Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, but I'm playing 'what if' with a combination of Midnight Sun/Twilight and my own imagination.
Hope you like it!
Thanks to Connie for her help …
Songlines
Ch12
Bella was quiet on the drive home, her eyes distant as she gazed out of the passenger window.
"Having second thoughts?" I ventured after a momentary lull in Alice's conversation.
"Hmm?" Bella blinked as she glanced over at me. "No, not really," she rubbed her hands on her jeans, "but what if they don't like me?"
"Seriously?" I felt my eyebrows go up in surprise at this. "So even though I'm taking you home to a house full of vampires, you're worried they might not like you?"
"Bella," Alice leaned forward between the two front seats, "you don't have to worry about a thing. You already know Carlisle, Esme is going to love you, and Jasper-," she broke off and shot me a brief look, "is going to snack on the way home."
"Snack?" Bella twisted in her seat so that she could stare at Alice.
"Hunt," I clarified.
"Ah," Bella nodded, "is that because he's the, uh-," she looked a little flustered and I could detect a faint trace of salt in her scent now. A jolt of fear, not a big one but enough to give her a wake-up call to the situation.
"He's the newest vegetarian," I nodded, "yes."
"What about you, Alice?" Bella turned to my sister who was following the conversation closely.
"Never touched a drop," Alice said with a tinge of pride in her voice. I couldn't help but smile at her choice of words; she sounded like a teetotaller, which I suppose she really was.
"Never? But how did you start out?" Bella was calming down as her curiosity propelling her deeper into the conversation. She twisted a little further in her seat and adjusted the seatbelt so that it didn't cut into her shoulder so much as she nodded for Alice to continue.
"I don't actually remember much," Alice frowned, "nothing of my human life. All I know is that I woke up somewhere outdoors, my throat was burning and-," she waved a hand and gave an apologetic shrug.
"And what?"
"Deer," Alice sighed. "There were deer nearby. I caught their scent and was onto them before I knew what I was doing."
"Like I said, we hunt," I murmured to Bella who acknowledged my words with an impatient nod.
"And after that? What about later when you were thirsty? You must have been around humans sometimes," Bella pressed, wanting to know more. It seemed we shared an insatiable thirst, albeit hers was for knowledge.
"I was," Alice nodded, "but I'd already seen Carlisle and knew where I had to be, what lifestyle I was going to choose. It made sense to start as I meant to go on so that when I found my family I'd fit right in."
"You saw Carlisle?" Bella cocked her head at this, "I'm not sure I understand."
"Alice has visions," I explained after getting a quick nod from Alice to explain the situation to the curious human in our midst. "Subjective but highly effective all the same."
Bella nodded slowly at this, her expression thoughtful. "How effective?"
Alice held Bella's gaze for a long moment and then gave a slow smile.
Bella took a moment to assimilate the hint. "You mean you saw me coming?"
"Something like that," Alice nodded, "although the future can change from one instant to the next. Any decision you make can change your future. This one here," a nod of her head indicated myself, "is very hard to read lately," she shook her head sorrowfully at Bella. "He's quite indecisive."
"But not when it matters," I countered.
Alice had to nod at this.
"Am I missing something?" Bella was looking at the two of us trying to follow a conversation that remained largely unspoken.
"Not today, but a few weeks ago you nearly missed everything," Alice said.
Bella shrugged, still mystified as to what was going on.
"Your scent," I explained, "you know how we talked about how it's so-," I stuttered now, trying to find the right adjective without being too obvious about it.
"Appetising?" Bella suggested, cocking her head as she smiled at me. Again I wondered how she could be so cavalier about it.
She's curious, Edward, Alice offered her silent commentary, fascinated, even. That's driving her beyond anything else, and can you blame her?
I gave a minute shake of my head to answer my sister before giving Bella an exasperated look.
"Enough with the food similes," I said in a firm tone.
"Sorry," Bella grinned, unrepentant, "please continue."
"Let's just say that you're incredibly lucky that I caught your scent when you were out in public."
"Ah," Bella caught her lower lip between her teeth and looked thoughtful, making me hope that perhaps I was getting through to her at last. For someone so fragile, her survival instinct was minimal at best. Perhaps soon she would see sense and avoid us, although my chest clenched with misery at the thought.
