Real Love

Chapter 9: Hallelujah

Disclaimer: Same ol' Same ol' Don't own em. Wish I did.

A/N: For this chapter I chose K.D. Lange's version of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, which I highly recommend and at the moment speaks to me above all others, but I love most versions.

Our love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken

Hallelujah

-Hallelujah, K.D. Lange

Draco's awoke in the middle of night to a bladder that was about to explode. It was a struggle to pull himself from the warmth of Ginny, but slowly he slid out of bed, careful not to disturb her.

He slid on his boxers and reached for the cool brass handle of his bathroom, unwilling to take the trip down the hall to the prefects' room. Granger's hair on the bathroom floor wasn't a big enough deterrent to keep him out of Ginny's arms for that long.

He fumbled for the light with one hand and lifted up the toilet seat with the other. The yellow light was offensive but the relief on his bladder was worth the pain. He flushed and turned to switch the light off.

He stopped.

"Granger? Granger!"

Hermione sat, eyes closed and clothed in the small white tub.

He rushed forward.

"Fuck!" he cursed as he leaned over and found both her wand and a shaving razor dropped to the side, the bottom of the tub was covered in blood.

"Granger wake up!" He gave her a small shake. She was cool, but she was still taking short shallow breaths.

"Draco?" he heard Ginny call from his room. "Draco what's wrong?"

"Ginny stay in bed!" He couldn't let her see her friend like that.

"Come on Granger."

"Oh my god!" A gasp came from behind him.

He turned, only Ginny was not there. Seconds later she was though, her wand in hand, pushing him out of the way.

"Go get help! Quickly!" She began chanting healing spells over the weakening girl and Draco hesitated only a moment before leaving her. He threw on only pajama pants before grabbing a long sleeve shirt and sprinting out of the room and for the infirmary.

"Mr. Malfoy! Is everything okay?" Madame Pomfrey looked up, alarmed as he flew into her office

"No. Come quickly! Hermione Granger has tried to kill herself."

Ginny sat, head in hands, beside Hermione's bed in the infirmary. She was going to be ok, physically at least. She couldn't believe she hadn't realized how far gone Hermione had been. Her anger, and her distance, had all been signs, yet Ginny had had no clue that her friend was capable of such a thing.

How could she? They'd all lost so much, and Hermione had the gall to try and take herself away too.

She'd alternated between sadness and guilt, and unbelievable anger all afternoon. She had spent the whole time with Hermione though, while Draco met with professors all day to go over exactly what happened. Explaining her presence at 1 in the morning to Madame Pomfrey had mostly done through blushes and stern glares, but the subject had been dropped, as had Ginny not been there, Hermione may not have made it.

"How is she?" Draco pulled the chair from the next bed and sat it next to Ginny.

"Alive," she shrugged.

"Yeah, well, I'm lucky to be alive too. Apparently I'm good enough to be head boy, but when St. Granger tries to off herself suddenly I'm just the son of the death eater who suspiciously found her." He spat angrily, but his face quickly softened. "I'm sorry…"

Ginny placed her hand on his. "I'm sorry they treated you that way. You're the only reason she's alive."

Draco laughed. "Don't give me too much credit Weasley. All I had to do was take a piss. I'd have held it if I'd known I was getting myself into this mess. Besides, once Dumbledore and Snape got there McGonagall shut her trap and someone finally listened to me. When's she supposed to wake up anyway?" He nodded towards Hermione.

"Madame Pomfrey's going to wake her up tomorrow, and talk to her before they transfer her of to St. Mungo's until the end of the semester. She thinks she needs more help than she can get here."

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine…"

"Ginny what are you still doing here dear?" Madame Pomfrey turned the corner. "You can come see her tomorrow, but you need rest. It was a long night for all of us. Mr. Malfoy, why don't you escort her back to her room for me."

If there was ever an escape from the world, being snuggled up in Draco Malfoy's fluffy bed, wearing his soft cotton pajama bottoms and Slytherin Quidditch practice tee while being delivered dinner, was it.

