"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering."

I'm having a bit of writer's block, so I'm gonna wing it with this chapter! Here we go!

Happy Reading!

Kylie the Kiwi

Mirana of Marmoreal, 20 years old

Waiting. Forgetting. Which was the better choice? I didn't know. I didn't know much when it came to making small decisions. My teachers told me only how to make difficult, life changing decisions. I felt caught in between. He was gone...for now, at least. I felt like I needed something to fill this hole in my chest. I walked through the castle halls aimlessly, daydreaming to myself. Sometimes my imagination would get the better of me and I'd reach out to touch something that wasn't there. Other times, it was so graphic and vivid that I'd let out a scream. And once in a while, it was the perfect thought of earlier, happier days when everyone got along. Back when peace was all my people knew. Back when I thought being Queen was as simple as writing poetry. Back when I could fix someone's problems in a matter of seconds.

My favorite daydream was Tarrant and I dancing in circles, my back to him, and him holding my hands just above my shoulders. I imagined this in my head so many times that it became natural to hold my hands like that for long periods of time. By the end of the day, I probably wouldn't be able to put them down. Eventually, I was dancing through the halls, not caring if anyone stared or wondered if their Queen had gone mad. In fact, I'd gone mad many, many, many months ago. And I was enjoying every second of it.

Being mad wasn't what someone expected. It was a wonderful feeling, a never ending change in feelings. You could be dramatic and crazy and nobody would question why. Yes, I'm admitting I'm a lunatic. Being lunatic kept me from getting my head hit with a tea cup when I was late for dinner. I knew the exact moment to duck. Being mad gave me a new perspective of the whole world. Flowers weren't just flowers and walls weren't just walls anymore. I could write poetry without thinking about it because every thought I thought was thought at one time.

But on the other hand, being mad has its disadvantages, though there aren't many. It enhances feelings so much you can feel lost. If you're angry, you become increasingly violent. If you're too sad, you can become depressed within minutes. Then again, that means if you're happy, you become very enthusiastic.

Right now, I was feeling...nervous. I was nervous about the war that was going on. I was nervous that our Champion, Alice- Absolem showed me the Oraculem- wouldn't make it here in time. I was nervous I was nervous I was going to completely lose it- my sanity, my life, my people, my love. All of it. As I paced down the halls, these things almost overpowered my daydreams. That would make me very, very not happy.

I imagined the dancing and the love. Laughter filled the air around me, and I realized I'd walked into the nursery. We had a nursery here for the mother's who brought their children to work. Most of the children were under the age of two. I floated over to one of the basinets and lifted up a tiny baby girl. She was sleeping peacefully, making little cooing noises. I couldn't help but smile to myself.

Her skin was almost as white as mine, and her hair was as well. Her tiny eyes fluttered open, and I noted that they were a grey color. I looked around to find a nurse and asked her why this was.

"Most babies are born without an eye color. Those will probably become brown later in her life. That is, if she'll ever make it that far. She has a rare disease that I've only seen once before." I giggled to myself quietly. She had the same problem I had as a baby. No one knew what it was or what caused it. The signs were white skin and hair, black nails, and darkly tinted lips. This baby had every one of them.

"Whose child is she?"

"She has no parents. She was dropped off here this morning." I thought over some options and settled on one no one would agree with.

"I'm going to call her mine. Her name is to be Bianca. Yes, that shall be the child's name." I smiled and tickled the baby's chin, earning a giggle.

"Are you sure majesty? You must be so busy at this time...I don't know if a child is such a good idea. For you anyways," she mumbled.

"Are you implying something?"

"You heard that? I barely whispered." I pasted on a smile and walked towards some cabinets.

"I'll need some cloth diapers and a basinet moved to my room. And of course, I need other basic necessities." She got straight to work, not bothering to argue with me. Once I had my sights set on a goal, I wouldn't budge.

"Bianca?" Oh, such a long name! I must shorten it some how. Perhaps I'll call her Bee as she got older. "Bee?" I tried once more to get her to awaken. Her eyes snapped open and she smiled triumphantly. I guess she liked the name. "Are you hungry?" She squeezed one of my fingers impatiently. She was such a smart baby, it surprised me. I nursed her until she was full. We fell asleep in that position, with me eventually falling back onto the bed, making sure not to hurt her. I think I found something to fill the hole in my chest.