[A/N: Oh dear Merlin, how much do you all want to murder us? We promised we'd get it to you so long ago, we know. We're horrid, horrid people. We could give you tons of excuses, but we won't. We've been busy, but so have you all. Here is Chapter 33, Part I. We will post Part II very shortly - it's complete and just needs beta-ing. So please, if you're still there, enjoy this as a little Christmas gift, and let us know that we still have readers. Happy Holidays, and best to you all.

Liebe & Flame

Also, we own nothing]

Chapter 33: Tears and Talks, Part I

Should I give up
or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste?
Even if I knew my place, should I leave it there?

Chasing Pavements, Adele

"People are going to be coming down soon," Lily said as the Gryffindor team ended their victory lap. "Do you want to go somewhere else before heading back to the Common Room? It will probably be a mad house in there."

"Yeah," Heather answered, pulling back from Lily's embrace and wiping her eyes with the back of a mittened hand. "I think I'll just go on a walk."

"Alone?" Lily asked. "I don't know if that's the best idea. Do you want me to go find Kristi?"

"No," Heather responded, swallowing hard. "Kristi is sick of me being upset about Peter, I think. She doesn't understand. I don't want to bother her. She just won her match, she should be celebrating."

"But you shouldn't be alone," Lily insisted.

She looked at Heather. Despite the girl's efforts, tears were still forming in her eyes. Her skin had lost some of the rosiness it was apt to have, causing the bags under her eyes to be even more apparent.

"How about this," Lily said, glancing over her shoulder and seeing hoards of students descending from the stands. "I'll go find James, let him know that he was great and that I was there, and then I'll come back and we can go on a walk."

"You don't have to-" Heather started.

"I want to," Lily interjected. And she did. As she'd said to Allie and Josh, it was her duty not only as Head Girl, but also as Heather's friend. As much as she would've liked to go back to the warm Common Room and spend time with James, this was more important. Lily knew this, and didn't resent it.

"Okay," Heather consented.

"Wait here," Lily said, turning away and heading towards the locker rooms. "I'll be back in five minutes."

Lily pushed through the mobs of students making their way back to the castle and down to the Pitch. She could see the scarlet of the Gryffindor Quidditch robes, standing out amidst the sea of black cloaks. In the middle of the group was James, holding Louise above the rest of the crowd with the help of Beater, Eric Miller. Lily smiled; it was great to see James so happy, even if it was just as a result of Quidditch. More now than ever, it was the little things that made living bearable.

"James!" She shouted, waving her arms in an attempt to tear his attention of his teammates.

James turned to her, his smile brightening even more. He nodded to Eric, and the two of them put Louise down. Mere seconds later, he had his arms around Lily, lifting her up and twirling her around.

"You smell disgusting," Lily teased when he put her down. "You need a shower."

"I'll get to that," James said, beaming down at her. "Though, I'd be more eager if you wanted to join me..."

"Arrogant prat," Lily laughed, swatting him over the head.

"Did you enjoy the game?" James asked eagerly.

"I would have enjoyed it more if you'd been in the stands with me rather than on the Pitch," Lily admitted, voicing her thoughts from earlier.

"Well, you have me now," James answered, pulling her into another sweaty hug. "I'll shower quickly and then we can head up to the Tower together. Does that sound good?"

"No, actually," Lily replied. She continued quickly when his face fell. "That's actually what I came to find you for. I'm not going to be up in the Common Room for a while."

"Why? What's wrong?" James questioned, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He held Lily at an arm's distance, looking over her as though to check if she'd been hurt. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Lily said, taking his hands from her shoulders and holding them in her own. "But Heather's not. I think she and Peter got into another fight today, at the match. She doesn't want to go back to the Common Room yet, but I don't think she should be alone."

"Where's Pete?" James asked, biting his lip.

"I'm not sure," Lily answered slowly. "He left before the end of the game and when Heather left, too, I followed. So, I didn't get to see the end of the match; I'm sorry. I just thought... "

"No, it's fine," James assured her. "It's just a Quidditch match... You were right to go after her."

