DISCLAIMER: I don't own Merlin. If I did Morgana would not smirk nearly so often.

Pain. Pain was the first thing Merlin was aware of as he returned to consciousness. It seared through his head making his eyes water and the world spin. Squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to regain some form of equilibrium, Merlin hissed through his teeth. The warlock was sure that something must have been bashing him over the head the whole night as he doubted there was anything else that would be able to cause him such excruciating agony. His limbs felt heavy and numb as though weighed down with stones, and the idea of movement was extremely daunting. Cracking his eyes open experimentally, he shut them again immediately as the sunlight streaming in through his dusty window suddenly seemed to equate having the whole sun right there in the middle of his bedroom. A strong feeling of nausea swept over him and Merlin could feel bile rising in the back of his throat. Feeling his mouth begin to water, Merlin rolled over quickly, groaning as his head protested the sudden movement, and retched over the side of the bed. Little to nothing came up, but Merlin continued to heave, a shooting pain ripping through his head with each convulsion causing another spike of nausea that left him gasping for breath. It was a viscous cycle that made him feel as though he wanted to die.

Finally the feeling subsided and Merlin passed a trembling hand over his sweat soaked brow and muttered shakily, "I am never drinking again."

"I certainly hope not," came a voice from the doorway and the warlock glanced up slowly to see Gaius watching him with a combination of sternness and pity.

"Morning, Gaius," Merlin croaked, giving the physician a weak smile.

Then, looking back down at the mess on the floor, Merlin groaned again and passed a hand over it causing it to vanish. He pushed himself up on shaking arms in an attempt to get into a sitting position. After a moment, Gaius moved to help him and with his assistance they were able to get him propped up on his pillows in a semi-comfortable way.

"Now," Gaius said, sitting down on the bed and placing a hand on Merlin's forehead, peering into his glazed eyes, "How are you feeling?"

"Terrible," Merlin said honestly, wincing once more at the pain in his head, "What happened last night, Gaius?"

"From what I understand," Gaius replied, standing up and going over to his rounds kit which was resting by the door, "You decided to try and drink all the gin in the kingdom last night."

Merlin winced at the disapproving tone his mentor used and bowed his head in contrition when the physician glanced back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, Gaius," Merlin apologized sincerely, "I don't know what I was thinking."

Gaius did not reply for a moment and Merlin winced once more as he heard Gaius' shuffling footsteps moving closer, not looking forward to the lecture that was coming. However, he was pleasantly surprised when Gaius merely rested his hand on Merlin's shoulder and looked at him gently.

"You are young, Merlin," Gaius said, sitting down on the bed once more with two vials clutched in his hand, "You are going to make mistakes. It is a part of growing up. We all must discover our limits."

"Well, I found mine," Merlin grinned feebly, "And I never want to revisit them ever again."

Gaius didn't crack a smile at the joke. Instead, he sighed, "That is not what I am concerned about," the physician looked at his ward seriously, "Merlin, why did you do it?"

Merlin froze momentarily before quickly averting his eyes. He's sort of hoped that Gaius would just assume he'd wanted to get drunk in a fit of immature stupidity, but he should have realized that the old physician knew him far too well. He knew that Merlin would never act as he had without reason. It simply wasn't in his nature to be a big drinker. Even if it was, he hardly had the time, access, or money to drink very often. His many responsibilities laid far too heavily on his shoulders for him to consider going to the tavern for a pint with some of the other servants in the castle. He couldn't risk losing his job as Arthur's manservant when it placed him in such a perfect position to protect the prince and he certainly couldn't risk being too drunk to protect Camelot from its many enemies. What would happen if some sorcerer attacked the city and Merlin was too busy nursing a hangover to take care of it? There was simply too much to lose. Unfortunately, this meant he missed out on many of the frivolities of young, unmarried life, drinking being a prime example. Merlin would not have chanced it without some sort of motivation.

"No reason," Merlin mumbled, refusing to meet Gaius' concerned gaze.

"Merlin," Gaius said haltingly, before sighing again, "My boy, you cannot keep blaming yourself for what happened. Morgana was-"

"I know, Gaius," Merlin interrupted, not really wanting to hear Gaius try to make him feel okay about this. There was nothing right about what he had done, whatever his mentor said, "I don't blame myself. That's not why I did it."

The physician opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it. He regarded him quietly.

"Alright," the old man said finally, looking away and handing him the vials, "Drink these. One should clear up the headache and the other will help with the nausea."

"Thank you," Merlin muttered, also looking away.

They sat in awkward silence.

"Well," Gaius said, pushing himself to his feet and picking up his rounds kit once more, "I must get to work. The prince knows you will not be in today. Drink water and try to get some rest."

"Okay," Merlin replied, downing the potions quickly and grimacing at the taste, "Have a good day."