"You look better in that than I ever will." He handed her the plate of food he had brought her from dinner.

Ginny laughed. "Imagine the scandal."

"Gryffindor in something Slytherin? Or Slytherin in something Gryffindor?" He kissed her.

"Malfoy, you and I are old news." Ginny rolled her eyes.

He didn't seem to mind, and leaned closer into her, placing her dinner to the side. The pressure of his weight was too much for her at the moment.

"I have to pee!" she announced. That made him pull away.

Surprised, he laughed, and heeded way to her.

Ginny shifted to the end of the bed, but stopped when she looked up at the bathroom door.

"I can walk you down the hall, make sure no one's around."

Ginny shook her head, and picked her food back up.

"No. I can wait." She picked at the cornbread, which was still piping hot, surely thanks to a few charms.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"We've talked about it."

"Not really… You haven't said much."

"Well? What's there to say?"

"Why do you think she did it?"

Ginny stared at the boy. Was he truly that dense?

"I mean…Why now? What sent her over the edge?"

Ginny bit her lip. She'd been thinking about it all day, trying to deny it, but she couldn't help but guess what must have been going through Hermione's mind.

She reached to floor and grabbed her sweater, and removed her letter from its pocket.

"Neville gave this to me last night. It's from Harry. His owl…Well Neville got it and delivered it to me. He told Hermione about it, but I never saw her to tell her what it said…and I think maybe, maybe thinking he'd chosen not to say goodbye to her was the final straw."

She watched Draco's face as he scanned the letter. His eyes were laced with jealousy in the beginning, and surprise as he moved towards the end.

"Well he mentions her right here!"

"But she doesn't know that! I was on my way to see her…when I saw you. I'd been looking for you all day and suddenly you were all that mattered. But I should have… If I'd even stopped to think how she'd feel…She's just been so cold that it's been hard to remember she's as sad as me…"

Ginny began to feel the guilt that'd been inching on her all day, trying to take over.

"Ginny, you can't blame yourself for Granger's own actions. She may have done it whether you showed it to her or not. Whether it existed or not. And either way, she's alive because of you."

Ginny nodded. She knew he was right, but fought to believe the words herself.

"Wait!" he said almost as if he was trying to stop her downward spiral. "Is that why you got all lovey-dovey with me last night? Potter convinced you?"

Ginny laughed and nodded.

"Damn. I thought I was just irresistible."

She shook her head. "Irritating maybe, but not irresistible."

"Oh yeah Weasley?" He leaned in and gave her a short, but loaded kiss.

"Well…maybe a little."

He kissed her again.

"Well…maybe a lot."

The next kiss lasted longer, and Ginny was sad to give it up.

"Completely irresistible," she conceded.

She was rewarded by being swept into his arms and laid back down on the bed, enraptured in his kiss.

As he laid down on her, she pulled away and burst out laughed.

"Ugh" He groaned and collapsed onto her, all of his weight pressing her down onto the bed. "What now Weasley?"

"I still have to pee!" She squealed, pushed him off of her and ran for the door.

Draco stood, frozen, before his father, frozen in place. All around him death eaters stood, watching, eager for the newly marked boy to make his first move.

"I know its strange son, but she's just a whore. No one will even miss her. Have a little fun with her first if you like. She's much prettier than my first one."

She was facing away from him in the chair she was tied to, but the muffled cries of the girl ripped through him.

Draco was still unable to move as his father stepped out of his way.

"Draco, I told you to do something."

"I can't father. I'm sorry." Never before had he disobeyed his father.

"Sorry?" his father erupted and stepped toward him.

"Lucius, Lucius…" the hissing voice that made Draco queasy interrupted. "He's a very young man, not as jaded as you or I. Perhaps some secondhand experience to begin…"

His father nodded curtly. "Of course my Lord. Ubel, will you show us all how it's done."

Draco's heart beat as the most repulsive man in the room stepped forward and approached the small blond. The grotesque death eater then unbound her and ferociously tore away the tape from her mouth. She cried out as he ripped her from the chair and slammed her face down onto the table beside it. Draco could hear her nose as it broke.

