I was now the one who lay the cloth against his feverish forehead. It brought us closer, seeing him vulnerable led me to realise that yes he was human too.
Well all things come to an end, and he soon recovered and went back to his tired depression. This, I could see, was not something that he would ever be cured of. The loss went too deep.
"The early days after my renewed contact with my brother were full of such ceremonies and, to me who was used to a more active lifestyle and the freedom to depart and return at will, this seemed confining. I also felt as if we were wasting precious time.
When I could I would often escape to the nearby country for long rides or just to go amongst the peasantry incognito. They were more real in my mind than the painted faces of our form of masks all hid an ulterior motive and all sought their own gain no matter their protestations of loyalty.
I was depressed and I felt the absence of my constant companion hard, this emphasized the tension I felt from being forced to dress up and play courtier. I needed to do something, anything. I think my brother eventually realised this as he finally sent me out on an obscure scouting mission. Doubtless this was important to maintain our secretary, but anyone could have done it. I did not feel that this was a redundant chore, however. It felt like freedom, like the bars of a golden cage had finally been lifted.
I was sent on my new mission with a group of several other young men, all from different clans. The thought chanced upon me that perhaps my brother hoped we would kill each other, but I disregarded it as too much time spent alone with my thoughts. Fortunate for me that the other young men were not of the kind to desire to prove their manhood through conflict. They were thoughtfull scholars and we spent our time disgussing the values of various philosophers and debating different types of warfare strategies. We did not disguss our lives, such personal matters would have made us all umcomfortable. At the end of the day, while I had not made bosom friends, we had settled on a fairly amiable comradeship.
It was after that day that I began to petition my brother to allow me to go out amongst the soldiers and officers more. I was willing to gamble that he was ready to find some use for my energy, and I couched my begging in terms of 'affiliating myself with the troops' and 'spreading our name to create unity,' it seemed to work. I spent my days thereafter talking with the officers and individual commanders of each company. They were divided into sections based on the lord they had pledged to. Personally I doubted the efficacy of such a divided system, but I was willing to hold my tongue as I learned as much as I could from each of them, and then compared their tactics when I had time for individual thought.
It took me another week until I dared to brave the footsoldiers' training area. While I was confident of my skills, I was also nervous at being found wanting when compared to others. Especially with my brother's reminders regarding family reputation running through my head.
I started out on one of the lower forms, not wanting to appear arrogant, but as I continued I gradually forgot my worries and nervousness and fell into the flow, the zen if you will. I did not fall back into reality until around the twenty seventh form, when I realised I had gathered something of a crowd.
Yes, I dropped back into reality with a thud when I realised this.
I was embarassed at their attention, as most looked at me with hero worship. However, there was one man in the back of the crowd who held eyes of dark resentment and anger.
How do I get myself in these situations? I wondered.
Fortunately, there was a few of the men that had joined me on our expedition in that crowd, and they rapidly came forward with praise and a demand for a friendly spar. Their cheerful friendliness relazed me enough so that I was able to smile and the tension left my shoulders.
I quickly went through them, not wanting to give insult by going easy on them after they had seen my skill. I soon garnered the role of something of a mentor and trainer as they came back to ask me for tips to improver, rather than slinking off to nurse their pride as I expected them to do. This is how I gained the respect of the soldiers, at the same time the brotherly relationship that I was lauded for later on.
It was also what was one of the factors that ultimately influenced my brother's decision to name me commander.
I would not have been named such purely on my fighting capabilities. No, it was also my tactical strength. The hours I had spent studying military history and philosophy had finally paid off.
The first time I was invited to my brother's private study I was somewhat wary. Had I somehow insulted him or shamed him with my behaviour among the men? Would he chastise me for lowering the Minamoto name?
It was nothing so political. True he gave me something of a lecture for fleeing my supposed duty to the court, but all he seemed to want was a game of go."
You would call it similar to that newfangled chess the westerners are always in an uproar over.
"He was a good opponent, but I was better. He stuck to the rules too closely and there was little creativity in his game plan. I was able to circle around him a few times and almost defeated him if not for last minute maneuvers on his part. I watched his expression at the same time as I focused on the game. He hid his emotions well, but I could tell from the strange quirk at the end of his mouth that he was pleasantly surprised. Younger brothers are always underestimated, I suppose.
I finally achieved a decisive victory just as dinner was being called.
I am not sure just what his feelings were after that first defeat, but I soon found out the effects. I was placed in charge of my own footsoldiers. This meant little in the days before we truly began to mobilize, but I was determined to be prepared. I had them practice moving as a unit and treking through the terrain, gradually becoming less and less conspicious and more of a collective forward march rather than a massive chaotic charge. I was working with the idea of making my group less conspicious so that they could be used in surprise attacks, an innovative idea that at first was met with some resistance as they viewed it as dishonorable backstabbing. It was only after several arguments where I continued to point out the benefits of such strategies intermingled with psychological warfare, that they began to consider the possibilities. Soon I had a tidy little band of followers watching and imitatting my teaching structure. I could only hope Yoritomo would approve.
It seemed he was much more willing to consider alternatives as he went so far to congradulate me on my efforts to unify the military.
My younger brother, Noriyori, had appeared sometime after a month had passed. He wandered in to the main complex after avoiding the guards who had been sent to escort him. Atypically, he was just on the verge of drunk. He held that borderline position for such a long time after, that many began to wonder if this strange meandering man with his scandalous habits was not actually sober but with an unfortunate personality.
