I must apologise profusely for the late update...my internet went haywire, and no amount of changing leads or well-aimed bashing would make any difference! Hope this is worth it, though the guy from TalkTalk who had to deliver a new router would not agree!
"Minerva McGonagall, you put me back this instant!"
Hermione whipped around at the booming command, but couldn't find the source.
"I mean it!"
Bewildered, Hermione peered at the Christmas tree that had appeared in the middle of the Great Hall. All the house tables had been banished, leaving only the staff table.
"Professor Sprout?" Hermione asked hesitantly.
"Pomona, dear. And yes, it's bloody well me! I mean it, Minerva! Hermione, you better tell your girlfriend to change me back or she'll be eating Bubotuber Puss for the next year!"
At the word girlfriend, Hermione had to suppress the urge to giggle, especially when Ginny dug her in the ribs.
"I never thought I'd ever be able to imagine McGonagall as anyone's girlfriend," Ginny smirked. "It's cute!"
"She's not my girlfriend!" Hermione hissed as the woman in question approached the two.
"Minerva, I don't think Pomona likes being the Christmas tree," Hermione stated, feeling her heart beat faster at the closeness of the other woman.
"Oh, very well. But doesn't she look quite cute?"
Ginny laughed at the word she had used to describe Minerva not a minute ago.
Two pairs of furious brown eyes blinked from underneath two tinsel eyebrows. Bauble earrings wobbled beautifully as Pomona huffed.
"I do think it's rather good," Hermione said. "But if Pomona is going to be a tree, then it's only fair that the rest of us are transfigured too."
"Ooooh, can I be an elf?" Rolanda asked, her yellow eyes sparkling.
"That's cheating!" Pomona yelled. "That's just dressing up in a costume. I'm bloody shrubbery!"
Minerva rolled her eyes and with a flick of her wand Pomona returned to normal.
"So what's the plan?" Poppy asked, her voice slightly slurred, but she could now stand up without assistance.
"Ok, Ginny and I will be wrapping presents by the table; Mrs. Weasley will be stuffing the turkey..." Rolanda snorted and Molly giggled. Hermione glowered at them before continuing. "Pomona and Sybil will be decorating the Christmas tree; Minerva will be decorating the rest of the Hall; I think it's safest if you just sit by the fire singing carols, Poppy, to be honest, and Rolanda...you can run around generally just...being an elf."
Seeing that everyone was agreed, they all went to their designated places and took off their robes. Minerva already looked artistically decorated, with banners and ribbons flying out of her wand, weaving around her body before flying off to adorn the walls; Poppy sat by the fire, creating lovely Christmassy scenes in the flames and humming softly; Pomona was having great fun levitating Sybil, who had tinsel wrapped around her entire body, to the top of the tree.
"Couldn't she just charm the objects to fly by themselves?" Hermione muttered to Minerva, unable to resist getting closer to the woman to appreciate the sensuous way that the banners weaved around her body.
"Where's the fun in that?" Minerva answered slyly, as Sybil squealed.
Hermione chuckled as she went to join Ginny by the table.
"You've both got it soo bad," Ginny commented as she started wrapping presents, the boxes strategically placed to hide their bodies.
"Got what?" Hermione asked innocently.
"You and Minerva. You can't stop looking at each other. It's sweet."
Hermione swatted her on the arm, and then laughed out loud as she noticed Minerva doing the exact same thing to Rolanda, who was busy generally being a nuisance.
"Girls," Molly interrupted. "Here we go...what's Christmas without a drop of Sherry."
"Oh yes," Ginny smiled, taking the proffered glass and turning to Hermione with a wink. "Santa used to love Sherry in our house. If I recall, we used to have to leave a glass from all seven of us, because otherwise he may have forgotten to leave our presents!"
Hermione laughed as Molly went back to piling up mince pies, already on her third glass of Sherry. When it came to stuffing the turkey, Rolanda appeared almost instantly by Molly's side.
