IMPORTANT!: I have very important news at the bottom of the story. Please read, and actually respond. This way, the fanfic won't die.

Rin's POV

All I ever truly wanted was you.

My room was empty and locked. The only presence on the inside was nothing less but the form of a girl, crying in her bed, screaming from the pain of constantly being abused. Yes, I was that girl, laying on my stomach and screaming into my pillow until the pain dulled. But even as my throat became stretched and my voice started to fade, the hurt didn't dull. No, it never subsided. Instead, when I thought my screams finally washed out all the poison from my heart, it only came crashing back like a wave in a thunderstorm, over and over and over again. Each time the wave of pain came crashing into the shore of my heart and my soul, I screamed and cried into the pillow of mine. And every time it subsided, I managed to get a sharp intake of breath before breaking into more tears and more screams.

Brother, I loved you. I still love you. I could never hate you.

In this short time, I managed to walk myself home without getting lost in my tears. I managed to ignore and keep out the world that quite literally banged on my door, begging me to come out and talk. I managed to cry and scream and do nothing more but waste and wash away all my fatigue. I managed to waste away all of the energy I held in my body until I only had the strength to lay in my bed with my eyes closed. I couldn't even cry anymore; my eyes were probably red and dry as hell, but that didn't matter. So I limply lay in bed, trying to close myself out from the outside world.

And only then was I able to drift off into sleep, where the dreams of that burned memory only ruined my soul even further. And when my dreams ran out of the strength and endurance to bother my heart for the remainder of my sleep, only then was I able to find the black, unconscious sleep that my body needed.

My body slowly slid downwards as I helplessly wail at the glass in my heart. My arms, my head, my legs, they all lay limply against the cold tile of the girl's bathroom. The tears- they wouldn't stop coming. All I thought about was why Miku or Len would possibly do such a thing. Then I remembered. He wasn't exactly mine anymore. He wasn't mine to begin with... He was never mine.

That brought nothing but more agony. Nothing but salt on the wound. It should of helped clean out this poison, but it only made it worse. And I hated it. I closed my eyes as the sobs escaped my weak body in small hiccups. There was nothing I could do now.

I heard the door open, but I didn't care to see who it was. I didn't care about what they were saying anymore. Right now, I wanted to drown in my own sorrow and self-pity. Well, I guess I don't even get that now, huh? Nothing but Hell.

Knock, Knock.

"Come on, Rinny," I could only recognize this as my mom's voice trying to coo me; but instead, it woke me up from my own comfort and haven- dreamless slumber. "Rinny, please come down soon,"

But I closed my eyes, ignoring her wish, only wanting to sleep more. I lost the battle when rest was avoiding my plea. Getting up from the bed I lie limply on and slowly making my way to the mirror, I struggled. Ever stayed up for days on end, to the point you don't know if your own legs will hold you up? To the point you become dizzy and disoriented? That was basically it- my legs and mind were drained from my screeches and hopeless sobs. My arms lay weakly against the counter in the bathroom, trying to support my body. What I saw shocked the small bit of my mind that still clasped on to emotion.

My blonde hair was messy, full of tangles and knots; not to mention wet from all the tears on my pillow. The cheeks and the areas around my eyes had become completely flushed, and my eyes were exactly what my prediction called for- dry, red, and puffy. Sighing, I picked up the brush and started to weakly run the bristles through my shoulder-length, messy hair. In this mood, I could care less how I looked. But for my parent's sake, I had to look normal; I didn't want them to worry about their daughter. And I didn't want Len to be bothered by me, either. I didn't want him to feel bad about anything that happened.

My hand reached down as the water filled up the sink slowly. I stared at the refreshing liquid cupped in my hands, revealing just another reflection of me. But, oh, when the cold water found its way onto my face, it felt so refreshing; it was almost rejuvenating. The dryness in my eyes soon washed away as if the crying never took it away. Looking up in the mirror, I was happier to see that I looked better. I even looked better than I felt, which was nothing short of crap. Emotionless, too-tired-to-cry-or-care crap.

Water was probably the best thing for me right now. As the clear liquid ran down the shower head that I recently turned on, I shed off the dirty clothes that remained on me from before. I stepped in, closing the shower door close behind me. It was purely nice, getting my mind off the important things and just relaxing. It was also nice, feeling the fresh, cool, clean water fall on me in a mist, washing away any of the gunk and grime that remained on my face and body. Now if only it had the same magical properties to wash the acid off my heart...

