Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight
Songlines Ch17
"Leave now," I growled. "She's nothing to you."
"And everything to you," James said after a considered pause, "and yet she's still human. Most intriguing." His eyes glittered as his thoughts darted from one possibility to the next. I had no idea of my gift and so I could scan him as freely as I wished and what I could see gave me pause. We had serious trouble of that I was sure. James was a tracker and it seemed his skills were unparalleled. There would be nowhere we could hide Bella that he would not find her, and no lengths he would not go to in his quest to end the hunt. I was going to have to call his bluff.
"She's an amusement, nothing more."
"Of course," James openly mocked me now. "One you could cast aside I'm sure."
"Naturally," I inclined my head.
"Interesting," James murmured, "perhaps we should explore that."
"What do you propose?" I kept my tone as neutral as possible grateful for the first time in years that my body could produce no adrenaline, no telltale pheromone markers that would betray my fear to the man standing in front of me.
"I have to say it's interesting to find a group of our kind that are so settled," James strolled a few paces to one side lifting his head and sniffing the air with a low growl as he picked up an appetising scent before glancing back at me. "Why do you do it?"
"The nomadic lifestyle isn't for everyone," I shrugged, "and our alternate diet allows certain … privileges."
"So I see," James nodded as he cast another speculative glance towards Bella's bedroom window, "privileges you've taken advantage of, I trust?"
A growl ripped at the back of my throat before I could stop it and James acknowledged it with a slight nod.
"Apparently not. Very interesting," he whispered.
Still talking, what's caught his interest this time?
The thought had come from my left although I was careful not to betray that I had sensed anything. A stray breeze brushed my face and I lifted head to taste the air, a move that allowed me my first sight of her.
She padded silently towards us, her red curls tumbling over her shoulders as she strolled to stand beside James with a proprietary air. Like James she was dressed in an eclectic mix of old and new styles; perhaps some items from their past and others appropriated from more recent meals. She wore a corset that looked to be authentic with a more modern fake white fur coat that rippled in the night air as if it was breathing. The two hunters stood side by side as they exchanged a brief smile of satisfaction before turning to regard me still standing guard beneath Bella's window like a toy soldier.
"Victoria," James smiled as he lifted a hand to trail a finger along her cheek and she leaned into it with a soft purr, "this is the one I told you about."
"So I see," she graced me with a lazy smile. "He doesn't look very pleased to see us."
"What did you expect?" I lowered my guard enough to snap the question at her. "My family has worked hard to blend in and your irresponsible snacking," I bit out the word with distaste, "is drawing unwanted attention."
"So dull," Victoria pouted at James.
"Perhaps," James replied and he stared at me as Victoria curled against his side and began to trail open-mouthed kisses against his throat, nipping at his skin with a faint smile, "but I think we've learned all we can for the moment." He took Victoria by the hand and began to stroll away from me, away from the house and the streetlight outside and into the night.
"We're leaving?" Victoria sounded disappointed, "but I thought you said we could play."
"We will," James assured her as he slid his arm around her waist to pull her closer to him, "provided that they do too."
"I'm curious as to your expectations," I called after him in a voice that would not carry to any human ears in the vicinity. "After all," I continued with what I hoped was a convincing smile as James stopped and turned to face me, Victoria still pressed against his side, "we've not established the state of play we're about to engage in."
James' thoughts were a fraction of a second ahead of his mouth and yet they still hit me with the force of a body blow.
"Leave your human," he suggested, "cast her aside like you say you can."
"I see," I nodded, pretending to give the matter some thought, "and if I don't what are the alternatives?"
James gave me a slow smile as he nuzzled the side of Victoria's neck. "Leave your little pet behind, or we stay."
I didn't move, there were no flickers of my eyes to give me away and yet James's thoughts were already triumphant.
"Very well," I shrugged, "I accept your terms, provided she and others here remain untouched."
"Really," James narrowed his eyes again as he studied me where I stood. "You gave in easier than I thought. Why is that?"
I raised an eyebrow at him and felt my lips twist into a smile I didn't feel. "My family has invested a lot of time in this area. It would be good to return here at a later date without any negative associations to deal with." I gave him a meaningful look, "I'm sure you've been denied return visits to hunting grounds in the past because of undue local interest."