"Are you sure?" Lily asked. She hated the way that James' face had fallen, how all his adrenaline-induced euphoria had faded so quickly. And his reduction of the match to "just Quidditch" wasn't a good sign, either.

"Yes," James said, nodding firmly. "I'm worried about both of them, to be honest... Peter's been... Fuck. I should find Peter."

"He probably needs you," Lily pointed out. "Even if he isn't acting like it. Keep trying to be there for him."

"Right." James nodded.

"I should get back to Heather," Lily said, dropping his hands and glancing back to where Heather was waiting for her. "But, really, James, you did do an excellent job in the match today. I'm sorry for bringing you down."

"It's okay," he replied. "I can't get angry with the messenger... Go, take care of Heather."

"A kiss before I go?" Lily asked, taking a step forward and looking up at him through her eyelashes.

"Is that even a question?" James stepped towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist and closing the distance between them. After looking down at her for a few moments, he lowered his lips to hers.

Lily leaned in, deepening the kiss, and letting her hands run through his hair. She didn't care that he was dirty and smelled of leather and sweat. Just being in his arms for the few brief moments, feeling his warmth and affection, was all that she needed.

"Go find your mates and find Peter," Lily said once she'd pulled away.

James nodded and pulled her against him one last time, before dropping his arms and heading back towards the locker rooms.

With a deep breath, Lily turned and made her away through the crowd to find Heather.

"Sorry that took longer than expected," Lily said when she reached her friend.

Heather was standing against a tree, hugging herself with her arms.

"It's fine," Heather answered softly. "I appreciate you even just being here with me. Everything is so wrong... And you're still trying to make it right."

"I'm happy to try," Lily said, placing a gentle hand on Heather's shoulder. "Come on, let's walk. It will keep us warm and get us away from this crowd."

Heather nodded and the two girls made their way across the grounds towards the lake. The afternoon sun was setting, casting yellow light over the dusting of snow on the ground.

"What's going on with you and Peter?" Lily asked after several minutes of silence. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But, if you do, I'm more than willing to listen."

"I don't know," Heather answered slowly. "Things were going so well, before... Everything was perfect. And now it's not. Whenever we're together, it feels like there's this gulf between us. I'm trying so hard to reach across and, sometimes, I think he is too, but then he'll pull back. It's like he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore."

"It's not just you," Lily said softly, unsure if her word would do more harm than good. "James says that he doesn't really want to do anything with them, either. They practically had to force him to go to Hogsmeade Monday night."

"I know he's grieving, and I know he has to work through it on his own time. But I wish that there was something more that I could do. I feel so useless, Lily. I don't know what to do. I... I couldn't save Helen and now I'm afraid I'm going to lose Peter and I don't know how to save him, either." Her voice broke and fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

"Oh, Heather..." Lily whispered.

"I can't stop thinking about it," she continued, blinking away the tears and swallowing hard. "I keep thinking of everything I could have done differently. I should have had her run in front of me, I should have kept shielding her, I should have stayed with her in Madam Puddifoot's longer... There are so many things that I should have done-"

"Stop," Lily interrupted, "stop that right now. You can't do that, you can't live with the "what ifs" and the "should haves," Heather. It's horrible, and it hurts so much, but wishing it wasn't so... that isn't going to make it better; it's not going to bring Helen back."

"But I should have been able to do something," Helen insisted. "I just let it happen."

"Heather, no," Lily whispered and, for the second time that day, she pulled the younger girl into a tight embrace. "It's not your fault."

"But I feel like it is," she cried. Heather was clutching onto Lily, clinging to her and shaking both their bodies with her sobs. Her distress was contagious and Lily could feel her pain as though it were her own. She closed her eyes, trying to ward off her own tears as she rubbed slow circles on Heather's back. Now was not the time for Lily to break apart, no matter how much she wanted to.