We were nearly home and I began to slow down. Bella heard the shift in gears and turned to look at the road.
"We're here?" she asked as she looked over at me, "but I don't see anything."
"That's the plan," Alice nodded as she reached over to point over to the left hand side of the road.
If you knew what you were looking for the turnoff was perfectly obvious. A slight gap in the trees and undergrowth revealed the smooth dirt track that curled away from the roadside and into the thick cover of trees.
"It's like a Trompe l'Oeil painting," Bella commented. She turned in her seat to peer out the back window of the car, nodding to herself as the road disappeared from sight almost instantly.
"Just another way of keeping things on the down low," Alice replied. "It's too hard to be entirely invisible in society but at least this keeps us off the radar to passers by."
"I can see how that would be useful," Bella nodded, leaning forward in her seat as she peered through the windscreen to catch her first glimpse of the house.
I was watching her carefully to see her reaction when we rounded the final curve and I wasn't disappointed. Bella's face was a picture when she saw the house. A vision of contemporary architecture, it blended and complimented its natural setting beautifully in shifting panels of wood, steel and tempered glass.
"Wow," she breathed, "so no family crypt then."
I swallowed down a bark of laughter.
"No crypt," I agreed in a solemn tone.
"No dungeons, no moats," Alice said as she patted Bella's shoulder in a sympathetic manner. "You okay with that? It must be a terrible letdown."
"Oh I'll live," Bella replied in an equally droll tone. "Unless you told the folks you'd bring something home for dinner."
I felt my mouth drop open in shock as I gaped at Bella who was obviously trying not to laugh.
"Kidding," she said in a meek tone. It had never occurred to me that Bella would use humour to diffuse any tension or fear, and she had picked an interesting time to reveal that particular habit. Alice giggled behind us.
Opening the door I stood aside with a slight bow as Alice ushered Bella inside. Relax, she'll be fine, Alice assured me as she helped Bella off with her overcoat and scarf, fluttering about her, aglow with excitement. Alice still managed to keep her visions from me, but looking at her expression I could see that this particular moment was one that she had been anticipating for some time.
"It's gorgeous," Bella said as she peeled off her gloves and stuffed them into her coat pocket. Alice spirited the coat away as Bella turned towards me. The foyer was spacious, dominated only by the staircase that led to the upper level and the floor to ceiling glass. "So much light and space," she gazed at her surroundings and then smiled at me, "Beautiful."
"Welcome," I smiled at her as I reached out to take her hand. I could hear the sounds of industry coming from the kitchen and gave a slight grimace. "I told Esme not to over-do things, but she can't help herself," I explained as I led her forward to the kitchen, Alice following with a barely suppressed squeak as she saw something that she was not prepared to share.
Entering the kitchen I saw that my careful words of caution to Esme had been for naught. It looked like the produce section of the local grocery store had exploded across the counter in a dazzling array of food. Esme looked up from her chopping and beamed. It had been over eighty years since she had prepared a meal but she obviously hadn't lost the knack.
"Edward, you're home," she said with a warm smile as she stepped out from behind the counter wiping her hands on the apron she had tied around her waist to protect her skirt.
"Bella," I leaned towards her slightly as I spoke, my breath washing over her face. I saw her features slacken slightly and remembered to pull away. I didn't want her experience to be dulled by any more pheromones than were necessary. "I'd like you to meet Esme, my mother for all intents and purposes."
"Esme," Bella offered a shy smile. The teasing, self-assured woman in the car was gone now, and I found myself missing her. "You have a lovely home."
"Thank you," Esme hesitated for the barest fraction of a moment before stepping forward and clasping Bella's warm hands in her cool ones.
"Oh," Bella looked surprised, "your hands are cool, like Edwards, I didn't expect-," she gave an embarrassed laugh.
Esme's smile faltered before it recovered.
"It's a family trait," she commented, "are you alright? I didn't mean to startle you."
"I'm fine," now it was Bella who rushed to reassure, "I guess I'm still trying to get my head around all this."
"You're being very brave," Esme patted Bella's hands soothingly and then strolled behind the counter.
"Do I need to be?" Bella followed, taking up a position at the bench opposite Esme, "Brave, I mean." I had remained near the doorway and Bella looked over at me. "Edward has told me about your lifestyle choice, I know he won't hurt me."