James weighed my suggestion and gave a slow nod. "True," he muttered at last, "even in this technological age local folklore as a way of maintaining a grip on the populace."
"Ah," I relied, "so you too have had circumstances were you've fed well but not wisely."
"Some," he admitted grudgingly.
I allowed myself the luxury of a mocking tsk and shook my head at him. "I would have thought that someone of your experience would manage things better than that."
"True," James nodded as he acknowledged my hit, "it seems that various oral histories linger more effectively than I would have suspected, although the nomadic lifestyle and depravity of human nature make excellent bedfellows."
"Touché," I murmured as I took a step backwards towards the wall of the building. "I suppose this is where we take our leave of each other."
"Momentarily," James smiled. "Victoria and I will stay long enough to see that you have followed through on your word."
"Just as I will be monitoring the area to ensure that you have kept yours," I nodded.
"Of course," James bowed at me and Victoria swept me an ironic curtsey before they turned and melted away into the evening.
The conversation had only taken a moment but I was all too aware that Bella was upstairs getting ready for bed, thinking that I was sitting waiting patiently for her. Which was how she found me when she appeared dressed for sleep with slightly damp hair curling at her temples. I stood and watched as she crawled onto her bed and fumbled for the covers like a sleepy child. She smiled up at me and extended a hand in silent invitation. I sat on the bed beside her and watched as she fussed about and got comfortable.
"What're you doing all the way over there?" she asked although I sat no more than a foot away.
"My apologies," I shifted closer.
"C'mere," Bella tried to muffle a yawn as she grasped my shirtsleeve to pull me down beside her and threw an arm over my chest as if to secure me to her not realising that all it took was a smile to anchor me to her side. We lay in silence for a few beats but Bella's restless shifting told me that she was not yet ready to settle. "Can you still smell her?" Bella ventured at last.
"Yes," I admitted.
"Anything else?" Bella shifted against my shoulder to look up at me, watching my face for any reaction.
"Yes," I sighed now.
"Anyone we know?" Bella's hand clutched at my shirt.
"Someone known to both of us," I said at last. "Someone who was looking for you."
"Oh," Bella's face puckered and she buried her head against my neck not caring when I felt her tears begin. "So this is my fault."
"No," I carefully grasped Bella's shoulders to move her away from me so that I could see her face. Already her eyes and nose were going red from crying, and she raised a hand to rub at her face with a wet, snuffling sound and yet she still looked beautiful to me. "If blame is due anywhere you should blame me."
"Why?" Bella snorted with disbelief and then shook her head disgustedly before reaching for her bedside table for a tissue to dab at her face.
"If I hadn't been with you he would never have known you even existed," I went on, "I'm the one putting you in danger. I've got to keep you safe."
"We've gone over this before, I can look after myself," Bella retorted as she reached for me. "We'll think of something."
"Yes," I nodded slowly. "I will."
I lie beside her and stroked her hair until she fell asleep and then stared sightlessly at the ceiling as I considered our options all the while knowing in my heart of hearts what had to be done.
* * * * *
"You're not coming to class?" Bella paused before getting out of the car after I had pulled into the parking lot.
"No," I made myself act casual, "I have several matters to attend to."
"My, aren't we formal today," Bella pulled a face at me and then gave me an impudent wink. "Must be those old fashioned manners coming out again."
"Something like that," I allowed with a nod.
Bella was about to open her door when she paused and looked back at me. "Will I see you later? Between classes maybe?"
"Unfortunately not, but I'll see you at the end of the day," I offered as I reached out and brushed her hair off her forehead. Bella made an appreciative humming sound and leaned into my touch.
"Is there something you're not telling me?" Bella asked as she gazed at me.
"Yes," I admitted, "but I'll tell you later."
"Is it a surprise?" Bella's face was alive with curiosity and I hated myself for what I was about to do.
"You'll find out," I teasingly tapped the tip of her nose with my finger and then got out of the car so that I could open her door for her.
"So I'll see you later," Bella ran her hands up my chest and leaned in for a kiss. Giving in to my own inevitable desires I submitted and allowed her to pull me against her as she leaned against the side of the car and pulled me closer still. Our lips touched and parted before going back for more and she teased my bottom lip with her tongue before I shook my head in mock resignation at her as I pulled away.
"Party pooper," she pouted at me.
