17 Ways of Erase and Rewind
Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me.
Special thanks to my Beta Chancewriter who makes my crazy ideas understandable and readable. You're THE best!
Warning: SPOILER ALERT! This story is up to date with manga 421: Deicide 23. A/N at the bottom, italics are for thoughts, and some cursing but nothing major.
I'm sorry, I did not mean
To hurt my little girl
Let's be honest, I cannot carry
The weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right
.
Chapter 6: Pointing fingers
The first rays of light were coming from the sun and bothering Hiyori's eyes while she was trying to sleep. She didn't have an idea of what time in the day it was, but the sun was clearly in her face, so it had to be pretty late.
Didn't that idiot who insisted on sleeping in her bedside chair know that the sun was troubling her sweet dreams?
The least he could do would be to close the drapes she had opened the night before to stare at the stars from her window (because running to the rooftop of the 4th Division would be probably a cause for Shinji and Unohana to murder her.) So with no other choice in her plate, Hiyori half opened her honey eyes and decided to bring a painful death to the Baldy Lazy Ass that couldn't make her a tiny favor. Only to her surprise when she looked for brown eyes, thin frame and blonde locks she only found an empty chair.
"Weird." She mumbled to herself, yawning very loudly and noticing how peaceful the room was without Shinji there. "It's not like I want him to be here. The only thing he does is bother me." Her old habit of talking to herself was something that would never disappear.
Taking advantage of her odd loneliness Hiyori got up without pain in her stomach or any trouble in her back and started to walk around her white room. Thanks goodness she wasn't getting tired or dizzy like last week. On the contrary, the petit blonde was starting to regain her usual strength and reiatsu control, not that she had tried anything besides kicking Shinji's butt, but she could feel it.
At first Hiyori walked pertly, enjoying the sensation of being able to go to the bathroom and snooping around the bunch of magazines Shinji kept in a drawer near the closet. But as the time passed she was getting bored.
"It's been…what, 30 minutes? And the Baldy is not here lecturing me about resting and sleeping." She voiced aloud with her trade mark scowl between her eyebrows. "I'm starting to think that maybe he was abducted by Mayuri, the alien," and the little Vizard chuckled at a mental image of a cartoon Shinji in a solution tube.
She came back, not very willingly, to her bed. What else could I do without Shinji here to entertain me? Wait…what? Since when did she need the Baldy to be with her all the time? It's never been that way since more than a century ago. They – Hiyori and Shinji – spend time together, that was not a secret. But never like this two weeks after what Shinji likes to call 'The big time Hiyori didn't listen', a name chosen to mock and annoy her, of course.
He had been bothering/talking/distracting/teasing/playing her at all hours of the day and night, and being completely truthful, Shinji had not complained once. He had, nonetheless, lectured her and got too concerned with her health, but did not utter a single sentence that could be taken like a complaint, a very odd circumstance considering that he was stuck, by his own free will, in a room with her taking her insults and punches.
Shinji's attitude towards her had changed, that could not being argued. The blonde man was caring and overprotective of any misstep or sound that she made. And then there was another 'thing'.
He kept touching her. Hiyori's face, hair, hand, leg, arm, shoulder and two days ago the dumbass had dared slap her ass tenderly when she made a crack at him for drooling in his sleep. Obviously, his playful hand that had defied his luck and had touched her there suffered extreme damage, but probably not as much damage as his nose, that bled for the entire day after she was through with him.
Ok, being completely honest his attitude hadn't changed that much, Shinji had never been cold with her when they were alone, but never so often and NEVER with people –that knew them– around. And to the surprise of many that would have bet that by this time she was already nauseous with his romantic treatment, she had endured it. Hiyori knew, and very well too, what she had done to him by rushing towards Aizen and getting herself deathly hurt. And if letting him hold her hand while Unohana Taichou came to check her felt uncomfortable and quite embarrassing, she would let him have this little gesture as payment for his concern.
Not that she would admit any of this to him or herself or changed her normal routine of hitting, punching and naming him every insult she could muster. But she understood Shinji's feelings for the first time in her life, feelings he had bared in a conversation that had Hiyori's cheeks go from pink to a flaming red, and that had put stress in their relationship, in the little girl's opinion.