"Like I said, brave," Esme murmured. "You're right of course, Bella. None of us here will hurt you but it's quite a leap of faith on your part nonetheless."
"Right," Bella nodded as she chewed her lip, looking thoughtful before blinking and looking at the food on the counter.
"I may have gone a little overboard," Esme explained with a slight smile, "but I thought you might be hungry later."
"That's very thoughtful," Bella nodded, "but I don't want you to go to any-,"
"It's no trouble at all," Esme smiled as she began chopping again.
"You've given us an excuse to use the kitchen for the first time," Carlisle appeared in the doorway behind me and stood smiling as Bella turned around at the sound of his voice.
"Dr Cullen," she beamed. The sight of a familiar face had her on firmer ground. "It's good to see you again."
"Please, call me Carlisle," he clapped me on the back in a gesture of camaraderie as he stepped forward to gently shake Bella's hand.
Bella smiled as Carlisle moved behind the kitchen counter to press a loving kiss against Esme's temple before peering over her shoulder to inspect her work in progress.
"Darling, I don't know what you're making but isn't that a little too much?"
"I know," Esme admitted with a chagrined sigh. "I'm out of practice."
"What are you making?" Bella asked as she leaned against the counter. Esme's slight embarrassment in the face of Carlisle's gentle teasing had broken any social awkwardness.
"Eggplant moussaka," Esme replied as shegshe at the cookbook that had been carefully set to one side.
"Ohh, I haven't tried that, may I?" Bella gestured towards the book.
"Be my guest," Esme smiled.
Bella picked up the book and scanned the page before glancing at the pots and pans that Esme was hovering over.
"It sounds wonderful," Bella said as she finished reading, "and from what I can tell the leftovers will be okay to freeze." She offered Esme a genuine smile of pleasure. "My room-mate and I won't have to cook for a week so as far as I'm concerned you're wonderful."
"Anytime," Esme's answering smile was grateful. "It won't be ready for a while, and it will keep if you're not hungry just yet. Edward," she turned to look at me, "why don't you show Bella the rest of the house?"
I raised an eyebrow at Bella who had paused, caught red-handed in the act of swiping a taste of the sauce with her forefinger.
"Mmph?" she swallowed hastily and nodded. "Excuse me, I couldn't help it."
"I'm flattered and I have to say a little relieved," Esme nodded. "I'm following the recipe exactly but it's hard for me to tell if it's good."
"Oh it's good," Bella assured her, dipping in again for another taste, "thank you so much."
"Shall we?" I held out a hand to Bella who, after a quick pause to wipe her hands on the dishcloth Esme handed her, took it and followed me out of the room. I looked over my shoulder to see Esme hugging Carlisle out of sheer happiness. Jasper may have been the emotional stabiliser of the house, but Bella seemed to introduce an entirely new element that had until now been lacking.
"Is it really that good?" I asked, curious as we strolled towards the staircase hand in hand.
"Wonderful," Bella assured me, "she can cook for me anytime."
I'd be happy to, Esme replied in a way that she knew I would hear. She's lovely, Edward. I'm so pleased for you.
"I think she'd like that," I replied as we went upstairs. Bella paused half way up to marvel at a collection of masks from various tribes.
"Carlisle's," I answered her look of inquiry, "collected over the years from his travels." We reached the landing and I steered her towards the door at the end of the corridor. I flicked the doorknob and gave it a gentle push so that it swung inwards silently.
"Your room?" Bella gestured towards the open space and with a shy smile stepped inside.
The room featured floor to ceiling glass that offered a panoramic view of the forest that surrounded the house, but that wasn't what had captured Bella's attention. She turned in a slow circle as she took in the bookshelves that were crowded with books and music before glancing at me in mild confusion.
"No bed?"
"No need," I shrugged. "We don't sleep."
"So this is how you fill your time," she murmured as she stepped towards the shelves running her fingers along the spines of books and albums.
"Does it bother you?" I hesitated and then stepped closer.
"No," Bella shook her head, "although I can't help but feel a little sorry for you. The ability to lose yourself in sleep is-," she paused and gave an apologetic shrug, "wonderful."
"I wish I could remember," I admitted in a low voice.
Bella turned and looked at the leather chaise lounge that was set up in a corner of the room. It was an impulse purchase in Italy years ago; low-slung and generously wide it was a beautiful example of 1960s contemporary furniture design. Bella paced towards it and held out her hand.