"Go, learn," I admonished as I pointed a finger towards the crop of buildings where I knew she had her first lecture.
"Yes Sir," she snapped an efficient salute at me, grinning at my surprise. "Jasper," she explained, "he's shown me a thing or too."
"So long as that's all he's showing you," I mumbled, ducking my head at her gurgle of laughter. "Now go, I'll be waiting when you finish this afternoon."
* * * * *
True to my word I was leaning against the side of my Volvo when Bella appeared amongst a cluster of students as they made their way towards the rows of parked cars. Bella was deep in conversation with Angela but I saw her raise her head and scan the lot, her face lighting up when she saw me. She lifted an arm and gave me a wave before murmuring something to Angela and clutching her tightly for a hug. Angela was clutching Ben's hand and looking vulnerable. Lauren's death had been a shock to them all but it made me feel somewhat reassured to see how supportive they were being of each other. Bella had good friends around her; friends that she was going to need.
"Hey," Bella greeted as she got close enough to launch herself into my arms for a kiss.
"Good day?" I asked as I opened the car door and waited until she was safely stowed before clicking it shut and getting in on the driver's side.
"Not really," Bella grimaced. "The police were on campus wanting to talk to everyone that Lauren had been with recently, Angela spent a couple of hours with them but she really didn't have anything of much use to tell them other than Lauren had crashed at ours for the night."
"Right," I gunned the engine and the car pulled out smoothly into traffic. "Is Angela holding up okay?"
"She keeps blaming herself," Bella said with a sad little sigh. "Who knows? If Angela had been able to get Lauren to wait until they could arrange a lift for her maybe she wouldn't have tried to walk home, maybe it could have been avoided."
"Perhaps," I nodded.
"You don't think?" Bella twisted in her seat to look at me.
"I don't know," I admitted. That much was true but I had to trust that James and Victoria would be leaving the area soon. Nomadic vampires tended not to be territorial but they could at least respect hunting ground privileges. Even they had to hunt in a sustainable way without arousing suspicion where possible.
Bella stared out of the window and then looked back at me. "Where are we going?"
"Somewhere nice," I glanced at her, "I thought you might like a change of scene."
"Oh," Bella nodded and then looked up as realisation hit, "the meadow? Good," she sighed with satisfaction at my nod.
"So what else happened today?" I asked.
"Jake came by for another visit," Bella admitted in a grudging gone.
"Ah," I nodded and then mentally forced myself to slacken my grip on the steering wheel again but it was too late. Rosalie was going to be furious at having to replace another one but the finger marks were too obvious this time.
"He said he was sorry and he wants to hang out with me before he heads home in a few days," Bella went on. "I think he's starting to get it but I can't be sure." She huffed to herself and played with the small moonstone ring she wore on her index finger. "He's just, I mean it's just so-," she broke off and thought for a moment before looking across at me. "I can't be angry at him just because I don't feel what he does, but he makes me so angry and sad all at the same time." She reached up to rub her eyes and I realised again how tired she was looking. "He hasn't done anything wrong, he loves me I just-," she spread her hands in a helpless gesture, "I just can't love him back." There was another pause as she rubbed her face again. "Does that make me a bad person? Throwing away someone's perfectly good love like that?"
"Do you want his love?" I asked and held an unnecessary breath as I waited for her answer.
"Yes and no," she admitted at last. "I want his friendship and love is a part of that but I don't want it all, just like he can't have all of me."
"Why is that, do you think?" I couldn't stop myself from asking the question, wondering what level of masochism was propelling me into this conversation in light of what I was about to do.
"Because you got there first," Bella said simply. "I'm yours," she reached out to take my hand and I submitted, feeling more like a monster than ever.
* * * * *
We had made good time and I had carried her up the mountain towards the clearing where I knew we wouldn't be interrupted. I stopped and let Bella slide from my back with a breathless giggle before I turned and looked at her. The sun was high overhead and I watched her expression slacken as she looked at my skin glinting in the sunlight.
"So beautiful," Bella commented as she bent down to pick a wildflower. She smiled at me as she twirled the bloom in her fingers as she walked across the clearing, stopping and picking flowers at random until she had a small posy. "Seeing all this here makes death seem to far away."
I stood watching her, unable to move, unable to believe what I had to do.