"You're stuffing the wrong end." Rolanda stated.
"Oh dear," Ginny muttered, and buried herself further into the pile of wrapping paper.
"Madame Hooch," Molly began, her features darkening visibly. "I have been making Christmas dinner for the best part of twenty years, and I think I know enough by now to know which end of the turkey to do what with."
Rolanda burst out laughing.
"Oh, there's so much potential in that comment! But no, seriously, if you just..."
Rolanda attempted to grab the turkey, but was stopped by Molly's hand on her arm.
"Don't. Touch. The. Food."
By now everyone in the room had stopped to watch. Molly's fierce protectiveness of her kitchen was legendary, and even though this was only a table in the make-believe Great Hall for a staged event, everyone knew that once Molly Weasley decided to do something, it was hers and hers alone.
"But just..." Rolanda grabbed one leg, and Molly seized hold of the other. An almighty crunch followed, and the turkey split cleanly in half, sending Rolanda flying, and stuffing spewing everywhere.
"Look what you've done!" Molly shrieked. Hermione got to her feet, sensing an intervention was in order.
"Mrs. Weasley, we can just..."
"Stay out of it, Hermione." Molly lifted a finger in warning. Ginny tugged Hermione's arm.
"I would if I were you. I mean, one Christmas, dad decided to add a little sausage meat to the stuffing. After she'd calmed down enough to let him out of the shed, that's all she put on his plate for three days. Ron tried to stick up for him, and that's all he got, too. He was devastated."
"Oh."
They both looked on with morbid fascination as Molly advanced on Rolanda. She raised her half of the turkey, and Rolanda was only just quick enough to hold hers up before Molly's half smacked into it.
"You were going to hit me with it!" Rolanda yelled, scrambling to her feet.
"I'll do more than hit you with it!"
"I've had bigger and better women say that to me over the years!" Rolanda yelled as she dodged another blow, grabbed a fistful of stuffing from the table and hurled it towards Molly's face. A deathly silence fell in the room as Molly slowly wiped her eyes free of the glob.
"Needs a little more sage." She commented. "So I suppose, it's not really wasteful..." she grabbed a handful and flung it in Rolanda's face. Pomona had left Sybil hanging in mid-air as her concentration rested solely on the two women. Rolanda wiped her eyes, and with an evil, challenging glint, picked up a couple of mince pies.
"No. No no no no n..."
The rest of Molly's protest was cut off as a pie came flying towards her. She managed to duck, the pie sailing straight over her head and exploding on Hermione's chest.
"Right. That's it."
And before long, everyone was involved in the food fight, even Sybil who, from her vantage point in mid-air, caught flying foodstuffs and hurled them gleefully around the room, eerily reminiscent of Peeves.
When all the food was too mashed to throw anymore, the women gathered, laughing, around the table, robes back on. The photographer joined them, having cleaned himself up reasonably well. Glasses of Sherry were passed along the table, and everyone took a dignified sip, until Rolanda summoned a jug and several large glasses.
"What's that?" Sybil asked, her eyes flickering madly at the multicoloured liquid in the jug.
"A cocktail." Rolanda declared triumphantly. "A pretty mean one too, if I say so myself." She poured the liquid and proudly topped them off with a strawberry and umbrella.
"Cor blimey!" Pomona gasped, the first one brave enough to take a sip. She promptly dived in for more, with Molly and Sybil following.
"I suggest we have a little party," Rolanda spoke after everyone had tried their drink. "And leave the morning after till...well, the morning after. What do you say, everyone? Mr Photographer?"
They all looked to Hermione who shrugged her shoulders. "We've been going at it all day – drinking, I mean – so why not finish off with a flourish."
The photographer smiled. "Sounds like a good idea to me, though if you don't mind, I may just stick around and take some snaps, see if any would be worth using?"
"Great! Now then..." Rolanda got to her feet. "Music; dancing; disco!"
