[A/N: First and foremost, we owe all of you wonderful readers a huge apology. Flameintheflood had finals, I moved into a new apartment, then there were grad parties and summer classes and all of a sudden it had been three weeks! We are terribly sorry! Thanks to my lovely reviewers: jc, Highqueen_Julietta, xxMOONandPAWxx, Fun-Sized Kirk, photographwall, too many stars to count, SWAddict1986, proudtobeatheatrekid, paulmmco, and ravenclawlupin11. Your feedback means so much to me and I appreciate it!

Also, the songs what we pick to start our chapters we pick carefully. They have meaning beyond something fun at the beginning of the chapter. So, if you so care, listen to them for added... fun? Completely not mandatory, though. Now, enough blabbling!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I will not make any money off of this.]

Chapter 26: Stepping Back, Looking at Life

"It'd be nice to hold your hand
as we shifted through this twisted abandon
I would like to think that you know your way"

"No Doubling Back" Jason Mraz

For the first time since the Hufflepuff's remark two days previously, Sirius and Remus found themselves alone together in their dormitory. Remus was lying on his stomach in his bed reading the Charms textbook, occasionally underlining or adding notes in the margins. Sirius sat on his own bed, staring at his boyfriend.

"You're staring at me," Remus said, not looking away from his textbook.

"Yeah," Sirius said, dully. "You're incredibly sexy with your book and quill and Merlin… you're so boring."

"I'm sorry my study habits bore you," Remus replied, his eyes fixed on the page.

Sirius stood up and went to drape his body across the other boy's bed. He rested his chin on Remus' shoulder and leaned into him.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, a slight tone of irritation in his voice.

"Cuddling?" Sirius answered.

"Padfoot," Remus sighed, "I'm trying to do my homework. Please? Not now."

"Homework?" Sirius scoffed, "You're just reading and taking notes. In fact, I'm in your Charms class. We don't even have a reading due."

"Full moon coming up," Remus answered. "I want to get ahead."

"Remus," Sirius deadpanned, "the full moon isn't for two weeks. C'mon."

"I'm not in the mood," Remus insisted. "Just, please, go away."

"Not in the mood?" Sirius questioned, looking at his boyfriend as though he had sprouted an extra limb. He sat up. "Not in the mood for cuddling? Since when are you ever not in the mood for cuddling?"

"Since now," Remus snapped, shutting his book and standing up. "If you won't leave me alone, I'll go study elsewhere."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sirius demanded. He stood up and took one of Remus' hands.

"Nothing the fuck is wrong with me, Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, pulling his hand out of Sirius' grasp. "I just need to study."

"Did I do something?" Sirius asked, his pulse racing and heart sinking at the same time.

It had been like this for the past two days. At first Sirius had thought the younger boys' words had just upset Remus, but now felt as though Remus was upset with him. All his attempts to flirt with, kiss, or even just talk to his boyfriend had been fruitless. Never before in their relationship had Remus been so distant and cold. Sure, Sirius often initiated intimacy, but Remus always responded enthusiastically. Now it was though a wall had been built between them, and Sirius didn't know how it had gotten there or how he could break it down.

"Tell me," Sirius continued when Remus did not respond, "What did I do?"

"You didn't… God, Sirius, I'm just... I don't know." And, before Sirius could respond, Remus had crossed the room and left, shutting the door behind him.

Sirius stood for a moment, staring at the closed door in silence. He started walking towards it, stopped, turned around, stopped again, turned back to face the door, and sighed. He took one step towards the door, shook his head and walked calmly back to his bed. He sank down onto his bed and grabbed the full glass of water on his nightstand. Sirius took a deep breath and a sip of the water.

Suddenly, he jumped up and threw the glass, still full of water, across the room. It hit the door, shattering and sending shards of glass everywhere. Water dripped down the wooden door into a puddle on the floor.

Sirius collapsed onto his bed, his throat tight and his mind full of questions.

3 October

Dear Josh,

How are you? How is your job? Are you still liking it? I know you can't say much more than you have, working in the DoM, even though you're just a clerk… but small details? Any cool guys? Any pretty girls? How is your boss?

School is still fine. I still love my classes but I miss you. I miss you a lot. Arithmancy is much harder to get through without you as my personal tutor. Remus helps, but he hasn't already taken the class, so he's not as good at helping. Mostly, I just miss you, Josh.