"C'mere," she said with a soft smile.
There was no resisting her invitation. She took my hand and drew me down onto the chaise, pushing at me gently until I moved with my head against the headrest, taking a seat so that her hips were against mine. I leaned back and watched her with mild puzzlement as she sat and regarded me for what felt like a long time, biting her lip before she seemed to reach a decision. She reached out with hands that trembled only a little and began to unbutton my shirt. I reached up and covered her hand with my own.
"Bella," I cautioned, "we can't do this."
"Can't do what?" she regarded me with hooded eyes, patches of colour blooming high in her cheeks. "Relax Edward, I won't be doing anything out of turn." She gave me an encouraging nod as I slowly released her hand and let her continue. Unbuttoning my shirt to the waist she gently pushed the fabric aside and then leaned down to rest her cheek against my chest.
"Ahh," she sighed. "Close your eyes, Edward," she coaxed, and I obeyed.
Her cheek was a patch of throbbing warmth on my chest that was soon joined by her hand as she began to trace a gentle pattern over my skin with her fingertips. I wondered what her fascination could possibly be. My skin was as hard as marble and just as cold. There would be no heartbeat for her to count and draw comfort from. I was roused from my musings however, as she began to trail hot kisses across my chest slowly making her way up my neck. I closed my eyes and clenched my hands, willing myself not to grab her. I couldn't risk losing control. Not now.
Her warm lips pressed against mine in the softest of kisses, and now it was her scent that washed across my face. I parted my lips, planning on gently dissuading her from progressing any further, and froze when her warm tongue gently skimmed across my lower lip.
I had often wondered over Bella's reaction to any intimacy between us however slight, and now I realised I had been entirely wrong. So much time had been spent worrying about her ephemeral human reactions that I had entirely overlooked my own. Desire shot through me like a bolt as she shifted and squirmed so that she was lying across my chest dusting kisses against my lips and jaw. I raised my hands intending to steer her away to safety but found myself clutching at her as carefully as I could, holding her to me. She made a soft sound of satisfaction as I moved aside to give her more room, all but curling herself around me like a kitten as she stroked my face with her hands.
Lifting her face from mine she regarded my face for a long time. I gazed back at her in silence as I tried to make sense of the situation. Her heartbeat was drumming loudly against her chest and her lips were swollen with the blood that her arousal had flooded through her extremities. I swallowed hard and, exercising monumental restraint reached up to trace the line of her jaw with my fingers. Holding her when I could feel my own arousal snarling for release was like trying to protect a dandelion in a high gale. She was aware of what I was, she had seen James and had caught a glimpse of the dangers that associating with me would bring, and yet still she remained.
"What's going on in that head of yours?" she murmured as she settled against my chest with her chin on her hands.
"I could say the same of you," I replied.
She wriggled closer and when her gaze dipped I reached up to tip her face upwards again and guide her lips towards my own.
I didn't know why she was here or why she was so accepting but somehow it didn't matter any more.
Bella set her fork back on the plate with a sigh of repletion and dabbed at her lips with her napkin.
"Esme," she began as she picked up her plate and carried it towards the sink, "for someone that thinks she's out of practice that was incredible."
"Really?" Esme beamed with delight at the praise.
"I'm not kidding," Bella said over her shoulder as she rinsed her plate, "feel free to cook for me anytime."
"Why thank you, Bella," Esme nodded, "I think I will."
"Careful," I whispered into Bella's ear, having moved to stand behind her at the sink, "you may have created a monster."
"Edward," Esme chided, "my hearing is just as good as yours."
"Hey," Bella nudged me with her rump, "you apologise to Esme right now, if she's going to be feeding me then I'm in her corner for this argument."
"Sorry," I gave Esme a repentant look followed by a wink that made Esme's smile grow even wider if that were possible. Her thoughts were jumping from one subject to the next as she left the room but the underlying theme remained the same, however disjointed. Bella … so happy … he's smiling.
Bella set the plate on the rack to dry and leaned back into my chest with a quiet hum as I slid my arms around her waist and we stood staring out of the large window. We had spent the afternoon in my room talking. That is to say she peppered me with questions and I answered.
"What was it like?" she had asked, "Becoming … you know."
