Rin's POV
It's been a few days now... a bit more than a week, perhaps. Yes, definitely more than a week. And I've started noticed a change in my family, not just me. My parents, they'd do so much to keep me moving and to keep me out of the room I so call my haven. And Len, he seems to be more worried about me lately. He looks at me with those puppy-like eyes of his, and I could tell how much concern lay in those orbs of his. So many times he'd walk into my room during the times that I'd be so wrapped up in my "venting" that my door was left unlocked, and I'd throw objects at him and punch him and kick him whenever he tried to bother me. Yet, he was always so patient with me. He helped me calm down...
But at the same time, it hurt. It hurt like he was nothing but pure fire.
I shook my head. I had enough of this drama the past few weeks. Now was not the time to be angst, right? Right? My mind received no answer as I slowly shut the journal that sat in front of me. Something deep inside of me knew all this wouldn't end well. Slowly I made my way up from the chair I sat on, opening the door to the bathroom. "I'm not that bad," I said, looking into the mirror. My eyes were still, in my opinion, a nice shade of blue, even if my parents say it had faded. My face was normal, hiding behind that smile I had grown to see. Even my hair managed to stay a nice blonde. But, I picked up the ribbon on the counter. I had refused to wear it for such a long time, since that say with Miku...
"Ugh," I groaned, using my short arms to lazily block out the sunlight in my eyes. It was too early to be woken up now... but I still felt another's arms grabbing mine, trying to take them away from my face. Why does he have to be the one to wake me up in the mornings? I'll never know.
"Come on, Rin-chan!" the voice spoke, urging me to get up and away from my sleep.
"What so important that I can't sleep in?" I continued to complain. My eyes, now reluctantly open, glared at the cute kid beside me, so close to my face. His blue orbs were pleading with that abandoned puppy look that I inwardly loved. And the way the light came in from the window behind him, and made his blonde hair so angelic... he wasn't far from being down right adorable.
He had a look of fake hurt written on his face. "How could you possibly forget our birthday already?"
My body shot up immediately at the thought of our birthday, knocking my brother down in the process.; birthdays could only mean one important thing: cake and presents. I rushed to the dresser, trying to get some clean clothes to change into from my orange pajamas, while ignoring my poor brother in the process. Even if it was our birthday, they- our parents- would still expect the both of us to be... sophisticated? Whatever that meant.
"Ow," the twin voice of mine grumbled, rubbing his hurting rear.
"Be a man!" I laughed, copying Meiko's exact words for Kaito's unmanliness.
And by the time we did make it down the stairs, Len was practically dragging me along with the excitement running through his body. If anything, I bet I was more excited. I was just tired. It wasn't long until we made it to the living room, where, in front of the television set, we had a small stack of presents.
But out of them all, I remember the box- an average one. Just sitting there it was. It was the first thing my eyes found after rudely being woken from my brother. The present was so nicely wrapped compared to the rest of my presents, with a brilliant orange bow on the top. Maybe it wasn't the biggest or maybe it wasn't the most expensive looking, but I remember it was the prettiest of the bunch. Len quickly grabbed it, handing it to me right away.
"It's from me," he cheered, and he smiled. I remember how cute his smile was. I nodded, his bright, goofy grin catching on and finding a way on my face. "Go on! Open it!" my dearest brother cheered next to me, as if it was his own present (and as if I wasn't opening it fast enough). It was our seventh birthday, but this was my true first gift solely for me.
"Alright, alright!" I spoke, tearing away the wrappings quickly. I tossed them to the side and onto the floor. The object that lay in the box, it made me squeal with pure glee and joy. For inside the pretty box was a white ribbon, the color of pure pearls. It was so beautiful for me to lay eyes on.
"Let me help you put this on," he smiled at me. I let him run his hands through my hair as he struggled to get the beautiful prize onto my head just right.
"There," he spoke, lifting his hands away from the bow. His grinned. "You look so beautiful, sis," But I wasn't exactly listening, at least, not at the moment. My arms found their way around him. My next words would be so full of meaning- meaning I took for granted until now.
"Thank you,"
"If only things could be just like that once more," I hadn't realized I had spoken out loud. My hands wrapped around the ties of the beautiful- and still completely precious- white ribbon that I haven't worn in, what to me was, a long time. Carefully, my hands ran through my hair with the ends of the ribbon until it was just perfectly set on my head. So now, even if he wasn't with me, he'd be here in my memories.