Lily's made an excellent Head Girl. And, surprisingly enough, James has made a good Head Boy. The younger students respect him, I think. Plus, some of them are just scared he'll hex them if they don't behave. Still… He and Lily work really well together. I don't think anybody would have guessed that! But there have only been a few explosive fights. Mostly they're friends.

It's nice, actually. We've been hanging out a lot more with the guys this year. It's really like we're all one group of friends. I'm jealous though, everybody else has their significant other here (except for Lily and James… but that's Lily and James) and you're not here. It makes me miss you even more.

Write me soon, please.

All my love,

Allie.

"You about ready?" James asked as he approached Lily in the Common Room. He looked at his watch, "It's almost eight-o-clock."

"Just let me finish this sentence," Lily answered. She scribbled a couple of lines before setting her quill down and nodding curtly at the parchment. Lily brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked up at James. "You ready?"

"I have been," James replied with a smile. "What were you working on?"

"I was finishing up an essay," Lily answered as she closed her books and stacked them neatly beside her parchment and quill before standing up.

"What essay?" James asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Potions," Maia answered with a smirk from where she sat lounging on the couch.

"We have a Potions essay due?" James exclaimed.

"No," Lily answered slowly, giving Maia a strange look, "not until next week at any rate. It was for Arithmancy, so you don't have to worry about it."

"Okay, good," James sighed in relief. He gestured toward the exit of Gryffindor Tower and smiled at Lily. "After you, love."

Lily rolled her eyes but led the way across the room.

"I thought you'd like to know that I finally passed a Head Boy milestone," James said as the two of them walked away from the Portrait Hole.

"You've passed many milestones, James," Lily answered with a laugh. "You've patrolled, conducted meetings, done reports…"

"And now I've given a detention," James added, his voice somewhere between proud and ashamed.

"James, that's not new," Lily said, turning her head to look at him curiously. "We've given detentions. We just gave one last Thursday to a fourth year Ravenclaw for sneaking to the kitchens."

"That's different," James insisted, "You technically gave those. I just stood there and looked stern and powerful."

"And added some choice words of 'If you're going to break curfew it's better to not get caught because we don't like giving detentions anymore than you like getting them,'" Lily added with a giggle.

"It's not the same, Lily," James protested. "I gave a detention all on my own, not while on a patrol."

"Wow, James," Lily said sarcastically, "You gave a detention! A whole detention in over a month of being Head Boy!"

"It's a big deal, Lily. I'm a Marauder! I serve detentions, not give them. I am a prankster, a trouble maker. I almost feel as though I've betrayed myself, betrayed who I am!"

"Potter," Lily said, "You've done nothing over the past year but show me time and time again that you aren't just a prankster. There's more to James Potter than Marauder. There's… Head Boy, for instance. And Marauder-James-Potter is going to have to get used to Head-Boy-James-Potter handing out detentions. You will be doing more and more of it as the year goes on."

"Great," James said dryly.

They continued to walk through the halls, checking classrooms for roaming students.

"You're so difficult, James," Lily said after a moment as James checked a broom closet.

"Am I?" He asked. He shut the closet door and turned to look at her with raised eyebrows. There was no annoyance in his tone, just mild curiosity.

"Yes," Lily answered.

She wasn't sure what to say beyond that, wasn't sure what even had spurred her to say it. But it was true; she still couldn't quite figure him out. Despite having known for almost a year that he wasn't the same annoying and mischievous boy he'd once been and having accepted that same fact a month previously, she still couldn't quite figure out what she thought of him.

Without a doubt, James Potter was still the same person, just more grown up. He still infuriated her more than anyone else she'd ever met. He knew exactly what to say to make her flush furiously. But their fights which had once been so explosive had shifted to friendly banter and she found herself enjoying them.

Rather than insulting each other, they'd dispute ideas and motives. They'd argue over which angle was best for wrist motion in a particular Transfiguration spell (he usually one those arguments) or what speed was best for mixing the most potent potions (Lily won these). Even the non academic debates they had were enjoyable. She'd come to realise that it was easy being with James, easy to talk to him about anything from Kate and Caleb's bickering to plans after Hogwarts.

And, somehow, James had gotten to be the best at not only riling Lily up, but also calming her down. He knew what to say when she was stressed to the point of tears over schoolwork and Head Duties. He listened when she ranted about her sister and how unfair it was.

James had learned how far he could push his pranking before it actually would upset Lily, and Lily found herself more able to tolerate his and his friends' practical jokes. Where they'd once infuriated her, they now amused her. She knew that he, Sirius, Peter, and Remus still played pranks. But they were no longer ever at the expense of anyone, not even Snape and his friends. And, so, Lily pretended she didn't know who charmed the suits of armour whistle at passersby or transfigured the entire Hogwarts supply of cutlery to muggle tongue depressors. Instead, she laughed with the rest of the student body.

