Chapter 24: Human Again

Alice didn't want to think about it anymore, didn't want to remember what she had sabotaged. But the wheels were already turning in Claire's head, and she recalled waking up in Alice's arms inside the motel.

"I think we should get up. I can hear people moving outside," Alice tried to reason.

But the redhead playfully replied back, "I don't hear anything. We have time."

Alice sighed, and tried to find the words. "No, we don't."

The younger woman waited patiently for an explanation.

"Claire," the brunette bit her lip nervously, "after we get to Vegas…I'm leaving."

The redhead was shocked and tried to deny what Alice had told her to combat the pain blossoming in her chest. "Yeah, we're all leaving Vegas – to go to Alaska."

Alice tried again, she needed to be perfectly clear. She needed Claire to understand. "I'm not going to Alaska with the convoy." But all Claire heard was 'I'm not going to Alaska with you.'

The brunette tried to rise from the bed to put some space between them, but the redhead held her down. Alice certainly could've forced her off, but she owed Claire this.

"Then I won't go either. I'm staying with you," the younger woman said stubbornly.

The fact that Claire would leave all her friends, and the chance for safety behind just so she could follow her made Alice's heart swell with joy, but it was bittersweet. "No, I can't let you do that. I'm not safe to be around-"before she could say more Claire interrupted her, voice full of anxiety.

"I don't care…Alice – I love you." Claire knew the admission was rushed, but she also knew it wasn't just an attempt to sway Alice; however, she wished feverishly that it would. It was the truth, whether the brunette liked it or not.

Alice didn't let herself evaluate how she felt about the redhead. She knew that if she did she'd come to the same conclusion as Claire, and that just wasn't safe. Oh god, she thought as she suffered through the physical hurt of what had to be done, Claire forgive me. If she was going to do this, it would need to be convincing. She couldn't stop; couldn't show any emotion.

The brunette spoke with superiority and indifference. "You have to stay. This convoy needs you, and I don't."

There it was done. Alice could see Claire's heart practically bleeding before her as the redhead's eyes filled with tears.

"You shouldn't have left us!" Claire condemned the woman before her and backed away, but her anger quickly receded and gave way to misery. "I couldn't take care of them after you were gone." Tears rolled down her cheeks collecting the grime and dust off her face leaving trails of clean skin. "I was always so strong and in control, but you left…and suddenly I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what to do."

The redhead took a breath as Alice stood there stunned, like a deer caught in headlights.

"It took months for us to get to Alaska. When we got there, there was no one, nothing, just those planes. We stayed near the helicopter the first night and I couldn't give any more orders, couldn't find a more suitable place to stay, couldn't even check to make sure the area was safe for fuck's sake!" Claire's fury was back, but it wouldn't last. "I was like-like one of those things! Mindless, uncaring – the entire time." Alice knew exactly to what she was referring, she herself had felt not much different. "I put everyone at risk because…I couldn't live without you." The whispered confession burrowed into the brunette's ears.

"I'm sorry."

"Wait – there's more." The redhead brought her fingers to her temple as she recalled the memory that was once so clouded. "It was K-mart who saw the ship first, the Arcadia. She organized with the others to make a signal fire. It wasn't long before they came for us. When they hit the shore K-mart saw the Umbrella logo stitched to their combat suits. Some part of me recognized it too, but I just didn't care. I watched the others run, K-mart was going to leave too, but she came back for me. That's when they over took us both and put those bugs on. She was able to shake them off, and pull me to my feet. We ran into the trees to hide. It was chaos on the beach...She looked at me, looked through me…I was so useless. She told me that she was going to help the others, and I didn't even think to stop her." Claire clenched her bandaged fist tightly, knowing that if the soft material wasn't between her fingernails and palm, that she would break skin. "She ran back to the shore and I heard yelling, I heard her scream, and…that's all I remember until I woke up with my hands tied to that plane."

The redhead stopped talking and took another step back afraid that in her fury she would physically lash out, and she knew that if she did the brunette would not stop her.

Alice panicked, fearful that Claire would walk away from her leaving only the memory of her rage behind, just as she had done before. "I have found you only to lose you again. What is wrong with me?"

The brunette's words were full of anguish and regret, and it was never more apparent to Claire that they could both die tomorrow. She didn't let her anger devour her; didn't let Alice berate herself for the past by abandoning her. She took a breath…and let it go. The tension left her muscles, and the menace deserted her thoughts leaving only a soft lament.

She walked back up to Alice and hung both of her arms around her neck. Suddenly remembering Alice's scarred skin, the redhead questioned her. "I don't understand…your back?"

The brunette was so relieved that Claire wasn't leaving her that she hardly registered what the younger woman was asking.

"I thought you couldn't get hurt?" Claire said puzzled.

The brunette's returned mortality – her humanity really – had left her a stranger in her own skin. The years spent with her genetically-altered identity could not be simply undone by the months spent trying to get to Alaska. It was never just new cerebral powers and heightened abilities; it was a mentality. It terrified Alice at first. She felt disconnected from her own body. Every movement was coupled with uncertainty. The powerlessness of it all was foreign and unwanted, but she found that even at the loss, other – more important things were returned. Following through with her selfish desires was again within her grasp.

"I'm human again," Alice put emphasis on the statement trying to get the meaning across. The reason she hadn't stayed before no longer had any merit, and she prayed desperately that the redhead could see that.

"Alice," Claire replied, "I didn't care then, and I don't care now." Just like that, the younger woman removed all the doubt Alice had in herself, and replaced it with a shining confidence.

"I love you," Alice confessed.

Claire ran her hands along the back of Alice's neck, and it enticed the brunette to slip her fingers into the redhead's pants pockets and pull her closer. Their lips drew together like a magnet. The warmth from the contact radiated in them both, and Claire knew that she could spend the rest of her life kissing Alice.

"I love you too."