Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or his world
A/N: SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT OH MY! We've been very busy with work and class and stuff, but we'll try our best to have the next chapter up in less than two weeks. That's a realistic goal, I think. Hopefully it will be sooner though. This is slightly longer than usual, so hopefully that will make up for the wait? Yeah, I thought not. But one can always hope. Also, it may be a bit rough but I decided to post it as is just because it's been so long. As always, this can also be found under the penname Flameintheflood. Thanks! Enjoy!
Chapter 8: Blurring Lines
You believe, and you doubt
You're confused, and got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew
-One Step at a Time, Jordin Sparks
September passed quickly. What with NEWT level classes taking up as much time as though there were daily exams, Lily's and Remus' extended prefect duties, Peter's blossoming relationship with Heather White and James slave driving the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the marauders had had very little time to put James' map idea into action. As all the professors had promised at the start of the year, lessons and homework were exceptionally hard. Even James, Sirius and Maia could be found doing additional work, much to the surprise of their friends.
Nonverbal incantations were expected in all classes that required wand work, much to Kate and Peter's dismay. True to Lily and Remus' assurances, after a week of copious practice and study, Allie had achieved nonverbal spells and was now the first of the Gryffindors to achieve new spells in the nonverbal, though Lily, Sirius and James always achieved them soon after. Maia and Remus continued to outperform the others in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lily continued to lead the class in potions, her greatest competition being Snape, closely followed by Allie. While she still received pangs of despair when she saw her childhood best friend, with the help of Allie, Maia and Kate she was moving on. Transfiguration probably had the sharpest increase in difficulty. Even James and Allie, who were Professor McGonagall's star pupils in that subject, found themselves needing the teacher to repeat instructions and further explain concepts. While Charms lessons were not as difficult as Transfiguration or Potions, Professor Flitwick pushed his students harder than any of them could remember and even Lily, who loved the class almost as much as she loved potions, often found herself frustrated. Their other professors continued to pile on homework as though they thought their students took only their subjects.
Much to Lily's surprise, James had taken his position of Quidditch captain very seriously. By the end of the first week of term he'd put together what promised to be a winning team. Only two positions had needed refilling: beater and chaser. Heather's friend, Kristi Alith, took the chaser position and a short but strong 3rd year, Kevin Miller, had become the new beater. James had kept last year's chaser, Jade Verden, an extremely talented fourth year; beater, Jason Ericson, a fifth year; and seeker, Angela Miller, 7th year, and Kevin's older sister. He worked his team very hard and even Kate, who played Keeper and was almost obsessed with the sport as James, complained at the amount of time he demanded of his team.
"Okay, guys," James said after a particularly brutal practice the first Saturday in October, "we're doing really well. I know that we can win this cup this year, but we have to keep working. Our first match is in two weeks, against Ravenclaw. Josh Mason is a phenomenal seeker and has built a superb team. But we have stronger chasers," he smiled at Kristi and Jade, "brilliant beaters," he nodded at Kevin and Jason, "an incredible keeper," he winked at Kate, "and a stellar seeker," he indicated Angela, "so I have no doubt that we can win, not only this match, but the cup. I just need you all to continue to put forth the amount of effort you have been so far. Now, go eat dinner!"
"You know," Kristi said as she walked with James back up the castle, "if that was your speech for two weeks before the first match, then I must admit I'm scared for the pep talk before the cup determining one."
"What can I say?" James joked, "I love giving speeches. There will always be more where that came from. I'm a master speech giver. As any of my friends."
"I don't think I'll need to take anyone's word for that," Kristi pointed out, "I am going to be on the Quidditch team with you for the next two years."
"If I decide you're good enough to keep on," James answered casually with a shrug. Kristi stopped walking, a shocked expression on her face. She was about to point out that she'd outperformed all the other chasers at tryouts, when she saw him trying not to laugh.
"Potter," she said, resuming walking, "I'm so good, you'll never want to give me up."
"Yeah," James answered, coming to a stop as they reached the castle doors. He looked curiously at his chaser, as though trying to decide something, "Probably not. You're a good chaser."
"I'm good at other things too," she said in a would-be casual voice.
"Such as?"
"That's for me to know," Kristi smirked. James sighed. He liked Kristi well enough; she was cute and an excellent chaser, but he wasn't sure what to make of her. She tilted her head to the side and continued, "You know, Hogsmeade is next weekend."
