[A/N: Hey, there... remember us? There is absolutely no way I could ever apologise enough for the unfair wait we put you through for this chapter. It was ridiculous and uncalled for. And, please, any of you who are still reading, thank you so much. There was life and writer's block and laziness and... well, mostly just excuses. And, again, thanks to all of you who have added Kin and Kisses to your alerts or favourites page. We appreciate it. Knowing that you weren't giving up on us was amazing. Also, thank you Samablue38, Lvia, too many stars to count, Nynayve, paulmcco, jaccalax, XDAshleighJadeXD, crazypotterchick, harrypotterfan8826, roughdiamond5, ravenclawlupin11, Fun-Sized Kirk, Ellen, Beatha, SWAddict1986, and GalaxyDefenderV.1 for taking the time to review! Much love to all of you.
Disclaimer: We don't own. We make no money]
Chapter 31: Coming Together
I run from hate, I run from prejudice
I run from pessimists, But I run too late
I run my lifeor is it running me
Run from my past
I run too fastor too slow it seems
When lies become the truth
That's when I run to you
I Run to You, Lady Antebellum
The seventh year Gryffindors walked in a daze from the Great Hall to their Tower. None of them wanted to face the reality that Helen wouldn't be waiting for them when they returned, her usual sweet smile lighting her face. But, the further they got from the Great Hall, the more Dumbledore's words seemed to reverberate through their minds: "there is one death that has hit us as a school and a community more strongly than the others. This was the death of Helen Pettigrew..."
None of them said anything; there was nothing to say. Their grief was too strong for words. Grief for Helen, for Peter, and for the Wizarding World at large.
Caleb and Emmeline had separated from the rest of the group, opting to let the Gryffindor girls who had known Helen so well grieve together. Allie, Lily, and Kate walked with Maia lagging behind the boys, trying to accommodate Maia's injured leg. James, Sirius, and Remus, on the other hand, walked quickly, subconsciously trying to put as much space between themselves and the Great Hall that was so full of fear and loss.
Upon entering the Common Room, James mumbled something about waiting for Lily as Sirius and Remus turned towards the staircase to their dormitory. Sirius nodded in response; he understood his best friend's desire to be alone with a loved one and felt his own heart twist in loneliness as he realized that he and Remus would likely just lie in separate beds once they were in their dorm.
Heaving a sigh, Sirius climbed the stairs in front of Remus. He quickened his pace, the previously subconscious to distance himself, to walk away from everything, now at the forefront of his mind.
It wasn't just Helen's death, though that would have been more than enough on its own. Everything in his life seemed to be crashing down around him. He needed to escape the people who were polluting the air with heavy grief. If he just got to the dormitory, it would all be okay; his family wouldn't be included in the people who attacked Hogsmeade, Helen wouldn't be dead, and Remus would still love him.
Sirius threw open the door and stepped into the empty dormitory, gasping for breath as he tried to force himself to inhale and exhale slowly and steadily. He crossed the room and collapsed onto his bed, burying his face in his hands.
"Sirius," the rough voice was bitter sweetly familiar to him. The sound of footsteps told him that Remus was walking closer to him. "Padfoot, I..."
Sirius looked up at the boy –or... the man?- that he loved. Remus stood five feet from him, wringing his hands together and staring at the floor.
"Yeah, Moony?" Sirius asked, exhausted. "What?"
"I've... are you okay?" Remus asked.
"What kind of question is that?" Sirius retorted. "My best friend's sister is dead, dead Moony. My family supports the people who did it. I'm one of the people who did it."
"No, you're not," Remus said slowly, not moving from his spot, but lifting his head and staring directly into Sirius' grey eyes.
"It's my family," Sirius insisted.
"We've been over this, Sirius," Remus countered. "You can't blame yourself for what your so-called family does. James would beat you to a pulp if he knew you were thinking that."
"And then he'd say that the Blacks aren't my family, you guys are," Sirius mumbled. "I know. I get it. But it doesn't change anything."
"It changes everything," Remus whispered.
"Some family we are," Sirius snorted. "Some sort of broken and dysfunctional family. Sometimes I think-"
"I've missed you," Remus interrupted, his speech suddenly fast. His mouth was open to say more, but nothing was coming out. Sirius barked a humourless laugh.
"I see you every day, Moony."
Sirius looked away from Remus and lay down on his bed. Part of Sirius hoped, even dared to wish, that Remus meant it the way Sirius felt it. But the other part of him – the much more adamant part – knew Remus probably just wanted to spend more time as friends.
"That's not what I meant," Remus countered, sitting down on the bed by Sirius' legs.
"Then what did you mean?" Sirius asked angrily. "That you wish I was a better friend? Look, I'm trying. I'm always the one who tries. I'm always the one coming to you. And all for what? It's not like I'm even slightly content just being friends."
Sirius swallowed, realising the implications of what he had just said. After the initial embarrassment of being too honest, he felt suddenly self-righteous. So what if Remus knew he couldn't stand it? So what if he sounded pathetic? He was really beyond caring by this point.
