"So," Kurt said, dusting bread stick crumbs from his fingers, "Finn dumped you for making out with Puck."
"Correct." Rachel looked crestfallen at the mention of her ex.
"Did you ever consider that this is your fault?"
"What? No, this is not my fault, Kurt! At least I didn't sleep with him, like Finn did with Santana."
Kurt shook his head. It's like trying to explain math to Brittany. "But you were going to sleep with Puck. And he stopped you, which will forever amaze me. Puckerman has sex with anything that moves, so long as it has boobs." He rolled his eyes. "Plus, you and Finn weren't dating at the time. So he didn't cheat. You did."
Rachel sighed in the exaggerated fashion of a stage actresses. "I know what I did wasn't right, but at the same time it was wrong of him to lie to me!" The brunette plopped her elbows on the table, letting her cheeks sink into her small hands.
"I get what you mean, Rachel. And, because I like you, I'm willing to help you get back in his good graces. But only if you promise not to run off with the next football player just because Finn told a lie. He's my brother now, so I'm not against killing you."
Rachel nodded seriously, accepting that she probably deserved the death threat. "If you're going to help, we need a plan. But first, tell me about your love life! Spill it, Hummel!"
"Well," Kurt sipped his drink, "I sleep in the dorm right next to the sexiest-"
"Second sexiest!" Rachel interrupted, getting a far off look in her eyes.
"Gross. I can't think of Finn that way anymore. I mean, he's handsome, but-"
"He's a god. I miss him."
"That's nice, Rachel. Now quit interrupting!" Kurt laughed. "It's like you don't even want to hear my story!"
"You're right, I'm sorry. Continue."
"Thank you. So I live next door to a beautiful guy who just so happens to be my boyfriend. He takes me on dates and calls me pet names and fawns over me. That's my story."
"Come on now, Kurt. I know there's more than you're letting on." Rachel smiled at her friend, waiting for gossip.
The boy sighed. He was never chatty about his personal life or his new found love-life. There were some things that he just didn't share, not even with Mercedes. But Rachel was different. It wasn't that long ago that she said they were very similar people, and Kurt believed that to a degree. Though he sometimes didn't like Rachel, he knew that they were connected in a way he wasn't connected to anyone else.
"He's an amazing kisser, Rachel. Like, there isn't much I can compare it to, but he is clearly talented."
Rachel smirked. "Now we're getting somewhere. Keep going."
"He's so romantic. He got hold of my dorm keys and left roses on my desk once. And he's so nice. Like, Mary Poppins nice. I don't think there's a mean bone in his body."
The girl smiled. "So have you guys..." She let the sentence trail off.
"What? No, not yet. Almost... but no."
"Oh my, Kurt. Can I hear THAT story?" She leaned forward, completely absorbed in his tale.
"Your interest in this is slightly creepy, Berry, but I'll tell you anyway. We were making out in my room, and it got pretty hot. We had Warbler practice though, which I was willing to skip but Blaine wouldn't go for it."
"I see. So do you guys plan on it or-"
"Wow. You are a gossip hound, Miss Berry."
"And you need to stop withholding vital information, Mr. Hummel." She chuckled slyly. "Well, when you and Blaine do you-know-what, I'm the first person who gets to know, okay?"
"Okay, but I still think you're a creep."
"You thought correct. Now, with that out of the way, back to my Finn problem."