"Damn it!" James muttered, more to himself than to Kristi, "I was planning on having an extra long training session. It's our last Saturday before the match."
"Don't tell me you're thinking about scheduling a mandatory practice on our first Hogsmeade weekend!"
"Well… We need to beat Ravenclaw."
"James," Kristi put her hand on his shoulder, "Take a day off. Clear your brain. Go to Hogsmeade."
"I don't want to lead our team to failure!" A worried expression covered his face. Kristi couldn't help but realize how attractive he was.
"You won't; you're an amazing captain," Kristi assured him. She paused before continuing, "Tell you what. How about you come with me to Hogsmeade? We can go over plays and strategies as much as you like so you won't feel like the day is wasted."
"That would be great," James said enthusiastically.
"Great!" Kristi echoed, "Well, we should probably get back to common room. I'm disgusting from practice!"
"Oh, you're fine," James smiled, "But you're right, people might start to wonder what happened to us."
***
"Wait a second," Sirius said that night, once James was showered and the four boys were sitting in their dormitory, "Let me just get this straight. You're going to Hogsmeade. With a girl."
"As always, you manage to phrase things so eloquently," James smirked, "I am going to Hogsmeade with Kristi. She's going to help me with Quidditch plays for the upcoming match!"
"You prat," Peter remarked in utter disbelief, "She didn't ask you to Hogsmeade to talk about Quidditch. She invited you to Hogsmeade as a date." James' eyes widened in shock.
"What? A date? How do you know?"
"Heather," Peter said simply. When James continued to stare unblinkingly, he continued, "Kristi is Heather's best friend. Heather's mentioned that Kristi likes you."
"But… I… Lil-" James started, struggling to put his spinning thoughts into words.
"Don't, mate," Sirius interjected, "Remember what you said at the beginning of term feast?" James shook his head mutely.
"Oh, come off it, Prongs," Remus added, "You announced for the whole table to hear that you were going to move on from Lily, to test the waters by dating other girls and get to know Lily as a friend."
"But Lily still hates me," James argued.
"But you can still date other girls, test the waters, see what happens," Remus argued back.
"But I love Lily! It's not fair to date other girls when I'm in love with Lily. It's just not right."
"None of them expect to marry you, Prongs," Remus consoled.
"Yeah, Moony's right," Sirius agreed with a laugh, "You might end up realizing you like Kristi more than you thought. And, even if not, she might be a good snog." For this, James threw a pillow at his best friends' head.
"Well," James sighed, "I already told her I'd go. I suppose I don't have much of a choice in the matter at this point. I'll do my best to have a good time."
"Good call," Peter said, "Who are you going with then, Padfoot?" Now it was Sirius' turn to look confused.
"Yeah," James mused, "Wormtail is right; he has a date, I have a date, Moony has a date."
"Oh," Sirius said, sitting up straighter. His eyes darted towards Remus, who looked away quickly. "I guess… I don't know." He scowled and laid back on his pillows.
"Why don't you see who else is dateless," James' suggested, "Things will work out. If worse comes to worse, you could always go stag. Though, that really is more my department."
"Right," Sirius replied, ignoring James' jest, "I'm tired. Goodnight." He pulled the curtains closed around his bed. James turned to the other boys and shrugged. He didn't know why Sirius' was so upset about not having a date. True he'd never been the only one without a date before, but it still hadn't ever bothered him this much. James settled down with a chapter he was supposed to read for Transfiguration (something he detesting having to do on a Saturday) and resolved to talk to Sirius in the morning if he continued to brood.
Remus sat on his bed and opened Practical Uses of Advanced Defensive Spells. He'd planned to read ahead and revise some before bed (something he didn't mind having to do on a Saturday), but now his mind was stuck, as it had often been of late, on Sirius. He knew Sirius liked him. That much was quite obvious. He knew he was attracted to Sirius. That part was more confusing. He thought of Allie. He truly cared about her. He even loved her, but what he'd come to realize was that he loved her as a friend. Kissing her wasn't bad, she was quite good in fact, but there wasn't the same spark that he felt when he'd kissed Sirius. And his lips, his body, his whole being longed for that connection. But the fact remained that Sirius was his best friend. The line had blurred at the party, but he knew he couldn't let it blur again. For Allie, for James and Peter, even for himself and Sirius, he had to make sure that line stayed as solid as ever.
