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I know, I sucked with this update. But the updates now will be very stingy. I am so sorry in advance.
I looked over at him briefly and turned back to the window. I knew the habit of swearing had to stop because of the growing baby, but the only word that came to mind was "prick." Edward was being such a prick that it wasn't even funny.
Did he not understand the ritual of a girl and grooming?
He wasn't even being very considerate.
"Are you hungry?" he asked quietly.
"No," I mumbled back, and that was it. I didn't say anything, he didn't say anything. It was silent until he broke it by telling me I needed to eat something. "I'm not hungry," I said clearly. "Stop bugging me." I pulled the iPod out of my pocket and placed the earbuds in my ears.
We didn't talk much. A few times he tried to talk but I didn't return the gesture. He tried to touch me and I shrugged him off instantly. The hell he deserved to be forgiven for his un-thoughtfulness. Humming to the music in my ears helped to distract me from him. We were kind of doing the whole silent treatment thing to each other, but it didn't last too long when Edward jostled my arm.
I was ready to turn on him and, well, bitch him out for disrupting my music, when he pulled the earphones from my ears. I frowned, speechless.
"Why are you mad at me?" he asked casually. It wasn't what I exactly expected to hear him say to me at this point.
"You were being so inconsiderate," I muttered, turning off the iPod. I knew this would be a long conversation.
"How?"
"Edward, you know a girl takes forever to get ready," I told him, close to snapping. "Just look at Alice. For-ev-er. You can't rush that kind of thing, and this morning you were so crabby and snappy, trying to rush me." I pursed my lips. "And your hiding something from me. What is it?"
He shook his head, lips in a tight line. "I'm not telling you anything, Bella, and you know that."
"Why not?" I demanded. "Is it some horrible secret that I will drop your ass because of?" I was only partly teasing.
"Its no exactly a secret..." he said slowly. "But that doesn't matter anyway. Look, I'm sorry about this morning. Its just..." He didn't finish but looked like he was searching for words.
"Manly PMS-ing?" I offered.
"Sure, Bella, whatever you want to call it," he waved me off. "But I'm sorry, okay? Do you forgive me?"
"Only if you will tell me what's in your pocket."
"Then I guess we're still fighting," he said sharply. He was scowling angrily out the windshield.
I sighed. I didn't want us to fight – who would want that, anyway? – but I also did want to know what he was hiding from me. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal, but how was it right for there to be secrets between us at this point in our relationship?
"Fine, Edward, it doesn't matter," I allowed. "I forgive you. I think," I added as an afterthought.
"I'd hope," he said, glancing over at me. His face was mostly cleared of the anger and annoyance. "I love you."
"I love you, too." I leaned over and kissed his cheek quickly, finally able to put a smile on my face.
Loaded with Starbucks, Edward pulled into the parking lot of the mall. I didn't quite know how ready I was for this.
"Bella, what's wrong?"
I bit my lip. "I don't know if I can do this," I admitted. "It so scary to see what a baby needs, what has to be provided... Bet lunch that I will have a mental breakdown?"
He gave me a disappointed look. "We're not betting on your instability, Bella. Please, this should be fun." He tried to sound excited, but I just knew he was as insecure as I was feeling now.
"I hate shopping, Edward, and you know it. It doesn't matter if its clothes shopping or baby shopping, I hate it. And I don't like the idea that I have to provide for something else," I told him seriously. "I don't feel that secure with my own mental state that I won't just...that I can't just break down totally."
"Listen to me." But I wasn't; my eyes were glued to the cup of coffee in his hands. How I envied the ability he had that I didn't. I began to wonder why men didn't have any effect during a pregnancy, and knew immediately that I would make sure he suffered from some loss of sleep. "Bella!" He snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Listen. All you have to do is sit there and look pretty, okay?"
"Challenging," I muttered sarcastically.
"No, I'm serious. I'll take care of everything, you just focus on growing my baby."
I felt my eyebrows push together. "'Grow you baby?'" I asked, astonished by that way he worded. "What the hell does that mean?"
He was slowly losing his patients as he kicked open his door. "Sit on your ass all day, sleep all night, and I'll wait on you hand-and-foot."
I sat there pondering those words as Edward opened my door and offered his hand. I took it numbly as I sipped on my hot chocolate, thinking hard. "Anything?" I checked.
"Don't think I don't know that this will bite me in the ass," he laughed, "but yes. Anything. What is it that you want first, Bella, because I know you must have something on your mind?"
"I did have something it my mind," I admitted dryly, "but then I realized that men aren't capable of carrying a baby."
Edward glanced at me but didn't say anything; I don't think he overly took kindness to my statement.
We walked across the parking lot, crowded with cars and a lot of people. I didn't overly like the fact that the mall with be so insanely crowded. I didn't feel embarrassed over the whole pregnancy, I guess because I wasn't quite close to that showing part now, but I did have that feeling of being on display. By now I was so used to it, though, that I could easily forget about it.
I leaned into Edward's side as we started through the mall. A small part of me may have been bubbling quite a bit. As much as I did despise shopping, that didn't mean I got out of it: I knew exactly where all that baby-pregnancy related junk was.
"Bella, could you please loosen the dead grip?" Edward asked sarcastically, showing our linked hands to me. I frowned at where are skin had turned white from the pressure and loss of blood flow.
"Uh, sorry," I grumbled, flexing my fingers away from his hand. I guess the apology was fake because I really had been doing that for reassurance.
He laughed. "Would you please lighten up? If you don't want to do this, we'll find something else to do," he said easily.
I sighed. "No, we're just looking. Nothing to be worried about or whatever."
"Exactly." Edward pulled me in front of a display that I hadn't really been paying attention. I stared inside the store, which was decorated in many different fun colors and decorations, attractively showing everything a baby needed. Up until this point, I thought I knew what a baby needed, but then again, there were many things I hadn't even considered. My heart started racing. "Need new clothes, Bella."
There was a teasing edge to his voice that made me look up. "I can still fit in my jeans, Edward!" I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. Sure I was feeling many different things in my body now, but I could still fill out my clothes right. All the feelings were more inside. I didn't need these stretchy pants of tank tops to help hold my breasts up.
"Maybe you need more sleep," he said gently, maybe a little unsure.
I shook my head after a moment of silence between us, people busting around quickly. "No. I'm fine, really. I'm okay with all of this, I will not have a breakdown or snap at you. I promise everything is fine and I am fine," I said surely.
He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but was cut off by a loud and familiar voice. "Edward!? What are you doing here?"
I looked up at Jessica and then to Edward's kill-me-now expression. "But this I ain't so crazy about."
There won't be another update for awhile, so treasure this. Hopefully it will happen soon!