Now that she wasn't set against him, Lily understood why he was (and always had been) so popular. What she'd come to realise several months ago she now relied on. He was sweet, funny, charming, and loyal. He was great. But she still wasn't sure what to make of it, of this James that she had grown to appreciate and enjoy spending time with.

"Lily?" James said after a few minutes, snapping Lily out of her thoughts and bringing her attention back to the 6th floor they'd just finished patrolling.

"Sorry," Lily said, blushing, "I got lost in my thoughts."

"Thinking about me can be very consuming," James teased.

"I was not thinking of you!" Lily exclaimed. She felt her face grow warm and knew she was blushing even more.

"So you weren't thinking about why I'm difficult?" James smirked.

"Oh, that's easy," Lily said. "You're difficult because you're an arrogant, bullying toe-rag."

"You pain me, Evans," James said, holding a hand to his chest and grimacing mockingly. "Or, I would be if I thought you meant that at all."

"Of course I mean it," Lily said, doing her best to keep a straight face and failing miserably.

"Good thing I didn't befriend you in first year, Evans," James laughed, looking at her pursed lips and red face. "You'd make a terrible Marauder. You're a horrid liar."

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

"It is, if you're a Marauder."

"Well, good thing I'm not then," Lily quipped. "Besides, Sirius would be very jealous."

"He'd live," James replied lightly. "Admit it, Evans, you like me."

"I tolerate you. There's a difference," Lily said, shoving him lightly.

He looked at her disbelievingly.

"Fine, fine," Lily said, disgruntled. "You're a fine chap."

"I'll take that," James said, a grin forming on his face.

"So," Lily said as they walked down the stairs to the Transfiguration wing, "What did you give that detention for and to whom? I know how much you despise giving them."

"Oh," James said, his grin fading and his expression darkening, "Can't you just read the report."

"I could," Lily admitted, "but now I'm curious and I don't want to have to look through the filing cabinet."

"It was some third year Hufflepuff boys," James said slowly, glaring at the ground in front of him as they continued to walk. "I highly doubt you know them."

"What did they do?" Lily asked.

"They called Sirius and Remus faggots," James said slowly, still not looking at Lily. "Sirius was fuming. I don't think he minded it himself, but calling Moony that... It just really got to him."

James looked up at Lily. She was looking at him intently, taking in his words and expressions. She didn't say anything, just continued to look at him.

"Well, Sirius came to find me," James continued. "He was ready to go find the boys and hex them to next year. And, I'll admit, I was pretty close to forgetting everything else and going with him. Remus has enough to deal with; he doesn't need that bull shit. And he's never had to deal with it before. He's Remus."

"You didn't hex them?" Lily asked. She was surprised and even somewhat disappointed. She knew that if James admitted to hexing them she wouldn't reprimand him, not this time.

"Of course not, Lily," James said coldly. "I can't do that anymore; you know that. I told Sirius that I'd take care of it by myself. He was quite angry with me for that, to be honest. I think he really wanted to pay those kids back himself. But I made him promise not to do anything. I found them, deducted a total of one hundred points from Hufflepuff and gave them each a weeks' worth of detention for harassment. I actually don't think they realised I was serious. They tried to argue back until I threatened to take more House points and actually hex them."

"Oh, James," Lily said softly. And without thinking she turned to him and put her arms around him.

James stiffened for a second before returning the embrace. He breathed in deeply, taking in the scent of Lily's hair and the feel of her arms around him. All of his renewed anger towards the Hufflepuff boys faded away and there was nothing but Lily. Lily and him.

"What was that for?" James asked when she pulled away. "Not that I didn't appreciate it, but..."

"For being you, James," Lily said quietly. "For not hexing those boys even if they deserved it, for being a great friend and a good partner."

"Thanks, Lily," James replied quietly. "That means a lot to me, you know."

"I know," Lily said, smiling up at him. "It means a lot to me, too."

The rest of their patrol went smoothly. A couple of First Year Slytherins were wandering around the third floor, but the pair of them looked so frightened at the sight of Lily and James and had apologised so profusely, that the Head Students had just walked them back to their Common Room with just a warning.

"So," James started casually as he and Lily sat in the Prefect Office filling out the report from the night's patrol, "Jenna from Ravenclaw asked me out."