"If you miss me, then it's your own bloody fault," Sirius finished, his voice stronger than ever.
Remus didn't respond; he had no idea what to say. Sirius was right, and he knew it. It was his own fault; his own insecurities and fears had caused this horrible rift. Remus swallowed and bit his lip. There was a chance that Sirius still wanted him, or so it seemed. Either that, or he no longer wanted anything to do with him.
A minute passed and Remus still didn't know what to say. So, instead of talking he leaned down across Sirius' body and pressed their lips gently together. There was a moment during which nothing happened and Remus feared he would be rejected. But, then, Sirius responded enthusiastically, parting his lips. Remus sighed, relishing the taste that he had been deprived for weeks. Their lips fit together perfectly, creating warmth and electricity.
Rmeus turned his body so that he was lying on top of Sirius, their chests moving in the same breath. He let his hands wander; one caressing Sirius' cheek, the other gripping the waist of Sirius' trousers.
Remus tasted like chocolate and Sirius' brain was melting from the sweetness. This was the moment that Sirius had been dreaming about every night for weeks and it felt like just another beautifully unattainable dream. Only, he wasn't dreaming; this was real and so much better than any dream.
He wasn't dreaming.
"Moony," he panted, pushing the other boy away. "Get off me."
Remus jumped back immediately, eyes wide and brow slightly furrowed.
"What?" he asked. "I thought you wanted..."
"Trust me, I want," Sirius growled. "But you're being a right prick. You can't just say you don't love me and then just take advantage of my feelings and, yes, I realise I sound like a bleeding female, but for Merlin's sake Remus... You can't play these games with me."
"I'm so sorry, Padfoot. I don't mean to play games," Remus sighed. He looked at the bit of wall right above Sirius shoulder and took a deep breath. "I'm not taking advantage of you, though. I'm coming to my senses."
"You know, Moony, you were supposed to be the practical one. Then you go and get all stupid," Sirius leaned his head back against the head board. "I understand you're confused or some shit, but so am I. It's a fucked up world and you left me when I needed you."
"Sirius," Remus whispered, his throat dry. "Please forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Yeah, well," Sirius closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing while Remus stared helplessly wondering how he could fix his mistake.
For so long, Remus had been quieting himself: holding back from kissing Sirius in Hogsmeade, denying loving him, and doing everything he could to change who he was and how he felt. It wasn't working. The truth was bubbling inside him and now that everything was falling apart, he couldn't stay quiet.
"I love you. I thought I could stop if I said it enough times, but I couldn't. I can't not love you," Remus let the words spill out. As the words came, he crawled up the bed to sit against the head board of the bed with Sirius.
"Seeing Helen fine at breakfast yesterday morning, seeing her alive and laughing and alive just hours before she was killed... It was like something hit me; it made me realize that we don't have the time to not be together."
Sirius opened his eyes as his lover spoke. Remus wasn't one for long speeches or emotional confessions, but here he was, bearing his soul and Sirius couldn't keep his eyes closed for that. He turned to face the passionately speaking werewolf and leaned closer, feeling the breath from the words warm his face.
"I don't have time to be in denial. It took me long enough to admit that we should be together the first time. I don't want to waste more time. I want to spend as much time with you as possible," Remus continued, the words coming fast. He knew Sirius was about to kiss him and he had to finish talking first. He needed Sirius to hear this.
"Then stop talking," Sirius grinned. "I've forgiven you and you're wasting time again."
With that, Remus reached up to twist his hand in Sirius's shaggy yet elegant black hair. Sirius gripped the other boy's robes and their lips smashed together again. This time, there was no hesitation and nothing could've pulled the boys apart as they melded together. They clung to each other as the world seemed to fall apart all around them.
Everything seemed wrong: Helen was dead, Peter was shutting them out, the world was overcast with Voldemort, and Remus was indeed a gay werewolf. But they were Remus Lupin and Sirius Black and it was right.
In the week following the attack on Hogsmeade, wandering aimlessly through the castle had turned into a favourite pastime for Maia and Emmeline. They were much too noisy when they were together to hang out in the library and neither of them wanted to feel obligated to study. Emmeline wasn't strictly allowed in the Gryffindor common room, nor was Maia allowed in the Hufflepuff one.
But, more than just that, wandering had an even more important advantage than simple convenience: they could be alone. With their separate groups of friends as well as everything that was going on outside of Hogwarts, being around other students had the tendency to be just as stressful as it was fun. And, so, it was a beautiful thing for them to escape every once in a while and enjoy time as just the two of them.
Their fingers laced together, they walked further and further from the Great Hall and the clamour that the reunion of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin had caused. The constant hum of gloriously pointless gossip and insipid conversation had carried them all the way up to the narrow, slowly winding stairwell of the astronomy tower.
