Whew.
Got another chapter done.
First of all, I am so sorry it took so long. I'm so busy, what with college and everything, so I haven't really had time to crank out another chapter, but here it is! I thought as a little valentine's day present, I'd write this. Of course, it's an hour and 43 minutes since valentine's day ended, but whatevs.
Thank you for bearing with me.
Here is the next chapter 3
"Could you pass me the construction paper?"
"I'm usin' it!"
"That's why I asked you to pass it."
Ivy sat with her arm outstretched, while Harley sat on the floor, bent over her project.
"In a minute."
"I don't know why we have to do this anyway." Ivy huffed. "I don't like anyone in this damn asylum."
"Aw, lighten up, Ivy. It's Valentine's Day. Everyone loves us, don't they? We, as the two hottest girls in the place, need to share the love. So make some valentines."
"I do appreciate the attention." Ivy sighed as she took the construction paper from Harley. "I just don't see why the valentines are mandatory."
"So Eddie doesn't feel bad."
"True."
Harley peered through the bars, where she could see the cell shared by the Joker and Harvey across the hallway. They were both sticking little heart stickers on each other. Harley smiled.
"I'm glad he has a friend."
"He's not very vocal about it."
"No, but he really does like Harvey. Oh...oh, he poked him in the eye. No, don't laugh, that's not funny..."
Ivy smirked.
"I made my mandatory valentine for the Joker. Do you want to see it?"
"Yeah!"
Harley grabbed the card from Ivy and started to read it. It read-
"Roses are red, violets are blue. No words can describe just how much I hate you. Love, Ivy."
"That's...nice?"
"I'm gonna tape a piece of candy on it."
"RIDDLE ME THIS!"
They couldn't see Nigma, his cell was next to theirs and therefore on the other side of thick concrete, but they could sure hear him.
"What?"
"WHO WANTS TO BE MY VALENTINE?"
No one answered. His angry grumbling could also be heard through the wall.
"Give it up, Ed." the Joker called. "No one likes you."
"Yeah, well, lucky for me, the asylum is forcing you to give me valentines."
"Sad, isn't it?"
Harley, finished with her cards, smiled happily.
"I love Valentine's Day. You know why?"
"Why?"
"Because everyone gives me stuff." she said. "Chocolate, flowers, stuffed animals...it's freakin' awesome. Don't ya think so?"
"I appreciate the sentiment, sure." Ivy shrugged. "I don't have a thing to do with any of those, except for the flowers. I can mutate those into minions, but other than that..."
"How big do you think our haul's gonna be this year?"
"I don't know Harl, just wait and see."
Harley and Ivy always got ridiculous amounts of gifts come Valentine's Day. This was due to the fact that they were the only remarkably beautiful women in the entire asylum, and Valentine's Day was a wonderful way to suck up to them. It didn't just come from the Joker, Harvey, Nigma and Crane...it was asylum wide.
And Harley had no doubts that this year would be just as good...
Until the unthinkable happened.
The doorway of the criminal ward swung open, and all eyes turned toward the sudden disturbance.
Handcuffed and surrounded by security guards, was the leather catsuit clad Catwoman, or Selina Kyle.
Someone let out a low whistle, and she winked at them. Shoved into a single cell, they locked the bars and left.
Harley and Ivy stared, astonished.
"What do you think this means?" Harley muttered to Ivy.
"What do you mean, what does it mean?" Ivy asked. "It doesn't mean anything."
"I mean for us." Harley pressed. "If she's waltzin' around, we ain't gonna be queen bee anymore."
"We aren't queen bee." Ivy scoffed. "There's two of us. Besides, she's nowhere near our level. We have nothing to worry about."
"Yeah, you're right." Harley said, turning away from Selina, who was...licking her leg. "I guess I gotta make her a valentine now, huh? Don't want her to get none..."
A few hours later, all of the inmates met in the cafeteria of the asylum for their Valentine's Day celebration. Everyone was eyeing Selina with some interest. The nurse was handing out chocolate hearts, making sure everyone got one.
