double and triple checked – and probably more than that. His men had combed every inch of this building. If they hadn't found Shaw, he wasn't here. So she just sighed. "Thank you, Colonel," she said. "Has there been any progress in prisoner interrogations?"

"No, ma'am," Blum said. "They are all being very tight lipped. It is going to take some time for them to loosen up. There is one unusual thing that we noticed. Almost none of the men that we captured are CIA Agents. They don't seem to have any government affiliation at all. Are you positive that it was Director Shaw that you talked to?"

Sarah just paused for a long moment, deep in thought. That was odd. If they weren't CIA agents, why were they following Shaw's orders? They addressed him as sir. "Yes," she finally replied. "I'm very sure."

"Naturally, ma'am," Blum said. "I'm not trying to pressure you. You're certainly free to make any decisions that you want. But I'd like to suggest that you and your team would be much safer on the base. At least until we get a handle on what is going on here."

"I agree," Sarah said. "We really don't know what or who is behind this. How much longer will we be able to keep a lid on this?"

"Not long, I'm afraid," Blum said. "Too many people know something serious happened here today. And a Senator missing? That will quickly get some attention. I'd say we might have two days – if we're lucky."

"You're right," Sarah sighed. "We clearly can't go back home until we've figured this out. So, thank you. I appreciate your offer."

"Ma'am," Blum said. "Please don't thank me. After all you have done for this country, finding you a bed to sleep in and some clean clothes are the very least we can do."

x-x-x-x-x

None of the team was all that enthusiastic about staying at the base – especially for any length of time – with the possible exception of Chuck Junior. For one thing, all they had was the clothes on their backs.

But one thing they had to admit, Colonel Blum was going out of his way to be as hospitable as he could possibly be. He let the team ride in his personal vehicle for the two hour drive. He had Sarah's car put on a flatbed truck. And to give them some privacy, he even hitched a ride in another vehicle.

Once they got to the base, he personally saw to it that they had rooms to stay in. For a horrible moment, Kate thought that they were going to assign her and Alex two different single rooms. But Sarah herself intervened with Blum – and it was quickly resolved. He even found then clean clothes. Of course, they were army fatigues. Not that flattering for the lady's figures – but they were clean. Surprisingly, it was Elise, and not Kate, who groaned the loudest.

The first thing that they did when they got there was go to see Casey. He had been out of surgery for some time and was resting comfortably. The doctors promised a full recovery. In a couple of days, he would be released.

But as soon as they were confident that Casey was okay, it was off to their rooms for a hot shower… and a nap.

x-x-x-x-x

"Katie," Alex said softly. They were lying on their bed in the spoon position. The hot shower felt heavenly. "Please don't be mad at me. I didn't know what to do. Elise is scary."

"I'm not mad," Kate said. "Alex, why would I be mad at you? I'm sorry if I seem distant. I just can't let Elise get away with messing with me like that. I have to figure out a way to get her back."

"You have to admit," Alex said. "The look on your face when you thought she was going to make you practice seducing Sparky…" Then Alex paused as he felt her body tense. "Okay," he sighed. "I'm sorry. How do you want me to help you?"

Kate smiled – and relaxed. How cute was that? "I don't know yet," she said. "I need a plan."

"You should talk to your dad," Alex said. "Isn't he the guy with all the plans? Besides, this isn't exactly what I was hoping to discuss when we got alone for the first time after we got engaged."

"Oh my god," Kate said. "You're right. I'm so sorry. You're going to think that I'm all talk. I need for you to do me a favor."

"Favor?" Alex asked.

"You were unbelievable today," Kate whispered. "I can't imagine someone doing that for me. It's like a fairy tale. If I even try and talk about it, I'm going to start bawling. I know that sex is a pretty pathetic way to say thank you – but that's all that I have right now. I know that it's your nature to be generous in bed. But for the next hour or so, I need you to be selfish. Can you please do that for me?"

Alex just grinned – and nodded. "When you ask so nicely," he said. "How can I refuse you?"

Kate just smiled as she turned to face him. "Good," she said. "It's time for you to discover how grateful I am to be rescued."

x-x-x-x-x

"Okay, Lise," Joe said. "Seriously… What's wrong?" They were lying on their bed -both on their backs.

"What makes you think something is wrong?" Elise sighed.

"Come on," Joe said. "Lise, we've been married for twenty years. Do you really think I can't tell when something is wrong? What is up with the drill sergeant routine all afternoon? You had Kate on the verge of crying. What did Sparky say to you that has you so messed up?"