"Emms, is it alright if we sit for a sec?" Maia sighed, flopping down onto the stone stairs. She bent up her leg and pulled her robes to reveal the ugly scar on her calf. Wincing, she glared down at it, almost as though looking at it hard enough would make it disappear.
"Mmhmm," Emmeline lowered herself gracefully to sit a few steps higher than her friend. "Does it hurt?"
Maia gave a noncommittal half shrug and hid her leg, suddenly embarrassed.
"Why do you think Sirius and Remus finally got over themselves and got back together?" Maia asked.
Emmeline noted the change of topic but decided not to press. Instead she pushed aside her concern and gave a very Maia-like half shrug.
"I'd reckon they realised how much they missed each other. Helen's death... well, it probably knocked some sense into both of them. Tragedy can have an odd habit of bringing people together just as much as it can tear them apart. You need somebody to be close to, you know? And if there's somebody like that, you just want to be with them and hold them. You want to make sure they are still real and safe." Emmeline's fingers stroked Maia's short, messy hair, entranced by the streaks of brown, red, blonde, and everything in between. In the bright morning light, it seemed to consist of every colour imaginable.
"Well, yeah," Maia felt like blushing and thanked the heavens that her body was incapable of it. She didn't even know why she felt like blushing. It wasn't as if she was embarrassed or anything. In fact, she enjoyed the feeling of Emmeline's fingers twisting her hair into funny shapes. With a smile, Maia leaned back so that her back was pressed against her friend's legs.
For some reason, she found herself changing the topic yet again.
"Do you think the Order of the Phoenix is real?" This question had been bothering her ever since Aberforth's comment in the Hogshead.
"I've found, that most things that aren't supposed to be real actually are," Emmeline chuckled. "Think about it. Muggles don't even think witches and wizards exist."
"Emms," Maia countered playfully. "Muggles also think that the nonexistent witches are green and melt when encountered with water. Those kinds of witches aren't supposed to be real and guess what? They aren't real."
"Point," Emmeline smirked. "But on the other hand, wizards are supposed to be tall with long white beards and ridiculous hats. And I'm fairly certain Dumbledore is real even if wizards aren't supposed to be."
"Okay," Maia giggled. "But where does that leave the Order of the Phoenix?"
"Hmm…" Emmeline pretended to think very hard. "I would have to conclude that the Order of the Phoenix is real, but everyone in it is green and likes setting scarecrows on fire... not to mention a strange aversion to English weather."
"You mean, like, rain? Because they melt? I think you've lost me there, Emms," Maia turned to look up at Emmeline, who was still playing with her hair.
"Don't worry about it," Emmeline pushed a bit of hair out of Maia's eyes. "Not everyone can follow the extreme logic and wit that is me."
"I like it," Maia thought out loud.
Emmeline smiled, tilting her head in question.
"What do you like?" She asked, a warm feeling growing in her stomach.
Maia paused for a few seconds to summon her Gryffindor courage and knelt up so that her face was level with Emmeline's.
"You." Maia leaned closer, her brain fuzzy.
"Me?" Emmeline asked quietly.
Maia was mere centimetres away and she could feel the other girl's breath on her face.
"I like you."
And with that, Maia closed the space that was between them and pressed her lips softly against the other girl's lips. Emmeline was surprised by how unsurprised she was and responded cautiously yet enthusiastically to the kiss.
It was quiet in the stairwell except for the soft sighs of two pleasantly unsurprised girls.
Lily looked over at her boyfriend as they walked down a second floor corridor on their patrol. James had been unusually quiet the entire patrol and Lily knew that he was still upset over the events of the previous couple days. As much as he didn't say it, Lily knew that Peter's refusal to allow him, Sirius, and Remus to accompany him to Helen's funeral had hurt James. As Sirius had said at the beginning of the year and as she'd come to see, James was a fiercely loyal friend and would do anything for his friends. The reality that he couldn't help Peter – that he wasn't allowed to be there for him on that awful day – was a blow.
"James?" Lily said softly as they turned a corner.
"Yeah, Lils?" He asked, checking a broom cupboard.
"How's Peter holding up?"
"Not great," James answered slowly. "He's really quiet and never wants to do anything... He says he's fine, but I don't believe him. None of us do, really. But we don't know what to do."
"Have you tried talking to him?" Lily suggested.
"He doesn't want to talk. And even if he did, what would I say? 'I'm sorry'? There's nothing I can say. There aren't any magic words that will make it better for him. Especially if he keeps insisting that he's fine," James explained. He leaned against the wall and pressed his hand against his forehead as though trying by mere physical force to push the worries out of his mind.
"When was the last time you guys did something fun?" Lily asked.
"I don't know," James replied. "I honestly can't remember. The full moon was a couple weeks ago, but that's not really fun for Remus."
"Maybe you guys could do something," Lily suggested slowly. "You know, something slightly risky and not exactly within the rules."
"You mean something that you wouldn't approve of?" James asked, lowering his hand from his face and turning to look at Lily.