Almost immediately the room changed. There were small tables scattered around the edge of the room, and a dance floor with a huge, glittering disco ball suspended from the ceiling. The music started almost immediately, and a bar had appeared in the corner.
They took it in turns behind the bar concocting various drinks; some delightfully delectable, though rather toxic in alcohol percentage, and some that triggered the gag reflex.
"Ooooh!" Hermione squealed, when the music changed. "I know this one!" She grabbed her wand and transfigured everyone's robes. The photographer burst out laughing.
"Village people!" he cried.
Ginny laughed, looking down on herself in her tight denim dungarees and work boots
"I know this! Dad loves it!"
"Oh. My. God. I've fallen in love with me." Rolanda said as she admired herself from all angles in the figure-hugging leather biker outfit. Sybil looked bewildered as her hands fondled the massive headgear and she looked down on the feathers adorning her body instead of her scarves. Molly gave a hoot eerily reminiscent of the cowboy she was dressed as, and Pomona looked down at herself, bewildered.
"What the bloody hell is this?"
"The characters of the Village People; biker; cowboy; Indian; construction worker; sailor and policeman." Hermione explained, pointing to Pomona and herself on the last two.
"How come they're not dressed up?" Sybil asked, pointing a finger accusingly at Minerva and Poppy.
"Ah, well...there's only six of the village people, you see."
"Oh, we can fix that!" Rolanda interjected, and before anyone could protest or move she raised her wand and murmured in the direction of Poppy and Minerva.
"Oh, how original," Poppy drawled as she looked down on herself, clad in a PVC naughty nurse outfit.
"Thank goodness Ron and Harry have left Hogwarts." Hermione stated. At Ginny's questioning raised eyebrow, Hermione expanded.
"Usually, I only ever ended up in the Hospital Wing because of them. If I ended up there this year I don't think I'd be able to cope with the cringing!"
Their laughter was interrupted by a dry cough from Minerva.
"And me, Rolanda?"
"You are absolutely ravishing, my good Professor."
"G.I Jane, if I'm not mistaken." Hermione answered as she took in Minerva's camouflage-style tight shorts, black vest top, knee high black boots and an oversized camouflage jacket. The facial make-up set it off, along with a slight change in hairstyle to a loose ponytail. Hermione had to agree with Rolanda's statement.
"The dance!" the photographer urged them, starting the song from the beginning. "Take it away, Hermione!"
Hermione, along with Ginny who had taken it upon herself to study Muggle dancing, began the dance moves to the Y.M.C.A. and before long, the rest of them had joined in, even though most of them had never heard it before, throwing themselves into the campness. Mr. Grant, the photographer seized the opportunity and took a few photos, still not quite believing that the staid, reserved, strict Transfiguration teacher was dressed in sexy camouflage waving her arms in the air making letters alongside the rest of The Village People. He smiled as they all fell about laughing, Minerva trying to gather some decorum now that the song had ended.
"Oh, give it up, Tabby, and have another cocktail!" Rolanda cried, smacking her on the back.
"Tabby?" Minerva asked, incredulous.
"Yes, as in, tabby cat, as in...you! Tabby." Rolanda affirmed. Minerva pulled a face.
Molly opened her mouth but Minerva immediately raised a finger.
"If you want to keep your vocal cords, Miss Prewett, I suggest you say nothing. Minerva will do fine."
Ginny snorted, the edge having been taken out of Minerva's threat by the alcohol soaking her system.
"Last week she was Professor McGonagall; this week Minerva; next week Tabby, I bet money on it!" Ginny poked Hermione in the ribs.
"Get a grip!" Hermione scowled, but then gave in to a huge grin again. "C'mon and dance!" it was a strange sight, Mr. Grant thought, seeing a policewoman and a construction worker dancing wildly to Muggle music in the middle of an enchanted room; but not as strange, he realised, as seeing a leather-clad biker slow dance with an Indian. He took photos the entire night, watching the women get drunker and party harder, until the music changed and the dancing turned slower, although he wasn't too sure whether some were dancing or merely holding each other up.