"Hi Valentine." Harley cooed, laying her head on the Joker's shoulder. He patted her head.
Nigma looked rather sad. No one asked him why, so he decided to tell everyone without a prompt.
"I'm alone on Valentine's Day." he moped. "I'm so sad. I asked Harvey to be my Valentine, but he said no."
"Because it's freakin weird, that's why."
"But all I want is a Bromance. It doesn't even have to be an exclusive Bromance. If you're afraid of the commitment, then I understand, but that's something we'll have to work out together."
"Stop." Harvey seethed. "Now."
"Does everyone have their Valentines?" the nurse asked, standing in front of the room. The seven criminals were seated at a table in the back of the room, and everyone was looking back at Selina, something that displeased both Harley and Ivy.
"Unfortunately." Crane sniffed, but the nurse couldn't hear him from the front of the room. "Can I say something? I don't believe in Valentines Day. What is the point in a day of the year where we tell the ones we love we love them? Just so card companies can make money? Aren't there enough holidays for that already?"
"Stop ruinin' it, Jonny. Just enjoy it." Harley said.
"I'd like you to all welcome our newest member," the nurse said, pointing to Selina, who was sitting a few feet away from the regular group of criminals. "Please make her feel welcome."
Everyone clapped enthusiastically.
"Oh. We will." Harvey said, who was already sitting very close to her. Harley and Ivy exchanged glances.
"Yes, there will be no problem from us on that front." Nigma agreed. "That's one riddle I'D like to solve."
"I agree, her psychosis is FASCINATING." Crane said, craning his head around to look at her. "Thinks she's a cat..."
"She doesn't think she's a cat." Harley put in. "She just ACTS..."
"She's so beautiful." Nigma smiled. "Don't you just want to scratch behind her ears?"
"Yeah." the Joker sighed. Harley glared at him. "I mean...no, no. Why would you want to do that? That's weird." he let out a nervous laugh. Harley shook her head slowly.
"Puddin', I have a VERY special valentine planned out for you."
"Are you going to jump out of a cake?"
"No. But it's something you DON'T want to miss because you were oglin' crazy cat lady, okay?"
"I take it all back." he said quickly. Harley smiled and patted his shoulder approvingly.
"Now, in a VERY ORDERLY FASHION, I want you to all pass your valentines around." the nurse ordered. And in what was most definitely not an orderly fashion, everyone stood up and started shuffling around, passing out their valentines gifts.
Everyone was required to give out valentines to the other inmates in their ward, but Harley was a little more generous. She had made valentines for nearly every person in the asylum, because she liked being liked. And the way to be liked was to like.
"How many did you make?" Ivy asked, looking at the teetering pile of construction paper in her arms.
"I don't know, probably about two hundred and thirty." she responded, laying them down at each place on the tables. "Why?"
"I just made five, and that was too much."
"Boy, she really is something, isn't she?" Crane sighed, coming up behind Harley and Ivy. "Selina, I mean. You know, I thought no one could be as beautiful as Ivy, but I was wrong. She is."
And he walked away.
"Aw, come on, Ivy." Harley said consolingly as Ivy scowled. "You can't let that jerk get to you. Besides, I bet the only valentine that cat lady gets is the one I made her, she only got here an hour ago."
Meanwhile, an argument was breaking out.
"GIVE IT TO ME!"
"WHY WOULD I GIVE IT TO YOU?"
"BECAUSE I WANT IT, AND YOU HAVE IT!"
The nurse sighed and hustled over to the scene, which was, of course, between the Joker and Harvey. They were both tugging on a chocolate bar.
"What's the problem?"
They both started yelling at once.
"I got this candy bar, and Harvey wants it, but I told him he couldn't have it..."
"But it's my favorite thing, and no one gave me any because no one cares enough to know it's my favorite..."
"And he 'flipped' for it..."
"And I won..."
"And he tried to take it from me..."
"And then he broke it!"
"Yeah, because your MEAT hands were clutching it."
"I don't have meat hands!"