"Excruciating," I replied at once. "I don't remember much except the pain."
"Really?" Bella was fascinated despite the unsavoury topic that was my human death. "I thought … well in all the movies the girls would get bit and fall into a kind of swoon. It wasn't like that?"
"No," I gave her a wry smile, "it wasn't like that. For starters it was Carlisle that changed me so there was nothing erotic about it, and secondly-," I paused and blinked, "actually the swooning part could be right. I was already dying after all."
Bella shook with laughter in my arms. "Go on," she encouraged.
"Well," I frowned now. Perfect recall notwithstanding my fading human memories from that particular time of my life were hazy at best. "He spoke just before he-," I paused and swallowed again. Bella's scent was growing headier the more time we spent together, the musk of her arousal repeatedly battering at my resistance.
"What did he say?" Bella shifted closer still and I saw her waver, torn between wanting to kiss me again and wanting me to continue the story. Either way, I had no objections.
"He apologised," I said on a sigh.
"Really? Why was that?" Bella hand floated up to trace my lower lip as I spoke. The lightest of touches but it was enough to have me choking back venom again. I reached up to grasp her hand to stop it.
"You're really not making this easy for me, have you got a death wish or something?"
"Sorry," Bella bit her lip as she flushed with embarrassment, "I can't help it."
"Don't be," I assured her, "I like it, but it's just difficult sometimes."
"Okay I'll behave," Bella snuggled beside me with her head nuzzling my neck, "but keep telling me the story. Why did he apologise?"
"I was the first person he changed," I said after pausing to close my eyes in pleasure at the feel of Bella's warm breath against my neck. "I think he felt sorry for the life he was giving me. It was a Catch-22 I suppose. On the one hand he was saving me from death but on the other he felt he was condemning me to a different type of existence entirely. He didn't know if he was doing the right thing or making the right choice, but-," my voice trailed off as Bella pressed her lips against my skin.
"But here you are," she breathed. "I'm glad."
"I am too," I said, and realised I meant it.
"It's getting dark," Bella said as she looked out of the window and I returned my attention to the landscape outside.
"Would you like to go outside?" I suggested, "if it's not too cold for you of course."
"I think I'd like that," Bella agreed as she turned in my arms to give me a quick kiss. "I'll just find my coat."
Edward, I've left a cashmere shawl outside on a chair for her, and Esme switched on the gas heaters earlier.
"No need," I said smoothly, "Alice has taken care of things."
"She has? But how did she-," Bella broke off and grinned. "Wow, so that whole foresight thing really works, but how did you know?"
I tapped my temple with one hand, watching as she laughed and took the hand I extended in invitation to lead her outside. The porch ran the width of the house at the back and as we stepped outside I could see that Alice had everything well in hand. There was an oversize wrap draped artfully over the back of one of the outdoor lounges, and several pillar candles had been lit and set in glass vases. The overhead gas heaters installed by the previous owners had been activated, making the immediate area glow with warmth.
"Wow," Bella said in an impressed tone. "This looks really romantic," she paused and gave me an impish grin, "no pressure."
"Do I look worried?" I replied, surprised to hear the teasing tone in my voice as I backed her towards the lounge and watched her wind the wrap around her shoulders before leaning against my side.
Edward.
I looked up at the call of my name towards the tree line.
"Jasper?" I answered in my usual speaking tone.
"What?" Bella looked at me in puzzlement and then followed my gaze although she could see nothing.
I'm fine, he assured me, I've eaten well. I just wanted to let you know I was nearly home.
Alice appeared on the porch and sat on the top step to wait.
"Any minute now," she said with satisfaction.
True to her word, Jasper appeared from the trees walking at a relaxed pace. His body language seemed peaceful. Sated might have been a better term for it, but I knew how hard he was working to resist the human that sat at my side. I scanned his thoughts rapidly and could feel the flashes of panic that ran through his mind as a stray breeze carried Bella's scent towards him.
"Relax, honey," Alice replied in a soft voice, too soft for Bella to hear. "You won't hurt her. I've seen it."
"If you say so," Jasper replied just as quietly as he paced across the back lawn towards the steps. Climbing them slowly he opened his arms so that Alice could stand up and step into his embrace. They didn't kiss. Displays of public affection were rare for them but the intensity of their mutual regard made it feel as if we were intruding on an incredibly private moment. He looked over Alice's shoulder to offer a quiet smile to the woman beside me.