My eyes found their way to the mirror, smiling the first one in forever that had finally reached my eyes. The ribbon was a part of me, just like Len was. As my hands moved to where my heart was placed, I could feel the gentle beats that I couldn't feel over this past week. And for once, I could actually smile. He was still with me, and I'd find a way to make him mine. He'll be mine one day. And as I turned around, I made sure to wipe away the tears that had shown themselves in my reflection.
Look out, Bitch.
I made my way down the stairs, taking two steps at a time. For once, I had energy in my legs to move along, and, despite how silly it sounds, I felt like prancing. My mood was lifted, and it was just perfect. Around the corner of the staircase, and into the kitchen I made my way. I had skipped lunch already, and my stomach was giving the rumblies only oranges could satisfy.
My hand immediately reached for the orange object in the bowl of fruits on the counter. The scent of it completely captured me as I peeled the skin, throwing away the parts of the orange that was of no use to me. It landed perfectly in the trashcan with skill and I tore away at the juicy flesh, letting it satisfy my hunger. I knew I hadn't been eating as much, but this was just amazing.
With my mood lifted beyond breaking, I walked into the couch where I suddenly stood corrected. As if God was against me once more, I saw none other than those two together on the couch, watching some movie on the large television set in front of them. The way they were just holding each other, it drove a spike through my heart. I had forgotten Len and Miku had been spending so much time together... My smile started to falter. Sure, it didn't hurt as much as before, but I've become so cold lately, so freaking numb lately, it was scary. I've found myself not caring about anything lately... What am I, emo? I might as well been. Maybe then, I wouldn't be complaining about it so much.
They weren't making out by this time, but they might as well been. It was as if God had just planned to make me suffer, as if he was laughing. I sighed, turning my head away. I was past tears at this point of my heartbroken stage. As I've said before, I've just stopped caring about anything. But it still hurt. The agony was actually worse than before. To the point I'd scream and find my pillow wet with pure salty tears after a dream I could never remember.
I decided to walk out while holding my phone in my hands. I stared at the small screen with my blue eyes, concentrating on what I was doing. My feet were almost there- out the front door...
"Where are you going, Rinny?" Part of me didn't want to, but it just fueled the hate inside of my burning heart- that voice of Miku's.
"Out," I whispered, biting my tongue so that I didn't sound as harsh as I wanted to. I could hear her voice talk once more, but I had enough. Without any more disruptions, I walked out the door, slamming it behind me. I sighed, pressing the send button. This was going to be a long day, wasn't it?
0o0o
I shook my head and continued to watch the screen as the brunette next to me slouched on the entire couch, elbow resting on the pillow and one hand pressing the channel button of the remote like nobody's business. She scowled, not liking any of the channels she happened to land on.
"Come on, Meiko. Can you just settle on a channel already?" I asked, wanting something to do. I came here as a distraction, and so far, nothing was happening.
"I'm not going to watch any of this bullshit," she growled, taking another large gulp of her sake. This woman can be an ass when she starts to drink.
I sighed, laying my head on the back of the couch, being careful to make sure my ribbon didn't fall off and out of my hair. My eyelids closed, letting me just think freely. It started out with the rage and sorrow of Miku, and then I started to think about that sake Meiko was drinking. Sure, I've heard many bad things about being drunk, and hell, the brunette was a living example of it. But still.
I lifted one of my eyelids, glancing at Meiko. "Can I have some?" I said, lifting my head and pointing to the bottle in her hand. She glared at me, still seeming a bit sober.
"You're too young to be drinking," she grunted.
"Aren't you?"
"I'm eighteen. I'm allowed under my parents standards," Did I mention she had some pretty wealthy parents? Not millionaires, but pretty good living standards. Anyway, I tried to reason with her. I wanted to wash out those stupid memories...
"Can I just have a small bit?"
"The answer is still no,"
"How will anyone find out?" I dared to challenge.
"..."
"Well?" That glare I earned almost burned through me. But she sighed. Apparently, she had given up.
"Fine," she spoke, handing me an unopened bottle from the counter. How many of these things does she carry, anyway? My hands were hesitant in opening it, but I was starting to get desperate. The memories still hung in my head as I took a small sip. It was actually pretty good- almost like the white wine I had taken a sip from my mother and father once when I was little. I continued to drink it while we watched t.v. I don't really remember what happened after that...