"I feel... so guilty..." Heather continued between sobs, "And Peter... He thinks it was... my fault... He thinks it should have been me. It should have been me, Lily... Not Helen."

"Listen to me, Heather," Lily said softly, but firmly as she held the crying girl, "It wasn't your fault. What Peter said... he didn't mean it. He was upset and looking for somebody to blame. And you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. This is nobody's fault but Voldemort's. Put the fault where it belongs: with him."

"It's just so hard," Heather choked out. "I see her die, over and over, in my dreams. I think I see her everywhere. It's just so hard."

"It is," Lily agreed. "It really is. I can't even imagine what you're going through, what Peter's going through. Just try to keep being there for him. Talk to him. He needs you, even if he isn't acting like it. And I'll be here for you. All of us will be."

"Thanks," Heather said, pulling out of the embrace to look at Lily. She swallowed and forced a watery smile onto her face. "That means a lot."

"You're welcome," Lily said, smiling back at her.

"I'm sorry for crying all over you," Heather apologised, as she wiped her eyes and glanced at Lily's wet shoulder. "You didn't have to come out here with me."

"No, but I wanted to," Lily answered. "And you don't have to apologise. We all need people we can cry with."

Heather nodded and the two girls fell back into silence. The sun had completely set, the clear day giving way to a starry night. With a small smile, Lily reached out for Heather's hand. The younger girl grasped her hand and they headed back towards the castle.

The week following the Quidditch match wasn't spectacular by any means. So far as Lily could tell, things hadn't changed much between Heather and Peter. Peter was still quiet and distant, and Heather still remained pale and moved with an air of fatigue. But every time Lily inquired, the younger Gryffindor insisted that she was okay and that she and Peter were trying to work things out. And, so, Lily let the matter drop, resolving to keep an eye on her friend.

Gryffindor's elation over winning the Quidditch match was, too, short lived as both the weather and the world outside of Hogwarts took a turn for the worse. Bitter cold winds and sunless days seemed to reflect the increase in reports of Muggle baiting and murders. Hardly a day passed, it seemed to Lily, that a student wasn't pulled aside to be informed of some ill news. Once again, the school was in a state of fear, much as it had been in the days following the Hogsmeade attack.

Wednesday evening, however, had offered a slight reprise. When the four Gryffindor seventh year girls returned to their dormitory from dinner, they found an envelope addressed to Miss. Lily Evans on Lily's pillow. Lily had smiled slightly when she saw the invitation to Professor Slughorn's biannual Slug Club holiday party. She'd immediately run down to the Common Room to tell James that he'd be accompanying her to the dungeons that Saturday night.

And, so, now it was late afternoon on Saturday and Allie, Kate, and Maia were all in their dormitory, talking happily as Lily got ready for the party.

"I don't think I've ever seen you spend this much time getting ready for a Slug Club event, Lils," Allie pointed out from where she sat on her bed writing a letter to Josh.

"It's because James is going with her," Kate said with a smirk.

"So what if it is?" Lily demanded, turning away from the mirror to face Kate, a strand of her red hair culred around her wand. "If I want to get dressed up and look nice for my boyfriend, I can."

"I wasn't saying you couldn't," Kate answered. "It's just... a year ago you would never have even considered going to anything with the "arrogant toe-rag-Potter" and now, here you are, in love with the boy."

"Shut it," Lily said, blushing furiously and throwing a bit of parchment at Kate before turning back to the mirror examine the curl she'd just formed.

"She doesn't even deny it!" Kate exclaimed, leaning back against her headboard.

"No..." Maia agreed, looking at Kate first, and then at Lily. "She doesn't."

"She's right here, you know," Allie said, casting critical glances at Maia and Kate.

"Yes, I am," Lily added. "Thank you, Allie!"

"My pleasure," Allie answered with a smile.

"Are you?" Maia asked, ignoring Allie and Lily's exchanged as she focused all of her attention on Lily.

"Am I what?" Lily shot back, but she knew what Maia had meant.