With new clothes on and hair washed, I felt refreshed. No longer was I completely tired, and I could actually move. And I actually smiled; but to be perfectly honest, I wasn't sure if it truly reached me. I didn't know if I actually felt happy, no so soon after something like Miku happened. Miku... the mention of her name... I felt tears form at the edges of my eyes.

I shook my head, willing the urge to cry away.. There was no way I was going to let myself weep over this again. The last thing I wanted was to feel weak and fatigued like I was earlier. I'm sure it wasn't healthy. So with sudden confidence and unknown reason, I stepped down the stairs, hiding behind my newly made smiling mask.

"So how was school today?" mother asked us, as usual during dinner time. We sat around the small table, Mother and Father at the ends, with Len and I sitting as if we were facing each other. But right now, I picked at my warm food. I didn't want to look at my brother. I didn't want to look into those eyes of his and see those tainted lips. I knew I'd just burst into tears if I dared to look up. Just thinking about it made the acid in my heart burn for the second time today; water tried to spill over the rims of my eyes.

"It was fine," Len spoke, nonchalantly. It was so irritating how he could just act so calm and smooth after what had happened, while I had to sit here and suffer new, vengeful pain. But when mother's eyes looked up at me, I smiled at her and nodded, agreeing with Len. But if I spoke, I knew my disguise would just crumble away.

Her eyebrow raised in slight confusion. "Just fine? Did anything happen at school?"

"Nothing... really," I said, trying so hard to keep my mind off the situation- to keep the tears from forming in my blue eyes. Maybe if we could just change to a different subject, then maybe I wouldn't have to think of that horrible thing. Then I'd be fine. But that constant reminder in front of me was making it hard. Before they could ask anymore questions to me, I took a bite of the food on the plate in front of me. Sure, I felt sick, but I needed them to stop.

But Fate was against God right now. I could hear the phone ring from his pocket, and I could only guess who it was. I really hoped for Mikuo or maybe even Kaito, but, that wasn't going to be the case. How I knew? The moment he saw the stupid phone number, his eyes brightened as it did earlier that day. And when he answered...

"Oh, hey Miku~" it was sickening and hurtful the way he just spoke her name... with a smooth and sweet caramel tone. I tried to ignore him, staring at my food. But the food stared back at me, and I knew then if I even tried to eat it, it wouldn't stay down. So I had nowhere to go but Len's 'Oh so interesting' conversation.

"I'm sorry, I'm at dinner right now," silence. It so killed me. "Alright, night Miku," he smiled as he shut the phone. I turned to mother, trying to find comfort in another face. What I saw, it hurt me even worse. She was smiling almost as much as Len was; and when I turned to father, I saw a smirk on his face. My chest started to contract and squeeze together.

"Oh, does my Lenny have a girlfriend~?" Mother cooed, giving my twin a blush. Of course the family should be happy, so I smiled. They'd never know how sharp those words could ever be to me. They'd never know how much rage and pain were hidden in those words...

"Mom," he glared her down through the embarrassment of it all. But that was enough for me. I stood up from my chair, knowing that my mask was far gone. My face was down, trying to let the bangs cover my face. My arms were in fists, resting against the table; they were the only things keeping me at the table, instead of running or falling to the ground. Those waves came rushing back...

"Please, I need to be excused from the table," and left. I ran up to my room, slamming the door and falling down on my bed. Those tears, I let them flow freely now that no one was present. Those same waves from earlier, I lied. They weren't back. This pain- they weren't waves at all. It wasn't poison or acid on my heart either. Every time a sob escaped my lips this time, the pain came back in tsunamis. My heart started to melt in what would be the physical form of pure torture. It wasn't long until I felt a hand run through my hair.

"Rin, what's wrong?" It was none other but Len's voice. My first reaction, my only true reaction, was to flinch away.

"Go away," I yelled, slapping his hand away. I didn't want him here. When he was here, all I could remember was him kissing my old friend by the lockers. Fresh tears would not stop falling like waterfalls down my face. Those tsunamis and torture pains I told you about? It becomes worse when he's here.

I couldn't look at his face, but I could tell he had that determined and thoughtful look on his face. "Not until you tell me what in the world is going on, Rin-chan,"

"I said get out!" I screamed at him, taking the closest thing in my possession and throwing it in his direction. There was silence when Len's presence moved away from mine. But that wasn't the end of it- no where near. He got closer, his hand rubbing my back.

"I know something's wrong, now tell me. Please," I rolled over, until I hit the very edge of the bed. His touch, it was relaxing- and it burned.