"Edward?" she turned and saw me watching her and held out a hand. "What's wrong?"
I couldn't prolong the moment any longer.
"We're leaving," I heard myself say the words and marvelled that I could sound so calm.
"What?" Bella's face went blank with incomprehension, "We just got here."
"I don't mean here," I gestured at the meadow, "I mean my family is leaving town. It's time to move on."
"Okay," Bella nodded slowly as she accepted my words at face value. "Let me pack a few things and I'll come with you."
"No," I shook my head at her and watched as she looked at me with bewilderment.
"No?" Bella frowned at this and took a half step towards me, stopping when I took a step back in response. "Edward, what's going on?"
"You're not coming," I said, "you're a liability."
Bella cocked her head as she watched me, her lips moved but she made no sound and her grip on her makeshift posy slackened until the flowers fell heedlessly at her feet.
"You don't … want me," she said at last.
"My family needs to move quickly and the sooner we're away from any temptation the better," I went on. Bella flinched at this as if my words were bullets. Her heart skipped a beat and began to falter as shock coursed through her body.
"When-," Bella said wonderingly.
"Now," I said with finality.
Bella shook her head as she tried to take it in.
"But I thought-," Bella began and stopped. She gave me another considering gaze and then set her lips in a firm line, the 'I want' crease appearing between her eyes. "Edward, I love you, whatever is going on we're in this together."
"My family and I are in this together. Carlisle's supposed to be ten years older than he looks; people are going to start noticing."" I emphasised, wondering how it was that I could sound so calm when my chest felt as if it was about to shatter into a million pieces. "You're not one of us. You don't belong in my world."
"That can be remedied," Bella retaliated as she took another step towards me.
I could not retreat any more and so I stepped to the right to stroll across the clearing with my hands clasped nonchalantly behind my back.
"Perhaps," I conceded with my back to her so that she could not see me close my eyes against the pain, "but for now my family is at risk and so we have to leave. We can't have the liability of a newborn to contend with as well."
"Edward," Bella's voice was rising, "what are you saying?"
"It's quite simple," I turned to face her now, drinking in the sight of her face as she stared at me with angry confusion. "I'm telling you that this is the last time you'll ever see me or my family."
"No," Bella began shaking as she began to walk towards me, "I won't hear it. This is bullshit, Edward and you know it."
I stood still and allowed her to reach me as she wrapped her arms around me and tried to hold me as tightly as she could. Her scent coiled around me and I could smell her desperation as she clutched at the back of my shirt. Moving with titanic slowness I put my arms around her and pressed a soft kiss against her sun-warmed hair. "Don't worry, you're human. Time heals all wounds for your kind, particularly if you're not reminded."
"I can't forget you," Bella choked against my shirtfront, "I won't. It's not possible, you're a part of me now." Bella pushed back to look at me angrily. "You think I'd let you into my heart like that, into my bed and then just forget when you're not around? Sorry Edward but this human doesn't work that way."
"Try to understand," I said in a hoarse whisper, "that every moment with you, every second is about restraint. You're so fragile and it's exhausting trying to be something that I'm not."
"Then take me, make me yours," Bella grabbed at my arms with a firm grip that belied her slight frame, "I just want to be with you."
"Bella," I said sharply as I shook her off as carefully as I could, "you're not good for me." Self-disgust welled up in my chest but I tried to ignore its pressure. "I've let this go on for to long. I'm sorry."
"Edward," Bella's voice was mournful now, "it doesn't have to be like this, please-," she looked up at me as I reached up behind me to loosen her grip and push her away from me, "don't leave me, please, not when you've shown me so much."
"And that's why I have to leave," I went on inexorable in my logic now, "you know far too much for a human." I reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, "you know that which is preventing you from enjoying your human life and I won't allow it. I can't allow it. If I leave now I promise it will be like I never existed. Please," I cupped her face in my hands to stop her protests, "live. Be happy. Be safe." I leaned forward to kiss her forehead and Bella's eyes fluttered closed at my touch. "Goodbye, Bella."
By the time she opened her eyes again I was gone.
Bella stood alone in the clearing surrounded by sunshine and wildflowers that were at odds with the tears that ran down her face.