"Oh Harvey, don't deny it. You have meat hands."
"Well...at least my hands aren't dainty and girly!"
"MY HANDS ARE NOT!"
"Yeah, you'd rather have the meat hands now, wouldn't you?"
The Joker snarled and punched Harvey in the face, causing him to fall flat on the ground.
"HOW DO YOU LIKE MY DAINTY HANDS NOW, TWO FACE?"
Harvey gasped.
"You never call me Two Face!"
"It's because I'm MAD AT YOU."
"WELL I'M MAD AT YOU!"
"WHY?"
"FOR BEING MAD AT ME! AND PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE!"
"Okay, OKAY!" the nurse yelled. "Don't fight, you're scaring the less stable patients."
It was true- half the room was cowering under tables, looking up at the Joker and Harvey with sheer terror. They were both two very large, intimidating men.
"But he broke my candy bar."
"I never knew you were so sensitive." Harvey scoffed.
"If you paid more attention, maybe you would know."
"It's his sensitive side..." Harley muttered in disbelief to Ivy. "It rarely comes out, and I can't believe it's doin' it now."
"What's it like?"
"If I know my Mistah J, and believe me...I know my Mistah J...he's gonna do somethin' he never does."
"What?"
"Admit how he feels." Harley whispered. "It's epic. Pay attention, you don't wanna miss this one."
The Joker, his face white (then again, it always was), stared at Harvey, his eyes narrowed.
"Harvey...you piss me off more than anyone. You and your tiny brain, your inability to reason, your quickness to jump on people's throats about nothing, the way you screech every time something doesn't go your way, your indecisiveness..."
"Watch it, Clown Boy."
"...the way you call me Clown Boy...but you're my...friend. And I'm...sorry I punched you."
The room was silent.
"He's never apologized to anyone but me before." Harley whispered with glee to Ivy. "Maybe he's gettin' better..."
"I thought you didn't want him to get better."
"Not all the way. But this is good."
Harvey also gasped.
"Does this mean...we have a bromance?"
"No." the Joker snapped. "Don't get sissy on me. Now apologize for breaking my candy bar."
"Uh, sorry. I guess."
"Thank you. Now please move at least five feet away from me."
"You got it." Harvey grinned. "Friend."
"That was weird." Selina said, walking up next to Harley. "Have you ever seen him do something like that?"
"Only once." she replied. "To me. But he ain't never punched me. Just a few slaps here and there, but I got no worries, he ain't hit me in months. Not since I got back with him after Eddie."
"I like this side of him." Selina said, eyeing him with interest. "You with him again, Harley?"
"Oh yeah, me and Mistah J is thick as..."
But she'd already walked away. Harley looked at Ivy and shrugged.
"Got a short attention span, I guess." Harley waved her hand aside, and started to walk away, but Ivy grabbed her arm and spun her around.
"Harl...I think you should see this."
Harley turned around to see that nefarious cat with her claws all over her Mistah J, her mouth clamped onto his.
Her heart pounded, and she could hear the blood rushing in her ears.
"HEY!" she screamed. "YOU!"
Selina peeled herself off the Joker, who looked quite surprised, and a little alarmed. Harley took no notice of this, her full attention was on Selina.
"What?" she asked, smirking. "Is he off limits?"
"You get away from my PUDDIN'!" she screamed, trying to jump at her, but Ivy was holding her back as much as she could.
"That's what I told her, but..." the Joker started, but Harley started yelling at him next.
"And YOU!" she screamed. "Don't even get me STARTED on YOU! On Valentines Day, you do THIS?"
"Harl, come on, I didn't even..."
"Don't even try to explain yourself, jerk!" she snapped. "You hurt me for the last time!"
After some solid effort on Ivy's part, she managed to drag Harley away to the other side of the room. "I've been saying this for years. That Joker is NO GOOD. Haven't I been saying that for years?"
"How DARE SHE!" Harley shrieked. "HOW DARE SHE!"
"Blame him!" Ivy urged.
"HOW DARE SHE!"
"What's going on?" Nigma asked, popping around the corner.