Gaius nodded, "I'll be back to check on you later." And then he was gone.

Merlin sighed and lay back, throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the sunlight, already feeling his headache begin to ebb away. It didn't feel right, lying to Gaius. The whole mess with Morgana had been exactly why he'd done it. He had needed to try and forget for a little while. But the only thing he hated more than lying to the older man was worrying him.

'He worries too much,' Merlin thought heavily.

'But he cares for you,' whispered a voice in his head that sounded oddly like Arthur's, 'Do not take that so lightly.'

'He cares too much too.' Merlin rolled over, burying his head in the pillow in an attempt to block out the early morning sunlight, feeling the heavy weight of depression sink over him again like a dark blanket. He just didn't know what to do anymore.

Someone was poking him. Someone was poking him repeatedly. How irritating. Vaguely, Merlin realized that he had fallen back to sleep, but mostly his sleep-deprived brain processed only that someone was poking him and he wanted them to stop.

'Stop that,' he grumbled mentally, eyes still closed as he attempted to bat the hand away.

"Merlin," someone sang, "Merlin, wake up!"

"Go away," he mumbled, still trying to get that damned hand to stop poking him.

"Now really, Merlin," the voice chastised, but still sounding more amused than angry, "Is that any way to address your prince?"

Merlin paused in his half-hearted attempts to get this irritating person to stop bothering him. No, it can't be...

"Arthur?" Merlin asked incredulously as he finally recognized the voice and opened his eyes only to be blinded by the darkness that now enveloped the room.

"No. Its god," said a shadowed figure next to him, "I'm here to call you on a holy mission. Its called stop being a lazy buffoon and wake up."

"You can be a real prat sometimes, you know that?" Merlin replied grumpily as his eyes adjusted. He pushed himself into a sitting position and he was very happy to find that the excruciating pain in his head had dulled to a tolerable ache and the overwhelming nausea was now all but gone, "What do you want?"

"Just wanted to check on you," Arthur said, his face suddenly flashing into view as he lit the candle resting on the warlock's bedside table making Merlin blink repeatedly, "You've been sleeping most of the day."

"Well, I'm feeling better now," the servant replied with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "Thanks for the concern, but I should be fully recovered and back to work by tomorrow."

"Good, good," Arthur said, almost a little too casually and there was an odd glint in his eye that made Merlin worried, "I had worried after seeing the state you were in last night."

All the blood in Merlin's veins froze and he felt his heart skip a beat, "What?"

"Didn't Gaius tell you?" Arthur said with an air of mock surprise, "I was the one who found you completely pissed in the stables and had to carry you back to the castle."

Merlin's eyes widened in horror, "No."

"Oh yes," Arthur said with relish and Merlin now recognized the glint in his eye as the sadistic one Arthur had often worn when Merlin had first started working for him, "We had quite an interesting chat."

Merlin was sure he was going to hyperventilate. He tried to calm himself while also frantically wracking his brain for any memory of the night before. But there was nothing. The last thing he remembered was cracking open that first bottle of gin and everything else was a blur. He had just assumed he'd stumbled back to his room before passing out. He'd never considered, never dreamed-

"W-we did?" Merlin stuttered. He had to strain to hear Arthur's reply through the cacophony of noise in his own head. His internal voices were screaming. 'What did I say?' Merlin thought frantically, 'What did I say?'

"Indeed we did," Arthur concurred, with an evil grin, "Fascinating actually. Merlin, why didn't you ever tell me that you and the Great Dragon are family?"

Merlin's heart leapt into his throat and he let out a choked sound that was a cross between a grunt and a rather unmanly squeak, "What?"

"Or," Arthur went on, a viscous smirk blooming across his face, "how Morgana is actually a sorceress?"

Merlin lost all ability to talk as sheer terror froze all brain processes, his eyes as wide as saucers now.

"Or," Arthur's expression had become feral now in his vindictive amusement, "how you actually were the one to save Camelot from the sleeping spell?"

Merlin gulped and stared at Arthur in terror, feeling as though his tongue has somehow become glued to the roof of his mouth, 'I am never drinking again!'

"Well?" Arthur prompted, looking downright gleeful, "Come on, Merlin. Don't be shy. You were extremely chatty last night. Don't you have anything to say?"

Merlin attempted to articulate a reply, his mouth opening and closing like a fish, as terror flooded every inch of his being. He gazed uncertainly at the satisfied prince.

"I-," he stuttered finally, "I d-don't know what you're talking about."

"You mean you don't remember?" Arthur said, looking a tad disappointed, "Shame. It was such an interesting tale too."

Merlin did not reply immediately as he tried to work out what on earth he should say to rectify the situation. He couldn't believe he had told the prince all that. He was such an idiot! He had no recollection of talking to Arthur at all. But he must have, or how else could Arthur have known?

