A/N: So I probably shouldn't have started a story with school starting(senior year! woo!) in less than a week... With that being said updates are going to be very random and sporadic after this week. I will try to get as much up before next week, but I'm not promising anything. So bear with me guys. Thank you for the reviews they mean a lot.

MittNacht: Just wanted to say that you're absolutely right that Ashley should work to get Spencer, and trust me, she will. ;)

Here's chapter three. Enjoy.

Chapter Three: Feeling Sorry

I went upstairs to my room after walking away from Ashley. I debated giving Sam a call, but she would know that I was upset, and I how was able to explain that?

Why after five years did this girl still make me feel this way? I was so angry at her still, for doing what she did to me. I seriously thought I was over it, but I guess I wasn't. I mean, all it took was one little talk with her to make all that anger come back to me like that.

After awhile, I went back downstairs, and I regret it completely. Ashley was on the couch making out with some blonde girl, who had possibly the shortest jean skirt on I had ever seen.

I shook my head; apparently she hadn't changed at all.

Aiden noticed me hanging out around the bottom of the staircase and walked over.

"Hey, Spencer, what are you doing over here?"

"I was just, uh, upstairs, and I just came back down."

He nodded. He looked a little buzzed, so I don't think he cared that what I just said sounded completely stupid.

"Who's that girl Ashley's with?"

He glanced over, and then turned back to me. "Oh, that's Lauren Thompson. Ashley's 'kind of' girlfriend," He put air quotes on, 'kind of'.

"What do you mean, 'kind of'"?

"I don't know really know… they've been on and off for a couple months now, but you know Ash. She doesn't commit to anyone. Ever," Yeah, I definitely knew that. "So, yeah, according to Ashley they aren't together, but Lauren likes to tell everyone that they are, because she's pretty much in love with Ash."

I nodded. Lauren looked very skanky, but then again it was easy to look like a whore when another person basically had their hands up your skirt.

"I thought she wasn't supposed to come tonight though?" I asked.

"Well she- Wait, how'd you know that?"

"Ohh, um, lucky guess?"

"Cool. Well, she called Ashley bitching about where she was and shit, Ash told her, and poof, there's Lauren."

"Do you like her?"

"NO. She's a bitch. Plain and simple."

"So why does Ashley continue to see her?"

Aiden laughed. He looked over at Ashley and Lauren again. "That's why."

I glanced over too, only to see Lauren leading Ashley into the bathroom, and closing the door behind them.

"That's disgusting."

This only made Aiden laugh more, so I rolled my eyes, and went back upstairs.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the night, and the next morning I woke rather early. I've always been a morning person, and anyone who has ever dated me, hated the fact.

It was around eight o' clock when I came down the stairs, freshly showered and dressed, only to find Ashley face down on the couch fast asleep. Aiden, dead to the world, was sprawled out on the floor.

I went to the kitchen to raid Glen's fridge, but there was no point, because all he had was this: half a gallon of milk, steak sauce, a container filled with… I don't even want to know actually, and three pieces of sliced cheese.

"Hey," I jumped, startled at the voice, and whipped around instantly. It was Ashley.

"Shit, gosh, you scared me," I put my hand over my heart.

She smiled a little, amused. "Sorry,"

"It's okay," I mumbled and turned back around.

I heard Ashley sigh behind me. Why couldn't she just leave? Oh right, she's been best friends with my brother since kindergarten, and she's probably here every day.

"Glen never has any food," She chuckled. I guess she was trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, I see that," I said that coldly, so that maybe she would get the hint to just leave me alone.

Instead, she sighed. Again.

I tried a different approach. I faced her and said, "Did you need something?"

"Look, Spencer, I… I just want to talk. Do you think we could do that?"

I just looked at her.

"We could, go get breakfast? Maybe…?"

Now it was my turn to sigh. "Fine."

I don't really know why I agreed to go with Ashley. I don't really know why I even dated her in the first place. If I hadn't, all of this wouldn't be happening. Wait, I know why. Because I loved her. Sometimes I hate love.

We ordered our food, and that's when it got kind of awkward. Neither of us said a word for about five minutes. I looked everywhere except her face, and she looked at nothing except my face.

I couldn't take the silence anymore, so I broke it. "You wanted to talk. So talk."

She seemed to snap out of a trance when I spoke. "Right, right. Um… I don't really know where to start…"

I didn't say anything.

"But, I guess I'll start by saying that I'm sorry. For everything,"

"I'm not looking for an apology, Ashley."

"I know. I know that. But I also wanted to explain to you some things. Things about why I was, the way I was, back in high school."

"I told you, I'm not looking for excuses either."

"I know that also. And these aren't excuses. I promise."

I looked away. There was a girl at the counter with her head down, and a boy next to her was shaking her, trying to get her awake. Must have been a rough night.

"So will you listen to me?"

I glanced back at her. "I'm here, aren't I?"

She nodded. "Yes, you are. Okay, so… when we were in high school, I always liked you, Spence. Before you even came out, I had a crush on you. And I knew it was wrong, cause you were my best friends little sister. That's just not good, but I couldn't help myself. And when you were with Aiden, God," She shook her head. "I hated it. He's my best friend, but all I wanted to do was punch his face in everyday.

"Then when you told me were gay, you have no idea how happy I was. For awhile I thought we had a chance, but then came Robin. And I realized that I hated her because she was with you even more than I hated Aiden when he was with you. And when she dumped you… I had no choice but to be there for you.

"That summer, Spence? It was the best summer I had ever had. And I fell so hard for you, that it's ridiculous," She laughed. "And-and, I knew you were just waiting for me to make a move, but it was so hard for me,"

"Why?" I whispered.

"Because I knew myself, Spence. I knew I would hurt you somehow, some way, and I didn't want to do that. I couldn't let that happen. You had been through too much. But, that night when we were at the beach, all I could think about was kissing you. You were so beautiful, you still are…"

It was so hard to process what she was saying to me. I always knew that she cared for me, but I didn't know the extent of it.

"After that night, I hated myself. I slipped up. Badly. I shouldn't have let that happen, you were still vulnerable, and I just… took advantage of you," She looked down.

"You didn't take advantage of me, Ashley. I wanted you. More than anything,"

She looked up at my face again. "Really?"

"Yes. I admit that I was depressed after Robin broke up with me. But you were there, and you helped me so much."

She closed her eyes.

"You made me realize that what she and I had wasn't real. At all."

Her eyes opened again and she took a deep breath. "This is the hardest part…"

"What is?"

"When we were 'together', I did all of the things I did because I figured it would drive you away from me, and it worked."

"So you, flirted with other girls in front of me, and acted like an asshole on purpose?"

"Yeah. I was an idiot; I thought that if I hurt you in the beginning of our relationship that I wouldn't give myself a chance to seriously hurt you if we stayed together."

I sat back in the booth. She did all of those things on purpose?

"I knew I wasn't ready for commitment. What I did, Spencer, it was wrong. I realized now that I should've just told you what was really going on, and maybe things would've worked out better for us than they did, but-"

At that moment, our food arrived, but I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.