Broken – Brennan's POV
I don't own them – Bones, the characters, none of them.
What does Brennan do now that Booth confirms he's moved on?
He just dropped me off at my apartment. I walk on in because I know he won't leave until I'm inside. He'll stay there and stare at me with his sad brown eyes feeling pity for me. I don't want his pity. I want him to love me. I keep reciting our conversation in my head.
"I made a mistake...She died with regrets"
"Bones, everybody has regrets"
"I heard her you know...I got the signal Booth. I don't want to have any regrets"
"I'm with someone ...Bones...and Hannah, she's not a consolation prize...I love her...You know, the last thing I want to do is hurt you but those are the facts"
"I understand...I missed my chance...my whole world turned upside down...I can adjust"
"I did"
"Yes you did"
I've never understood when someone said that they were broken after a rejection. I never understood until tonight. Now I realize that this must be what it means. This gut wrenching ache in the pit of my stomach, the whole I feel in my chest where my heart should be beating, could only mean that I am broken. Is this what he felt like that night on the steps of the Hoover? He said he had to move on. He told me he would, so why does it hurt so much that he did exactly that?
Once in my apartment I head for the shower. I know that just like the last three nights, I won't sleep. But it won't be because of Lauren tonight. It will be because almost a year ago I was foolish and scared and I make a mistake. I missed my chance. That's why once I'm redressed I head back to the lab. I'll finish the paperwork and lay Lauren to rest. I'll give the one person who wanted her to give him a chance some closure.
Back in the lab my thoughts return to Booth. Oh what he must think of me. I'm a poor excuse of a friend. I knew he loved Hannah. He'd said he did when we found the couple in that cave. Booth doesn't say something he doesn't mean. So what exactly did I think he was going to do when I told him how I felt? Is this going to ruin our friendship? What if he decides he can't be my friend because I have feelings for him and he's in a relationship? What if he doesn't want to be my partner anymore?
Oh no, what have I done? I have to get myself under control. Breathe Temperance. I send him a text message. "I'm sorry. Let's talk tomorrow. Please?"
Tomorrow I'll explain things. Tomorrow I'll tell him that I haven't slept in 3 days and I was tired that I let the case get into my head and play with my emotions. Tomorrow I'll make things better. I'll compartmentalize my feelings and I'll fix this, tomorrow.
My phone chirps with a message, "We'll talk tomorrow Bones. Good night."