Was she in love with James? Her initial response was no, she wasn't. How could she be? After all, she had only known him – really known him – for a few short months. She refused to be one of those girls who claimed love and resorted to melodrama. It didn't make sense for her to be in love with him.

But, if Lily stopped thinking about her feelings and just let herself feel them, it was an entirely different story. She felt connected to James in a way she had never felt connected to anyone before. It was as though they had been fated to be together. Yes, they'd spent the better part of six years fighting. But, Lily had come to realise, there had been a reason – especially during sixth year – that James had infuriated her more than the other Marauders. It had always been about him.

Things with James were right. They were exceptionally safe and mind-numbingly terrifying all at once. And, if she let her heart – rather than her brain – answer Maia's question, there was no doubt what the answer would be.

"Earth to Lily!" Maia called out, pulling Lily from her musings. "Answer my question!"

"Which one was that?" Lily feigned ignorance.

"Sod off, you know which one," Maia retorted. "Are you in love with James?"

"I don't know," Lily lied. When she said it aloud for the first time, Lily wanted it to be to James.

"Bullocks you don't know," Maia exclaimed. "How do you not know? It should overwhelm you, the truth of love."

"I don't know how I don't know," Lily answered, annoyed.

"Fine, be that way," Maia pouted. "Kate is boring and with Caleb as per usual. I need something happy and interesting." She turned to Allie. "Allie, my dearest friend, are you harbouring any deep secrets that you feel so compelled to tell us?"

"Well, actually," Allie said slowly, looking up from her letter, "now that you mention it, there is something Iv'e been meaning to tell you. I didn't get a chance at the Quidditch match, or after-"

"Because someone was too busy shaggin her boyfriend," Maia interrupted with a smirk.

"And then, this week I've been so busy and we haven't all been together outside of class long enough," Allie continued, sending a glare across the room at Maia. "And I really wanted to tell you three all at once-"

"So why don't you tell us?" Kate cut her off. She was no longer leaning against the headboard of her bed, but sitting up straight and looking at Allie eagerly.

"Okay," Allie consented. "Well, when Josh was here, we-"

"You shagged?" Maia asked, interrupting Allie once again. "Because already know you do that."

"Who are you, Sirius?" Lily exclaimed as she set down her wand and turned to look at Maia disapprovingly. "Get your mind off of sex and let her finish!"

"Thank you, Lils," Allie said, smiling at Lily. "Well, Josh and I were out on the ground before the match. And he started talking about how danger it is and how short life is and how he doesn't want to live his life without me. And I don't want to live mine without him." She paused, looking around the room at her friends as though trying to decide how she wanted to continue.

"And then... he asked me to marry him!" Allie finished quickly, a huge smile spreading on her face as her eyes lit up with the memory.

Maia's jaw dropped as she stared, wide-eyed, at her friend. Kate blinked several times and the mascara that Lily had been applying to her lashes clattered to the floor.

"What did you say?" Lily asked once she'd regained the ability to speak.

"I said no," Allie answered. At her friends' dumbfounded expressions, she continued, "I told him that I'm too young – that we're too young. I'm still in school! But I told him to ask me again in a year. And I will say yes then. He agreed, albeit reluctantly, and then, before he left, he gave me this."

She pulled a chain with a ring on it out from under her shirt. It was a silver ring adorned with two hands clasping a heart which was surmounted by a crown.

"It's a Claddagh ring," Allie explained. "It's a traditional Irish ring meant to convey romantic availability. Josh said that if I wear it on my right hand with the heart towards me, it means that my heart has been captured. It's the same one that his dad gave his mum while they were in school. Now that you girls know, I'm going to start wearing it."

"So, are you engaged, then?" Kate asked, looking curiously at the ring.

"No," Allie answered. "If I were to wear it on my left hand with the heart away from me, it implies I'm engaged... but I don't think I'll do that. Not yet, anyway. It's like... we are pre-engaged. We are committed."

