Happy summer, guys!
A new chapter, yay!
Hope you'll like it. Keep on reviewing, it makes my day. (:

Waking up, I felt drained.
Terribly, terribly drained.

I had barely slept.
Too many thoughts, too many what-ifs, too many doubts restrained me from sleeping.

Why did Cat try to kiss me?
Did I gave her any signal to do so?
Had I been honest to her about Jade?
Didn't I get flattered when Cooper suggested that someone like me could date someone fairly like as Cat?
Why didn't I allow Cat to kiss me?
What if I had?
Wouldn't it have been at least as magical as the stage kiss?
Wouldn't I have enjoyed it?
What about Jade?

I had tried to find answers to all those question during the night.
And now, I felt horrible.
I felt horrible, because my body was still asleep and I couldn't go up to Jade and keep up the image of a perfect relationship.

Because I know the answer to one of the question.
Why didn't I allow Cat to kiss me? Because I have a responsibility. You can't throw away a one year relationship for a kiss. That's not possible.
Jade expects me to be faithful, I couldn't disappoint her. I'm grown up. Grown ups don't go around kissing other girls to ruin their relationship. And this relationship was worth it, right?

I eventually got up. There was just one more hour until school. I wish I had more time. More time to think. More time to have a plan.

I went to the bathroom and took a quick, cold shower. It felt so refreshing.
Maybe me and Cat could just act like friends again?
Like we hadn't been at LA Groovy Smoothies.

But was that even possible? I knew her too well, now. We couldn't go back to lunch table sharers. She was too close to me.
Man, where was this damn tooth brush?

Cat's like a bomb. I mean, she was the bomb. But also, her presence banged in like a bomb. All of the sudden I trusted her. All of the sudden she was constantly there, constantly on my mind.

I smiled while thinking that I worry about her all the time. She's so naive, so fragile. Something could happen to her anytime.
Even now.
Maybe she fell out of her bed? Maybe she nearly choked on her breakfast? Maybe she got knocked over by a bike or a car on her way to school?
She seemed so weak. I wish I could protect her all the time.

I grabbed some already used shirt and pants, which reminded me to do the laundry again.

There were still a few minutes left until I should head to school, so I decided to do some homework. I hadn't been able to concentrate on them last evening, because of...guess who! Cat. Well, and Jade.
But it wasn't any different now.

What should I do, when I saw Jade?
How should I react to seeing Cat?
I told her to never mind.
I had to do the same. Never mind.
Nothing happened.
She tried to kiss me, but a try wasn't important. Just act like we had departed in usual friends manner yesterday.
Don't think of the warmth I felt when she hugged me on the motorcycle.
Don't think of the tingles in my fingers when I brushed away her strands of hair.
And don't, I repeat, don't think of the tiny voice in my head saying 'Do it. Do it already! Don't pull away. Who cares?' when she attempted to kiss me.

Concerning Jade: We could manage that.
There's a tough time in any relationship. And I mean, we wouldn't have been in a one year relationship if we hadn't managed tough times.

I hopped on to my motorcycle and drove as fast as I could. I expected the strong wind to blow away my worries and thoughts, but it didn't. Man, you couldn't count on anything these days.
Even on my ten minutes way to school, it seemed like there was a picture of that tiny redhead pinned on my visor.

As if I needed it. As if her picture hadn't been stuck in my head anyways.

I wish I could just paint the red velvet cupcake hair black and put more make up around the eyes and on the lips to make this freaking picture more Jade-like.
Cause I was supposed to see Jade, right?
Damn, I really needed to talk to her.

*_'**_'*

Everything seemed to go wrong today.
My math teacher wanted to see my homework in class. Exactly, the one I didn't do. I earned a big, fat dunning.
And now I didn't find my stupid sciences books.
I shut my locker angrily only to see her face. Cat's face.
She noticed me, then blushed immediately, looked down and tried to walk away.

I grabbed her arm on instinct. Because I didn't want her to go away?
"Don't."
"Don't what?" She still avoided looking at me.
"I... Don't let it be awkward between us. It was nothing, you know? Nothing happened."

Look at me, girl. Why don't you look at me?

She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, a voice behind me shouted: "Hey, leave my boyfriend alone, will you?

Ugh, why did Jade had to be so snotty, self-centered and possessive? She might be like that towards... Sinjin or Mr. Sikowitz or who know I, but not towards Cat.

"Seriously Jade, I touched her. Not the other way around. No need to yell, okay?"
"Fine. Whatever. Let's just go."

I noticed that I was still holding Cat's arm which didn't allow her to go, so I released her.
She muttered a quiet "See you" and left.

That might have been the point I came to realize that I didn't want Jade anymore.
What could she give me that Cat couldn't? Maybe the usual morning injection of hatred or a nice cup of 'I don't give a crap'? No thanks.

"I gotta go." I told Jade and cut in on her babbling, leaving her startled.

I turned around and sped up my pace.
I could still see the redhead among the mass of teenagers entering and leaving Hollywood Arts.

What I was trying? I had no clue. I just didn't want her to leave me this way.
I finally reached the parking area, where I spotted Cat getting into André's lurid green car. I ran up to them and knocked on André's window. He opened it.

"Hey dude, what's up?"
"Um, don't you have to be in class or something?"
"Free period." He grinned. "I'm taking Cat home. She's not feeling well."
She continued to not look at me.
"Could you wait a few more minutes? I wanna talk to her."
André caught Cat's eye and she nodded, much to my relief.

While she unbuckled her seat belt I asked myself why she seemed so unhappy.
I never wanted to hurt her.

André got off the car as well and started talking randomly to someone a few feet away from us to give Cat and me some alone time.
I still had no idea what I was doing, but I wanted to start speaking to avoid an awkward silence. However, Cat interrupted me.
"It wasn't nothing. It was way more than nothing. Do you know you have this special effect on girls? On girls like me? I was attracted to you. I felt so much. And you put it off as nothing. That's not nice, Beck."

Finally.

Finally those chocolate muffin brown eyes that caused a prickle in my stomach.
Although, admittedly, I had remembered them as way more cheerful and sparkling with joy. Now, they were just sad.
I had already noticed the sadness in her voice. She wasn't angry with me. Just disappointed.

"I'm so sorry. Honestly. I didn't want you to feel bad."
She smiled weakly.
"Oh, and hereby I swear to acknowledge your feelings. You just need to tell me, you know? Guys are not really good at guessing girls' feelings."
A slight giggle. At least I got her to laugh. But then, she sighed again.

What had I done wrong now?

"I can't talk to you about my feelings for you. You're with Jade and I guess she doesn't really like me. It'd be rude of me to get in the way of your relationship."

It'd be more like liberation.

I moved closer towards Cat.
Caressing her arm, I whispered: "I'm planning to break up with Jade."
She jerkily rose her head.
"What?"

Ooooh, cliffhanger. :8
Did you enjoy it? Did you? Did you? DID YOU? ;D
By the way, as you may remember (or notice): I'm actually from Germany but I'm going on exchange in just 3 days! AAAH. And since my real name is Katharina, my family decided to call me Kat! How cool is that? (;
I'm so excited for the new Victorious and iCarly episodes!

Do you guys check out TheSlap from time to time?
There is some cute Cat/Beck action in some clips.
And "Beck" is often writing nice comments under "Cat"'s posts. (;