Confessions of a broken heart
The rest of the schoolday passes slowly; Brooke still recieves many stares of the other students, and Peyton and Nathan are still hovering around her, annoying her to death. Lucas and Haley avoid her; she doesn't know about Haley, maybe she figured out she just needs some space. She does know why Lucas is avoding her, and she can't blame him. She would avoid her too if she were him.
By the end of the day, Brooke is worn out. She needs to vent, hit something, write in her diary - anything. She remembers Haley's words; and now more than ever she wants to talk to someone, someone, like Haley said, won't judge her for what she's thinking. So, when the final school bell rings, Brooke goes to find Haley so she can talk to her. Lucas would wait for her at the car, she is sure.
After a few minutes of searching, she finds Haley, alone in the hallway, probably going of to see Nathan. "Haley?" Brooke calls out, Haley turns around, looks at Brooke and gives her a small smile. "Yes?" She askes, Brooke sighes - her heart is beating faster, her body shaking and her palms sweating - she is petrified to do what she is about to do. "Can I talk to you?" Brooke asks, Haley nods and they go off and find an empty classroom to talk in.
Once there, they sit a while staring at each other in awkward silence. Brooke has no idea how to start and Haley doesn't want to speak unless she knows Brooke wants her to.
"I'm dying, Haley. I'm dying on the inside," Brooke says as the tears start streaming down her face. Haley sits beside her and rubs soothing circles in her back. She doesn't say anything; she had a pretty good idea that Brooke is feeling this way, but that doesn't mean she knows how to respond to it. Besides, she doesn't think Brooke wants her to respond.
"I wish... god, I wish I died that night. I wish I hadn't called Lucas, that he hadn't found me. I wish I could disappear and never be found again. I wish for death every single day - living is just too hard. I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't come up for air - like I'm drowning. I just don't know what to do anymore," Brooke says - by now she is sobbing in Haley's arms, who is trying her best to contain her own tears. Haley knows that she needs to say something now.
"It's normal to feel this way, Brooke. You're going through something awful and it'll probably take some time before you start feeling even a little normal again. No one expects you to put on a brave face all the time - on the contrary, we want you to show your true feelings. If you show us how you feel, we can help you. But lying to everyone, including yourself, doesn't help. What you've done now, tell me how you feel, that will help. Maybe not right now, but you'll feel better because you talked about it," Haley says, Brooke is speechless, she doesn't know what to say. She had no idea they all knew how she really feels...
"Thank you, Haley," Brooke responds, Haley gives her a smile and hug. Together, they walk out the classroom into the parking lot, Haley to Nathan and Brooke to Lucas. Lucas looks worried, he can tell she's been crying, but, for the first time, Brooke feels lighter. She feels some sense of hope, it's liberating...
TO BE CONTINUED