Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight
Songlines Ch18
Carlisle was waiting for me inside, his face stiff with disapproval for all that he tried to mask it with fatherly concern.
"Edward," he inclined his head towards the stairs, "I need to speak with you."
"I don't doubt it," I said wearily.
What the hell were you thinking? Alice's thoughts shrieked at me. Bella could've gotten hurt; I can't see her any more now that she's with that boy. You've ruined everything!
"Not now, Alice," I waved her off as she followed me towards the stairs.
"Right," she said in a bitter tone, "I should've realised this is all about you."
"It's not," I hissed as I spun on my heel to glare at her. "This is about all of us."
"Alice, please," Carlisle held out a placatory hand, "Edward and I will have a discussion about this first."
"Fine," Alice subsided against Jasper who pulled her close to kiss and whisper into her ear as he silently shook his head at me. Despite the gravity of the situation I marvelled that my family had taken up arms against me in this situation; Bella had won them over in an astonishingly short period of time, "but I'll be watching," she warned as I followed Carlisle up the stairs.
Carlisle opened the door to his study and stood aside for me to enter before entering and closing the door soundlessly behind him. I slumped into one of the leather armchairs and watched as he paced behind his desk and sat down with deliberate slowness. We sat and regarded each other in silence for a long moment. Out of courtesy I endeavoured not to listen to Carlisle's thoughts although I caught the occasional muttered snippet of poetry and medical recitations.
"You've placed us in a difficult situation," Carlisle ventured at last as he clasped his hands across his chest and gave me a sad smile.
"I did what I had to do," I replied after a careful pause, wincing as I heard a snort of disgust from Alice. The fact that Carlisle and I were sitting behind closed doors in his study was only geography; the others could hear us perfectly well from where they sat downstairs.
"Edward," he leaned across the desk to emphasis his words, "I'm not sure that you do. It's not just a matter of us leaving; it's what we leave behind that's just as important."
"You think I don't know that?" I glared at him feeling my anger surge as the pain in my chest clenched at burned as the memory of Bella's quiet sobbing turned itself over and over in my mind's eye.
"For you there's Bella," Carlisle nodded as he conceded the point. "I have patients at the hospital that I care about and want to heal, Rosalie and Emmett have been enjoying a rare chance to live as a young married couple without going through the charade of being students, Alice and Jasper are the happiest they've been in years-," his voice trailed off with a regretful smile as we both heard Alice huff downstairs.
"And Esme?" I raised an eyebrow.
"You know what Esme wants," Carlisle countered, "the same thing she has always wanted; a happy and loving family." And for a while there, Edward, we had it.
My head dipped lower in shame now as his mental voice washed over me. He was right. When Bella was in the house there had been laughter and love, and I had pushed her away.
"So I suppose that brings me to the question that everyone is asking," Carlisle continued in a gentle tone, "why did you do it, Edward?"
"I had to," I addressed my feet as I spoke, I couldn't bear to look into his warm eyes knowing that I was being judged and found wanting and yet loved regardless.
"Surely there had to be something we could have-," Carlisle began and stopped when I looked up at him with anguish.
"I had to break her," I said, "it was the only way. James is going to be watching her and she has to convince him that we've gone, and then-," I broke off as I heard the sound of Alice pounding up the stairs towards us.
The door burst open and I had time to see Carlisle wince as the door swung off its hinges. Alice dashed towards me and I made no attempt to ward her off as she began to pound her fists against my chest.
"I can't believe you," she hissed at me, "do you seriously think that you've done the right thing?"
"I have to believe it was the best thing to do," I whispered as I stood accepting her blows. Carlisle had stood up at his desk but made no further move. Alice was like a hurricane as she pushed and slapped me as her rage directed.
"The best thing?" Alice's voice nearly rose to a shriek and I saw Jasper standing in the doorway making no attempt to soothe her emotions. My head snapped sideways from the force of one of her blows and I welcomed the pain knowing that I deserved everything my sister chose to mete out. "You've thrown her to the wolves," Alice stopped hitting me and stepped back, her body sagging with grief. "And now I can't see her," she whispered in a broken voice. "How am I going to keep her safe when she's gone to me now, Edward? What are we going to do?"