***
The following Saturday dawned bright and crisp, a perfect day to spend exploring the wizarding village down the road from the school. However, in the 6th year girls dormitory of Gryffindor tower, the day was beginning rather poorly.
Lily awoke to the sound of loud hacking coughs. She slowly sat up and opened the red curtains around her four poster bed to see her friend Allie look up at her with puffy red eyes. The small girl was sitting cross legged on her mattress, tissues piled all around her, looking completely miserable.
"Morning, Lils," Allie choked out in between blowing her nose and coughing some more. "Sorry, did I wake you?"
"Gosh, Allie! What time is it?" Lily asked, noticing that the sun was barely starting to rise and that Maia and Kate were still in bed. "You look awful!"
"Oh, gee thanks, Lils," Allie wheezed. "Nice to know how ugly I am first thing in the morning. It's 5:30, by the way."
Lily suppressed a groan and walked over to plop onto Allie's bed. "You know that's not what I meant. You're lovely as daisies. I meant you look like you feel awful. How long have you been awake?"
"About long enough for these—" she motioned to the tissues around her "—to accumulate. I have no idea. My head hurts."
"I bet it does. Want me to help you to the hospital wing for a pepper up potion?"
"Long walk. I'll just sit here, thanks. You can go back to sleep. Sorry."
Lily shook her head and stood up. "That's silly. Lie down and rest. I can go get you some potion. I'm sure Promphrey won't mind the wake-up call."
"Nah, don't worry about it, Lils," Allie insisted. "I'll go get some later."
Giving up, Lily Evans summoned a glass of orange juice for her sickly friend. The two girls sat on Allie's bed for a while; Lily reading and Allie staring at the ceiling. Occasionally Lily would suggest that they go to the Hospital wing and Allie would shrug it off and tell Lily that she could go to sleep. Problem was, Lily wasn't the kind of person who could wake up and then go back to sleep especially if she knew that one of her friends was awake just a few feet away from her.
Lily breathed a sigh of relief when Kate's alarm clock blared from her bedside table around 8 am. A tan hand reached around from inside Kate's curtains and hit the alarm clock heavily, stopping the noise. Kate blinked and drew back the curtains to reveal the slowly to the rising light of morning.
"Morning sleepy head," Lily said, smiling. Kate nodded and looked at her red-haired friend.
"Why are you awake so early? And in Allie's bed?" Kate asked groggily.
"She woke me up, coughing and you know how I fail at getting back to sleep."
Kate grunted and stood up and started getting dressed. "So, is she sick? What about Hogsmeade?"
"Oh," Lily said with a frown. "I guess she won't be going. To be honest I totally forgot. Shame I won't be able to go. I really needed some new parchment, quills and ink!"
"Oh no!" Allie cried, starting to get up, "I needed parchment and ink too! I have that essay-" she broke off coughing.
"No," Lily commanded, pushing her back down, "you're too sick. I'm staying with you. I'm sure we can just write off for some parchment and such."
"Yeah, I'd stay with her, but I'm planning on meeting Caleb," Kate opened the curtains to Maia's bed and shook her awake. "Maia! Time to see the sun!"
"No… bright light—hurt eyes! Turn it off!" Maia groaned turning over to bury her face in her pillows.
"That's the sun, Maia."
"Well, turn it off! I'm asleep!" She whined, squinting one eye open to look at the tall bringer of morning, aka, Kate. Rolling her eyes, Lily stood up and put on a dark blue sweater with some jeans.
"Hogsmeade today, Maia!" She said brushing her dark red hair. "Allie is sick so I'm staying here with her. Do you think you pick up some parchment for us, since we'll have to miss the outing?"
Maia slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes to look at her friends.
"Nah, you go Lily. I don't know who I'd go with anyways since Kate is all taken by Caleb. 'Sides, Allie likes me more and wants you to go get parchment."
Lily laughed at Maia's early morning sarcasm and knew that the short-haired girl was kindly offering to take care of Allie. Besides, Lily's parchment was really almost gone and she was so awake that staying in the castle all day sounded rather like torture.
"Thanks, Maia, you rock," She smiled graciously and threw on a robe.
"Now, let me sleep, you poop heads!" Maia groaned lying back down. Kate and Lily said their goodbyes and left the dorm to eat breakfast and then split off for Hogsmeade.