"I'm so happy for you!" Maia exclaimed, jumping up off her bed to attack Allie with a hug.

"Me too," Lily and Kate agreed at the same time as they, too, joined Allie on her bed.

"When did we get old enough for this?" Allie asked, voicing the thoughts she'd had at the Quidditch match.

"Maybe we didn't get old enough," Kate answered. "Maybe the standard is just changing. Rob says that people are getting married all over the place now. It's fear, I think."

"Are you happy, though, Als?" Maia asked. "You're not just doing this because you're afraid, are you?"

"No, I'm not," Allie replied. "I'm doing this because I love Josh and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm happy. I'm very happy."

"Good," Maia said, smiling and sinking back against her friend. "If you're happy, then I'm happy."

Kate and Lily nodded in agreement and the four of them sat there for a couple of moments, basking in Allie's joy.

"So, does anybody else have news?" Allie asked. "Since, it does appear to be confession time."

"As if anything could top your news!" Kate giggled.

"Nope... No news," Maia said, and Lily thought she sensed the slightest hesitation. "Besides, we have to make sure Lily is pretty for her date... in an hour! And this bed love fest is messing up her hair."

Lily smiled and got up to head over to the mirror to fix her hair. Some of the curls had gotten mussed, and so she redid them and cast a setting charm. As she did so, she wondered if Maia really had hesitated before declining a confession. Had Maia's mouth really opened a bit, as if to speak, before closing and opening again? But, Lily pushed these thoughts from her mind as she wandered over to her wardrobe and pulled out two choices. She'd talk to Maia about it later, she decided, as she turned to her still-giggling friends to ask their opinions on formal wear.

"Moony," Sirius sighed, watching James dig around for his formal shoe wear, "why aren't either of us in the Slug Club?"

James' vulgar language was muffled from under Peter's empty bed which made it easier for Sirius and Remus to converse as they lay, tangled together on Sirius' messy bed.

"Well, dearest Padfoot," Remus chuckled, leaning his chin against the other boy's chest and looking up with a mock-serious expression, "I do believe it is because I'm absolute rubbish at potions and because you can't stand Ol' Sluggy."

"Right," Sirius quirked his eyebrows and raised his voice so that James could hear him over the noise of rabid dust bunnies. "I reckon we aren't missing out on anything really good with those parties, are we?"

"Mmph domph knowhychu ashkin' meh?" came James' incoherent reply.

"Could you understand that?" Remus asked his boyfriend.

"Not really," Sirius admitted, "but he sure as hell didn't sound all that excited, despite the fact that he gets to spend all night with the lovely Miss Evans. What's with that Prongs? The bird not everything you've been yearning for and obsessing over for the last forever?"

"Oh shove off," James finally came out from under Peter's bed holding his shoe victoriously above his head. "We all know it certainly is not a Lily problem as much as it is a Slughorn-might-hate-me problem."

"You're off your rocker," Sirius groaned. "He's been trying to recruit you into the club since he met you. Besides, you're with Lily, the Potions Princess. He could never hate you."

"Hmm," James nodded and looked in the mirror. "Think my stubble looks bad? I think I might want to go shave."

"Er..." Sirius was distracted by Remus who had started kissing his chest, between the flaps of the unbuttoned collar of his wrinkled oxford. "Yeah, mate... go shave. Also, you might wanna brush the dust off your fancy Potter Dress robes."

James nodded and went off to the bathroom to clean up as Remus continued to kiss up Sirius' neck and found his way to nibble his earlobe.

"So... what are we doing tonight, then?" he whispered, causing Sirius to shiver.

For Remus, there was one thing on the planet more pleasure-inducing than chocolate and it happened to be a very complex person –a very complex relationship. The two of them, as Remus knew full well, were probably a match made in hell. Their entire relationship - until recently - had been on and off, and full of drama. Yet somehow, it was also completely constant. It was the kind of crazy that happened so naturally one could compare it to wandless magic. The love between them came in violently passionate spurts and dangerously beautiful flashes of light. Young wizards cannot control magic but it's there, steadily accumulating until the constant layers erupt. That's how the magic between Sirius and Remus is, has always been. They've felt it build for years and now, the constant layers are erupting.