She screamed louder as Ubel lifted her red dress and a sick grin appeared on his face.

Her screaming combined with the sickening sound of Ubel unzipping his trousers sent Draco over the edge, and he did the only thing he could do to stop it.

"Avada Kedavra!" the words shot through him, and he thought he might faint as the poor girl went limp below Ubel, who looked up, furious.

The room went silent and suddenly all eyes were on him.

He could tell his father was furious, but dared not chastise him in front of the Dark Lord again. "Well done son." He said.

"Well done I say! You managed to torture two at once!" The hissing voice had a mischievous happiness in it. "Now lets move to your office Lucius while the house elves clean this mess up."

Draco managed to stay behind as the other men left. Slowly he approached the limp figure, now left dumped on the ground. Gently he bent down to her and rolled her over.

His eyes went wide as Ginny's big brown eyes, empty and lifeless, burned into him, the blonde hair suddenly an unmistakable red.

"No!" she screamed and pulled her into his arms. "No!"

"Draco its okay!" He could hear her soft touch on his cheek and her voice floated around him, but she sill lay wilted in his arms.

"Oh god Ginny. Oh god…"

"Draco its okay. Draco I'm fine. Please wake up."

Draco shot up in bed as though a bucket of ice had been thrown on him.

"Are you okay? You were having a dream!"

Draco looked over at Ginny. Her big eyes were so loving, so innocent. How could he tell her the truth?

"No I wasn't Weasley. You woke me up!" he accused her.

"You were screaming my name in your sleep!"

"I was?" he feigned surprise. "Sounds like a good dream to me," he said suggestively and pulled her closer.

To his disappointment she didn't buy it and squirmed away.

"No. It sounded terrible Draco. You kept saying 'Oh God Ginny…' over and over…"

"Still sounds good to me…"

"Like I was sick or hurt. I thought you had your night terrors under control. You haven't been to the infirmary in months. Maybe you should tell me what…"

"Maybe you should stop playing doctor so I don't lose another night's sleep Weasley."

He cursed the words the moment he spoke them.

Ginny didn't say another word while she crawled out of bed and left and he didn't try to stop her. He couldn't keep her there without telling her what was going on and he couldn't tell her that the reason he'd been having nightmares all year was because in June, on his 17th birthday, he'd killed a girl.

Draco looked down in spite at the disgusting mark on his arm.

He'd planned to get out before that. He'd planned for Potter to defeat Voldemort long before he turned 17, and never have to worry about it.

As the day had grown closer and closer, Draco had tried to ignore the looming celebration planned for his birthday. He would be the first of the few his age that would be marked, an honor, so his father said. He'd ignored every plan and comment made as the day approached. He'd ignored every part of the ceremony as he went though it. He'd ignored the pain as Voldemort seared his mark into his arm. He couldn't ignore her screams.

Ginny had been right about one thing. He hadn't had a single nightmare since his first night in the infirmary when, in the end, the girl's voice had surrounded him, singing like an angel watching over him.

This dream had been different though. Before, he had always been standing by, invisible to all, watching himself as it all happened. He would cry out for the activated to stop, as he wished he had then, but was never heard. He always awoke just before he spouted the curse. This time it had been like reliving the entire night, only the ending had been too much for him to stand.

But why? Why now were his nightmares returning, worse than ever?

Draco couldn't help but feel it was God's way of reminding him, that he would never be good enough for Ginny Weasley.

"Oh Ginny! We were so worried. How are you doing? Are you okay?"

Ginny heart lifted as her mother's voice filled her ears.

"Mum!" she flew into McGonagall's office. When he teacher had called her down she had almost refused to go, unwilling to know what is was those four walls held for her this time. Ginny didn't realize how much she'd needed her mother, until she was in her arms letting tears she hadn't let fall pour out.

"Its okay dear. Everything's fine."

It felt like she was in her mother's arms all day before they finally separated and began talking.