"What?" Lily said, snapping her head up from the paper to look at James in shock.

"Jenna from Ravenc-" James started.

"I heard what you said!" Lily interrupted. "Jenna's..."

"She's a nice girl," James said, studying Lily's face.

Lily didn't notice James' perusing expression, however. Her mind was suddenly going through thoughts very quickly.

"Yes, she's nice..." Lily agreed, not able to form a more substantial thought, much less verbalize a more significant sentence. She struggled to slow her brain down.

James waited patiently for her to continue. He enjoyed watching the emotions cross her face: shock, disbelief, confusion, wariness. He loved watching Lily process things, not that he'd ever tell her this. When information was first given to her, the initial reactions could be read on her face like words on a page, but after those first brief moments of openness, her feelings would suddenly become harder to decipher. Those reactions, the ones she didn't wear on her sleeve for the world to see, were the ones that most interested James. And he was getting better at figuring out what was going on behind her eyes. Still, there were times he wondered if he would ever understand it all, if she would ever be willing to share her thoughts with him.

James sighed at his own musings, causing Lily to snap out of her reverie.

"Did you say yes?" She demanded. Suddenly, Lily was nervous.

She had gotten so used to having James around. She hung out with him as much as she did with Maia, Kate, and Allie. More if she counted the time spent on Head Duties. If he suddenly had a girlfriend, he would spend all his time with her. Lily would never see him. After so much time of wanting to be rid of James, the thought of losing him appalled her.

"I haven't said anything either way yet. Do you think I should've said yes?" James teased.

"No! I mean, I don't know. It's up to you I guess. If you really like her, you should. However, if you don't... That'd be horrid to get her hopes up and for nothing. And, to be honest, I don't think you really like her or else you wouldn't be asking me you'd just have said yes. Therefore, I guess you shouldn't say yes. I mean, you don't want to hurt Jenna," Lily rambled.

"Since when do you care so much about Jenna's feelings?" James asked, laughing at Lily's babbling.

"She's a nice girl!" Lily said defensively. "Besides, it's my job to protect people from you!"

"Relax, Lils," James laughed, "I was just teasing you. I said no. You're right, I don't like her."

"Then why ask me?" Lily demanded.

"Do you not understand the concept of teasing, Lily? And they say you're smart."

Lily glared at him.

"Fine," James rolled his eyes, "I just wanted to see how you'd react."

"You, James Potter, are a prat!" Lily exclaimed, swatting him with the report she still had in her hand.

"So I've heard," James said with a wink, "So I've heard."

"And for the record," Lily continued, a blush forming at her hairline, "Date whoever you want. I don't care who you snog."

"So you've said," James chuckled.

10 October

Dearest Allie,

I'm doing well. Work is fine, yes, and I still like it. It does get a bit tedious doing so much office work. I'm looking into the application for apprenticing one of the Unspeakables. Until then, though, I'm learning everything I can about how this office works. The Ministry is quite complicated. I've also signed up for advanced Charms and advanced Transfiguration classes at the Ministry's post-NEWT program. Those start this coming week. I've looked at the syllabi; you'd enjoy them, I think. Too bad we've never had a class together, though, being in class with you would probably be distracting.

I'm glad Remus is able to help you in Arithmancy. Though, I may be jealous if I didn't know he was taken. Still, I am jealous because he gets to see you every day. Send me an owl if you need any non-immediate help.

I'm sure Lily is a great Head Girl. I still cannot believe that Professor Dumbledore made James Head Boy. But, he's a good guy. True, I cannot see him and Lily working together, but I don't know either of them that well.

I miss you, Allie. Let me know when the next Hogsmeade trip is and I'll make sure to get there so we can spend the day together. We can't have you too jealous of your friends. Maybe this being far apart will get easier, but until it does, know that I love you.

Yours,

Josh.

Two Gryffindor Seventh Years sat at the table, papers sprawled in front of them; the red-haired girl had her quill scratching things out and drawing arrows in rapid speed; the other girl was leaning back in her chair looking around as her dry quill was stuck behind her ear.

Maia had found herself being dragged along with Lily into the library for what seemed like the millionth time that week. Lily wanted them to re-read each other's Transfiguration papers. The shorter girl had seemed very excited by this idea, but Maia was less than thrilled. This wasn't a problem of capability or skill; it was a problem of will power. While Lily was constantly inspired by schoolwork, Maia was inspired by, well, other things.