It had been two days ago around 5 or 6 o'clock. It was a regular day with nothing extraordinary, he was just there with her and a sudden change in his demeanor made her look at him. Shinji got up, closed the door and after returning he sat on the bed directly in front of her crossed legs and said,
"I need to talk to you," His expression was serious, but Hiyori didn't reply as solemnly as him.
"You already are, Baldy."
He took both of her hands in his.
"Shut up, idiot. I'm being serious here."
The blonde girl sighed and kept quiet. What was it this time? Her health, her behavior, her temper. What now, Shinji?
A little twinkle in his eyes made her guess the subject and she couldn't be silent anymore.
"Shinji you do not have to sa –"
"I love you." It was simple, honest and he needed to say it openly to her.
In a couple of seconds after hearing it, Hiyori took her right hand out of his and hit her forehead. Of course some pink was already coloring her freckles and her eyes were looking to any other place trying to avoid his dark brown ones.
"I know you don't want to hear it, dummy, but after everything, you have to."
"You don't have go all tacky and flashy. I know." She said, moving her head to the side to hide the burning sensation on her cheeks. This chat was making her very uncomfortable.
Shinji knew, but didn't care. Enough had been enough. More than 100 years secret affairs was not for him after witnessing his female counterpart cut literally in half. Mostly, he had endured this long because she wasn't ready for being openly 'in love' with him, and the hate that both of them felt toward Aizen was a big part of their life, so he was patient, careful and gave her space. But Aizen was sealed and even with a different treat coming to them in the near future, he would not let this opportunity of having her, really having her, let him passed by.
"So you knew, huh?" Shinji started talking again with a lighter mood. "Well, I don't know it, and I want to hear it coming from your mouth, Hiyori." He said grabbing her chin and directing her gaze straight to his face.
The imbecile, jerk, ass, moron, idiot knew, how could he not?
Her breathing was becoming harder and louder. Her honey eyes were bigger and had a deer caught in the light look. And her overgrown fang was pinching her lower lip in a nervous gesture. Hiyori opened and closed her mouth several times. The only words that came into her mind were: Hit him, punch him or kick him, do something; he cannot put you in this position!
"Or do you not feel the same?" Shinji replied eyeing her with a grin.
Feelings, she was not a fan of them, well she could expressed anger or annoyance, but love? She was not used to expressing love.
"Shut up, Shinji." The female Vizard said in an angry voice moving her face out of his hands and putting her glance to the window "I…I don't want to get into this…" She let the words fly in the air without really saying what 'this' was. Hiyori like any other human/Shinigami/Vizard had defense mechanisms, and her favorites over all were denial and acting out, so that is what she did in the moment he took her out of her comfort zone with his words.
"I'm not one of your first love bimbos to be lied to in the face." She commented drily trying to pick a fight with the other blonde.
He got up from the bed and faced the door with sad eyes. "I understand."
Hiyori stopped looking at the window and turned to him. She hadn't expect that response, she was expecting a bit more bickering and later if he kept forcing her she would whisper the hateful 'I love you too' words showing that she didn't have any other choice. But Shinji being hurt by her reply was a shocking thing.
The ex-Fukutaichou opened her mouth. If the stupid words meant so much to him, she would swallow her pride and voice them. But when she was about to move her vocal cords, the door opened and a cheery pale blonde came into the room.
"Good afternoon Hiyori-san, Hirako-san." And looking to both Vizards and feeling the ambience asked "Am I interrupting anything?"
"Of course not, Kisuke" Shinji answered in a normal tone before she could say anything.
The rest of the hours on that day passed as nothing. The talk between them was never mentioned again, and Shinji kept acting normal even when they were alone, but deep down she knew he was not alright with what had happened. So the fact that he had disappeared for so long made her wonder if it had to do with that day.
Ok yes, she was officially so bored that her mind had traveled in time and back to that horrible conversation. Maybe she would have to look for him for once, or…her denial side could win again and explore the 4th Division building or, at least, her floor. Hiyori smiled to herself. A bit of walking would clear her head of the idiot blonde.