"That little...minx has her paws all over my puddin'!" Harley started wailing. "Eddie...you're here for me, right?"
"Nah, I have to go give Selina her valentine." he said. "But I'll give you a Valentine's Day riddle. What has two hearts and spits candy?"
"What?"
"A crocodile. Bye!"
"He's no good either." Harley moped. "This is all Catwoman's fault."
"If I may say something..." Crane said, walking up next to her. "It WAS the expected outcome. You two have been here for a while, and while you were, every man here idolized you, but now there's 'fresh meat', so to speak, people are going to be more interested in that."
"I'm sure your valentine's will cheer you up." Ivy said, patting her on the back. "Come on."
Harley sniffed and nodded, following Ivy to her spot at the table.
Three cards lie there. Only two. Ivy only had one.
They both exchanged glances and inspected their paltry piles.
"I thought..." Harley said quietly. "I thought everyone in our ward had to give us something."
"Look at Selina's." Ivy said, pointing. "It looks like she got all of our valentine's instead of us."
"That...that..." Harley started, but she couldn't think of a word bad enough for how she felt. So she started to open her valentines.
One was from Ivy and read 'You're the only one keeping me sane, even if you're the craziest person I know. Love, your best friend, Ivy.'
The last one was from the Joker. She didn't even read, it, but stuffed it angrily in her pocket. She cast another look over at Selina's enormous pile of valentines- every tag read 'To Harley' or 'To Ivy', but their names were all crossed out so it read 'To Selina'.
"I hate this day." Harley muttered, sitting down.
"You know what this means, right?" Ivy said to Harley.
"What?"
"We have to take her down."
"What do you mean?"
"She doesn't belong here." Ivy pressed. "She's taking all of the glory away from us. If we want it back, we have to drive her out."
"But she's locked in here. What are we gonna do, help her escape?"
"No. We're getting her transfered to another ward."
"But...she's a criminal. Therefore, she's criminally insane. We can't go in any other ward."
"Yes we can..." Ivy said in a sing song voice. "The high security ward. Only a few people have ever been in that ward and got out, and they say it's awful."
Harley grinned.
"I like this plan. But we need to get someone in on it." she stuck her head up and looked around. "HEY! JONNY!"
"What?" Crane asked as he walked over.
"Will you help us with somethin'?" Harley asked. He sighed.
"Oh, I don't see why not. This celebration is getting very mundane. What do need help with?"
"We're gonna lock Miss Kitty up in the high security ward." Harley told him. "Got any insight? Didn't you assign someone to high security before?"
"Yeah." he shrugged. "But because they tried to kill everyone. How are you going to pin Selina with that?"
"I have an idea." Ivy said, watching as someone brought out a cake. "But we have to slip out of here unnoticed."
A few minutes later, the three of them were in the hallway, headed down to the chemistry lab.
"This is where they make the treatments they can't get anywhere else." Crane explained as they walked in. "It's where I make my fear toxin."
"Perfect." Harley smiled. "If we're gonna get rid of that girl once and for all, we need to make it real bad. Can you whip up a doozy of a fear toxin Jonny?"
"Do you have to ask?" he grinned, jumping into the cabinets. "Give me ten minutes."
"Everyone will be screaming." Harley smiled. "And when we plant the toxin on Selina, everyone will think it was her who done it."
"One problem." Ivy sighed. "He's the only one who does the fear toxin thing." she pointed at Crane.
"Thought of it, solved it." Crane said. "I'm making it so it won't affect Selina. It will, however, affect all of us...so you'll have to bear with it while it basically terrifies you and chills you down to your core."
"I small price to pay. Cause I can't have that...that THING around no longer." Harley snarled.
"IfI were you, I'd blame that good for nothing clown." Ivy sighed. "It's always been his fault, the whole way through."
"I'll deal with him later." Harley said, crossing her arms. "But for now...I will get my revenge."
