Chapter 2
'I never got over that night, ever. It stuck to me like a bad nightmare - it never went away. The days after were endured in a haze; I was completely numb to the everything - myself, my friends, the world - absolutely everything.
That wasn't such a bad feeling, I actually welcomed it - sure, all my friends questioned me about it. Peyton - my best friend since we were little - was worried, as were Nathan and Haley - his wife of 8 months - and Lucas, Nathan's brother. I told them the same thing over and over again, "I'm fine." And at the time, it could have been sort of true.
I wasn't really feeling anything towards what had happened to me, yet. The dirty, angry, guilty feelings came after a day or 3 of the numbness. I was pulled out of my dazed state by one stupid sentence in a stupid song, "Feeling the moment slip away," It was a stupid sentence in the stupid song Feeling The Moment by Feeder, but it shook me wide awake.
Suddenly, I had begun crying and couldn't stop no matter what I did. In my moment of weakness I called Peyton; I didn't tell her what had happened, I just told her I needed her to come over as soon as possible.
It only took her 15 minutes to reach my house and take me in her arms and whisper soothing words in my ear, "It's going to be okay, everything will be okay," she tried to comfort me. I almost laughed aloud at her words - nothing would ever be okay again, how could it?
I-I was r-raped for heaven's sake! How could that possibly be okay?! I felt like I was dying; I felt so used and useless and all the things Victoria - my mother - always told me I was. It was my fault, I had led that guy - whoever he was - on and he took it the wrong way; he believed I wanted him.
I don't remember leading him on, I don't even know who he was! But I must've somehow led him on, why else would he think it was okay to do that to me? To violate me like that?! It's not like I was a virgin, I had had sex before, but always on my own account and usually with guys I knew pretty well. But I didn't want it that night, I didn't want him!
I wouldn't go to the police, I didn't want to. And even if I did want to, they wouldn't believe me. I'm practically known as the town whore - you want some action, you go see Brooke Davis! That's what a lot of people said about me. And I couldn't say they were entirely wrong. I had brought this on myself, that much I knew.
I continued to cry in Peyton's arms for hours until I finally fell into a dreamless sleep - I was grateful I wasn't suffering from nightmares, yet. I guess I was too tired back then for the nightmares to come, but they would come, however. And when they would come, they would force me to relive the experience every single time I closed my eyes. They would be torture...