Blaine and Kurt ended up in the backyard – alone. Blaine could feel his heartbeat get faster. He was no stranger to crushes – he's had them and others have had them on him. So, he's been the crusher and the crushee. He laughed silently to himself. He has never felt this way about anyone, including his ex, Jonathan.
It was chilly outside. The snow fell gently around them as they sat on a bench, facing a small flowerbed that was now empty. Blaine's left hand wouldn't quit moving as he tried to psych himself up to take Kurt's hand in his as nonchalantly as possible. This shouldn't be a big deal, Blaine berated himself, it's just holding hands.
What if Kurt pulled his hand away?
What if this blew up in his face and Kurt didn't want anything to do with him?
This was a terrible idea. Relationships didn't always work out. He could lose everything. Well, not everything, but he was certain it would seem that way. Careful not to move any further from Kurt, he slowly placed his hands, folded together, in his lap. "It's really pretty out here," he commented, watching big flakes of snow fall around them.
"Yes," Kurt agreed, "it is."
Blaine sighed in relief. A part of his was ecstatic that he was sitting there, freaking out, and Kurt hadn't even noticed. Another part of his was silently disappointed. Kurt hadn't noticed. Or had he? He might just be being a gentlemen and not mentioning it.
He was going to drive himself crazy.
"So," Blaine said, slowly.
"So," Kurt echoed, an amused smile playing on his lips.
"Enjoying the winter break?"
"Yes," he said, "it's been nice. You know, being home, seeing Dad and Carol, even Finn. And it's nice to spend time with Mercedes." Blaine nodded. "What about you?"
"Oh, well, same old, same old, I suppose," he commented, staring at his shoes.
"What are you doing for Christmas," Kurt asked him.
"Oh, well, I'll probably stay with Valerie and her family," he shrugged. "Someone said about going to Europe for New Year's." He shrugged again. "What about you?"
"It'll be our first Christmas together, so we're probably going to do the merger thing. They'll be a lot of trying not to step on each other's toes while trying to make sure all of the traditions are observed." Kurt sighed. "It'll be okay," he said confidently. "Why aren't you going to see your parents? You haven't really talked about your family."
It was true. Blaine did not talk about his family to most people. Truth be told, Blaine was jealous of Kurt's relationship with his father. Blaine's father had . . . that was not a thought for now.
"Maybe another time," Blaine suggested. "Valerie has been my best friend forever and we've seen each other through a lot. Through Hell and back, really. But the good things, too. So, it'll be fine. Good. It'll be great. Because it's Christmas and Valerie's little sister freaks out for Christmas." He was rambling. But Kurt was smiling so that should make it okay, right? Blaine found himself smiling back.
"Hey," David yelled from the door, "we have to get going. The snow is really coming down and Harper wants us to pick her up from her sleep over."
"I have to go," Blaine said, the regret welling up inside of him. He just wanted to stay out in the snow and be with Kurt. Just the two of them, talking, was making him happy – even if he was freaking out the whole time. They went inside, Wes and Valerie were getting bundled up again.
"You two go to the house," Valerie said to Wes and David, eyeing Blaine questioningly, "Blaine and I will pick Harper up and meet you back home." She kissed Wes quickly and deftly stepped out of David's way before he caught her in a bear hug. "Alright there, Blaine," she asked as Wes walked out the door.
"Fine, let's go," he assured her. He turned to Kurt. "Thank you for inviting us over," he told him, "say good bye for us?" Kurt nodded, a small smile on his lips. "I'll call you later. Merry Christmas!" He grabbed Valerie's arm and practically dragged her out of the house.
"Good night, Kurt," she yelled before being pushed into the passenger seat of Blaine's car. Kurt waved from the front door. "What is wrong with you," she asked, slapping his arm.
"Later," was all he said as he started the car and backed out of the driveway. They were quiet during the drive except for a time or two when Valerie had to give him directions.
"If you're going to continue to act strange you can just stay in the car," Valerie said, opening her door. Blaine opened the driver's door and jumped out, rushing to the front door and ringing the bell before Valerie was even down the walkway. She rolled her eyes as the door opened.
"Good evening, Mrs. Abrams. Harper called and said she wasn't feeling well," she said. "We've come to take her harm."
"Oh, hello, Valerie," Mrs. Abrams said, stepping back to allow them in. "The girls crashed from the sugar a little while ago. I think Harper had a nightmare."
"I'm sorry," she said.
Mrs. Abrams waved her off. "Harper, your sister and her boyfriend are here," she called.
"Wes!" Harper came running down the hall. "Oh, it's you. Mrs. Abrams, this is my sister's best friend, Blaine. Wes is her boyfriend. He knows this kickass form of martial arts!"
"Harper," Valerie scolded, hardly able to contain her laughter.
"Krav Maga," Blaine supplied helpfully.
"Blaine," Valerie sighed. "Do you have your stuff, Harper? Let's go, then. Wes and David are waiting."
"Wes," Harper celebrated again, grabbing her bag and her pillow, pushing Blaine out the door.
"Sorry again," Valerie apologized, "thanks for having her over."
"Anytime," Mrs. Abrams said, "Tori tells everyone who will listen that Harper is her best friend." Valerie smiled, said good night, and went out to the car. Blaine had Harper buckled up in the back seat.