Remus looked into Sirius' dark eyes and let his own trace the chiselled, aristocratic jaw line. He watched as Sirius swallowed hard, his adam's apple bobbing beneath his rough, ivory coloured skin. Black hair stuck in sweaty patches against his neck and Remus gave into the urge to brush that hair away and suck gently on the skin beneath it.

"Well..." Sirius sighed. "I actually did have a surprise for you, but we'd have to go outside. I would also be perfectly content just staying in bed with you. Prongs on a date and who knows where Wormtail is... we'd have the dorm to ourselves."

"That's tempting," Remus mumbled from his place nipping at Sirius' neck. "But you know I'm also a sucker for surprises... so..."

Remus abruptly sat up from Sirius neck, and called out to James.

"Prongs, if you hurry up we'll wait for Lily with you in the common room."

James appeared in front of them almost immediately, freshly shaven and with a grin on his face. After grabbing their cloaks and gloves, the three boys made their ways down to the common room listening to Sirius grumble about how cold it would be outside.

"Precisely why we brought all our winter gear," Remus reminded him as he sat down at the chess table. Sirius groaned in response but started to set up a game of chess.

Just over an hour later, Lily made her way down the stair case and into the Common Room where she and James had agreed to meet. With the help of her friends, Lily had decided on a set of dark green dress robes with a low scoop neckline. She'd filled out some since she'd worn them previously, but Maia and vehemently assured her that they in no way looked too small. She'd left her curled hair down so that her long auburn locks fell across her shoulders and framed her face.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Lily glanced around, looking for James. She spotted him almost immediately, lounging in an armchair near the fire and watching Sirius attempt to beat Remus at Wizarding chess. He was wearing plain black dress robes that Lily was sure had cost several times as much as hers and his hair was, as usual, a mess.

Lily stood for a moment, watching him smile leisurely at the board, before crossing the room and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Lily!" He exclaimed, looking up at her and smiling broadly. He stood up and his eyes flitted over her rather obviously before they made their way back to her face. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," Lily replied, smiling back at him and reaching up to push his fringe out of his face. "Your hair is a mess."

"Always," he answered, smiling devilishly. "You know you like it this way."

"I know that nothing short of dark magic could get it to lie flat," Lily quipped.

"I don't know," Sirius muttered from where he sat, "I don't recall seeing anything in my family's libraries that would fix that disaster."

"Sod off, Padfoot," James shot back, but his smile didn't falter and his eyes didn't leave Lily. He lifted his own hand, brushing her hair out of her face. "You do look beautiful. "

"It's just some dress robes, James," Lily laughed, blushing slightly. "It's nothing to get too excited over."

"Prongs here could get excited over the thought of you dressed as an Eskimo," Sirius retorted, this time earning himself a glare from James.

"Ignore him," Remus muttered, not looking up from the chess board. "They're both prats. I haven't figured out why we keep them yet."

"Because we're lovable prats?" Sirius suggested.

"Something like that," Remus replied, causing Lily to chuckle.

"Maybe it's because we're just so good in-" Sirius started, but his comment was cut short by a blow to the head from James.

"Let's get away from this clot," James said, turning away from his best friend to face Lily once again. "I do believe we have a party to attend, do we not?"

Lily nodded and, taking his hand, led James away from his friends and out of the Common Room.

Not five minutes later, Maia traipsed down the stairs to meet up with the left over boys. She watched quietly as they finished up their game.

"I concede," Sirius laughed, knocking down his King chess piece. "You are the King of Chess. I am but a mere jester in your court."

"No," Remus laughed, "Wormtail's more likely the King of Chess. He's way better than me."

Sirius smiled and looked up. For the first time, he notice the smiling girl mere feet from them, "Hey, Maia."