In a moment of devastating clarity I saw what I had done.
Jasper stepped forward to take Alice by the hand as if to lead her from the room but she stood her ground as she stared at me.
"Here," she offered at last, "it's all I've got."
Before I could wonder what she meant the visions flooded my head. They were the same as before but this time Alice pictured each of them slowly making sure to linger over the details. I closed my eyes but it was no use.
I had achieved my goal. Bella looked utterly broken sitting beside Angela at campus; people around her were laughing and she sat staring inward looking pale and drawn. Other visions were of Bella sitting in the meadow with her knees drawn up to her chest as tears tracked down her cheeks; standing listlessly in the bookstore before being roused to bland conversation by customers; Bella trying to eat at Angela's quiet urging. Bella walking at night by herself, shadows flickering behind her as someone followed.
Alice had been able to watch Bella as she had stumbled through the forest but the moment Jacob had arrived to carry her to safety she had vanished. No matter how hard Alice tried, beyond that point Bella was invisible to her. Jasper put his arms around her and kissed her behind her ear, the way he knew she liked in a bed to calm her down.
"Are you beginning to see the flaw in your plan now?" Alice muttered in my direction as she accepted her mate's caresses.
I was.
"So what now?" Carlisle appeared beside me and I gave him a harried look.
"I don't know," I ran a hand through my hair. "I thought I was doing the right thing," I went on to Carlisle feeling wretched.
So young …
Carlisle hastily buried his train of thought behind a clamour of patient histories and replays of hospital conversations when I shot him a sidelong glance.
"Edward," it was Esme now, "is there anything we can do?" She stepped to Carlisle's side and he automatically reached out to pull her close.
I don't want to go …
I huffed out a long breath at this. By acting selfishly I had apparently ruined the happiness of my entire family.
Enough. It was Jasper. Enough wallowing. What are we doing to do?
They were all looking at me, which should have been no surprise. I was after all, the architect of the disastrous situation we now faced.
"I've been a fool," I admitted.
"Something we can all agree on, at least," Alice muttered.
Esme shot a warning look at Alice who had the grace to subside. Now it was Esme's turn to calm a member of the family, and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders in a purely motherly gesture, tucking herself against me as she tried to project as many comforting thoughts as she could. Time and again her thoughts circled back to Bella, as did mine.
"You called, we came. Whassup?" Emmett called from the doorway as he and Rosalie appeared.
"We've got a problem," Carlisle began.
"We?" Alice wasn't letting this go anytime soon.
Emmett gave me an inquiring look and so it fell to me to outline the situation with James and Victoria. Emmett listened, giving a low whistle when I told him about Lauren, his honest face creasing in anger at the ultimatum from James.
"What about Bella?" Emmett asked as soon as I had finished speaking.
"You told him we'd leave?" Rosalie was beginning to look just as angry as the rest of the family had been. How many chances to we get to be this age? So unfair …
"Enough." This time it was Carlisle who spoke. He wore a slight frown as it looked at each of us in turn. "Edward has realised what he's done and now it's up to all of us to work together."
The room was silent as everyone processed his words and I winced as everyone's thoughts increased in volume as they worked though countless scenarios and possibilities.
"I don't understand," Rosalie ventured at last. "What is it that James wants?"
"Simple, he wants us gone," I shrugged. "Perhaps something about us living here as a family disagreed with him."
"You think he might be jealous?" Rosalie openly scoffed at this. "Of college students? I very much doubt that."
"No," I replied slowly, "it's more than that. More insidious for someone like him."
That got everyone's attention.
"He's bored," I said with a shrug. "We presented the prospect of a challenge, or at least a diversion."
"What sort of challenge?" Rosalie cocked her head as she narrowed her eyes. She already knew the answer but she wanted to hear me say it.
"Bella," I sighed. "He was fascinated with her."
"Fascinated how," Emmett draped an arm around Rosalie's shoulders as he leaned forward. "Curious about what she might taste like?"
"More the fact that a human could consort with vampires without coming to grief," I replied. "He's never encountered it before."