"Did you have fun," Valerie asked. It set Harper off. She told them about the pizza and pop they had, the movie they watched, and the games they played. Blaine parked his car in the garage, using the remote on the visor to open the door.
"Your Aunt and Uncle aren't home," Blaine commented, grabbing Harper's bag from her.
"Uncle Brian got them a cruise for Christmas. They left right away. Now Uncle Brian is coming to spend Christmas with us," Harper told him, smiling widely.
"That's totally awesome," Blaine said, being over exuberant in his excitement. It made Harper more excited as well and the two of them started jump around and celebrating as they walked into the living room.
"What's with the two of them," Wes asked as Harper jumped onto Blaine's back for a piggyback ride around the room.
"Aunt Tiffany and Uncle James won't be home for the holidays. Blaine just found out."
Wes and David laughed.
"Wes," Harper yelled, jumping into the older boy's lap.
"What am I? Chopped liver," David asked, mock offended.
"Eww," Harper said.
"Go get ready for bed, Harper," Valerie said as the phone rang, "Wes and David will read you a story." The little girl screamed her excitement. Valerie rolled her eyes as Blaine settled down onto the couch beside her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he told her, staring at the Christmas tree in the corner, brightly lit and covered in decorations.
"I call bullshit," she said, gently, letting him know that she wasn't letting him off the hook. "You've been quiet recently." He shrugged. "I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong."
"Maybe I don't need help," Blaine said, crossing his arms. She sighed in response.
"I'm going to my room. I have some things to work on before my conference call tomorrow."
"Tomorrow's Christmas Eve," Blaine protested.
She shrugged. "Work doesn't stop just because it's the holidays. We'll have the morning with Wes and David before they leave. Uncle Brian should be coming over after that. Good night, Blaine."
"Night," he said as she left the room. "Where's my good night kiss?" He heard her laughing. Shaking his head he moved over to the piano. His fingers danced easily over the keys, the music soothing him. He was confused about where he stood with Kurt. He didn't know what was going to happen next. It irked him. His life was perfect, although Kurt seemed to be under the impression that it is. That was probably his fault; he wasn't exactly forthcoming with a lot of facts about his life. He didn't want Kurt to look at him differently.
"Uh oh," a voice from the doorway said.
Blaine looked up to find David standing there. "Hey."
"What's wrong," he asked, crossing the room and sitting on the bench beside him. Blaine shrugged his shoulders as he continued to play, not missing a note. "You only play this when you're upset, dude."
"It's just the time of year," he shrugged again, "same as last."
David sighed. "Look, man, I get it, but you can't let that keep you down forever. Yeah, it sucked, majorly, but you can't let it shadow over your life. You'll see, man." David clapped his hand down on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Everyone's getting up to make breakfast together, don't sleep in." He nodded, letting David leave without another word.
He didn't want to bring anyone down, but Christmas had never been his favorite time of year. The last few years have been better, being with Valerie, her family, and Dalton, instead of where they were . . . but he just couldn't help feeling angsty. There was no other word for it. He was just filling to the brim with angst. It had ebbed when he was on stage, when he was at dinner with his friends, when he was with Kurt. But it was getting late, meaning he'd be by himself for hours, leaving time for his mind to wander. What if? Woulda? Coulda? Shoulda? He would drive himself head first into a bad place.
Maybe he would stay in the living room and play the piano all night.
"Come on, Blaine," Wes said, standing in the doorway. "Change into your pajamas and let's go." Wes left, not waiting for him. Blaine went to his room, changed into his pajamas, and went looking for Wes. There was no arguing with Wes when he used that tone. Blaine would have to accept it and just go with it. "In here," Wes called.
Blaine opened the door to Valerie's room. She sat in the middle of the bed, phone to her ear and papers scattered around her. "She's not going to be able to pull it off. There's too much . . . twang in her voice. This song is supposed to be more clear, more innocent, and she's got a reputation. No one will take it seriously. I don't have to let her sing it. No, I don't want to let her record it just to see. I said no. Listen, it's Christmas time. Let me enjoy my holiday and I'll talk to you later." She hung the phone up and fell back into the pillows. Wes grabbed the phone, turned it off and stuffed it into the nightstand drawer. David grabbed the papers, stacked them together, and tossed them on the table Valerie used as a desk.
"I locked the doors," David said.
"I tucked Harper in," Wes commented, climbing into bed beside Valerie. "C'mon, Anderson," Wes called, flipping the covers back on the other side of his girlfriend. Blaine climbed into the bed, relieved to see Valerie smiling at him.
""David," Valerie called. He jumped onto the bed in response and then stuffed himself at the end of the bed on the other side of Wes. "Sometimes I'm not sure who is dating who out of the three of us," she said, snuggling into the pillows.
"You love it," Wes teased.
"It's not just the three of us," David reminded them, "it's four. Can't forget Blaine."
"And soon it will be five," Wes told them.
"I'm going to need a bigger bed," Valerie giggled. Blaine snuggled closer to his best friend and was asleep in less then a minute.
"He's got to quit doing this to himself," Wes commented.
Valerie sighed. "It'll only get worse, for the both of us. Feel lucky you'll be with your families."
"At least your Uncle Brian will be around," David said, sounding sleepy. "He's good at dealing with you two when you're in dark moods."
"I hear that."
Wes and David did this odd fist bump thing.
"Just turn out the light," Valerie said.
They fell asleep.