Everyone was screaming. Harvey was on the ground, clutching at his face, bellowing 'I'M UGLY, I'M UGLY' at the top of his lungs, Nigma was crying to get him away from the 'soccer balls', and the Joker was just laughing maniacally. Harley, Crane, and Ivy, who all had to be affected by it so they couldn't be blamed, were running around, also screaming.
The nurses had long since immunized themselves to fear toxin (most of them, anyway), so they still had their heads on straight. They saw Selina standing, unaffected, assumed she caused this, and dragged her away to high security.
"A rather poor judgement," Crane had said later. "As if anyone but me would have make the fear toxin."
After everyone had calmed down, they all sat, rather subdued, at the tables and ate their cake. Harley and Ivy still didn't have their valentines, Selina had taken them with her. But at least she was gone.
The Joker sat next to Harley tentatively. She shot him a murderous look, but aside from that, paid him no attention.
"Come on Harl..." he sighed. "She attacked me, I didn't do anything!"
"Humph."
"Didn't you get my valentine?"
"Didn't read it."
"Why don't you?"
"Because I hate you now. It's official and totally real this time."
"Harl..." the Joker sighed again. "You have to believe me."
"Why should I?" she asked, turning towards him. "You're always pullin' stuff like this."
"You're the one who ditched me for Riddles over there."
"I'll punch you, I really will."
"Just read it."
Harley sighed and pulled the crumpled card out out of her pocket. It read-
'Harley- I don't say it enough, because I think it depletes my image as a rather bad ass super villain, but I really do love you. I know you can see that, because every time you get mad at me, there's this little smile on your face, and I know things are good between us. We read each other like books. I know I've hurt you, and I'll probably hurt you again, but not because I mean to, because it just happens. I don't mean to, and I know you know that, because you keep coming back. And honestly, I don't know what I'd do if you didn't.'
Harley paused.
"Oh...PUDDIN"! she cried, throwing her arms around the Joker. "I love you TOO!"
"This is actually kind of terrible." Ivy said, looking at the card. "Harley, he's saying that no matter how much he beats you around, you'll always come crawling..."
"I FORGIVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU!" Harley kissed him several times on the cheek, the forehead, and finally on the mouth. Ivy scowled and left.
"I have a valentine for you, miss Ivy." a patient with a bad case of schizophrenia said, handing her a card.
"Aw. How nice." Ivy said, not looking at him, but taking the card from him anyway. She patted him on the shoulder and watched him melt. She smirked.
She didn't love Valentine's Day. She didn't even care for love.
But she loved the way she could control men. And now that Selina was gone for good, she had it back for good.
With the intention of returning to her cell, Ivy left the cafeteria.
"Ivy! Wait!"
It was Harvey. She turned around, and crossed her arms.
"What?"
"Oh, you're trying to do that sultry eye thing that's supposed to make me faint. Nice try. Won't work on me anymore. Anyway, I have a valentine for you, it was for you, then I gave it to Selina, but then the coin informed me that that wasn't nice, so I guess I have to give it back to you."
"How thoughtful."
"Yeah, whatever. Oh, I'd avoid the Riddler. He's been crying to everyone about how no one loves him."
"Thanks for the tip." Ivy said, pocketing the valentine.
"I got something else too," Harvey said, pulling a slightly crumpled daisy from his pocket. "It was in a vase at reception, so I stole it for you. I figured you could make a minion out of if or something."
"Thanks Harvey."
"No problem."
"This doesn't mean we're getting back together, you know that, right?" she said, looking up at him. He shrugged.
"Puts me one step closer."
And he walked back into the cafeteria.
Ivy watched him retreat back into the crowd. Get her back? Let him try.
She'd been through that before.
Okay, so I have no idea when the next chapter will be up (or if there will even be one...don't kill me :( ...) I'm planning on writing more, I really am, but it might take a while. Or it might not, who knows. I have something in the works, but I don't know if I'll get around to finishing it.
And I have no idea where the inmates of Arkham Asylum would get valentines/flowers/chocolate. But that's the beauty of fanfiction, isn't it?
Much love, and stay tuned. I will try to not dissapoint you 3