"I suppose you could put it that way," Lily answered with a nod.
"And you'd be... I'd be... I'm allowed to do that?" James asked, squinting at Lily as though he didn't quite recognize the girl in front of him.
"I don't own you, James Potter," Lily retorted, crossing her arms and fixing him with a glare. "I may not love it when you play dirty pranks or when you flaunt your rule-breaking like a trophy, but sneaking to Hogsmeade, exploring the castle after hours; that's what you do. It's part of who you are and I like you for being James. And part of James is breaking rules and doing anything he can to help a friend."
"You mean that, Lily?" James asked, standing up and taking a step closer to her.
"I want you to be you, in all ways," Lily whispered. "The real you, not the arrogant show off facade or the perfect Head Boy. If I wanted either of those I'd date Sirius Black or Frank Longbottom."
"You, Lily Evans," James started, closing the distance between them and pulling her into a tight embrace, "are my favourite girl in the world."
"I'm quite fond of you as well," Lily said, smiling into his chest as she returned the hug.
"I still can't believe it sometimes," James murmured into Lily's hair as he held her against himself. "I spent so long chasing you, trying everything I could think of to get you to look on me with anything other than disgust. And now I have you, and you say things like that and I'm sure that this is just some dream, that I'll wake up and you'll be threatening to hex of my bits or send me to St. Mungo's."
"I can't believe it either," Lily agreed. "If anybody had told me I'd have fallen for you a year ago, I would have told them they belonged in St. Mungo's. But, now, if this is some dream of yours, I don't want you to wake up."
"As far as I'm concerned, you don't have to worry about that," James chuckled.
"James, I..." Lily started, but she was cut off by curt cough from a couple feet away. James and Lily jumped apart and turned to face Professor McGonagall clad in her trademark tartan dressing gown and sporting a less-than-pleased expression.
"Professor, I'm sorry. We weren't-" Lily tried to explain, but she was cut off again.
"You weren't doing your Head duties?" Professor McGonagall asked sternly, eyebrows raised above her horn-rimmed glasses.
"We were, Professor," James answered, putting on the most serious face he could muster. "And we're almost done with our patrol; we were just heading back to the prefects' lounge to write up our reports. But, I've just been so worried about Pete lately that I kept getting distracted and Lily finally said something and she was just comforting me. You know, Professor, trying to help."
Lily stood, nodding her agreement as she marvelled at James' ability to intertwine small falsities into the truth in such a convincing manner. Not that she would ever condone lying to a professor, especially not their Head of House and Deputy Headmistress, but she also didn't want to get in trouble without just cause.
Minerva McGonagall looked at James and Lily, her lips in a firm line and her jaw set. After several minutes of uncomfortable silence in which the older witch perused her two students, her expression softened and she nodded.
"I understand," she said in an uncharacteristically soft voice. "This has been hard for all of you, I'm sure. Merlin knows, it will only get harder, I fear."
"Yes, thank you, Professor," Lily said, slightly unnerved by the out of character air of her transfiguration professor.
"We will just be going to complete our patrol, then," James chimed in. "Thank you, Professor."
"Take care," she replied, nodding at them once again, but this time with her usual curtness. "And I do expect top work from both of you on the Transfiguration essay I set you last week. I trust you haven't forgotten about it."
And, with that, she turned on her heel and walked down the hallway away from Lily and James.
"That was close," James sighed as he and Lily started to walk in the opposite direction to finish their patrol before heading to the prefects' lounge to do the report.
"Strange, too," Lily mused. "I didn't expect her to let us off like that, even though we weren't doing anything against the rules."
"It's her soft spot for me," James said, a smile flicking across his lips. "She can't help but love me. I am her star Transfiguration pupil, after all."
"And I suppose that soft spot is what lost you all those points over the years?" Lily asked, rolling her eyes and causing James to laugh.
"It's all an act," James insisted. "She really does like me."
"That I don't doubt," Lily agreed. "Somehow, despite your arrogance, people manage to see past that huge head of yours and see you for who you are."
"You know you find it charming," James replied, taking Lily's hand in his.
"Something like that," Lily laughed. But then her expression darkened as she thought back to the conversation she'd been having with James and the professor's comment.
"James?" she asked quietly, stopping and turning him so that he was facing her.
"Lily?" He answered, looking at her with slight concern.
"Do you think it's true, what Professor McGonagall said? That things will only get harder? Everything – everyone – is changing so fast. It's hardly been more than a week since Hogsmeade, James. And so many people seem to have gotten past it, but I still keep forgetting. I still expect to see Helen sitting in the Common Room or eating in the Great Hall. I keep forgetting she's gone... and it seems like everybody else has forgotten she lived. Everybody except Heather, who is a mess, and Peter, who isn't talking to anybody, not even you.
"We're going to leave here and go into the real world – the world so full of hate and death – in just a few months. And we aren't ready. People we love and care about are dying and nothing is how it should be. Can things get any harder?"