"Hey, Bella," he offered.
"Hey Jasper," she replied, "good hunting?"
He blinked at her easy greeting. "It was … enough," he allowed cautiously as Alice tucked her head beneath his chin and cuddled him.
It's all right, Edward, everything's all right, I'll keep looking. I promise, Alice chanted in my head.
I settled back in the seat as Bella gave me a questioning look.
"Bella," Alice turned suddenly, "it's cold out here can I get you a warm drink? Esme has all the fixings inside," she added with a quick smile.
You should've seen her in the store, Edward. I don't think I've seen her that excited for a long time.
"I don't doubt it," I answered dryly.
"That could be great, thank you," Bella nodded. "Whatever you think would be nice is fine by me."
"Edward, come and help?" Alice extended a hand towards me as I froze. Leave Bella with Jasper? What the hell was she thinking?
"I'll be fine, Edward," Jasper nodded once before giving Bella a quick grin, "just sit still and don't cut yourself on anything, okay?"
"You've got yourself a deal," Bella replied as she sank back into the cushions, tucking her legs up and tucking the wrap around her to keep warm.
"C'mon," Alice gestured impatiently at me, "I don't know much about drinks these days but I'm thinking chocolate never goes out of style."
"I like the way you think," Bella countered with a laugh.
Alice pulled and pushed me back into the house against my quiet protestations. I could have refused of course, but Alice had given me a pleading look, compelling me to cooperate against my better judgement.
"I hope you know what you're doing," I whispered to Alice as she held my hand and tugged me towards the kitchen, "you've just left an alcoholic alone in a bar."
"He'll be fine," Alice assured me as she began to fill the kettle. "They need to have a talk, I've seen it."
"You and your I've seen it comments," I muttered, feeling mulish now that she had taken me away from Bella's side.
"For someone that has access to everyone's thoughts you get kinda pissed when you're shut out," Alice commented as she tried to negotiate the oven gas top, snatching her hand away when she nearly snapped the knob off by mistake.
"Allow me," Esme said as she appeared at Alice's side. "I've think I'm getting the hang of it now." She lit the gas top with ease and slid the kettle over to start the water boiling. "What are we making?"
"Hot chocolate," Alice replied in a meek voice, "thank you, Esme."
"My pleasure," Esme said as she opened a cupboard to retrieve a small tin of Lindt drinking chocolate. "It's been a long time since I've had a chance to play mother."
"Hello?" Alice squeaked, "I'm standing right here."
Esme patted her face with a fond smile, "You know what I mean."
The two women put their heads together as they read the preparation instructions on the back of the tin, the intensity of their gaze far outweighing the task at hand.
I left them to it and prowled silently towards the back of the house. I trusted Jasper, but these were special circumstances. Unique.
Jasper was leaning against the balustrade that ran around the porch gazing out into the night as he and Bella made small talk.
I'm fine, Edward, he sent as he heard my approach. Feel free to join us, or stay inside, it's your call.
I hesitated at this. Alice had wanted them to have some time, and so long as she could see no problems perhaps I would resist the temptation to claim Bella's attention for myself. I remained inside, but close to the door as I listened.
Bella had said little at first and then had tentatively taken the first steps towards questioning him as she had with me.
"How long has it been for you, Jasper?"
"Since …?" he raised an eyebrow at her, making her laugh.
"Since you were changed," she clarified.
"Ah," he nodded, "I was changed in 1863."
"1863 that's … wow," Bella said in a weak voice then, "wait, so that means you were around for the Civil War."
"More than around, as you put it," Jasper corrected with a soft voice, "I fought with the Confederates until my-," he paused.
"Untimely demise?" Bella suggested.
"Something like that," he agreed.
"What was it like, the war I mean," Bella asked. I smiled at the curiosity I could hear in her voice. She seemed to have an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
"Hard, challenging, brutal … inspiring," Jasper said after a long pause. "Serving in the army was something I seemed to have a calling for. My Mama always said I had charisma, and my way with people accelerated my military career. When I died at the hands of others I was Major Jasper Whitlock, aged 20."
"So young," Bella whispered.