I can tell you that was not so. One night I had finally gotten sick of the mark he kept causing on our family's name, that I doused him with lake water. He was much more respectable after that and soon began to join me out on the field. As long as one kept an eye on him to prevent mischief, he was a reasonably good leader. However, his skill lay more towards personal charisma than military genius.
I was the one they went to if they wanted training or a friendly challenge, he was the one they turned to for a drinking companion. It was an acceptable compromise, as long as someone was there to ensure that he sobered up in the morning.
Then suddenly, Kiyomari died and it was as if the spark had finally reached the tinder box. Everything exploded into movement. Those who had not begun training immediately forced their troops into day long motion, and war games began to crowd the days. It became something of a question of honor, to see who could best maneuver his troops into a position of strength.
My troops were, at that point, the most familiar with the terrain, so we easily won prestige.
The man with the burning eyes that I had seen on my first day in the training area had not departed, he made his presence known constantly with little snipes. He had challenged me that first day, not in the same friendly manner as the others but more in a desire to see me fail. After his defeat for I sent him home with quite a number of bruises, he became the unofficial leader of a small group of men with a similar disposition. Arrogant ones who could not allow another to succeed, and with a chip on their shoulder a mile wide.
I do not believe that there was any specific reason for his behaviour. As I later found out, he was a minor scion of the Kagetoki family, but we disliked each other at first sight. His name was Kajiwara no Kagetoki, and he would ultimately be my downfall.
At the death of Kiyomari, his son, Taira Munemori took the reins into his trembling hands. He was not the man his father was, and what was worse, he knew it. The stability of the Taira power shook at the roots. The perfect time for an attack. Yoritomo's waiting game had finally paid off.
It was that spring that the other lords finally came to a definite agreement to act under the leadership of Yoritomo.
I do not know how he managed that political coup, nor do I particularly care. He was never in any danger from me politically, I had no interest in the nuances of diplomacy and power."
Ahh I can feel my bones crack as I have been sitting here for quite some time now, and it seems to me that this is the perfect time for a break. The perfect time... Hmm I wonder where your sister is, that is usually her call to come bounding in with eager demands for another amusement of me. Most disturbing.
I gave Kage a gimlet eye as he scoffed. "What you doubt it? Is not her timing surprisingly impeccable?" I demanded as a loud pounding came to my ears. It had a familiar ring, with a short pattern that had come to identify the female member of the next generations grouping. With a skip and a hop, the topic of our conversation bounded in, hair askew and tangled with flowers.
"Are you still in here Kage?" she demands with an incredulous air. "Come outside and play!"
"Yes young shadow, go out and feel the sunshine on your face for once" I laugh mockingly.
He scowls at me over his shoulder as she tugs him outside, muttering about old men and their foibles, and promising a dark demise no doubt.
While thos two are gambolling about, perhaps a short trip down my own memory lane. It shall be brief I promise you. Too many of us old folk grow senile after a while, don't we.
I was not what you would call fortunate. My military career had ended and my wife had just died. I was alone in the world without any real hope of a future.
When she died, that light of my life, I was left with a young child and a small house that my father had deigned to bestow upon me. I made do, but it was a cold winter.
We would not have survived if not for the care of a nearby village, that provided the necessities for us. My father had died by this time, and the uncle who inherited our estate had little interest in providing for a nephew that he saw only as a possible threat.
So we lived. I learned a new trade beyond the leisure of the upper class. Now I had to work every day to eke out a living from the small plot of land attached to our house. That and take care of a small child. I gained a new appreciation for just how hard a woman's job really is. Thank kami many of the village women took pity on me and allowed my child to join there own.
Days passed and often times I considered writing down everything that had happened to me, but I never had the time, so I merely exerted my memory so as not to forget.
As season passed to the next I watched time flow through the growth of my own child. I watched her first steps, and I was there when she exchanged her short children's clothes for the longer dresses of a woman. I was there when she fell in love, and when she married. And, when she gave birth. It was almost enough to make me feel old, this large family that surrounded me.
I wonder sometimes if I did allright, if she felt the absence of a mother. She seems to have turned out well, and her children certainly are not stunted by any psychological effect of this absence. Although sometimes I wonder about that Sora...
Speak of the devil.
"But I digress.
Yoritomo had garnered the support of the rebellious lords and set his plan into motion. And so we set out. Our first battle was to be against the forces of a Oda Kagechika. A querulous old man, but a loyal one. Loyal, that is, to the Taira, and thus he was our opponent.
He was a relatively close neighbor to the Hojo territory, and his lands were made up of fertile flatlands protected by a dense forest and a river. They held the position of strength.
This was not a good way to start out our first battle, and we were routed. But it did provide us with the practice our armies needed to flatten out the small discrepancies in our communal movement. And fortunately, our actions in battle, despite the unfavourable circumstances, impressed most of the lords sufficiently to keep them around and interested. We also gained one or two political allies who, while unable to provide military reinforcements, could provide the influence that we might need later on.
I was proud of how my squadron had handled themselves. The whole thing went horribly, but they did not break formation and were able to give succor to a few of the others who were milling about and charging like chickens who had just lost their head.
Thereafter, the generals seem to have lost confidence in themselves, as there were no more collective movements of the entire army. Instead, specific sections of the army were sent out in smaller groups to perform a type of large scale heckling. I say heckling, since neither our side nor the Taira placed there full forces in conflict with each other, and the conflict itself was rather fledgling. It was more like training missions than anything decisive.