"Yes," James said, taking Lily's other hand with his free one and looking into her eyes. "Yes, they can get harder. And I think they will. People are going to keep dying. Bad things are going to continue to happen to people we love. And everything is going to change."
"And how are we supposed to make it, then, James?" Lily asked, looking at him with eyes full of tears. "How are we supposed to keep going?"
"We don't have a choice," James answered. "We keep fighting because we have to, because there is still good in the world. It's like Dumbledore said: we have to be stronger than the fear that Voldemort wants to plant in us."
"But I am afraid," Lily admitted, tears now making their way down her cheeks. "I don't want to be. I'm a Gryffindor. I'm supposed to be brave. But I'm not, James. The Death Eaters, Voldemort... they are going after people like me: muggleborns. And I'm not just afraid for after Hogwarts. The hate is here, too. I've seen the way that some of the Slytherins look at me: like I'm disgusting, like they'd like nothing better than to hurt me."
"Nobody is going to hurt you, Lily," James said, pulling her closer so that there were mere inches between them and brushing the tears off her cheeks. "I won't let anybody touch you. And if they do, if I'm not there to stop it... Well, I pity the witch or wizard that attempts to take you in a fight."
"Thank you, James," Lily said, "I didn't mean to get all upset and start crying... I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to apologise for," James replied. "I'm afraid, too. And we should be. But we have each other, and our friends. And that's more powerful than anything else."
"Well, as long as I have James Potter, I have nothing to fear," Lily joked weakly as she took a deep breath and began walking, once more, down the corridor.
"Nothing to fear but my undying charm, incredible intellect, and dashing good looks," James joked back as he hurried to catch up with her. "And, of course, my ever inflating ego."
They completed the rest of their patrol without any trouble, filling the time with light banter and jests. There were no more interruptions or unexpected night time wanderers. And, if Lily and James sneaked in a one or two illicit kisses as they strode hand in hand, nobody was any the wiser.
"We're going out," James announced the next night as he walked into his dormitory.
"We are?" Remus asked, looking up at James in mild confusion from where he sat reading on Sirius' bed. "What's the occasion?"
"Since when do Marauders need an occasion to go out?" James asked, striding over to Remus and yanking the book out of his hands. "The occasion is that we're young and carefree and it's a Friday night."
"Are you allowed to sneak out, now?" Sirius asked, mock concern lacing his voice. "I mean, you are Head Boy and boyfriend to one Lily Evans, Head Girl extrodinaire."
"Lily doesn't own me, Padfoot," James countered, glaring at his best friend's "concerned" face.
Sirius coughed slightly, but didn't let his expression slip.
"Okay, fine," James snapped. "She gave me permission. But I didn't need it. We – Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs – are doing something we haven't done in far too long. We are going to take my cloak, take that blasted map we slaved away on, go to Hogsmeade, and get pissed drunk."
"Well, there's my Prongies boy," Sirius exclaimed, falling out of his feigned concern as a smile broke across his face. "I'm all for it. C'mon, Moony, Wormtail. Marauders gone mad, eh?"
"I don't know," Peter deliberated from where he lay on his own bed, staring at the wall. "I'm kind of tired."
"Are you sure-?" Remus asked, looking at James dubiously.
"Yes, I am," James said, glancing at the forlorn figure of Peter and then back at Remus pointedly.
"Ah, yes," Remus said, nodding that he understood James' meaning. "We are only young and stupid once."
"Speak for yourself, Moony," Sirius demanded as he rummaged through James' trunk for the invisibility cloak and map. "I'll be young and stupid until I'm old and dead."
"This I do not doubt," Remus laughed.
"You coming, Wormtail?" James asked, turning to look at the shorter boy. Sometime during Remus and Sirius' exchange, he'd sat up and faced his friends.
"Of course he's coming!" Sirius answered for his friend, emerging from his search. He strode over to Peter's bed, the map and cloak in one hand, and pulled Peter to a standing position. "It's been far too long since we've had a bit too much to drink."
Several minutes later, the four boys were strolling casually down the corridors to the statue of the hump-backed witch. It was still well before curfew, so there was no need for stealth. James walked with Peter, lagging slightly behind Remus and Sirius. The leading two were holding hands and talking casually, almost as though they'd never been apart.
If James were completely honest with himself, he'd admit that he didn't love that Sirius and Remus were dating. The selfish part of him was jealous that Remus held part of Sirius that James could never have. Not that he wanted Sirius that way, but it was the principle of the matter: his best friend was no longer his. For almost six years it had been James and Sirius, Padfoot and Prongs, the dynamic duo of the Marauders. And even though it'd been over a year since Remus and Sirius had been together, James still wasn't used to it.
Of course, he'd never voiced these feelings, never spoken aloud the concern that he would be – was being – replaced. Not only would his jealousy come across as extraordinarily girly, but he knew it wasn't justified. It was obvious, even to James, how happy his best friends were together. The month or so that Remus and Sirius had been apart had been awful. Not only were both his friends upset, but the entire dynamic of the Marauders had changed, forced even. The inexplicable balance that made the foursome so uniquely them had been off.
