Chapter 3
The talk
Tommy had lost track of the time, he seemed lost within a large pile of papers he was looking over. Well, seemed suited it nicely, because he was actually lost in thought about the past, something that occupied his mind, a great majority of his time anymore. He often thought about the past four years, imagining what would have happened if things had been different. If he hadn't pushed Jude off of him the first time they kissed, if he had told her that he loved her on her 16th birthday, if he hadn't hurt her so many times.. Then she would still be there, wouldn't she?
He was pulled out of his thoughts as a knock was heard at his door, he would lower the papers and look towards it "yeah?" he usually kept things simple anymore. The door was opened and Kwest would stick his head in "hey.. It's noon" Tommy would stare at him for a moment before gesturing impatiently for him to finish "I just wanted to know if you wanted to come to lunch with me" Tom's baby blue eyes would turn back to the papers that were in his hand "sorry.. Can't I have a lot of work to do" Kwest would nod and take a step back preparing to close the door, before he would pause, pushing the door open and stepping in instead, closing the door behind him.
Tommy would glance back up again as Kwest stepped closer to his desk, the look he cast towards Tommy was one of knowing, Tommy would shake his head, again with impatients "what?"
Kwest would raise his brow, looking serious "come on, you know what.. How long is it going to be like this?" Tommy would sigh, he didn't want to talk about this right now, in fact he never wanted to talk about it again. "I don't know what your talking about, and I don't have time for the speech" Kwest would shake his head, "Nah man, I'm not going to let it drop, you know damn well what I'm talking about" he would sigh as he leaned over the desk, closer to Tommy "you need to get over her"
Tommy could feel as the heat rose into his face, and the response came out as a snap "damn it, Kwest! I don't need this right now.. I don't want this right now. I'm NOT thinking about her! Okay?" anger was rising out of him as he tried to keep the charade, Kwest stood straight again, shaking his head "I know you better than that, Tom. Your hurting, you've been hurting since she left. Hell man, I'm not the only one whose noticed."
Tommy would close his eyes, speaking slowly, sounding as though he were attempting to keep control "it's not.. That.. Easy Kwest.. I can't just.. Forget about her" He would open his eyes and for the first tiome, the full force of his pain would be exposed from behind his baby soft blue eyes, his voice became softer, his breathing easier as he refused to meet his friend in the eye. "if it were that easy.. Kwest, she wasn't just another girl"
Tommy had never seen more sympathetic eyes as Kwest looked upon him, it made him feel ashamed, Kwest's voice was soft and it matched the sympathy found in his eyes "Tom, when was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror. You're letting this kill you. You need to stop blaming yourself, I mean.. Jude CHOSE to leave, it was what SHE did." Tommy's eyes would snap up "don't you even THINK about blaming Jude!" he said as he stood, but he would wince after he said the last word. He hadn't said her name since she left. He shook his head as he looked down, speaking solomly "In reality, there is no one left to blame, but myself. I'm the one who let her go.. I drove her away" He had spent such a short time in an attempt to blame anyone and everyone but himself. First he hated everyone who had dated her, and then hurt her, then it was all those who had told her that it wouldn't work between the two of them.. Kwest had blame for a few moments, and then Sadie. Then of course, there was Jude. She's the one who left him, how could it be anyone's fault but hers. He had felt beyond guilty for thinking that, as the countless number of times he had broke her heart came into focus. No, she did not get the blame for his mistakes.
"I'm sorry, man.. I just.. I miss you. You need to take care of this. Take care of yourself" Tommy would nod as he sat down "yeah.. I know, and.. I will, I'll figure something out" Kwest would nod as he turned and left the office, closing the door behind him and Tommy sitting there mauling over the conversation.