"Please, just go away," I screamed, once again losing the strength to continue. I knew I looked pathetic, and seemed pathetic, but right now I didn't care. I wanted the source of my misery to leave. And once again quiescence filled the room. One minute... two... until the sound of the door closed and, breaking the silence, told me he was gone. Tears continued to fall down my eyes as I screamed into the pillow.

"I hate him!" my voice echoed, muffled in the soft fluff. But even as I screeched into my pillow over and over again- "I hate him..."- it didn't ease the agony that my heart suffered. I wanted so badly to hate him. He crushed me, every being of me. I knew that wasn't true, though. I loved him. I loved him so much. I didn't care if he was only my brother. I fucking loved him!

"Why do you have to be so cruel?" I cried out to whatever high power lay in the heavens, lying on my back and staring up into the ceiling.

I sighed heavily as the phone rang once more. If Len couldn't talk to me in person, he'd spam me with his phone until I answered. I knew he was worried about me, but I couldn't find it in my heart to care whether he acknowledged me or not. And as the ring tone of Love is War continued to play, I battled my inner voice. Should I pick it up, or should I just ignore the world as I did before? I felt my hand reach towards the metal device...

"Hello?" I asked with my voice dulled- so faded and sore. I wondered if they could even hear me.

"Rin?" That was voice was one I could trust, I knew; not the person I thought it was going to be. I shot up out of the bed I had been laying on for hours on end, trying to fight the dreams that ruined my heart and my sleep.

"Luka?" Of course it was her, but it's just one of those things. "Why are you calling...?" I glanced at the clock, wondering if it was really late, or just early. I guess it depends. I'm saying it's early, at nine at night.

"Rinny, are you okay?" Why did everyone I know adopt that nickname? "I've been hearing something is going on. Is everything alright?"

She was always motherly towards me, that pinkette of mine. She was actually someone who could calm me down in such situations as of this. I wanted to tell her so bad that I was fine, as I do with everyone else, but I could only crack. Fresh tears fell down the same path as dried ones from only a few hours before.

"No. Nothing's alright," I cried into the phone. I could hear soft shushing on the other side.

"Care to tell me?"

How the hell could I tell her about this sin? I was afraid to tell her how I felt, but I couldn't lie to her either. Sure, I was pretty good at my lies, but this just wasn't someone I could lie to. Luka, she was the kind of person who you could lie to, but you'd literally be sick with guilt if you did. I thought for a moment, struggling to breath through my sobs.

"I... Luka?" I sniffed.

"Yes?"

"W-what would you do... if... you loved someone you knew you weren't supposed to?" I struggled to talk. "And... they fell in love with someone else?"

There was silence. No answer from Luka. And as the silence grew and grew, I just couldn't stand it anymore. My heart started to burn as my thoughts kept traveling to the lockers. What if you were in love with someone you knew you shouldn't? What if you did love someone else?

"Luka?" I couldn't stand the emptiness anymore. I heard a sigh on the other end of the line.

"Well. . I suppose it'd be hard. But I'd do my best to keep my mind off of this person. Maybe try to engage in another relationship and maybe even surround my self with friends,"

"But what if it was really you? What would you really do?" I knew Luka. She was one to be positive, but I needed real help right now. For some reason, she didn't want to answer. But when I finally did get one:

"I'd run and hide. I'd smile and hide. I'd try to convince myself that I hated him. I'd lie to myself that I hated him in every way possible,"

I tried to take in all she said as the tears slowly started to fade away from my face. Maybe now I had some sort of light on my bloody path.

"Thank you, Luka,"

"No problem. Please, try to get better. I'm here for you if you ever need me,"

"I know. Thanks again, Luka,"

"Goodnight, Rinny,"

"Goodnight, Luka," I spoke as I pressed the end key. I started at the blank screen. Slowly, I found my way back under the covers and into bed, closing my eyes. And for once, I didn't see the same nightmares that haunted my dreams. Instead I saw guidance. I needed to hide. I needed to hate him.

But if I needed to hate him, why does my heart cry at the thought of leaving him?

Would it be wrong, would it be right? If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might. Mutilation outta sight. And I'm contemplating suicide. 'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind. Wish somebody would tell me in fine. I'm losing my sight, losing my mind. Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's alright. Nothing is fine. I'm running and I'm crying...I'm crying...

Hey People!

I've tried soooo hard to reach my goal of 4000 words, but I'm freaking 1000 words short! Oh well, I really hope you don't mind. Quality over Quantity, right?
I'd be honored if you guys gave me suggestions of chapter ideas. I'm terrible at fillers, but really awesome at main plots. So, I want the readers to really choose on this. You guys are my audience, and I only want to please you! So go on ahead with suggestions!

~ Miko