Besides, it wasn't as though James was completely guiltless himself. In the weeks that he'd been dating Lily, in fact, James had come to understand how much of a difference there was between girlfriend and best friend; he figured it held the same regardless of one's sexual preferences. What Sirius had in Remus, James had come to have in Lily: the sense of completeness and safety.
"We're here," Peter said, pulling James out of his musings and back to the deserted corridor with a not-so-gentle swat across the head, "Come back to us from wherever you are."
"He's in Lily Land," Sirius said with a knowing grin.
"Sod off, Black," James shot back, but he returned the grin as he pulled the map out of his pocket and muttered the incantation to bring it to life. "The coast is clear. Let's go."
While James kept watch on the map, the four boys went through the entrance and into the secret corridor. Twenty minutes later, they emerged through the trapdoor in the basement of Honeyduke's.
"Is anybody up there?" Remus asked, looking up at the ceiling nervously.
"It's after eight," James replied, looking at his watch. "The shop closed a bit ago; the clerks should've gone home by now."
"I'll check," Peter sighed and, before his friends could agree or disagree, Peter transformed and scurried, in rat form, up the stairs. A few minutes later he returned. Transforming back into his human self, he nodded. "It's clear. Let's go."
"Should we get something here?" Remus asked, looking longingly at the blocks of Honeyduke's extra creamy chocolate.
"Why buy chocolates when we can get chocolate cakes anytime from the kitchens?" James asked.
"Because this is Honeyduke's chocolate," Remus answered. "And, look: they have a new kind."
"That's very nice, Remus," James said, rolling his eyes.
"I'm sure Lily would appreciate it if you brought her some chocolate," Remus pointed out in a moment of uncharacteristic manipulation.
"Oh..." James said, furrowing his eyebrows and seeming to seriously consider Remus' words.
"You two are pathetic," Sirius sighed as he grabbed James by the shoulder and Remus by the hand and turned them both to face him. "We aren't here to buy chocolate. We're here because we're on our way to the Three Broomsticks to get pissed off our arses and stagger back to the castle just barely sober enough to not get caught and condemned."
"Fine, fine," Remus conceded, "We can get chocolate some other time."
"If Honeyduke's gets blown up before you try that new chocolate," Sirius said, pulling Remus and James towards the shop door, "I will dig through the rubble to find some for you, okay?"
"You're insane," Remus said.
"You love it," Sirius said, a wicked smile on his face.
Remus neither affirmed or denied the accusation, but just shrugged and looked helplessly at James who didn't even bother to hide his laugh.
The street was empty as the four friends made their way from the sweets shop to their favourite pub. They pulled their school robes tight around them as a particularly strong gust of wind blew fresh snow at them. It was exceptionally cold for a November night, but Remus had reasoned that possession of cloaks and scarves would be more than slightly suspicious if, for some reason, they were caught on their return trip.
'Finally,' Peter thought as, none too soon, they reached the front of the Three Broomsticks. The pub glowed bright against the darkness that had enveloped the rest of the street and just looking at the cheery yellow light from the oil lamps within made him feel a bit warmer.
There weren't many patrons inside – a sad result of the recent attack – but those who were there looked happy and at ease. James felt strange as they entered the bar: had he been here when Helen died? He remembered the breaking glass and the crying children; it stained the place and made his adrenaline rush in memory. It was surreal, that people could be laughing and drinking in the same place where not long ago they were fearful of their lives.
"Let's go in," Peter said, suddenly extremely anxious to drink and forget. The light from the illuminated windows only warmed the surface, the outermost layer of cold. Peter wanted something that would warm his heart.
"I couldn't agree more," Sirius laughed, pulling open the door and leading his friends into the warmth. James summoned his strength to walk into the usually cheerful place. Once he was inside, he decided that he wouldn't let the war ruin this place for him. One bad memory –however intense- should not be able to cancel out countless memories of joy and friendship. The surrealism melted away as he realized the cheer wasn't out of place, but the fear had been. The Three Broomsticks was warm and good and no evil could tarnish that.
"Well, if it isn't you four," Madam Rosmerta greeted them with a smile moments after they'd sat down at their usual table in the North-East corner of the room. "I was wondering when I'd see you lot again. It's been a while since you have been here at night."
"Miss us?" James asked, flashing her his best cocky smile.
"Always," she replied with a laugh. "What can I get you boys? Four butterbeers?"
"That'd be great," Remus answered.
"Actually," Sirius corrected, "How about you bring us a pitcher of butterbeer and some shots of firewhiskey?"
"Now, Black, you know my policy on serving harder liquor to students," the barkeeper reprimanded.
"We're of age," Peter pointed out. "We're legally allowed to drink it."
"Besides, Rosie," Sirius added. "It's not like we aren't already breaking rules being here."