Emmeline Vance sat on the floor of the library, leaning back against one of the huge bookcases. She was reading Merlin Could Use Muggle Contraptions by Geoffrey Grant and her dark hair was pulled into a thick braid, secured with a black band.

The title made Maia smile. She knew that it had probably been pulled off the shelf by chance so as to give her a hint at fate. What were the Library shelves trying to tell Emmeline through Grant?

Maia shook her head to clear it and forced her attention back to Lily.

"Hey, Lils," Maia started, still distracted by muggle contraptions, "why did you want me to look over your Transfiguration paper? You know I'm lousy in that class. Perhaps you should get James to read it over for you tonight instead?"

"Honestly, Maia," Lily sighed, looking up from Maia's essay. "You know I don't like asking people for help."

"You're asking me," Maia pointed out. She was using every bit of Gryffindor stubbornness she had to focus on her conversation with Lily.

"I'm helping you, too. Plus, you're my friend!" Lily argued.

"James is your friend, too. You spend enough time with him," Maia smirked, forcing herself to not keep glancing back at Emmeline. Lily needed her help, and distracted though she was; Maia was a dedicated friend, first and foremost.

"But—"Lily started, pouting. The thought of having James proofread her Transfiguration essay made her incredibly nervous. She didn't think it was that great of an essay and she didn't really want to show it to James.

Maia took her shoulders and looked her sternly in the eyes.

"But nothing. Ask James Potter to help you with it. He'd be more than willing. Not to mention, you know he would be a million times more helpful than me."

Lily sighed in defeat, and Maia, realizing she had won, stood up away from Lily.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked, confused.

"We really don't need to be in the library right now, do we? Besides, it's getting late and you have to get ready to patrol," Maia explained, picking up all their papers and stuffing them in her book bag.

Lily still looked confused, but followed Maia out of the library.

"You're acting rather strange, Maia Regarne, you know that?" Lily commented as they walked through the castle.

"Me? Strange? Really?" Maia's voice was slightly higher pitched than usual, but she was smiling brightly. "No clue what you're on about, Lily."

"Well, if you wanted to talk about something, you know I'm here, right?" Lily smiled kindly.

Maia slowed down and wrapped her arms around her friend.

"Yeah, I know that, Lily. You're such a kind person."Maia released the pleasantly surprised Lily and looked back the way they came.

"Say, I think I forgot something back in the library," Maia added, turning around and half jogging back to the library.

"Do you want me to come with?" Lily called after her spastic friend.

"No, it's okay! Have fun with James!" Maia shouted over her shoulder. "And don't you dare forget to give him your essay!"

Maia had reached a full speed run by the time she reached the corridor to the Library. She skidded to a stop at the doorway and met eyes with Emmeline who looked up from her book. The Hufflepuff scooted over on the floor and motioned for Maia to come sit by her.

"Hello," Maia grinned and plopped down next to the other girl. "What you reading this time?"

"Something about muggle technology," she shrugged and put down the book.

"Oh, that's interesting. Movies are the best thing ever."

"Oh," Emmeline raised her eyebrows, excited. "Are you a muggleborn?"

"Not hardly," Maia shook her head. "But one of my friend, Lily, is, and Allie's Mom is a muggle. They introduced me and my friend Kate to movies a few years ago and I absolutely loved them."

"I don't really get the point of them," Emmeline mused. "They're just like, moving pictures, right? And we have those. I mean, unless you're a big art fan…"

"No," Maia giggled. "It tells a story. It's pretty groovy, I promise."

"Well, you'll have to show me, then," Emmeline suggested.

"Yeah, I guess I will." Maia felt oddly excited about the prospect and wasn't quite sure it was because of the movies.

"What are we doing, Peter?" Helen asked as she and her brother walked through the Entrance Hall and out into the grounds.

"I've told you, Helen," Peter said, pretending to be annoyed, but smiling all the same, "I don't know. Heather just said to bring you down to the lake at three-o-clock today. That's all I know."

"It's not too cold out," Helen said, letting her cloak fall open. She was right. It was a crisp but mild Sunday afternoon, surprisingly sunny and warm for mid-October in Scotland.

"No, it isn't," Peter agreed. "But, please, don't take off your sweater. Mum will never forgive me if you catch a cold because I let you wander around outside with just your blouse on."

"Mum wouldn't have to know," Helen pointed out.

"Oh, she would," Peter disagreed. "Somehow she would find out and then I'd find myself in the Hospital Wing from a cursed letter."

"Mum would never send you a cursed letter!" Helen giggled. "Maybe she would send you a Howler, though. And that would just embarrass you to death. And then you may end up in the Hospital Wing."