"C'mon, Sybil, we better get you tucked up," Rolanda muttered, hoisting the almost unconscious woman to her feet. "A tad too much, I think."
Minerva, her arms around Hermione on the dance floor, rolled her eyes. "The woman hasn't been sober since 1980."
"I don't think you're in any position to make disparaging comments about drunkenness at the moment, Minerva." Hermione whispered, giggling. She was about to lean in for a kiss when the music abruptly stopped.
"I feel the night is drawing to a close, ladies...and man. But you can't end a party, especially a Christmas party, without a game of Twister!" Rolanda shouted, as if they had all gone deaf.
Hermione groaned.
"Hey," Rolanda raised her eyebrows in warning. "It's either that, or truth or dare!"
"Twister sounds delightful!" Ginny piped up. "I think my brain has dealt with enough truths this week to last a very long time!"
Pomona begged off, citing her inability to stand up straight, and Ginny decided it would be safer if she kept out of it and spun the arrow. No sooner had the room transformed into a larger version of the Gryffindor common room, than Molly sunk into a chair by the fireplace and fell asleep.
"Mum's out! That leaves Minerva; Hermione; Rolanda and Poppy."
Hermione brought her world back into focus by shutting one eye.
"Gimme your worst, Gin!"
The first few moves were simple enough. However, with one hand on blue, the other on red, one foot on yellow and having to move the other foot to blue, the game got infinitely more difficult and, to Ginny at least, much more entertaining.
"Poppy...Poppy!" Minerva hissed from her position underneath the matron's bosom.
"Oh, hi, Minerva!" Poppy wobbled considerably as she tried to look underneath herself.
"Poppy...you didn't put a bra back on!"
"Oh, well, no, I didn't did I? Why, not tempted, are you?" No sooner than she winked, a look of complete surprise crossed her features as she toppled to the side.
"Thank Merlin," Minerva breathed, though as Ginny called out the next colour and she was confronted with a rather personal view of Rolanda's crotch, she rather thought that Poppy's cleavage suddenly looked more appealing.
"I hope you're not enjoying this too much."
Minerva felt the breath on her ear, the resulting shiver causing her arms to nearly buckle.
"But if you are, I don't have to move my arm to the other yellow, and block your view. I could just..."
"Move, now," Minerva breathed, and Hermione's resulting stretch meant that Rolanda toppled and Hermione ended up on top of Minerva, legs between each others, with Minerva arching into even more of a crab shape to try to get closer to Hermione.
"Whoa! I think we have winners!" Rolanda cried when she got up. "Let's save the rest for private quarters, shall we? Or at least make a calendar out of it, give us a proper thrill!"
Hermione let her arms buckle, so her face came within a breath of Minerva's.
"That sounds delightful," she breathed. Minerva smiled as she twisted her head away from Hermione's.
"Perhaps when I'm not likely to be knocked unconscious by the alcohol fumes radiating from you."
"Oh, hark at you, Soberness."
The two women shakily got to their feet and joined Ginny and Rolanda by the bar that had stayed in the corner from the disco. Poppy had gone off to try to climb the staircase to the dormitories, given up and folded into a chair instead, her eyelids drooping heavily.
Pomona had somehow managed to fall into the chair that Molly sat in and slept soundly, Molly's arm protectively wound around her waist. Sybil had been deposited on a pile of cushions, where she curled in on herself and emitted fire-cracking snores every now and again.
Rolanda turned the music up again, and began to wiggle her hips as she handed out shots of a luminous liquid.
"Oh, my Gosh!" Hermione cried as she finished hers off in one hefty swallow. "This is the most perfect song for tonight!" and to everyone's utter amazement she jumped forward and began slowly gyrating, slowly stripping her clothes, teasing with glimpses of skin.