"Joe, please," Elise said. "Don't take this out on Sparky. He didn't say anything bad. He said that he knew that we were married. And that nothing could ever happen. He said that he loved you and Robbie. He just said that I'm everything that he would look for and that he compares all the girls that he goes out with to me – and that's why they don't last very long."

"Okay," Joe said. "So what's wrong with that? It sounds very nice. Why would that mess you up?"

Elise just stared at the ceiling.

"Lise?" Joe finally asked.

"Because I liked it," Elise finally blurted out. "I know that I shouldn't like it – but I do."

Joe turned to face her and propped himself on his elbow. "What exactly does that mean?" he asked. "Are you saying that you have romantic feelings for Sparky?"

Elise turned to look at Joe like he had grown a third eye. "Are you crazy?" she asked. "Why would you say that? Sparky is like my son. We helped raise him. Trust me – I don't have any romantic feelings for him. That's plain silly. I don't have any romantic feelings for anybody – except for you, of course."

Joe just stared at her for a long moment. "I'm confused," he said. "Why the guilt?"

"I enjoy that he worships me," Elise said. "That seems wrong, somehow. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just trying to be honest."

"So," Joe said. "Let me see if I understand. Somebody other than me tells you that they admire you. That they think that you're pretty much perfect. And you enjoy that? And you feel guilty about it?"

Elise just nodded.

"Lise," Joe said gently. "You shouldn't feel guilty about that. Sparky was just complimenting you. He thinks that you're the perfect woman – the model that he would use to pick someone. Of course you should feel good about that. Hell, I feel good about that. Someone agrees with me. You're absolutely perfect."

Elise turned to face him. "So," she whispered. "You're not disappointed in me?"

"I am so not disappointed in you," Joe said. "Well, only that you're being a little ridiculous. Here's a news flash. I enjoy that Sparky and Bryce, and even Kate to a lesser extent, treat me like a dad too. Should Robbie be jealous of that? Should Chuck?"

Elise shook her head. "Of course not," she said.

"So tell me," Joe said with the beginning of a smile. "Do you enjoy the way that Bryce's friends look at you?"

"No," Elise said with a laugh. "That's a little creepy." She paused for a long moment. "I really love you," she whispered. "Thank you for understanding."

"No problem," Joe said as he touched his lips to hers. "So, what's the weather forecast tonight? Can I expect any frostbite?"

Elise smiled as she intensified the kissing. "There's only one way to find out," she said.

x-x-x-x-x

Chuck Junior was lying on his bed. After all, it had been quite the few days. So it felt good to just lie there for a while. His arm was really starting to ache. The real problem was that he was starting to feel lonely. After all, he didn't feel like a third wheel. It was more like a ninth wheel. Everybody else on the team was a couple.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the knock on the door. "Man," he groaned to himself. "If this is Elise… I don't think I can handle any more romance training today."

But when Chuck Junior answered the door, he was surprised.

"Hey, Sparky," Heather said. "I heard that you were going to be staying here for a few days – so I thought I'd pop over and see if you wanted the five cent tour."

Chuck Junior smiled at her. Maybe I am up for a lab exercise. She was clearly wearing more makeup than she had his morning. "Sure, but my arm is really starting to ache," he said.

"I know," Heather said. "I had to go pretty deep to get those rock fragments out. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. You're probably not up to it."

"I'm up to it," Chuck Junior said with a grin. "It sounds like fun. I didn't mean that. I just meant - can you show me someplace that would have aspirin first?"

Heather grinned back. "The PX would have anything that a civilian drug store would have," she said. "But here – I have a Vicodin. I'm sorry. I probably should have given this to you before I left."

"Thanks," Chuck Junior said. "So, what do you want to do?"

"We're still going out tomorrow for our big date," Heather said. "Right? Let's just hang out tonight."

"Whatever we do," Chuck Junior said, "we can't go to dinner or dancing tonight. Elise has it all planned out how I'm going to make you fall in love with me tomorrow. I had to practice with my sister, of all people, all afternoon. If I mess that up – things will get… well… ugly."

"Would a pizza technically count as going out to dinner?" Heather asked with a grin. "There is an okay pizza place just off the base that's within walking distance. I sure don't want to mess you up with Elise. It sounds like she has put a lot of effort into planning our courtship."

"You have no idea," Chuck Junior said with his own grin. "I'm pretty sure she has the colors picked out for our bridesmaids. She's researching baby names on the Internet as we speak."