0o0o
"Rin, wake up and turn that damn phone off,"
I grumbled, slowly opening my eyes and lifting up my body. I was down on the floor, and my head hurt like hell. I looked around my surroundings, seeing a few sake bottles here and there; most of them were belonging to Meiko, maybe two or three belonging to me. And sure enough, that ring tone of Love is War continued to play. Grabbing it from the counter near the couch, my eyes went to the screen to see the caller. I really didn't want to pick up-
"Hello?" -but I did anyway.
"Rin-chan? Where have you been? It's been seven hours," That twin voice of mine, it was showing so much worry.
"I'm at Meiko's house," I spoke, letting my free hand rub my temples. I thought hangovers only happened to people who drank a lot...
"Well, you better hurry up. You're going to be late,"
My mind didn't quite register. "Late for what?" My eyes looked up at the clock, seeing the hour hand reach towards six.
I heard a sigh on the other end of the line. "Piano lessons. Remember? Mother added you to Saturday nights since that other girl Neru stopped,"
Oh shit. How could I possibly forget one of mom's plans to get me out of my room? "Tell mom I'll be there in fifteen minutes!"
I hung up the phone, cutting Len off in the process, and got up in a hurry. Mother, and more importantly Luka would kill me if I was late for something like this. I glanced at Meiko, who was already out cold. Even if my cell did bother her, the sake seemed to have a larger affect. Drool was gathering at the side of her mouth and she just lay on the couch limply. I attract some very strange friends...
I dragged my legs out the door as I kept thinking. Well, it wasn't exactly thinking, since my head still hurt like hell. My head shouldn't even be hurting; I didn't drink many bottles, and it wasn't even morning. The Internet is such a liar.
And as I walked down the sidewalk, I started to notice it was getting dark, with nothing but the street light guiding my path.
I shouldn't be surprised; It was December already. It would be our birthday in another two weeks. To be truthful, I wondered how this party was going to end up. Teto and the rest of the girls would probably over decorate once again with colorful confetti and Christmas trees and balloons and cakes with cookies. I can imagine the bright and colorful moment when they'd all jump out after lighting a dark room, and how the silly games would begin. And of course we'd be stocked up on and endless supply of ice cream. Not to mention, Meiko would bring an unlimited amount of sake that some of the party members would get into. That's when hell would break loose.
Wind around me started to pick up, bringing the cold with it. My arms wrapped around my shoulders, suddenly remembering my forgotten jacket. But I was already two blocks from my house... I should just keep going. My legs started to go faster, making me break into a run instead of a normal walk. It was too cold outside, and it was almost familiar- the way the cold was uncomfortably numbing me.
0o0o
I stared down at the floor, waiting in the chair in the living room. It was Luka's apartment, nearing eight, and it was still another ten minutes until it was my turn for lessons. But as God would let it be, Miku was right before me, playing away on my pinkette's polished, tuned, and godly black grand piano. I would say I hated it, and I hated how her playing sounded like a dying cat, but the way that the aqua-haired demon played, I honestly could not say anything negative. I could not say it because, even though I envied her in every way- whether it was for her beauty, or her skill, or even the fact that she had Len- she was better than I was. The way she pressed the piano keys, and the way she matched every beat and rhythm as if it was her heart, it was impressive- out of my league.
I was completely out of my denial for once in my God forsaken life.
I got up when it was my turn, switching places with the girl I so desperately wanted to be. Blue eyes of mine watched as she talked to the boy I loved before she stayed and he took his leave; my attention snapped back to the piano. Slowly my hands found the way to their keys as I took my seat, waiting for Luka's next instruction. She slowly lowered the piece in front of my eyes.
"Try to sight-read this," She spoke softly. The song was so named Meltdown; just about perfect for my time.
And so my keys slid through the piano, missing here and there every so often. I didn't really care how badly I messed up, however. In fact, I could feel the numbness spreading throughout me. I felt myself zone out, deep in thought, until I reached a sour note. That mistake is what brought me out of my daze.
"Just keep trying, Rinny," the voice belonging to Miku spoke, trying to 'encourage' me.
I finally had enough. I had enough of the sadness that had leaked through me, causing my heart to shatter. I was tired of the constant reminder that my world was falling apart. I was fucking tired of the numb feeling that clouded my mind and made me care about nothing. I was fucking pissed at the fact that I had to hide behind a smile every God-damned day of my fucking life. And most of all, I was tired of that bitch, Miku.