"So he told you he'll play nice if you leave down, and you believed him? This is how you deal with the situation?" Rosalie was prodding at me now.
I nodded, grimacing as Emmett groaned in disbelief.
"I didn't know what else to do," I muttered.
"You couldn't talk to us first before you pulled this kind of stunt?"
"There wasn't time."
"You had all day to come up with a plan," Alice objected.
"But when the ultimatum was made James was standing outside Bella's apartment," I argued. "What was there for me to do? Go and leave her vulnerable? He was in her room, that's how he got to Lauren. When he realised he'd killed the wrong woman he went back to do some more investigating."
"Damn," Emmett swore and then ducked his head at Esme's disparaging look.
"What would stop him from killing Bella once we've left?" Rosalie asked. I hissed at this and she held up her hands in supplication. "I'm just asking."
"His thoughts indicated that he would follow through on our agreement."
"People can change their minds," Rosalie replied as she raised an eyebrow at me.
I looked at Alice.
"Don't look at me," she widened her eyes in mock appeal, "Now that she's with the dog I can't see a thing."
I shook my head. This was just going from bad to worse.
"So," Carlisle began in a heavy voice, "Edward you seem to have more insights into this James than any of us, what do you suppose he would do if he were to follow the un-gentlemanly course of action?"
"He would expect retribution," I said after a considered pause.
"And he'd get it," Emmett replied.
"Which would make ideal sport for him for however long it took," Jasper mused.
The tension in the room was increasing as everyone considered the idea of Bella coming to harm. I was the worst offender. It seemed that in doing what I had hoped was the right thing to do I had placed her in more danger than ever before.
"What about Bella?" Esme hadn't let go of me and now she looked up at me, her golden eyes staring at mine. "Did you tell her any of this?"
"No," I admitted.
"Oh, Edward," she openly mourned now. "She's going to get the wrong idea."
"That was the plan."
"Some plan," Jasper sighed. "Still, the situation can be salvaged."
"How?" I gaped at Jasper now as he released Alice to begin slowly pacing the room as he considered options.
"I think we've established that leaving Bella alone has been the wrong course of action here," he said after giving me a droll look, "so the only thing for us to do now is to get her back."
"Do you think that's wise?" Rosalie was looking from Jasper to myself.
"Hell yeah, let's do this," Emmett growled, then: "What? You know I'd do the same for you," as Rosalie looked up at him.
"I know, Baby," she assured him and then looked at me with a sigh. "I guess that means she's here to stay."
"If she'll have me," I replied.
"Mmm, well if I'm any judge you'll have a lot of explaining to do," Rosalie gave me an arch look.
"As long as it takes," I nodded. I was ready to wrap Bella up and never let her go. There would never been enough time for me to apologise to her for what I had done.
"Do we even know where she is?" Esme released me at last, feeling my body vibrate with eagerness.
Her question was enough to dash my optimism for the moment.
"She's with the Quileute Tribe," I admitted.
"Which presents a problem," Carlisle said.
"To us perhaps, but not to James if he can find her," I replied.
"True," Carlisle nodded, "but we're the only ones that they agreed to strike a treaty with."
"You really think they'll let him get that far into their territory?" Jasper replied.
"Hard to say," I said. "The boy has my scent; he was picked it up when he was looking for Bella so they know we're here. If they're smart they'll be patrolling."
"If he has your scent he'll know you're involved with Bella," Jasper offered. "Your scent would be all over her. Do you really think they'll let her go?"
"It depends," I frowned, "on whether they want to protect her or hold her against her will."
"Please," Rosalie laughed, "do you seriously think anyone can make Bella do something she doesn't want to do?"
"True," I gave a grudging smile.
"Still," Rosalie continued, "she'd need to know we were there, and when I say we I mean you," she nodded in my direction. "If she knows what the boy is, then they'll realise she knows what we are." I watched as Rosalie bit her lip in thought, and seeing the gesture reminded me of Bella and I felt a melancholy ache in my chest.
Focus.
I looked up at met Jasper's watchful gaze for a moment before he gave a nod of satisfaction.
"So, what are we going to do?" Emmett asked.