"Not then," Jasper countered, "I had the kinds of responsibilities that a twenty year old today would have no experience with but it was typical for the time."
"I bet," Bella agreed. "When you … did you … were you hurt? Is that how it happened? Did someone find you, like Carlisle found Edward?"
"No," Jasper sighed, "I was hunted. I didn't know it at the time, but I had been noticed on the battlefield and one night they were lying in wait for me."
"They?"
"Three of them," Jasper replied, "three women. Maria was the one that changed me, and I served her for a long time after that."
"That was when your diet was … other than it is now, right?"
"Right," Jasper agreed. "It was a dark time for me, but at the time I didn't know any better." Another sigh, "I think I even thrived on it."
"Really?" Bella's voice was quieter now. I stepped closer to the door, pausing when Jasper continued.
"I wasn't human any more, and once the war was over I didn't even have that."
"Have?"
"For a time I kept fighting for the Confederates," Jasper replied, "just not in a way that they ever knew of. It was a way for me to satisfy my appetite and strike a blow against the Yankees," he admitted.
"You must've kept it on the down low, I've never read anything like that in the history books."
Jasper gave a mirthless laugh. "Oh I was good," he agreed. "Maria pulled me back into service once the war ended, so she could set about making an army of her own."
"God, every time I think I've got a handle on this situation something surprises me," Bella muttered. "Vampire armies now?"
"Perhaps that's for another time," Jasper suggested, "you've had enough surprises lately."
"Perhaps," she agreed. There was a long silence between the two of them, but it seemed untroubled. Jasper's thoughts were still relatively calm and he sat watching her – my Bella – as she mulled over all that he had told her.
"Your experiences of the war," Bella murmured after a while, "you should write them down."
"I have," Jasper replied, "extensively."
"Why don't you publish?"
"Too risky," Jasper countered. "It's the kind of paper trail I don't want to leave behind."
"I don't know what to say," Bella said after a thoughtful silence, "I mean, this could be a great opportunity for you to set the records straight. You were there after all, that gives you a unique perspective."
Jasper gave her a tired smile. "History's always written by the winners, ever notice that? And besides," Jasper turned and stared out to the forest, "the past is like a foreign country to me now."
"But not forgotten," Bella prompted.
"No," Jasper gave a slow nod, "never forgotten."
"Then I'm sorry," Bella hesitated and then went on, "Major Whitlock."
Jasper gave a low chuckle at that but his amusement didn't conceal the weary slump of his shoulders.
"The war was a long time ago, Bella," he said, "those of us that were there are just folk now."
"You miss it don't you," Bella replied.
"Sometimes," Jasper admitted, and I could hear his surprise.
"Being in the military from such a young age, with that level of responsibility … it would have given you a strong sense of purpose. Even afterwards, you still had a defined purpose with the others until you decided to leave."
Alice appeared silently at my elbow with a steaming mug in her hands, waiting beside me for when the time was right to intrude on the quiet conversation outside.
"True," Jasper agreed. "When I left them I drifted for a long time. I had to avoid people as much as I could until, well – you know," he said with an apologetic tone.
"You had to eat," Bella soothed, "and that was a long time ago now. So then what happened?"
"I met Alice," Jasper replied.
Alice gave me a nudge and I stepped outside and resumed my seat. Bella blinked up at me and gave me a broad smile of welcome as she waited for me to settle before snuggling back against me. Alice followed bearing the mug which she handed over with all due ceremony.
"Thanks, Alice," Bella said as she clasped the mug with both hands and took a careful sip. I could smell the change in her blood as the hot liquid warmed her throat. Delicious. "So go on," she encouraged Jasper, "you met Alice how?"
"I found my way into a diner one day, I don't know what the hell I was doing there," Jasper replied, smiling as Alice wormed her way back into his embrace. "And there she was sitting at a booth all by herself. I stood there in the doorway for a while not knowing that I was going to do and then she stood up and walked towards me," he looked down at his mate with a look of such adoration that I blinked and looked away. "She took my hands and said-,"
"You've kept me waiting a long time," Alice finished for him with a smile. "And then you stood there like the Southern gentleman you are, and you ducked your head and said-,"
"I'm sorry, Ma'am."
Bella sighed as she gazed at the two of them. "Beautiful."
"Yes," I agreed as I brushed a kiss against her temple, "you are."