"Exactly. So keep your sweater on. I like to spend as much time not under Madam Pomfrey's care as possible."

"Okay, okay," Helen answered with a roll of her eyes, "I wasn't planning on taking my sweater off anyways. It's not that warm. I just had to play on your overprotective-brother-ness."

Peter didn't say anything in response, but smiled at his younger sister indulgingly. As he'd told Helen, he really didn't have any idea what Heather had planned for the three of them today. Whatever it was, though, he was sure it'd be fun and that Helen would love it.

Heather wasn't like some girls her age. She never complained about Helen hanging around with the two of them and was nothing but nice to the younger girl, even scolding Peter when he teased her. Over the past year, Heather, like Lily and Maia, had become something of an older sister to Helen. The two of them would spend time together without Peter.

At first, Peter had been unsure of what to make of their relationship and even somewhat jealous, but now he was glad for it. While he and Helen had always been close, he knew that it wasn't the same for her as having an older sister. But, over the past year, she now had three surrogate older sisters. And Peter was happy. As much as he loved Helen, he didn't really want to hear about her boy drama or, worse, her questions about "becoming a woman."

Yes, Peter was very grateful that his girlfriend cared so much about his sister.

"There she is!" Helen exclaimed as they approached the lake.

Peter looked to where the young girl pointed. There, indeed, sat Heather. She had spread out a sheet and, next to her, were three large pumpkins.

"Pumpkins?" Peter asked his girlfriend as they walked up to where she sat.

"Yes," Heather answered, smiling. She stood up and met them.

"You're so cute," Peter said, kissing her lightly on the lips.

Heather blushed and looked up at him through her eyelashes.

"It's cute that you think that," she answered.

"Peter's not cute," Helen exclaimed, interrupting the seventh years' moment. She walked up to stand behind Heather, arms crossed. "He's my brother. He can't be cute."

"Helen's right, love," Peter said, stepping back from his girlfriend and looking at his two favourite girls standing next to each other. "I don't think that 'cute' is quite manly enough for me."

"Hmm," Helen said, pretending to consider her brother, "Maybe 'cute' is the right word after all."

"Helen!" Peter exclaimed when the two girls burst out laughing.

"Careful, dear," Heather said to the giggling girl. "You have to be very careful what you say to boys. Their egos are very fragile."

"Girls," Peter muttered, not quite under his breath. He rolled his eyes at the two laughing Gryffindors.

"What are we doing, Heather?" Helen asked, once her giggles had subsided. She was looking down at the sheet. Now that they were closer, she could see that not only were there three pumpkins, but also a marker, a large knife, and three large spoons.

"We're going to carve pumpkins for Halloween!"

"Oh, fun!" Helen exclaimed. "We haven't done that in ages, have we, Peter?"

"Not since we were little, no," Peter agreed. "But what are the knives and spoons for?"

"We're going to carve pumpkins without magic," Heather said, a huge smile on her face.

Helen and Peter blinked at her.

"How do we do that?" Helen asked, looking curiously at the pumpkins.

"Are you sure that's safe?" Peter asked at the same time, looking with trepidation at the large knife.

"If a fourteen year old, a sixteen year old, and a seventeen year old, all with magic, can't manage to use a knife safely, then I think I have more to worry about than pumpkin carving being dangerous," Heather answered.

"How do we do it?" Helen asked again.

"Come sit down," Heather said, grabbing the younger girl's hand and pulling her over to the sheet. "I'll show you."

Heather picked up the knife and cut a circle around the pumpkin's stem. She did the same for the other two pumpkins.

"Now we scoop out all the gunk that's inside the pumpkin," Heather explained, handing Peter and Helen each one of the large spoons.

"Can't we just, you know, vanish it? Or use magic?" Peter asked, looking warily between the large orange fruit and the spoon in his hand.

"We could," Heather said, "but then we wouldn't be doing it the muggle way."

"I think you're crazy," Peter teased.

"I think it's fun!" Helen exclaimed. "We never did it like this at home. It was never this much fun!"

"Are you sure you're fourteen, not four?" Peter asked his sister.

Helen responded by sticking her tongue out at him and flinging a large spoon full of pumpkin innards at his face.

"Okay, okay," Peter laughed. "We'll do it this way. But at least let me conjure a bowl for the goop?"

