Chapter 12 What Am I?
An hour later, Phineas returned with a sandwich and some juice. Jeff immediately got up and ate and drank everything. "You look better," Bogg observed.
Jeff nodded, "yeah, I feel better," he paused, "look, Bogg, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. And I guess I never even thanked you for taking care of me when I was sick."
There was a long silence and Phineas sat down and faced Jeffrey.
"Okay, I did some thinking and I think I can explain how I feel, so just let me talk, okay?"
Jeff nodded looking at him curiously.
"I feel like I'm nothing to you." Bogg paused as Jeff sat upright suddenly. This couldn't possibly be true, he thought, but Bogg continued, "I mean, what am I, really?" He paused again, "when you want a friend, you expect me to act like a friend. When you need a parent, or guardian, you expect me to act like that. But what happens if I think you need a parent, and you think you need a friend?" There was a long silence, "what am I supposed to do then? Then you think I'm a rotten friend." Bogg paused, "that's what happened today. I wanted you to stay with me, but you listened to Stan and did what he wanted you to do." He paused, "so you won't listen to me like a guardian, and you don't think I'm your friend, so I'm nothing."
There was a long silence and Jeff shifted position uncomfortably. He felt terrible about what Bogg was saying.
Bogg's shoulders sagged and he stared at the floor. "It's hard for me, because I have two roles to play. As a guardian, I want to take care of you. As a friend, well," here he paused, "I don't want a friend who treats me like crap, it hurts too much."
Jeff stared at Bogg. For once in his life he was speechless. He'd had no idea how hard this had been for Bogg. "This is all my fault," he finally whispered.
"You're young. It's not your fault. I shouldn't even have a friend so young. Look at the difference in our ages, it wouldn't happen normally. I'm expecting too much from you, being a friend isn't a fair expectation."
"Of course it is" Jeff began, but Bogg continued without stopping.
"But it just sort of happened."
They sat in silence.
"I'm sorry," Jeff whispered. "You're not nothing, you're very important. I guess I just never thought about anything from your point of view."
"You lost your parents, you did the best you could," Bogg whispered.
"Maybe so, but you're the one that's always there..." Jeff's voice broke. It was a moment before he could speak again. "If you think I need a parent, I promise to listen to you like you're my Dad from now on. And if you need a friend, I'll be the best friend I can. But there's one thing you need to know."
"What's that?" Phineas asked.
"I didn't always obey my father either," Jeff said quietly.
"You didn't?"
Jeff shook his head, "you once told me I was as stubborn as a mule, remember that?"
Bogg smiled, "I was right, too."
"Do you think that's the first time I ever heard that?"
"I don't know."
"Well, it wasn't. I've been trying to do things my own way since I was a little kid. I butted heads more than once with my dad," he finished the sentence with a sad smile.
Phineas leaned back in his chair, thinking about this new information as Jeff wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.