"You-," Merlin hesitated, swallowing thickly, "You don't really believe any of that, do you?"

"Well, I don't know...," the prince said slowly, looking thoughtful, "I mean, it explains a lot doesn't it?"

Merlin froze, staring at him wide eyed.

"If you're part dragon, maybe that can account for your incredible lack of coordination."

Merlin just kept staring.

"Oh really Merlin, of course I don't," Arthur snorted derisively, "What do you take me for?"

Merlin sagged in relief. Arthur didn't believe it. He was safe.

"But Merlin," Arthur's voice had grown serious suddenly, "We do need to talk about this."

Merlin nodded in resignation and glanced at him guiltily, "I'm sorry, sire. It was very irresponsible of me to act as I did. It won't happen again."

"Good," Arthur said firmly, "because I don't ever want to have Gaius knocking on my door again, frantic about where you've gotten to just because you decided it would be a good idea to get so drunk you can't remember your own name. Am I understood?"

"I couldn't remember my name?"

"Merlin..."

"Yes, sire. I understand."

"That's a first," Arthur said with a smirk and Merlin scowled at him.

"Now," the prince said, leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees, giving Merlin a searching look, "We need to talk about this."

"Er," Merlin said confused, "Didn't we just?"

"No," Arthur replied shortly.

The prince regarded him silently and Merlin shifted him uncomfortably, giving the blonde a questioning look.

Arthur only looked at him searchingly, but what he was looking for the warlock didn't know.

Finally, the tension became too much.

"What?" Merlin asked, avoiding the blonde's gaze.

"What is going on with you?" Arthur asked bluntly, giving his servant a hard look.

Merlin looked up at the prince in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"Despite my claims to the contrary," he answered, raising an eyebrow, "You never drink. Ever. And certainly never enough to get trashed."

Merlin cleared his throat and averted his eyes, "So?"

"So what's going on with you?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me," Arthur said sternly.

"I'm not lying," Merlin argued, desperately wishing that Arthur would just let it go, "I'm fine. Really."

"No you're not," Arthur replied firmly, eyes scanning him pointedly and Merlin winced, knowing his appearance was certainly not going to help his case.

"Well, not right now," the warlock conceded, "I'm a bit hungover at the moment, but, apart from that, I'm right as rain."

"No you're not," Arthur repeated stubbornly.

"Yes I am," Merlin replied, sighing in exasperation.

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not. "

"Yes I-"

"Oh for godsake! What are we? Seven?"

"You started it," Merlin said sulkily.

"Very mature, Merlin," Arthur said, rolling his eyes.

"Thanks."

"Now, what's going on with you?"

Merlin threw his hands up in frustration.

"You're not to blame for Morgana's kidnapping, you know."

The effect was immediate. At the very mention of the king's missing ward, Merlin froze and his expression closed up faster than you could blink. "What are you talking about?" he asked, voice and face determinedly blank, but Arthur wasn't fooled.

"Morgause is a sorceress," Arthur continued, ignoring him but watching Merlin's reaction closely, "There's nothing you could have done against someone with that sort of power."

"Arthur-," Merlin said in a strained voice, but Arthur cut him off.

"No, listen to me," Merlin obediently fell silent, though his body was still very tense, "Last night you were trying to convince me that you had poisoned Morgana and were responsible for her death. You're obviously feeling guilty about the whole situation. But there was nothing you could have done. You'd never win against a sorceress like Morgause. Please believe that."

Merlin did not reply, lost once more in the events of that horrific day. He didn't deserve Arthur's reassurance or forgiveness and he knew that he would never have had it if Arthur was aware of the whole story. He should have beaten her. He should have been able to stop her and the knights. But he hadn't. Arthur should not be here comforting him for almost failing Camelot and for attempting to murder the woman who was practically his sister. His heart ached at the memory of what he had done. He had betrayed her. There had to have been another way. He shouldn't have allowed himself to get so caught up in the heat of the moment when making such a drastic decision. Murder, even just attempted, was unforgivable and there was no going back.

"I know, Arthur," Merlin forced himself to utter quietly, still not meeting the prince's eyes, "I don't blame myself."

"I hope that's true," Arthur said seriously, crossing his arms, "because you shouldn't."

Merlin only nodded and the two fell into a tense silence.

"Well," Arthur said finally, standing up, "I've got to get back to my chambers. There's a report I need to finish for my father. I'll expect you to be on time tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sire," Merlin replied with a slight inclination of the head, seeming relieved at the change of topic.

Arthur turned and headed towards the door, before glancing back, "Get some rest."

Merlin nodded again, and looked away.

The warlock listened as Arthur shut the bedroom door behind him and descended the stairs, saying goodbye to Gaius. Then, he sighed and lay back down on his pillows, though any trace of weariness had gone. His mind was in far too much turmoil to sleep. He would be getting no more rest tonight.

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