Day of Reckoning: a Sweet Surrender
Chapter 3: Deserted Movies and a Crushed Soul
POV: Buffy
I have another date with Riley tonight. It doesn't make sense, our first date, if you could even call it that was horrible, and I wasn't much company yet he asked me out again. I was right though about the whole being farm boy basic…he is actually a farm boy, from some place uhm Iowa… or was Idaho? Anyways so that's how our night went. He talked and I pretended to listen; I mean its very exciting learning about how you know when a hen is about to lay eggs and what not, and you could tell with the way Willow was looking at us that she just thought we were perfect for each other. I can just see it now, I'll be going out slaying and kicking ass while he is checking for healthy eggs and whether or not the cows' utters are perfectly aligned or something. I miss the way it used to be, back in high school, everything just seemed so much simpler. I mean I'd even settle for when Faith was running around; even then I was still somewhat happy. I had my friends, my watcher and best of all, he was there. It's silly, and sad really that I would give anything to go back to what it was like when I first came here, and he would show up randomly with a warning of 'grave danger' because even though we never knew one and other I still got to see him. But now, knowing that he's out there but I'll never see him; I just feel alone and scared. What ever made him think that I would want picnics and sunshine over him is beyond me and children? I only wanted kids if they were his. What's worse about this whole thing is that I don't even have anyone to talk to about it. I can't talk to my mom because well she never really knew him. Giles, he just gets too uncomfortable with things like that and I rarely see him anyways unless it's to check in now. Willow, she's just so wrapped up in her own life to even realize that I'm there half the time let alone to notice that I am hurting and well all that's left is Xander and that would just be suicide. What gets me though is how they expected me to just get over him, like it was just a passing fling and that he really didn't mean the anything to me. I knew when I was 16 like I know now that he's all there is for me. No one will ever understand me like he did, or hold me like he would…its kind of funny that he left me so I could have a normal life in the sun, yet now, I have no one to go into the sun with.
"Hey Buffy."
"Oh, hey Riley."
"So I had a really great time the other night and am looking really forward to tonight."
Could he be any more cheery? "Yeah me too."
"Yeah? So I was thinking that I could pick you up around…"
From what I learned just the other night, he really knows how to chat. I don't really listen just nod my head and 'mhm' every now and then…he actually talked so much last time that my neck was sore when I got home. It's almost as if he feels the need to never have silence, I think I learned that it means they are uncomfortable. I wonder if I make him uncomfortable. Angel and I always had silent moments; those were some of the best times well besides the kissing that is. Mmm Angel smoochies…now that guy knew how to kiss.
"Buffy? Buffy?"
"Hmm, what?"
"Were you even listening to anything I said?"
"Uhm yes?"
"Okay great …so I'll pick you up around 7 and we can go see that new movie."
"Actually Riley I'll just meet you there, I have some stuff I have to do first but I got to go so, see ya." Run Buffy, run.
"Bye Buffy!"
Here goes nothing.
"Buffy! Buffy! Over here sweetie!"
Sweetie? Ugh. "Hi Riley." It's hard not to grimace as I say his name. Its not that he's a horrible guy, he's just not for me.
Hmm the movies. I used to love coming here with Willow and Xander, even with Cordelia…and Angel. I can't help but remember the last time I was here, like it happened just the other night. Even with its awkward moments, it was still one of the best dates I ever had.
Flashback
"Well."
"Well"
"That was…well it was very artistic."
"Yeah…"
"Not quite what I'd expected…I'd never actually seen – well from the title I thought it was about food."
"There was food…"
"Right. The scene with the…food. Do you feel like getting some hot chocolate? Or some…cold shower?"
"I'm sorry. I wanted to take you out somewhere fun. It's been awhile since I've been to the movies, they've changed."
"Little scary…and a little not, which is also scary. I'm just sorry to get you worked up like that. We can't do any of that stuff; you'd loose your soul, and besides I don't even own a kimono."
"Buffy, you don't have to worry about me. I don't need to see movies to get worked up. Just being around you does that just fine. It doesn't mean I'm going to loose control. Or that I'm only frustrated around you. It feels nice just to feel."
"It doesn't drive you crazy? Even when we're…close?"
"Watch this."
End Flashback
Oh god Angel. I got to get out of here. I should have known I couldn't handle this.
"Buffy? Where are you going?"
"I'm…I'm sorry Riley I just, I have to go."
"Do you not feel well? I can take you home if you'd like."
God doesn't he just get that I need to leave before I break down? "No Riley just stay, enjoy the movie. I'll be fine." I grab my stuff and I run. I run and I run until my tears finally win over and I collapse on damp pavement. I can taste the salt running down my face as my heart crumbles all over again. Why'd he have to leave me…why wasn't I enough for him? I'm not sure how long I sat there, crying but it must have been a while since I didn't notice the heavy rain.
I feel hollow, empty. Without him, there is no Buffy...just an vacant shell with a broken heart and shattered soul. Eventually I find what little strength I have left to push my self up off the ground and start wandering. I'm not really sure where I've decided to walk to but my body took me in the direction of the one and only place I have ever felt safe and loved.
The Crawford street mansion. I haven't been able to bring myself back here since graduation night. It just felt wrong being here without him but now, it's the only place that I can still pretend in…imagine him next to me, his arms enfolding me in their strong embrace, his soft lips running along my neck, his scar. I slowly start to walk around the halls, sliding my fingertips along the smooth stone. These walls, cold empty slabs, seem to radiate a warmth that soothes me. For some, the memories that live here are ones they would rather forget, but for me, they are just proof that what we had was real…that he wasn't just a dream. There are still a few remnants of his life here, mostly just things left in his bedroom; an old towel or two, an empty picture frame, and a set of sheets encasing his bed. The last time I was in this room was one of the scariest moments of my life. I thought he was going to die, I had never felt so weak and useless. The only thing running through my mind that night was, 'what's the point of saving a world that he's not a part of?' It nearly killed me seeing him so hopeless and so ready to put his life on the line to protect me; but he didn't get it. I would and did the exact same thing for him, because he was and always will be my life. I curl myself into his sheets, letting his faint smell wrap around me as I give into my cries once more. Minutes or possibly hours tick by before I finally give into a restless sleep.
"Buffy"
"Angel? You came."
"Are you ready Buffy?"
"I don't get it Angel, am I ready for what?"
"The end."
"End? End of what?"
"Fight Buffy… you have to fight. Don't give in."
"Angel?"
"Buffy look out!"
Pain. So much pain. "Angel?"
I wake up panting, my heart pounding against my chest with traces of tears left over from my nightmare. I bring my knees up to my chest and slowly rock myself as I try and understand what my dreams mean. Angel said the End…The End of what?
AU note: So I'm slowly getting there…It will get more detailed and other characters will show up soon. I hope everyone reading is still sticking with me to find out what will happen. I would love to know what people think, so if you want to give me a few tips or anything, please feel free. :D