"Maybe you could tell Elise that I promise not to fall in love with you until tomorrow," Heather said with a sly smile. "And if it's not too much trouble, could you maybe put in a good word for Peach for the bridesmaids?"

Chuck Junior looked at Heather in awe. He had never gone out with a girl who would have laughed about that situation. She was pretty amazing. And he suddenly noticed that his arm had stopped hurting. He would normally have attributed that to the Vicodin – except he was still holding it in his hand. "I think pizza would be fine," he said as soon as he could stop laughing. "Anything without utensils would qualify. Tell me, Heather – do you ever just like to throw a football around?"

"Sure," Heather said. "But…"

"It's okay," Chuck Junior said. "We don't have to do that. It's getting dark. I was just asking."

"It's not that," Heather said. "I love to play football. Tomorrow, we'll throw it around for a while. We'll swing by my place and get mine. Besides, we're on an Army Base. It's never too hard to get a football game going. It's just that – you live in Los Angeles."

"Okay," Chuck Junior said. "So…"

"You can't be a football fan," Heather said insistently. "You don't even have a team."

x-x-x-x-x

Author's note: This is going to be a long and complicated note – so bear with me. I'm getting some reviews (usually anonymous) that are complaining that too much of the story is concentrating on original characters. It's hard to respond to an anonymous review – so I'll do it here.

I first noticed this attitude when I was writing Dark Intersect. I had planned a whole subplot in that story with the team (particularly Ellie and Elise) playing an escalating series of pranks on each other – with Chuck being the guy in the middle. I was excited about it. I thought that it was funny. But I started getting a fair amount of resistance to that storyline. People wanted to get right to the action – so I cut that part short.

I sense (and this is simply my perception) that there is little tolerance by some for anything in a Chuck fanfic except the romantic Charah love story – and maybe a little (emphasis on little) adventure. Those folks want all Chuck fanfic to follow the formula.

C/S pine for each other.

Some barrier to them being together surfaces and is dealt with in a climatic battle.

They end up in bed (or in the back seat of a car - or on the kitchen table, lol).

The end.

Up until Dark Intersect (and even DI ended up this way) I followed that formula.

But now, I'm sort of in a dilemma. Ironically, I think the show is in pretty much the same spot. Chuck and Sarah are together. Do I (and the show) break them up – hit reset – and go back to wt/wt? That's exactly what Prague, and Hannah, and Shaw were – reset the relationship so that they could spend a season of wt/wt angst and have a happy ending by putting them back together in Other Guy. I was bored by that. And since half way through the season, about two million people stopped watching (and have showed no sign of coming back), I'd argue that was a failed strategy. So, I'm not going to do that. If that's what the fandom wants, then I'm just not the guy. If that was vague, let me be more clear. I WILL NOT DO THAT, lol. Chuck and Sarah are together – in any story that I write. The show (and fanfic writers) have to find ways to tell exciting stories without depending on the wt/wt angst that has dominated the series to date. Can they? It certainly is not guaranteed. My approach to that problem was to introduce original characters and tell their love story. The show is going to concentrate on the search for MamaB. I'm excited about that – but if you're looking for Charah – I don't know what to tell you. There simply isn't very much room for them (or me) to go in that area.

If this sounds like I'm whining, that's not my intent. I actually continue to be bowled over at the support and kind words that I've received. When I started Prodigal Daughter, I fully understood that a story that wasn't primarily about Charah might not be received well. My beta was even harsher than that. But I decided that I was writing this story for me. And that I could live with smaller amounts of hits and reviews. That's where I still am. As a reader, I was excited about Kate and Alex's love story. I'm as proud of those chapters as of anything I have ever written. If anything, I would have liked to stretch that out a few more chapters. I'm excited about Sparky and Heather's possibility. I'm even excited about Elise's odd internal conflict over her feelings for Sparky (trust me - it's not going to get creepy, lol).

So – if you're frustrated by where the story is going – I'm sorry. I do promise that Shaw and Sarah will have their eyeball-to-eyeball moment. And I'm going to try my best to make it as exciting as the confrontation between Chuck and Adam Colson in Dark Intersect was. But it's going to be a while. I'm going to explore those other storylines. Chuck and Sarah will always be around – and key components (I'll even try to get them on the kitchen table a time or two, lol) – but they are not going to be the prime focus – for a while anyway. I hope that you can be patient and enjoy the story – but, if not – I understand.

As always, I thank you all for your support.

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