"Edward?" she called as she took an uncertain step in the direction she guessed I might have taken. "Edward!" she called out as she looked wildly around the meadow, turning in slow circles as she peered at the surrounding forest. Concealed high in the trees I watched her as she sank to her knees and began to sob feeling my dead heart crack open in silent sympathy with hers.
The sun tracked across the sky and still Bella hadn't moved. She had sat crying quietly for a long time before curling onto her side and falling into a light doze. I don't know what she hoped to achieve; perhaps she thought that I would change my mind and come back to her. It was everything I longed to do and more but I knew that James would be watching her for days to come and so I had to follow through on my words.
The sun was beginning to sink in the sky when Bella at last roused herself and began to stumble away towards the tree line. I frowned as I watched her go. She had set off in the wrong direction, one that would lead her away from where she had parked her truck. If she continued on she could end up lost. I shifted uncomfortably on my branch and felt myself stiffen with impotent rage at the situation James had forced us in to. Bella had disappeared into the undergrowth now and I could hear her tripping and stumbling as she pushed her way heedlessly past branches, apparently not caring where she was going.
I ground my teeth in frustration but I could not go back on my word now. This situation was of my own making in an effort to keep Bella safe but now I was wondering if even without vampires in the picture such a thing was even possible. Hours later I was going out of my mind with worry as Bella got herself comprehensively lost in the forest before curling up at the base of a tree shivering with cold as she folded in on herself in a futile attempt to stay warm. It was pitch black now and I cursed my night vision as I gazed at the pathetic form curled up on the ground. Another tree branched snapped off in my hands and I tossed aside carelessly, not even realising that I had thrown it with enough force to knock down a nearby sapling. Surely someone had to have noticed Bella was missing by now. Angela must have raised the alarm, and yet all I could do was sit and wait. I could not – would not – go to her, but I had to at least make sure that she ended up safe.
Another eternity had passed before I heard a snuffling in the words to the east of where Bella lay. I froze in place and stared at the place where I had heard the sound which came again moments later. Whatever it was it had a heavy, wet breath as it padded across the forest floor; some sort of animal? I couldn't tell, but paused in surprise when whatever it was began a methodical grid search pattern in an easy trot that spoke of an impressive stamina. I followed its progress with a mixture of panic and curiosity as it drew nearer to where Bella lay in a fitful doze, biting back a whispered curse of shock as the animal drew close enough to take a huge lungful of her scent and then rise to an impossible height. My eyes were wide with surprise as I watched the beast ripple and shudder before assuming human form, dropping to its knees with a soft groan of effort before half walking, half crawling towards Bella. He paused a few feet away to scrabble at some fabric that had been tied around one of his thighs, pulling on an old pair of denim cut-offs.
"Bella," the voice croaked before coughing and starting again in a stronger voice. "Hey, Bells, c'mon now, wake up."
"Jake?" Bella's voice was drowsy with shock and confusion as she blinked up at him. At his nod her chest began to jerk up and down before she burst into wracking sobs.
I made myself sit still as I watched him enfold Bella – my Bella – in his arms but could not stop the angry rumble in my chest as he tucked her smaller body against his naked chest as he cradled her in his arms.
"Come on, let's get you home," he muttered as he stood up, Bella's slight weight apparently no effort at all, and began to make his way out of the forest. From time to time he paused with a quiet sniff, leaning forward a few times as he investigated a tree that I had perhaps brushed against as I had carried Bella to the meadow.
High up on my tree branch I sat waiting for a long time until I could hear no more of their progress before climbing down and turning with a wretched sigh towards home.
* * * * *
I emerged from the tree line near the house to see Alice waiting for me at the front door. She was all but quivering with anger and although Jasper stood beside her he was making no effort to smooth out her mood.
Sorry, Edward, you brought this on yourself he said in a mental tone that held no sympathy.
"You don't have to say it," I began to Alice as I walked towards her.
"Who said I was going to say anything?" Alice replied. I'm going to show you.
Her words were a shout inside my head a fraction of a second before she flooded my mind with visions. I couldn't stop my involuntary grunt as Alice's barrage hit me, forcing me to my knees in front of her.
In the hours that followed no one said a word. They didn't have to; their thoughts were screaming at me.
A/N: The tension is building up now. Questions? Comments? I'd love to know what you think but if you're not one for reviewing then that's fine too. I'm just happy that there are people out there reading this in the first place!