"Hello, Maia," Remus also greeted. He stood up and grabbed his cloak. "Shall we get going? Padfoot said we'll be outside."

"Yes we will, eventually," Maia nodded, leading them out of the red and gold warmth of the Gryffindor common room. "But we have to go out the traditional way through the Entrance Hall so we can meet up with Emmeline. Sorry, I know you probably know a faster way to the grounds, but I'm woefully not as all-knowing as you two are."

"No way she could be," Sirius agreed enthusiastically.

Remus shook his head and rolled his eyes at Sirius' huge lack of modesty, and the three of them laughed as they made their way to the Entrance Hall. Emmeline stood there, waiting to meet them. As soon as she saw Maia, her face broke into a wide smile, and she hurried to meet the three Gryffindors. Together, they made their way through the doors and outside.

The grounds found the four students shaking in cold with grins plastered on their faces. An abandoned fort made a wall underneath the large willow tree by the lake, and after Emmeline vanished the snow from beside it, the four of them leaned against the wall to stare across the ice.

"Is anybody going to explain the surprise to me now?" Remus asked after a moment of contented silence.

"Right-oh, Moony," Sirius winked at his boyfriend and tilted his head to Emmeline, who, laughing, started fumbling around in her robes.

"We've decided to be rebels," Maia explained to Remus. "And I mean that in the most adolescent way possible."

Before Remus had a chance to become thoroughly confused, Emmeline pulled a yellow, blown glass pipe and a bag of leafs out of her robes.

"Gillyweed," she laughed in response to Remus' blank stare. "It's magic. Sirius said you've never smoked before?"

An amused smile crept onto Remus' face as he watched Emmeline pinch out some of the shredded, dried greens and place them in the pipe's bowl.

"No, I haven't," Remus shrugged. "I didn't know you had, Padfoot. Way to keep secrets."

"Not a secret," Sirius shook his head. "And I haven't ever smoked Gilly before. I mean, you remember when I smoked those Muggle things back before Third Year, but that was purely to infuriate my mother. The Fish is incredibly different from ciggernets."

"Cigarettes," Maia laughed. "And yeah, those are gross and pointless. Muggles are weird."

Emmeline pulled out her wand to light the pipe with one hand while dragging the purple smoke to swirl into the pipe, visible under yellow streaks in the clear glass. Holding her breath, she smiled at Maia and beckoned the other girl closer until their lips touched. Small wisps of smoke escaped as she shared the smoke with Maia.

"Surprise number two," Emmeline continued, lacing her fingers through Maia's. "Maia gave me permission to out us to you boys."

"Ha," Sirius laughed, taking the Gilly from Emmeline and pulling out his wand. He blew out puffs of purple smoke before continuing, "I totally called that."

"No you didn't," Remus laughed. "But I'm happy for you two."

Sirius handed Remus the pipe, and holding it up to his boyfriends lips, he lit it. Remus rolled his eyes before breathing in his first hit. Almost immediately, he was overtaken by body-wracking coughs. Sirius pounded him on the back as he laughed heartily.

"I so called the lesbian thing!" Sirius argued once Remus' coughs had died down. "Remember? When I decided that everyone at Hogwarts was gay."

"Somehow, I don't think Lily and James are of the same gender," Maia retorted.

"I'm not so sure..." Sirius deliberated, "My brother can be rather femme. And I mean that in the best way possible."

"Being femme does not mean he's a girl." Emmeline stopped talking and leaned her head against the snowy wall to watch the sky get darker as she took another hit.

"I agree with Emmeline," Maia mumbled, snuggling her head onto the girl's shoulder. "She's smart. And James is a good old heterosexual male, despite how incredibly in tune with his emotions he is."

Silent agreement hovered in the freezing air. Warmth settled into their bodies as the Gilly made its rounds through the first bowl and into a second, then a third and a fourth. A round of laughter would ensue as they took turns naming different scenarios in which Lily 'took the muggle-pants in the relationship'. The four students had shed their mittens so that their fingers could connect them all in warmth. Somehow, each person was in contact with the other three, by way of grasping fingers, splayed arms or tangled feet.