"I believe in miracles!" she sang as she shed her gun holster. "You sexy thing!" she pointed at Minerva then stepped forward to grab her by the jacket and pull her forward.
"Hermione!" Minerva gasped. "What..."
"It's a stripper song...a song you strip to...perfect...come on, everyone; oooh, what a brilliant coincidence!"
Ginny met Rolanda's eyes and they both giggled.
"Please remind Miss Granger of this moment in years to come, won't you?" Rolanda said, eyes sparkling.
"Oh, don't worry. She'll never forget this!" Ginny laughed as she hopped off the stool and grabbed the flying instructor's hand. Taking their cue from Hermione, Ginny and Rolanda let the words sink in and began to strip their clothes in time to the music. When Minerva attempted to sneak away, Rolanda grabbed her and spun her in a surprisingly graceful pirouette before tilting her backwards so that her jacket fell off.
"Come on, Tabs. Give us a last flash, yoo sexy thing!"
Minerva rolled her eyes, but the green held a sly, slightly alcohol-soaked shimmer.
"Only because this may be the only way to stop you from calling me that, Rolanda. Plus it's the only time you will ever get this close to me."
Mr. Grant, sat largely unnoticed in the corner, would bet his life savings that no one would have ever believed what had happened in that room throughout the day. When he accepted the job, he thought that Minerva McGonagall must have been a more common name than he realised because...well...The Minerva McGonagall would never ever be so...abandoned. Now he realised that Hermione Granger and just the right amount of alcohol had managed what he and the rest of the Wizarding World thought impossible; so impossible that the belief was almost set in stone; that Minerva McGonagall was the epitome of staid. Now he thought as he watched the four remaining women, Minerva McGonagall could be the epitome of sensuality as she gave in and began stripping what was left of her clothes. He shook his head, thanking his almost empty Gringotts account for having to take this job.
The song ended and the women collapsed onto the sofa in various stages of undress. Minerva went to reach for a robe, but Rolanda held her back.
"Look what I found in the corner!" she said, pulling from behind the sofa a giant ball of wool.
"And what are you intending on doing with that?"
"Oh, a little Christmas decoration, Tabby!"
"Rolanda..." Minerva's voice carried a warning, but before she could move, Rolanda had begun to wind the ball around Minerva's body. Minerva shrieked and tried to twist away, a sight and sound that caused Ginny and Hermione to laugh even harder, for the more she twisted, the more she became entangled in the wool, until she toppled over with an audible thump. Minerva looked slightly affronted that the three women laughed harder at her undignified fall, until she realised that she had, in fact, landed in a giant cat bed.
"It needs working on, your assumed sense of humour." Minerva huffed, but then laughed despite herself. She transfigured into her animagus, and proceeded to play with the giant ball of wool before settling herself into the little pillows she had created. Hermione smiled softly as Minerva settled in, and couldn't stifle a huge yawn of her own.
"Lightweights," Rolanda muttered, getting up, and muttering a spell that transformed the sofa that Ginny and Hermione sat on into a large bed. "Give up, then, all of you, but me...I'll continue the party, keep the candle lit...the cocktails coming..." she laughed as she went back to the bar.
Ginny and Hermione both collapsed into a laying position and closed their eyes at exactly the same time, Hermione half-heartedly covering them both with a sheet.
"Thank you, Gin," Hermione muttered groggily, as her mind drifted into blackness. Ginny opened one eye and smiled as she realised that Hermione's arm was hanging over the edge of the bed, lightly clutching the end of Minerva's tail, who was seemingly fast asleep and purring softly.
"'Snothing to thank me for, Mione. Specially when you wake up!"
Hermione mumbled incoherently, and both fell almost instantly into a heavy, dreamless sleep.
More soon
Oh, and thank you to Tigertales for the idea of Minerva/yarn/giant cat bed...couldn't resist!