***
The warm autumn sun shown down on the worn cobblestone streets. Since Allie had stayed at the castle and James and Peter were spending the day with their dates, Remus and Sirius wandered the bustling streets together. The two boys had not been alone together since the night of Peter's party and their usually carefree conversation hung heavy with unsaid thoughts and feelings.
"So, Prongs and Kristi," Sirius started in an attempt to make small talk as they walked along a less busy street away from Zonko's Joke Shop, where they'd just bought backup prank supplies, "Honestly, I can't really see them working out."
"I guess, if they're happy…" Remus responded with a shrug.
"But can Prongs really be happy without his pretty little Lily flower?" Sirius continued skeptically. "Can a relationship really be any good if somebody really wants somebody else?"
"As long as the person gets over it and just sticks with what's right I think it can be fine," Remus argued.
"Fine, sure, it could be fine. But good? I'm not so sure how good it could be."
"Why does it matter? Prongs has little sense and is undeniably oblivious, but there's nothing much we can do," Remus responded to a persistent looking Sirius. "He already agreed to come to Hogsmeade with her."
"But… nothing is final, right?"
"I dunno, Padfoot," Remus said avoiding looking his friend in the eyes.
"Can we have that talk now?" Sirius stopped walking and leaned against a brick wall. The two were alone and Remus shifted uncomfortably wishing that they had decided to go somewhere more public. He wasn't quite sure he trusted himself alone with Sirius. It made his stomach swish around unfamiliarly and he had to force himself not to let his hands reach out for the carelessly beautiful boy there with him.
"I don't get what we have to talk about… I mean, sure. We kissed. We were drunk. It was a mistake, Padfoot. I'm sorry, but you know I'm not like that."
"I don't know you 'aren't like that'. You seem quite 'like that' a lot!" Sirius said, glad that they were finally talking about it. "And we both know that I'm 'like that' and—"
"I like Allie! She's a wonderful girl! And note how I said girl!"
"I'm not denying that she's a girl! Or that she's wonderful… I'm just trying to tell you…"
The silence stretched and Remus found his resolve melt a bit at Sirius' hurt and confused face. Sirius shook his head and looked at his feet. Almost unconsciously Remus found his hand reaching out to lift Sirius' chin and cradle it in his fingers.
"What are you trying to tell me?"
"That… That I'm… and… I… you…" Sirius' breathe felt as though it was locked in his chest and he was buried under water, unable to breathe or think straight. Remus' caramel eyes flicked across every surface of Sirius' pale face and stopped breathing as somehow their lips met once again.
Like a breath of sweet air Sirius gasped. His opened mouth gave Remus room to explore it. The werewolf pushed his friend against the wall as the kiss became more frantic, less gentle. Sirius decided that he didn't care that Remus was taken that he didn't care that he might end up losing their friendship. All Sirius cared about was that the boy who had been haunting his mind, who had been the unattainable want for ages, was kissing him with desire that matched Sirius' own.
Remus simply wasn't thinking; just feeling. It felt so right having Sirius' tall, muscular body pressed against his own. It was the kind of warm feeling chocolate gave him after full moons. It was the kind of familiar he felt when he slept under his own blankets after a year at Hogwarts. It was a kind of spark that hadn't touched him since the early days of dating Allie.
But then again, Remus wasn't thinking about chocolate or blankets and certainly not his sweet, adoring girlfriend; all consuming was Sirius' presence.
***
Lily kicked pebbles under her feet and staring down she walked down the main street to Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop. A large group of Slytherin 5th years jostled her as they passed, laughing inoffensively. They weren't cruel, but the group had made Lily feel so alone and even though she knew they didn't care, she had to fight the urge to call after them 'I do have friends! I swear!'
Lily refrained however, knowing that such words would make her just seem more pathetic. With great effort she held back her temper and instead forced herself to look confidently into the shop windows as she walked. Her nose wrinkled in displeasure as she passed Madam Puddifoot's. She had always thought the place was vulgar and frilly; a place where no man in his right mind would go without a woman dragging him there.
That was one reason why Lily nearly fell over her own feet as she looked through the window to see James Potter there. Surely he had some more pride than that. Besides, Lily thought, he isn't seeing anyone right now, right? She had to answer that one and with a very unLily-like move she went to hide behind the edge of the window to watch Potter and who she recognized as Kristi Alith.