Alice had been standing quietly in Jasper's arms but at Emmett's question she had looked up to stare straight at me. I tried to ignore her expression as I ran through some ideas, but I could see her expression begin to brighten with hope.
"I have to get her back," I said at last.
"Good luck with that," Rosalie offered, "she's going to be pissed."
"I have to at least try."
"What if she won't even talk to you?" Esme asked.
"Then I'll wait until she will."
"For how long?" Esme looked up at me as Carlisle reached for her again.
"As long as it takes," I said as I stared at her before turning to gaze at each of my family in turn. They were all standing in their mated pairs offering each other silent support. I ached for that kind of partnership, and was now all too aware that I although I would love Bella for the rest of my existence there was the genuine possibility that she would not.
"Do you think she knows about Jacob?" Esme spoke up. We shouldn't call him the boy, if he's Bella's age then he's hardly a boy in the human sense.
"I'm not sure he's human," I said to Esme and smiled at her surprise. "I saw him shift from wolf to human." I looked over her shoulder to Carlisle. "We know what tribe he's in, so we have to assume there are others like him."
"Bella has some powerful protection," Jasper mused, "within the treaty and without." He gave a mirthless grin. "Must be something that goes hand in hand with being a danger magnet."
Carlisle tried to muffle a laugh. "Nature likes to find a balance," he offered.
"So what are we doing to do?" Emmett asked. "We're staying, right?" he gave me a hopeful look, "so what are we going to do about the meat eater?"
"He should still think that we're leaving," Jasper was thoughtful, "at least until we can get Bella somewhere safe."
"Who's to say she's not safe where she is?" Rosalie asked and then, "just saying," she muttered as I gave her an angry look.
"She has a point, Edward," Carlisle remonstrated. "James will be watching us to see what we do, but he won't be expecting them."
"There might be more of them to keep an eye on her too," Emmett offered.
"I want her here," I growled.
"Oh for fu- goodness sake," Alice cried throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. Esme gave a quick tsk but had to smile at Alice's quick recovery in her choice of phrase. "You went to extreme lengths to make sure she'd feel comprehensively rejected and now you've realised you've made a massive mistake and you want to sweep her into your arms," Alice began pacing the room ticking items off on her fingers and glaring at me at every opportunity as she spoke. "There's a nomad vampire and his mate in the area that are going to be watching every move we make, you know they want to get to Bella but you want to remove her from perhaps the best protection she may have at the moment." She stopped and turned to face me. "And just to really ice the cake, this has all been within twenty-four hours and you've realised you've perhaps made one of the biggest mistakes in your existence."
"Yes," I nodded.
"Because it's only now that you've discarded her that you've realised that maybe, maybe," Alice paused in front of me to tap my chest with one finger. I barely felt it of course, but the pressure she was using would have knocked a human to the floor. "Maybe she's the best thing that's ever happened to you."
"Yes," this time my voice was little more than a whisper.
"And you don't want to live without her," Alice whispered back. "None of us want to be without her, even Rosalie."
I looked at Rosalie with surprise at this revelation. Rosalie met my gaze and shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
"What? She has a backbone, and she's managed to get you to loosen up. Well," Rosalie went on to qualify, "at least you had until you put your head so far up your as-," she broke off as Esme made a sharp noise in her throat. "Sorry Mom," she grinned.
"Honestly," Esme sighed. "Is it really that much to ask?"
"Guess I'm rubbing off on you, Babe," Emmett gently nipped at her ear-lobe.
"That's what you're calling it?" Rosalie replied with a soft smile.
"When we're in company," Emmett wrapped his arms around her waist and held her to his chest.
I looked at Alice. "Have you finished making your point?"
"I have," she blinked.
"So what do you want me to do?"
"Go get your girl," she urged.
"What about James?" I asked.
"We'll do what we can," Carlisle offered. "You see what you can do about getting Bella."
I was heading towards the door before Carlisle had even finished speaking.
* * * * *
I stood on the invisible boundary line of the Quileute reservation pacing back and forth. There was nothing to stop me; no mystical force fields, no alarms, no sirens, nothing except a simple verbal agreement made decades before. Nothing could stop me, except Carlisle's word. The man was my father, my friend and my moral compass. I'd come this far; I couldn't let him down now.