Heather consented with a nod and a smile. The three of them set to work, scooping the seeds out of the pumpkins. By the time they were ready to carve the faces, there was almost as much pumpkin on the three teenagers as there was in the bowl. To Helen's disgruntlement (and Peter's relief), Heather wouldn't let the younger girl carve her own pumpkin, despite her protests that she was in fourth year, after all. But after a couple minutes of argument, she agreed to draw the face she wanted as long as Peter promised not to mess it up.

Two hours later, Helen, Peter, and Heather sat admiring their artwork. Heather had opted for the "traditional" jack-o-lantern face: triangle eyes, a circular nose, and a gap-toothed grin. Peter, on the other hand, had chosen to have his pumpkin look like a joker. Its eyes were misshapen and unequally sized stars, a small square nose, and a crooked mouth. Helen's was easily the best, though. Instead of a face, she had opted to have Peter carve her a stencil of a lion's head.

"It's a lion," Helen had explained when she showed Peter the drawing he was supposed to carve on her pumpkin, "You know, for Gryffindor."

"I can see what it is," Peter had responded slowly. "I just think it will be difficult to carve it correctly."

"Fine," Helen had teased, reaching for the knife, "if you don't think you can do it, I'll just do it myself."

"No, I can do it," Peter had said sternly, reaching for the knife and grabbing it before his little sister could. He had set to work, slowly making sure to follow her lines exactly. When it was done, it was easily the most beautiful pumpkin any of them had seen.

"I had no idea you were such a good artist," Heather said to Helen as they looked at the carved pumpkins.

"It's just a jack-o-lantern!" Helen giggled. "I could've done better if it was on paper and I didn't have to worry about Peter cutting it wrong."

"Hey!" Peter exclaimed, "I think I did a very good job with this."

"Yes, you did," Heather assured him, leaning in and pressing her lips against hers. He kissed her back, albeit briefly, before intertwining his fingers with hers and pulling back. H

"I love you," he said softly.

Helen rolled her eyes.

"I love you, too, Helen," Peter said, turning to look at her sister, "even if you are an annoying little twerp."

"Love ya, Pete," Helen giggled. "Now, I'm hungry. Can we go to dinner? Will you sit with me?"

"Of course, sweetie," Heather answered. "Let's just take these pumpkins up to Gryffindor Tower first."

"And change," Peter added, looking down at his orange-stained sweater.

Helen nodded as Heather waved her wand, causing the three pumpkins to levitate just ahead of them. Helen grabbed Heather's free hand with her own hand, and Peter's hand with her other. Smiling and still admiring their handiwork, the three Gryffindors headed back to the castle.

The Gryffindor upperclassmen filed out of the Defence Against the Arts classroom. James and Peter were joking rowdily as they entered the corridor while Sirius waited patiently for his boyfriend to put his books into his bag. Rather than being put off that Peter and James had seemingly forgotten about the other two Marauders, Sirius was glad that he had this chance to simply watch his boyfriend while everyone else was bustling around, getting ready to go their next classes.

"Guess what?" Sirius said excitedly to Remus, as they left the classroom.

"Hmm?" Remus responded, not looking at Sirius.

Sirius pretended not to notice the obvious lack of interest and stayed determinedly chipper.

"We have a free period together."

With that, he grabbed his boyfriend's hand and pulled him into a deserted classroom.

Sirius stepped closer to his lover and breathed, "I've missed you," into his ear. He repeated the phrase as he gently bit Remus' earlobe and trailed kisses along him neck.

"I see you every day, Padfoot," Remus sighed, goosebumbs spreading across his arms. His breath became shallower as Sirius gripped his belt loops, pulling them even closer.

"Yeah, but sometimes I feel like we're on different planets," Sirius mumbled, softly rubbing his stubbly cheek against Remus' scarred one, so that their foreheads rested against each others'. "I know you haven't been feeling that well lately. But I'm here to fix that. I love you, Moony. I'd do anything for you."

Sirius pressed their lips together, eliciting a small sigh from Remus. It was gentle at first, almost as though it were their first kiss again, both exploring and unsure. But then Sirius kissed harder, moving his lips against Remus', biting softly and sucking on his boyfriend's lower lip. Remus couldn't help himself, he reciprocated. It was as though a strong, beautiful animal was howling in his chest, wanting nothing more than to devour the moment and savour every taste, every sensation. There was nothing else, Sirius was everything, and he was on fire, incapable of doing anything but let Sirius' push him against the wall and lean into him.

Then he pulled away, abruptly pushing Sirius off him. The black haired boy's lips were swollen and his breath short as he stared at Remus in confusion.