"Oh fine," Madam Rosmerta said, throwing her hands in the air in mock exasperation. "You win. But, here's the deal: when I decide you've had enough, you get no more and you're going back to the castle. No fighting me on it."
"Would we ever fight you on something like that?" James asked, a trademark would-be innocent expression on his face.
"Merlin help me if I should lose all semblance of sanity from you four," Rosmerta muttered to herself as she shook her head and, smiling, walked back to the bar to get the drinks.
"Lily's so beautiful," James proclaimed a few hours and several drinks later as he rested his cheek against this hand and stared absently out the window. Empty shot glasses and half-full mugs of butterbeer littered the table.
"Yeah, well Remus's sexy," Sirius said back, pounding his fist on the table. He turned and ran his fingers over Remus' chest, causing James to roll his eyes. "So, I win because I have Moony and you just... don't."
"I guess we drink again," Peter said to Remus as he lifted his mug and took a hefty swig of butterbeer.
Remus nodded in agreement and raised his own mug to his lips. Somehow it'd been decided within twenty minutes of their first pitcher of butterbeer that every time James or Sirius complimented the physical appearance of his significant other, Peter and Remus would drink. And, of course, whenever Peter and Remus lifted their glasses to cheer, James and Sirius joined in a not-so-subtle attempt to not be outdone. This had been most – but not all – of the reason both pitchers of butterbeer were completely empty.
"But you don't understand, Pa'foot," James said, tearing his gaze from the window to stare glassy-eyed at his best friend. "There's no one more beautiful than m'Lily."
"And again," Remus laughed, picking up his mug and finishing the last of the liquid.
"What are we drinking to?" James asked.
"Your patheticness," Peter informed him. "It's really quite pathetic."
"I resent that," James said with a pout. "Pa'foot is no more unpathetic than I am."
"We already drank to him," Remus said. "You weren't paying attention. You were staring out the window."
"You drank to him?" James asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
"And he will all night," Sirius added, slamming his empty mug down on the table. He reached for the pitcher only to realise that it was empty. Scowling, he turned in his chair so that he was facing the bar. "Hey! Rosie! Fill us up!"
"Not going to happen," Madam Rosmerta with a grin as she walked over to them with a dish towel in one hand and an empty tray in the other. "You have all had more than enough to drink; I'm cutting you off."
"C'mon, Rosie," James pleaded, looking up at her over the top of his glasses, "Just one more drink? Please?"
"Nope," she answered. She flicked her wand and the empty glasses and pitchers on the boys' table floated onto her tray. "Remember how we made a deal that you weren't to fight me when I cut you off?"
"Not at all," Peter lied at the same time that Sirius said: "And you believed us?"
"Well, you did," Rosmerta said to Peter before turning to Sirius. "I didn't believe you in the slightest, but I'm sticking by my word. No more for you tonight. I'm getting ready to close up, anyway. It's late and you lot are the only patrons. Now, leave so I can go to bed."
Sirius, James, and Peter all grumbled incoherently as they shoved their hands into their pockets and slapped several Sickles and Knuts onto the table. Remus shrugged as he added his own share of the bill to the table.
"Thank you for a great time," Sirius said jovially to Madam Rosmerta as she ushered them towards the door. "There's no place like a great place, and the Three Broomsticks is great."
"You're my favourite," James mock-whispered, putting his arm around the barmaid's shoulders and leaning against her drunkenly. "Just don't tell Evans I said so."
"Your secret is safe with me," Rosmerta winked, pushing him off of her and out the door. "Now shoo, all of you. Remus, I do hope you managed to stay sober enough to keep these idiots under control"
Remus just shrugged and followed James into the cold night air. Though, after their night of copious drinking, the air didn't seem quite as bitter. It was more of a comfortable cold, refreshing rather than shocking, after the warmth of firewhiskey and heated indoors.
As they walked back towards Honeyduke's and the passageway back to Hogwarts, the four boys again split into two pairs. This time however, it was James and Sirius who led the bunch, leaning on each other as they stumbled down the empty streets, singing a bit too loudly and proclaiming their undying affections towards their significant others.
"They seem happy," Peter said almost nostalgically as he and Remus followed the two louder boys.
"They are happy, I think," Remus agreed.
"Are you happy?" Peter asked.
"Yes... I am," Remus answered, looking at his friend in mild confusion. It was usually James who asked these sorts of questions, not Peter. James was the Marauder concerned with feelings and emotions and talking things out.
"You're happy with Sirius," Peter said. This wasn't a question, but rather a statement of what appeared to be fact.
"Yes, I am," Remus repeated. When Peter didn't say anything, he continued. "We haven't talked about things yet. We've both been carried away with being back together and neither of us wants to stop and try to think about anything serious. We do need to talk at some point, though."
"You sound like James," Peter pointed out. "All about the talking about things. Hell, I sound like James, too, with all my questions about happiness and the lot."
"We do," Remus said, laughing at the fact that Peter had been thinking along the same lines as himself.