Stepping to my right I paused to sniff at a tree, then took a few more steps to sniff another, wrinkling my nose at the stench. It seemed they took great care to clearly indicate their demarcation line. Judging by the scent saturation in the area they had been here recently, making it every possibility that they would return again soon.
I stood and waited.
As expected it didn't take long. The moon was high setting the night sky blazing with colour when I heard the first approach. There were three of them; enormous wolves pacing towards me growls building in the back of their throats. I kept silent, making no move as they came as close as they dared. The largest of the three paced back and forth along the perimeter as if trying to look at me from every angle without crossing the boundary. The other two sat on their haunches and watched the proceedings as the lead wolf continued to pace. At last the three of them turned and cautiously trotted away, the smaller of the three pausing to look back at me before they vanished from sight.
I stood and waited.
Twice more the same patrol came and discovered me in exactly the same place. It wasn't until the fourth night that they appeared in human form, jogging towards me in a loose formation, steam from their overheated bodies curling in smoky eddies off their bare chests. We stood and regarded each other for a long moment. It was the Alpha who spoke first.
"You're not a stranger to us," he ventured at last.
"But I'm not a friend," I inclined my head in acknowledgement.
"Your kind have passed through this way before," the Alpha went on. It wasn't a question.
"We have," I nodded.
"And others … not like your kind."
I raised an eyebrow at this.
"They did not honour the treaty and so they were … dealt with." This information was offered in tones of satisfaction.
"I see," I nodded again.
"What is it your family wants?"
"What we have always wanted," I replied, "to live quietly amongst humans. We don't seek to intrude, nor do we intend to hunt on anything other than animals."
"Things change," he snapped.
"They do, but not within my family," I rebutted. "The deaths have not been from the Cullens."
One of the men in the background gave a grunt of derision but stood quiet when the Alpha shot him a quelling look.
"What is it that you want?"
This was it.
"You have something that is precious to me," I began cautiously. "I want to make sure-,"
"How precious?" said the third.
I considered this question. The treaty had been made in the spirit of full disclosure and I saw no reason to transgress from Carlisle's original intentions.
"More precious than life itself," I answered.
"Spoken by a Cold One," sneered the second.
"Believe what you will," I said. "I just want to make sure that she's safe."
How could the freak know Bella's here? She hasn't left the Res since Jake brought her here. She hasn't even left the cabin for days. How could he possibly have found out?
I stayed motionless, not daring to show the extent of my relief that she was all right.
This is Edward?
The thought had come from the left and I glanced over at the third, who had been standing silent throughout the exchange. He looked to be the youngest of the three and he took an involuntary step back when he caught my regard. Our eyes met and I didn't waste a moment in scanning his mind as rapidly as I could. What I saw made me close my eyes in pain.
When Jacob had appeared with Bella cradled against his chest the cry had gone up from the women. She had appeared so small and pale in his arms that they thought she had been injured. A frantic pat down and babble of questions had revealed that physically she was all right but beyond that they were unable to determine the extent of her injuries. They found out soon enough. Bella still talked in her sleep and now, thanks to me, she cried in her sleep too. Everyone within hearing range of her screams knew my name after the first night.
"Please," I looked at the Alpha, "is Bella all right?"
"As well as she can be," he allowed after an uncomfortably long pause. I had already been able to glean all that I could from his mind as he considered his answer. Bella wasn't eating much, choosing to sleep as much as she could as if to retreat from her situation entirely. The adults were worried but Bella remained silent on the subject of what had happened, saying only that she was going to be fine. She looked pale.
"Can I see her?"
"Not on our territory," the Alpha shook his head, "and not if she doesn't want to see you."
"Will you tell her I'm here?"
The Alpha stood looking at me, the other two watched him for instructions. I could hear a whispered conversation between them but it was too indistinct for me to make out. Fascinating. I would have to tell Carlisle; no doubt he would be intrigued with this fresh insight.