She got up from the bed and before leaving she looked for any type of shoes, actually, she was looking for her sandals, but she couldn't find anything, not under the bed, in the closet or even in bathroom.
So the natural thing to do is go barefoot she voiced in her head making an assured gesture with her face, and without making any sudden noises she directed herself toward the door, grabbed the handle and took a peak at the hallway. If she actually was going for a little walk outside, she would have to be careful not run into people that could drag her back to the bed.
To her surprise the 4th Division hallway was deserted. Hiyori took a little step outside expecting at any minute to hear a reprimand for being out of bed, but only silence ruled the empty corridor.
She kept walking and walking and there was no one outside or any door that wasn't closed, so the girl started to think that this 'explore' idea was pretty dumb.
Suddenly Hiyori felt it. It was a reiatsu spiking angry spiritual pressure left and right without any intention of controlling it. Her complete ability to feel and detect wasn't at 100% so if she could feel this reiatsu as clear as she could feel air in her lungs, it had to be really big.
I know this… I can't really place it, but I know this reiatsu! So she started to sprint towards the spiritual pressure that was only a couple of yards ahead on the same floor as she was, until the female Vizard reached a closed white door. The girl didn't even have to try to listen to the person who was the owner of the reiatsu; her shouts could be heard easily in the hallway.
"Do your words mean anything to you?"
Hiyori's eyes were as big as plates. She knew whom that voice inside the room belonged to, and the little girl could not be happier of hearing it.
"I don't understand how a Captain of the 13 Squads of Protection can be taken off so easily by a mere Lieutenant! Are you that weak!" The woman was still screaming and her words were venomous.
"I have no excuse. I've already told you, but Aizen did not have the strength or the train of thoughts of a normal Fukutaichou." Shinji's voice wasn't as loud as the woman's but resentment could be found in his tone. "Besides, all of us were set up by him that night."
"No," The woman denied, "YOU were set up Hirako, every other Captain was collateral, and she…she was your bait." Shinji received a glare full of hate. "She was turned into a monster because your Lieutenant hated you and wanted to hurt you."
A distinctive tense silence could be felt even by Hiyori who was behind the door. Unconsciously, the girl tightened her fist and her missing scowl appeared between her eyebrows. The happiness she felt a second ago was replaced by anger.
"I know that." This time Shinji's voice was low and full with guilt.
"That was then, what about this time? What is your brilliant excuse for not protecting her!" The woman was putting salt in the wound. "What's your justification for standing frozen next to her while Ichimaru broke her!" She was so enraged that couldn't finish her sentence in one breath. "You promised. You looked me in the eye Hirako Shinji and told me I could leave without getting worried. That Hiyori would be safe with you and everything would be alright." She laughed sarcastically.
Shinji looked to the floor. He couldn't answer the woman. He knew she was right, everything she was telling him; he had thought it before and had tortured him before. But the woman went on.
"So I listened to you, I left and I have to come back to find out Hiyori is a Hollow and was cut in half… what do you have to say for yourself!"
Why isn't he saying anything? Hiyori was so mad at the woman's words. How dare she? The blonde grabbed the handle of the door and opened it. She didn't even care that she wasn't supposed to be out of bed, the woman before her didn't have the right to say those thing to him.
"Hikifune-san," Hiyori voiced with an authoritative tone making the woman and Shinji look at her, "The right term is Vizard, not Hollow."
"Hiyori," Both the blonde man and the member of the Zero Squad said at the same time in genuine surprise at Hiyori's sudden presence.
The girl walked towards Shinji and hit him hard on the head.
"Are you deaf or mute Shinji?" Her voiced was irritated but not to him. That blow was a waking blow. "Why aren't you answering her?"
He looked at her with puzzled eyes. Hiyori hit him again this time it was more like an everyday punch. "WHY AREN'T TELLING HER HOW EVERYTHING REALLY HAPPENED?"
He chuckled, closed his eyes and said,
"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"
"Baka." she turned her back on him and looked at her ex-Taichou. Hiyori couldn't believe she was actually blaming Shinji for everything bad that had happened to her after she left. The one to blame was Aizen, and after that Hiyori herself. Not the blonde that had tried to protected her all her afterlife.
