Hello everyone! I want to thank you all again for the positive feedback I've received. Eclare is my OTP, so I've been neglecting everything to write more for you all! Be happy!
Anyways, this is a bit more serious than my other fics, somewhat similar to chapter two. I really hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: Me no own Degrassi. If me did, show would be overly Eli x Clare centered.
"The smell of smoke, like after blowing out a lit candle, always reminds me of my previous birthdays. Like, after my mom's homemade cake is presented, she tells me 'Make a wish' and I blow out the candles. The smell is the same and it reminds me of happier times." She turned to him to see his smirk.
"That actually makes sense." She nodded in agreement and looked up at the night sky. A few stars dotted the sky. A beautiful blanket of indigo with points of brilliant white. The poetic thought made Clare smile up at it even more. "Your turn." Eli was silent for a few seconds. It was rather difficult coming up with something she hadn't told anyone. She was running out of things to share. She had told Darcy a lot, but not everything.
"I like rabbits. A lot." His confession caught her off guard and a giggle burst through her lips. She tried to muffle it, but found it impossible.
"You promised you wouldn't laugh." He reminded gently. She nodded.
"You're right. I'm sorry. It's just…I wouldn't expect you to like animals in general. Especially animals like cute, fuzzy bunnies." He rolled his eyes but smiled.
"I don't know. I just have some weird fascination with them." She nodded, understanding.
"I kinda like them myself." She admitted with a grin. He turned to her and smirked.
"Your turn." She bit her lip, concentrating. This had been going on for half an hour. The two of them, laying on the grass in her front yard on top of a blanket she had fished out from her closet, started talking about things they had never told anyone.
Clare liked talking to Eli. He didn't judge her. He just listened and gave his opinion. But he always made sure not to sound like he was right and she was wrong. She did have something she hadn't shared with anyone.
"Clare?" Eli called. He was afraid she had fallen asleep.
"Hold on, I'm thinking." She whispered, debating on whether to confess something she was sure no one had ever thought. He chuckled and she stuck her tongue out at him. He ran a hand through her hair, a soothing, comforting motion. It made her feel…safe. That's when she decided to tell him. She trusted him.
"Okay." She sighed, building up the courage to confess. He turned to face her.
"I…I sometimes…wonder what it would be like…to be…dead." She whispered the last word. It seemed as though some kind of great weight was lifted off her shoulders, but her heart beat faster than usual, wondering what he would say.
To her surprise, he snorted.
"Saint Clare, you have some morbid thoughts." He commented, shaking his head. Clare felt a blush from embarrassment color her cheeks. She began to grow ashamed of her actions. Perhaps she shouldn't have shared that particular secret thought.
"Explain further." He interrupted her thoughts. She sighed.
"Well, when my sister, Darcy, started going through a hard time, my parents were completely and utterly focused on her. Don't get me wrong, it was for a good reason, but I felt…alone, excluded, and unwanted. My parents weren't paying any attention to me. To this day, they don't know that I was awarded a medal in my old school for my excellent grades, perfect attendance, and complete respect towards teachers and students alike. At the time, I wasn't even worried about my sister at points of the day." She stopped and took a deep breath before continuing.
"I felt invisible. So, one night, when I was at home, supposedly sleeping, a thought occurred to me. What would happen if I didn't wake up the next morning? Would my parents even notice? I tried to ignore them, but the thoughts were persistent and wouldn't leave me alone. I thought about everything. People's reactions…my funeral arrangements….everything. Even down to the little details, like what I was going to be buried in and what flowers were going to surround me."
Clare paused, considering whether or not to continue. I have to finish what I started. She thought with a sigh.
"If I had a crush at the time, I even wondered what they would think at the funeral. Usually, they're miserable because they never asked me out or confessed their true feelings." She added a forced laugh.
"This went on until Darcy showed signs of improvement. She started hanging out with me and asking me what I wanted. She even told me that she would do anything for me, as long as I was happy. I felt terrible. I feel terrible, even to this day. How could I be so selfish when my sister was hurting so bad?"
Clare's voice cracked as she covered her eyes with her arm. Tears streamed down her face. She felt Eli's cool fingertips brush against her arm before his fingers encased it, practically yanking her forearm away from her face.
She stared up into his eyes. Her vision was blurred by the tears.
"Clare," He began, wiping away some of her tears. "those were, and are, normal feelings. You shouldn't feel bad about your emotions. Your parents weren't being fair to you. I understand that Darcy was in pain, but your parents had two daughters. Not one. Two. Your emotions were to be expected. You were, and are, still growing up. It's okay to want your parents to pay attention to you. So don't beat yourself up because you had a few morbid thoughts. And it isn't like you hated your sister, you just hated the fact that you weren't being observed and congratulated by your parents, like a normal child usually is." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She was surprise by the action, but smiled.
"Thank you, Eli." She whispered, her voice breaking. She wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and sat up. She reached over and pulled him into a hug.
He smiled and ruffled her hair. He stood up and pulled her to her feet. He grasped her hand.
"It's late. Your parents will be home any minute and mine will probably be mad that I stayed out past curfew." Clare frowned deeply.
"Oh no. I'm sorry. Was that my fault?" Generally, that would've sounded sarcastic, but Clare didn't want him to get in trouble. He shrugged.
"You can make it up to me. Tomorrow. After school." He smiled at her and ran a cool finger down her cheek. "That is, if we're still playing our little game."
"You sure you can top my morbid secrets?" She asked with a sly smile. He pretended to think about.
"We'll see." She walked him to his car, which was conveniently parked in front of her house. He opened up his car door and slid inside. He lowered his window when her fingers knocked against the glass softly.
"Don't forget to come up with something since tomorrow, you start us off, bunny boy."
Your opinions make me a better writer. Seriously. Anything you have to say matters.
~S.S.