***
"Isn't this place cute, James?" Kristi asked, awkwardly trying to make conversation. James nodded and sipped his tea.
"I think it's really cute. I mean, the atmosphere isn't quite the same as the Three Broomsticks, but sometimes I prefer this one. Which do you prefer?"
"Um… I don't know," James lied taking another swig of black tea. He much preferred the popular pub but he didn't want to offend his date, especially since she was an incredible chaser, "They're both nice."
"Aw! You are the sweetest!" Kristi ran her hand through her curly blonde locks and smiled really big at James who gave her a lopsided smile back. He cleared his throat.
"So, what do you think of that new move we were working on last week? The Oozling Shot?" James asked.
"Oh, yeah. It's neat," Kristi smiled as though indulging him and took his hand in hers.
"But, what do you think about it? Think it'll trick the Ravenclaws in this upcoming match?"
"Yeah. If we can pull it off. It's hard, but you're a great flyer James. And a fantastic captain. We're the best the school has."
"You think so? I do believe I've put together a workable team this year, but you know, there is a lot of pressure… Lily Evans didn't think I would do a good job as Captain. She doesn't think I'm serious enough."
An annoyed expression went across Kristi's face but she turned it into a laughing, flirty smile and said, "Evans doesn't get Quidditch, not like we do. I think she just doesn't understand you at all. I mean, how many times did you ask her out last year? Stupid girl is so missing out. But, I win!"
James made a pained expression and reminded himself that he was on a date with Kristi and it would probably not do well to explain how amazing Lily was to her. Besides, quite frankly, he was tired of his obsession with Lily. And, while he wasn't giving up on her (that would never happen), he felt as though he really ought to give other girls a chance.
James continued, "Yeah, I must have asked her out a hundred different ways in just last year alone! I don't know what I was thinking…"
"You weren't. She was just a childhood crush. Don't worry. We've all had stupid crushes, like me. I used to like Sirius before he turned out to be gay. Shame. That boy was fine." Kristi rolled her eyes playfully and kicked James gently under the table.
"Uh… he's my friend, Kristi. You know that. It's kind of rude to…" James found himself irritated with himself for not saying more but he also didn't want to hurt Kristi's feelings. She was a really nice girl and she liked him. And, he reminded himself, she was cute.
"What? No! I think he's really cool! Didn't I just say I used to have a crush on him? Don't worry, James, I would never insult somebody because of that!" She said with that same flirtatious smile.
James nodded and took her at her word. He let his bored eyes wander away from the rest of their conversation and look out the window. Just as he looked he saw an irritated Lily Evans walk past and felt his stomach do a swoop. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing himself not to imagine what it would be like if it were Lily sitting across from him at this table, talking to him about Quidditch and friends.
"James?" Kristi said, waving her hand in front of James face, "are you listening to me?"
"Sorry, what? I must have spaced out for a moment." He tore his eyes from the place Lily had just disappeared and turned his attention towards Kristi.
"I was just asking," Kristi said with a smile, "what other plays you've come up with for our team?" James smiled back at her. Quidditch would definitely get his mind off of Lily and it was nice to have somebody to bounce ideas off of. He looked at the blonde sitting across the table. He knew he could learn to really like Kristi, if he just gave her the chance. He wanted to make this work.
***
Remus leaned next to Sirius breathing deep and heavy, taking in the scents of autumn leaves, and the sweet, musky man beside him. They held each other in their arms and stood in silence. Then, like a flood, the world returned and thoughts gushed over them. Remus stopped breathing for another few seconds.
"Padfoot… I… Shit!" Remus said. "I can't do this! I—"
"No."
"What?" Remus was shook out of his panic with Sirius' low, absolute refusal. "No, what?"
"No, I'm not letting you go back to Allie again and pretend this didn't happen," Sirius said calmly, taking Remus' suddenly cold hand in his own warm ones. "I want you and you want me more than you ever wanted her. I'm not being cocky! I know how I feel and I know how much you feel this too! It's not just me!"
Remus watched as Sirius went from calm and self-assured to panicky and desperate. He knew in his heart that Sirius was right but, unable to say anything he just nodded and leaned in for an embrace. After a few moments of silence Remus voiced his decision.
"I really need to talk to Allie."
A/N: What do you think is going to happen? What do you think about James/Kristi? Let us know by pressing the "review" link!