The three men turned in unison and began to stride away. I could see their outlines become blurred as they began to tremble. The younger one fell to his knees with a pained grunt as the change swept through him. Even though I had seen the change before I was mesmerised as I saw it happen in front of me again. The young wolf struggled to his feet and looked back at me before loping into the night. The second followed but the Alpha who had remained in human form a moment longer.
"You've kept to the treaty?"
"Always," I nodded, "then, now and forever."
He nodded as he processed this and then reached his decision.
"I'll tell her. The rest is up to Bella." He turned and then paused to look back at me. "Assuming she even wants to see you, where will you be?"
"Here," I planted my feet and stood my ground. "As long as it takes."
I waited another two days before Bella appeared. If it hadn't been for her scent carrying towards me on the wind I would have had no idea. I was standing as close to the boundary line as possible and could not risk any violations by stepping closer. She stopped six feet away and my hands twitched, wanting to reach out to pull her to me.
"Bella," I whispered, "please … "
"You hurt me," she said in a quiet voice.
"I know," I replied, shamed, "I thought it would keep you safe, I thought-,"
"So you lied to me," she interrupted, "you let me think you were throwing me away."
There was nothing I could say against her quiet words. I would have felt better in my need for punishment if she had screamed and raged at me but instead her whispered words cut me to the quick.
"It will never happen again," I vowed.
"Yes it will," Bella looked at me with solemn eyes.
"No-," I began but stopped when she shook her head.
"As long as there's this difference between us, it will," she replied. "As long as you think you have to look out for me we'll never be equal."
"I love you, Edward. You know that, right?" Her voice was so calm, placid even. I wondered if she had rehearsed this conversation. I had no idea what sort of Bella would appear to me, or if she would even come to me at all. As always she confounded me with her reactions.
"I know," I nodded.
"But you've never told me, did you know that?" Bella looked at me now. "Every day it was implied, but you never said the words." She gave a dry laugh. "I don't even know if that's important now, but I assumed how you felt and it backfired so-," she shrugged.
I was appalled that she could doubt my feelings for her but realised with shock that it was true.
"Bella," my throat was tight and so I had to start again. She was still too far away. "I had to think I was doing the right thing, and I was wrong."
"Really," she watched me with impassive eyes, but I could hear her heart rate begin to increase.
"So very wrong," I repeated.
"You know what else is wrong?" Bella took a step closer, then another. I could reach out and touch her now but I kept my arms at my sides. The situation was in Bella's hands. "In spite of what you did, I think I might still love you."
I waited.
"Ridiculous I know," Bella shook her head, "but sometimes horses will run into a burning barn. Perhaps my self-preservation instinct is on the same level."
She took another step closer.
"Don't you think it's silly, Edward? Because you hurt more than anyone else has in a long time, and yet here we are, and all I want to do is be able to touch you again."
I sucked in a deep breath at this and instead of wincing at the burn in my throat that her scent induced I gloried in it.
"So do you think maybe we could do that? Will you just … hold me? Just for a while? I don't know what I want beyond that, but I need to feel you."
I nodded but when I didn't move any closer to her I had to indicate the boundary with a sweep of my arm.
"There's a treaty," I explained, my voice sounding as wretched as I felt, "I can't cross the Quileute boundary."
"So you're saying I have to come to you?" Bella hesitated now and I tried not to groan at the thought of her changing her mind.
Bella wavered for an instant before firming her lips and taking another two steps towards me. We stood close enough that she had to tilt her head to look up at me and I could see tears welling against her eyelashes.
"Please," she began, "do you think you could be holding me now?"
To Bella's human eyes I moved too swiftly for her to see, and yet from my perspective I moved with agonising slowness. I enfolded my arms around her cradling her as carefully as I could. I pressed endless kisses against her hair as she pressed herself against my silent chest and wept.
A/N: Sorry it has been so long guys. Have you noticed a honking big hole in my FF account where Take the Cake used to be? I'm working on getting it published so it had to be taken down. If you're interested in hearing news of how that's progressing, come check out my blog. Hope on over to Blogger or Blogspot and do a search by name (Sandyk199) or 'Take the Cake'. All the recipes from the story are there and we're starting to have a find old time …