"What?" Sirius asked.

Remus walked away from the wall, not saying anything.

Sirius stared at his boyfriend, completely defeated. It was as if the slowly crumbling world had just lost its last hope for survival. Remus had been getting colder and colder for the last few days and just now, there had been a sort of fire that had started to melt the ice. But Remus had pulled away and Sirius didn't understand why the ice had been there in the first place. Sirius didn't understand why Remus was slowly backing away from him, shaking his head. Sirius didn't understand.

"I can't do this," Remus said, his chest heaving. "I'm not…"

"You can't do what?" Sirius demanded, resisting the urge to touch his lover again.

"This!" Remus exclaimed, his voice raising. He kept backing up until he hit a table that was pushed against the wall. He stumbled and stopped moving.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Moony!" Sirius groaned. "Please, just calm down and talk to me. You're being ridiculous."

"I'm not…" Remus shook his head. "Fine. You're right. I am being ridiculous. I don't know what I'm doing with you."

"Well, I was under the impression that we were snogging," Sirius forced his voice to remain somewhat calm. "Which is normal, seeing as we're in love with each other."

"I don't think I am," Remus stated.

Sirius froze.

"You aren't in love with me?"

"I can't be," Remus clenched his fingers into fists. "I'm not gay."

"What do you mean, you aren't gay?" Sirius was at a loss. "Did you just miss the last, how long has it been, like, ten months?"

"Maybe I thought I was, but I can't be. Being a gay, werewolf, blood traitor isn't exactly a good or easy thing to be." He looked down, ashamed.

"That's stupid. You've been fine with being who you are for ten months and now you're just going to back out? You love me! How could you convince yourself that what you feel isn't real? How could you think that we aren't real?" Sirius voice had escalated in volume and he was now shouting in the empty classroom, not caring who heard in the corridor. He couldn't think. His chest tightened threateningly until it was squeezing so hard he couldn't breathe, but he didn't care. He couldn't care, not when every thought and feeling he'd had towards Remus was racing through his head, every scene replaying, every conversation and loving whisper on repeat.

"You're my friend, Padfoot," Remus said, feeling almost certain of what he was saying. "I don't want to do this…"

"Then don't!" Sirius shouted. He knew he shouldn't be shouting, but he didn't care about that either.

Remus continued, ignoring the interruption.

"We're nearly adults, Sirius. I've been fooling myself, thinking that I could stay in this bubble of happiness with you. I can't. There is a war going on and we can't just pretend like it doesn't affect us. We can't just live like children, Sirius!" Remus was shouting as well, at this point.

"You make no sense! The only person here who is being childish is you. We love each other and it would be simply foolish to let something this great get away from us," Sirius argued, wishing he could just force Remus to stop being irrational.

Remus closed his eyes, trying to steady his breath. Why couldn't Sirius understand? Why wouldn't Sirius just listen to him. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be.

He opened his eyes to the wall, just above Sirius' left shoulder.

"Something great? Tell that to the Hufflepuffs who think we're disgusting!" Remus' sigh almost sounded like a growl. "You're great. I'm just an ugly, werewolf. You could have somebody better!"

"Somebody better? Like who? There's no one better, not for me, Remus! Who in the world could be better for me than you?"

"Like Greggor," Remus replied. "He's much more your type."

"How could you think that? You're my type." Sirius' voice suddenly became quiet, and he understood, at last, what this was about. "Is that what this is about? I thought we were over that."

"That and what I've been saying. I can't handle being a gay werewolf. I'm not like you. I care what people think."

"You can't change who you are, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Second," Remus continued, once again ignoring the interruption, "the times in which we live are dark and scary and it's far too innocent to think that we can be happy. Which brings me to three: I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve you."

"Of course you deserve to be happy. Now more than ever we have to hold on to what is good and love is definitely good. And you'll just have to deal with being a gay werewolf, because it's what you are and there is nothing you can do to change it. You can't change who you are."

Sirius had stopped yelling. He forced his voice to be calm, forced himself to be rational. He had to make Remus see that he was wrong. He had to make him see that he was being illogical.

"If you don't deserve me, then nobody does," Sirius said, looking at Remus pleadingly, begging him to understand. "I don't want anybody else. I want you."

"Well," Remus braced himself for the biggest lie that he would ever tell. "I don't want you."

[A/N: So? What did you think? Also, Flame and I were talking the other day and wondering whether our story has gotten better or worse since the start of this. And, of course, tell me what your favourite/least favourite line/moment was? Much love all xx]