"I wish I were happy," Peter said suddenly. "Like you and Sirius and James."
"You will be," Remus replied uneasily. He wasn't sure quite what to say and desperately wished that James were here. James was always the one who seemed to get people. Remus just felt awkward. He wasn't used to these emotional talks. But James was far drunker than he and far more preoccupied with his best mate.
"I don't know," Peter mused.
"It will take time," Remus tried to comfort him. "These things take time."
"I don't know," Peter repeated. He was silent for a bit before continuing on. "I don't know anything anymore. I don't know if there's any point to all of this, to fighting. Dumbledore says we have to keep fighting, but look what good his fighting did. It got Helen killed."
"That wasn't Dumbledore's fault," Remus said, trying to push the alcohol-induced cloudiness from his brain.
"They don't know who shot the curse that hit her," Peter objected vehemently. He fixed Remus with a hard stare full of anger and fear and pain.
"You're drunk," Remus stated. "You're drunk and you're grieving."
"Maybe I am," Peter agreed. "But you know that saying, about truth in drunkenness. And I mean it."
"It was still a mistake, Peter," Remus insisted. "It wasn't supposed to happen. It was a mistake."
"No, it wasn't supposed to happen," Peter agreed. He continued to stare at Remus for a couple moments before the dark look vanished from his eyes as quickly as it had appeared. He smiled and ran ahead to join James and Sirius in their song.
Remus watched his friend go, a slight gnawing worry in his stomach. He willed himself to remember to talk to James and Sirius about Peter's words later, when they were all sober, before going to join his friends as they ambled towards the castle.
The walk back to the castle, once they'd managed to get into the secret passageway below Honeyduke's, took much longer than the trip from the castle. This was mostly due to Sirius and James' inability to stand walk in a straight line and refusal to unhook their arms to make movement any easier.
Finally, however, the four of them began ascending the stairs. James pulled out the map and blinked at it for a couple of seconds.
"I can't bloody read this," James said, shoving the map towards Sirius.
"The plastered Head Boy gives the map to the more plastered student," Peter muttered under his breath to Remus.
"Padfoot, give it here," Remus said to Sirius, reaching for the map. "I'm not as intoxicated as you are."
"I can do it!" Sirius said, pulling his hand away and giving Remus a firm pout. He pulled out his wand and tapped the piece of parchment, "I solemly swear that I am up to no good. There, see? I can do it. The reason Prongies boy couldn't see anything was 'cause he forgot to ask it nicely."
"Sod off, Padfoot," James mumbled.
"I love you anyway, Prongs," Sirius said, turning to give his best friend a pat on the shoulder but falling onto him instead. "Even if you can't make a map work and you talk about nothing but Evans."
"Just look and see if anyone's coming," James replied, pushing his friend away.
"We're good," Sirius stated after glancing briefly at the map. "Let's go."
"Remeber to be quiet," Remus pleaded as they climbed out from the passageway and into the corridor.
The four boys set off towards the Gryffindor tower. They'd had seven years of perfecting their sneaking about skills and so, even drunk, they didn't make too much noise. At every intersection or turn, Sirius glanced at the map to ensure that nobody was coming. They were three corridors, two turns, and one staircase away from the portrait of the Fat Lady when Sirius suddenly stopped.
"Shit. Bloody hell, guys," Sirius whispered, looking up at his friends, his eyes no longer dazed and carefree.
"What is it?" Remus asked, craning his neck to look at the map in Sirius' hands.
"Filch. Coming. Now." Sirius answered, all signs that he'd knocked back several drinks in the past few hours gone.
"Worst corridor for this," Peter said in a strained voice. "No secret passageways or anything. Fuck."
"Get out your cloak, Prongs," Sirius said, turning to James.
"We can't all fit. That'd be a disaster. He'd find us and then my cloak would be taken," James protested.
"Just you get under it," Sirius said. "You'll be in the most trouble if you get caught pissed and wandering."
"What? And just leave you here?" James argued. "No way; I can't do that."
"Sirius is right," Remus pointed out. "You're Head Boy."
"I can't," James insisted. "It's not fair."
"Life isn't fair," Peter said. "Now put on your cloak and go stand in the corner quietly or we'll hex you."
James sent one last desperate glance at Sirius who crossed his arms and gave him a "what are you waiting for" look.
"We need you as Head Boy, mate," Sirius said. "Now swallow your pride and shine a bit green."
"Bugger all," James swore and covered himself with the silvery cloak not a moment too soon. Just seconds after he disappeared, Filch rounded the corner, looking as though Christmas had come early.
[A/N: And yes, after all of that, we leave you with a Cliffie. We're hoping to have an update for you guys every three weeks or so, at the longest. But, Flameintheflood is starting her senior year of high school and applying for college and I'm starting my junior year as a biochemistry student. Again, we are doing our absolute best, so please don't hate/leave us! Your support and love gets us through the difficult spots and we have every intention of finish Kin and Kisses.
xx Liebe]