"Madame Pomfrey said Hermione's treatment at the hospital should be done by just after New Years. She'll come home with us as soon as she can." Molly said matter-of-factly. "She'll be good as new to return next semester. And so will you!"

Ginny looked at her mother, surprised.

"You're father and I have been talking Ginny and we think it'd be for the best if you came home for the holidays a bit early. With everything that's happened…and then finding Hermione like that…What were you doing there anyway dear?"

Ginny felt the blush rise on her cheeks. "I was actually on my way to see her when I ran into Malfoy…" It was the truth, she just left out the part where she went into his room, lost her virginity, and fell asleep in his bed. "He actually found her…"

"Well I'm glad he decided to do the right thing," her mother clearly didn't approve of Draco or his family history. "And you were so brave Ginny, but I'm worried this hasn't all caught up with you yet. And I know you wanted to stay and if you still…"

"I'll come home Mum. I want to."

Ginny had never seen her mother look so relieved.

Her things were packed and loaded into the carriage that would take them to Hogsmead from where they could floo out. Her mother was attending to finalizing arrangements for Hermione's treatment, while Ginny stood outside Draco's door, deciding what to say before she went in.

She took a breath and gave a soft knock on his door. There was no answer. She knocked again and that time he called back "I'm busy."

"Draco?"

Silence.

"Draco I need to talk to you."

A moment more of silence passed before the door swung open. Draco was not there, but was sitting at his desk, furiously writing. A pile of envelopes was stacked beside him.

Ginny strained under the tension in the room. Finally she broke the silence with an accidentally blunt announcement.

"I'm leaving school."

He swung around and stared at her eyes wide with bewilderment.

"Its not… It doesn't have to do with our fight. That was stupid and I know you didn't mean it. But my mothers here and my family needs me to come home. I think I need to go home."

Draco remained silent leaving Ginny completely bemused. "Are you still mad at me for last night?"

Draco shook his head and turned back to his desk and shuffled through his papers. He pulled one from the bottom and handed it over his shoulder to her.

Draco-

Your father is dead, which means you are head of the house now. I expect you will make the proper arrangements for him, as it is your duty. Be swift.

-Mother

Ginny's heart shattered for him as he suddenly began making sense.

"Oh Draco!"

"Don't Ginny…" he hunched over his desk, massaging his temples.

"Draco I'm so sorry. I…"

"Don't be. I'm not."

"Draco he's your father!"

"He's a bastard."

"You're a bastard and I love you," she tried to joke.

"I'm nothing like my father!" He swung around at her. His face wasn't angry but his eyes were serious. "I know you know he's done bad things, but you have no idea what he was capable of. Things he did… The people he hurt…"

"I think I do…" she slipped out under her breath and regretted it immediately.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Ginny…"

"I just do know what your father was capable of…" Visions of Tom made her stomach churn. She hoped Draco wouldn't understand what she meant, but when he threw the drinking glass that sat on his desk shattering into the wall, she knew he did.

"What did he do to you?" he stood and approached her.

His eyes were wild as he tenderly stroked her face. "What did he do to you?"

She was frozen. Unable to answer.

"Fucking bastard. Goddamn fucking bastard. How could he hurt someone like you?" Ginny felt him wipe away a tear she didn't know she shed. "I don't fucking understand you Weasley. The cruelest, most worthless human being to ever exist is dead and you're crying over him. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm not crying for him. I'm crying for you. Don't mistake me Draco. I'm not sorry Lucius Malfoy is dead. I'm sorry you lost your father."

"Well don't be." Ginny cringed as he pulled away from her and sat back at his desk. She was trying to figure out what to do next when there was a knock at the door before it swung open.

"Good. You're here. I just ran into Longbottom running around calling for you. He said you're mother's looking for you."

It was time to go. It pained her to think of leaving Draco this way. She turned to him, but he still wouldn't look back up from his writing.

She nodded at Blaise and headed for the door.

"Take care of him for me," she asked.

"Of course."

She gave one last look back, before giving up, and leaving.