The little girl was so angry that she didn't even care that her precious mother figure was in the same dimension as her. The person that left her was attacking the person who never did and loved her the most.
"Hikifune-san," she called her name again, "If you are looking for someone to hold responsible for me being a Hollow, like you said, you can direct your blame to me."
Shinji's was shocked by the declaration and was about to speak but the girl resumed her speech.
"I should have drawn my sword at the sight of an enemy without thinking it was a friend or a foe. If you're looking too, for anyone to be guilty of compromising the war with Aizen, for rushing to attack without thinking," Hiyori's eyes were serious and pierced Hikifune's glance, "you can point at me too. Not to the person I love the most and who has done everything in his power for me to be okay. And just so you know, you do not get to play judge in your high and mighty place because if you left, you don't have the right to have an opinion on my life."
Hikifune Kirio was perplexed. Who was this girl before her? No. Who was this woman? Sarugaki Hiyori had grown up and did not need for someone to look after her. The member of the Royal Guard changed her eyes from rage to tenderness and understanding, nodding towards the girl.
"Shinji," Hiyori said turning her head to look at him, she still had angry eyes "Can you take me to my bed? I'm tired."
"You were not supposed to be out of bed in the first place." This time it wasn't a question it was more like a lecture from the blonde man.
"Whatever." She voiced with disinterestedness.
Without a word to the other woman in the room, Shinji grabbed Hiyori off the floor and pushed the blonde girl to his shoulder leaving the previous white room.
After a couple of minutes and a couple of feet from her own recovery room the ex-Captain broke the silence between them.
"Hiyori," Shinji called her while the girl still had a big scowl and a thin line for a mouth. "Are you leaving your reunion with Kirio like that?"
"Hmm… what is the difference to you Baldy?" She spat.
"She is here to see you."
"And to execute you." She would probably talked later with her mother figure, but right now it was better to cool off.
"You already know that she was right, Hiyori." He always used that guilty voice when they talked about the night they became Vizards.
At that response, she kicked him in the chest "I've told you a thousand times Shinji, that that night was not your fault! If you keep insisting it is, I'll rearrange that horrible face of yours!"
He grinned and decided to change the subject.
"Are ya barefoot?"
"It's your fault for not having my sandals in my room"
Shinji laughed.
"After everything you said that wasn't my fault, you are going to blame this on me?"
"Yep." She said more cheerful than normal.
He put her down in the middle of the hallway and stared at her surprised expression. Just before she could yell or hit him, Shinji kissed her. A couple of seconds later he moved just a little breaking the kiss.
"You're a complete chicken when it comes to love, you know that Chibi?"
Hiyori rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, "Dumbass."
"But you love me anyway." Shinji taunted, walking ahead towards her room with his arms crossed behind his head. "You said so yourself."
She frowned even more than usual.
.
A/N: What does Hirako-kun gives Sakuragi-chan? I have always thought Shinji would take her guilt about the hollification and other problems that could come with that. Also, I think he gave her someone to be there by her side no matter what, and someone who loves her unconditionally.
Erase and rewind… Her own fear of feeling love and let others to love her back, that I think is has a lot to do with one of her primary caretakers leaving to another dimension. I liked the way she stood up for Shinji against someone that is so important to her like Hikifune, showing bravery and loyalty to the one who had been loyal to her. We are officially breaking a big wall of feeling people on this chapter, so expect a little more fluf in the next ones.
I really liked this one! The meeting with Hikifune left me a little unmet, but still think it delivered the real purpose (I would have liked another scene apologizing and loving each other with a mother/daughter love, but it would break the tempo of the history). This one is one of those who started at something and ended up as something completely different because when the planning was done for the chapters I was going to make Shinji travel to the Zero Division to get Hikifune for Hiyori and bring at least a letter from her formal Captain. But while I was doing the second chapter of 'If a tree could talk' I thought that probably Kirio would get mad at Shinji for everything that had happened to the girl and that Hiyori probably was still mad at her for leaving… so I ended up planning an argument between Shinji and Hikifune. The I love you plot was completely a surprise and an inspiration on the moment.