Sirius and Remus took contact further as they discovered all the ways in which they weren't touching and attempted to fix them. Cold lips met cold lips and slippery tongues warmed those lips to embrace the spreading warmth. Sirius nuzzled his nose into Remus' soft hair and –content that they were touching as much as they could - closed his eyes. Remus watched the icy lake reflect glitter in the light of the raising moon –a sliver of white wax, waning away from danger.

Maia let out a sigh of contentment as she snuggled into Emmeline's shoulder.

She smells so fucking good. Maia wasn't sure if she was speaking or thinking, but she knew that Emmeline could hear her either way. I want to taste the way you smell. She giggled into Emmeline's shoulder. You can't taste a smell... yet I feel like I can imagine the taste of roses based completely on smell. They taste like roses. And Emmeline does taste good. She smells good too. But not like roses... Because Emmeline isn't a flower.

"I almost forgot to ask," Remus said as he turned to look at the Hufflepuff girl. She knocked the cashed ashes out of her pipe. "What exactly did Maia say we were rebelling against?"

"I believe she's more of a rebel without a cause," Emmeline shrugged with the shoulder her girlfriend wasn't giggling into. "Say, Remus, we should hang out more often. You're a very nice person."

"Thanks," Remus smiled at the girl who he was coming to consider a friend. "You're nice too."

"Yes," Sirius mumbled, stroking Remus' nose gently. "We're all pretty nice."

"You're wrong," Maia giggled.

"We aren't nice?" Sirius pulled out of Remus' mane to stare at Maia. "Sad."

"No," Maia broke into a light fit of giggles once again. "No, I meant about the rebel thing. I have a cause. We all have a God-damned cause."

"Oh?" Emmeline ran her fingers through Maia's hair, so that she could look properly into the girl's eyes. "What is this god-damned cause? The ever looming battle between good and evil?"

"No..." Maia grinned. "Our cause is..."

But before Maia could finish the thought, she burst into laughter and buried her face into Emmeline's chest.

"Say," Remus changed the topic. "Do you think we're fulfilling the stereotype of queer teenagers?"

"Who cares?" Emmeline shook her head slowly. "I'm happy."

Remus felt those words reverberate through his mind: I'm happy. And he realised, he was happy. Life was scary and death was scarier, but happiness, that terrified him the very most. Yet, the terror wasn't all bad. And, somehow, this fear was good.

"What would you do if you knew you were going to die?" Remus asked his friends.

"We're all going to die," Maia giggle-mumbled. "That's okay though. I'd rather die than... live forever!"

"I'd do you, Moony," Sirius whispered. He bit Remus' earlobe and started trailing kisses down his neck. "Sound good?"

"That's beautiful," Emmeline smiled. Strangely enough, sarcasm had left her voice for a moment. She ran her hands across the soft body of the girl who lay, draped across her –her hands finding every curve beneath the layers of winter clothing. "I'd want to be with Maia –along with all my friends and family. But yeah, sex would be high on the list of things to do in excess before dying."

"Well..." Remus scooped up a handful of snow to lick while he spoke. "We might die. Earlier than expected."

"That's what I was saying!" Maia turned her head so that everyone was sure to understand her.

"We're rebels," she continued. "We're rebelling against the stupid idea that just because death is super likely, life is less likely. Death might happen, but I'm rebelling against the idea that we are dying. I'm not in a hospital bed! None of us are and... well... I'm happy... I mean, yeah I'm high right now, but I'm also happy. And I'm not going to let doomsday ruin this for me... and... You get what I'm saying. Or maybe you don't. But that's what we're rebels for –In the most adolescent way possible."

Emmeline, Remus, and Sirius looked at her. Stillness stretched across the frozen lake and the winter wind whipped across the icy surface to splash the reality of the cold onto their exposed skin.