Miku was the one who I had first met, and the one who became my close friend. Yet, she was the one that tore my heart into pieces by taking the only one I had ever truly and fully cared about. She was the fucking reason I had to hide and run away! My eyes snapped up and glared at her.
"I had enough of you!" I screamed at her, wanting to cause her so much harm- giving me some sense of unsighted justice. I stood up, pushing the piano stool aside in the process as my hands clenched together in a way that made the skin sting. But that stinging, it made me feel better, because it made me feel more.
"What did I do?" I heard her soft voice ask. As if she didn't know. Complete and blind mania filled my mind as I launched myself at her, kicking her and punching her. She bit my arm, but I couldn't feel its pain as I felt the rush of energetic adrenaline rush through my veins. Only the warm, red liquid that fell down it. I pulled at her aqua twin-tails as she completely tore at my head in defence, tearing off my precious white ribbon in the process, leaving discarded and torn on the cold tile...
I kicked her shin, and the slut punched my elbow. I bit her arm, and she completely punched my head until the room was spinning. But that didn't stop me. I dug my nails into her skin, drawing some red liquid, and she in turn kicked and punched at me. We were rolling in circles, trying to inflict as much physical pain as we could.
Though, the fight was soon taken apart- seemed to be as quickly as it had started. Luka grabbed me by the shoulders as Len rushed over to Miku, checking over her and completely being the protecting, caring one. He kissed the scratches on her hand and smiled, trying to rid himself of the worried look. Sure, Miku was fine, and my twin was relieved, but my heart was not put to rest.
Len, you really cared for her more than you did me, didn't you? You cared about every little part of her life, down to the smallest scratch; yet at the end of the fight, you could only stand up, and start screaming at me. Your face, it was full of nothing but shame and anger and so many emotions that I couldn't fathom- nor have I seen before- and you sent them towards me. I couldn't understand your words, but I could feel my eyes widen with fresh, burning tears. I realized how much you cared about her...
...And how little room you had in your heart for me...
Yet, the ironic part of it was, I loved you more than anything. Even if it was wrong, I loved you more than she possibly could. I'd tear her from your arms and dispose of her if I could, but that wouldn't be the thing to do. Because, if I managed to remove the threat, you'd be crying and in pain, just like I was. It's nothing but a steel trap for me. Pain comes to my heart because you refuse to let me go, but pain would come to attack my soul if I managed to get my selfish wish...
The room around me moved without me aware. You put your jacket around her, walking her outside- probably taking her home. You shoe stepped on the torn, white ribbon that once meant to much to me so long ago when you were too busy caring for your love. Maybe it was too long ago when I received that gift from you. I felt Luka's hand on me, asking a question that I would guess being what's wrong, but I didn't care what she said. I didn't care about anything else at that moment. My brother- that's all he'd be, and I couldn't change that. My eyes looked down to the floor before my knees buckled, bringing me down with them to greet the cold tile.
I only wanted to give you my loyalty, but you chose to leave me all alone. Now, I understand everything. That maybe the first time I saw you, I was wrongly misinterpreted. And now, I have to live with it. I don't think that I need to drink to forget this painful and deep sorrow. But you are going to regret it and you will miss me... All these poems [that I write] are crystal drops of water from my tears.
Oh my gosh guys, it is finally done! Chapter four!
I have to admit, this was a really hard chapter to get done. I actually had to lock myself up just to work on this chapter. I really hope you enjoy it!
The ending quote you might not get as easily as the one in the previous chapter. It is from a book of poems called "One Hundred Drops of Water" by Raul Sanchez Monreal Jr.
The ending section was an idea Flashlight QUEEN and I had come up with. Well, I altered it a lot, but it still got the point through, right?
Guys, I promise, in the next chapter I will give Rin some love. I normally don't like MikuxLen, so that's why I'm staying in Rin's point of view. But I honestly do promise from the bottom of my heart that in the next chapter, there will be a small but of love between Rin and Len. How you ask? Well, I foreshadowed it in the story. Just look for it...
Lastly, I might not get chapters done as fast as I am. For one thing, I try to make each chapter between 3500 and 4000 words long. Secondary, I have to take breaks every once in a while so I don't give up on the fanfiction so easily. Third, I have a group of two people named Danielle and Holly who go through my chapters to make sure nothing is rushed or misspelled. So thank them. =D
~Miko