Hawaiian Counter-Punch
By Asher Tye
Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama, be it Island, Action, or World Tour. This story is being done purely for fun, not profit. If someone says I'm selling this for money, they're a dirty, rotten, no good, liar. If you give someone money for this… Well you're rather foolish aren't you since I'm putting it here for free, huh?
Author's Note: And here is chapter two of this story. I can't believe how many reviews I got so quickly. I gotta say I'm thrilled with the response this story has gotten, I was actually afraid it would be viewed as a bit of sell-out. You know, "whining" just because your favorite character didn't win. I'm quite glad it's not being viewed as such.
Okay, so as you probably all remember, it was in the second act of the episode that the song was played. While I am not usually willing to try to write songs (I really don't have any musical skill), I did decide that, in the spirit of the show, I should at least make the attempt. I'll apologize right now if it seems a bit corny and disjointed. The song actually started out as just a rehashing to the tune of "I'm Gonna Make It" (my favorite song in the season), but as I wrote it kinda spiraled out to another melody.
Heather was off by herself, sitting on a felled log with her head in her hands. Much as she hated to admit it, Chris had been right. If the members of Team Cody really decided to simply stop her from advancing up the volcano, there would be nothing she could do to win, especially without a team of her own.
'This is so unfair,' she thought to herself. 'After all my hard work, I'm gonna lose to that… that noodle boy just because none of those jerks can separate the game from life.'
"Pardon me, Senorita, but you seem to be a lady in most dire distress," an oily voice said from behind the Chinese-Canadian. She turned to find Alejandro, dressed once more in his normal clothes, leaning against a palm tree, his arms crossed over his muscular chest and a confident smile on his face.
"What do you want Ale-Jerk-dro?" she asked huffily, not in the mood for the Latin heartthrob's mind games. "Come to rub salt in my wounds?" At this Alejandro put on an offended look.
"Perish the thought," he said in a hurt voice, "I am merely making an observation. Just like when I say that I might have a solution to your very obvious problem." This got Heather's attention and she turned around to look directly at her former rival.
"You do?" she asked skeptically. Trusting Alejandro was often a prelude to elimination, but for the life of her she couldn't see a reason he'd want to see her eliminated now.
"Why yes. The solution lies in Team Alejandro, our former competitors who had the good taste to support me." At this Heather let out an exasperated sigh.
"Oh yes, those guys," she said, rolling her eyes. "Yes, I'm just so sure they'll be oh so willing to help me out."
"You give yourself far too much credit for being unpopular," Alejandro pointed out. "While it is true Lindsay may still hold a grudge against you, assuming she remembers it anymore, Tyler trusts me and she trusts him. You never actually did anything to Katie or Sadie; both got eliminated before the Bass merged with the Gophers. And as to Courtney… well, I think her enemies list is topped by someone else these days."
"And you think that would be enough to sway them to my side?"
"Well, I know they didn't choose Cody, for whatever their reasons, which means they're not letting him being a goodie-two-shoes sway their opinion."
"That's still only five…"
"Six if you count me, and I think you do," he said, approaching her. "And that is better than going it alone. Or rather going it with Blainely, which could be worse than alone." Again suspicion reared its head in Heather's mind.
"And you would be willing to do all this because...?"
"Let us call it an investment," the tanned teen said as he grabbed Heather's shoulders, favoring her with a seductive gaze that lulled her defenses. "I will deliver the others to help you, as well as myself, and, when you win the game, we split the money, fifty-fifty." Whatever spell of love the Latin lothario had been trying to cast with his eyes, the mention of splitting the prize money like that broke it as easily as shattered glass.
"You cannot be serious," Heather laughed, pushing away from the evil ex-finalist. "You actually expect me to just hand over five hundred thousand dollars to you after everything I've been through."
"I would think half a million is better than nothing plus the humiliation of losing to that scrawny babyface on international television," he pointed out, his eyes narrowing. "I don't believe your own popularity could take such a hit." Heather's own eyes narrowed. Alejandro certainly had a point.
"Cody's not the only one who can get lucky you know," the Queen Bee bit back. "Still, luck IS unreliable. Half the million is out of the question, but I could see myself giving away a hundred thousand. That would put you at the same level as all the veterans." Again Alejandro looked offended.
"Alejandro Burromuerto is at the same level as no one! Three hundred thousand, all the better to soothe my soul after your vicious betrayal back in Drumheller."
"I told you before, 'Mr. Fair,' guilt trips don't work on me. But I want to win, so I'd be willing to go as high as two hundred thousand, a full one fifth of the mil."
"Allow me to make my final offer then, Senorita. The two hundred thousand and," at this the hunky boy once more grabbed Heather, this time wrapping one of his arms around her waist as he dipped her backward, the sexy smile returning to his face, "you allow me to escort you to a party my father will be hosting at the Spanish embassy next month." Heather's eyes widened in shock at the suddenness of this statement. Sure she'd been asked out before, but never quite like this.
"Uh, sure," she answered, caught off guard by the request. Having received the desired response, Alejandro pulled her back up, releasing her from his grip.
"Excellent, than we have come to an understanding. Now I do believe we should head back. I've no doubt Chris will be anxious to start the finals."
Confession Cam – Heather
"Well, that was surprising. I mean, I know Alejandro has been carrying a torch for me, quite honestly who wouldn't, but I didn't think he'd give up a hundred grand just to get me for a date." A demure smile crossed Heather's face before she suddenly remembered the camera. "Not that I'm impressed with all that mushy stuff. I merely require a team so I don't get stampeded in the finals." The raven-haired girl then gave a thoughtful look. "Of course, that's not to say Alejandro isn't a worthwhile addition to the prize money. Tall, tanned, handsome, and almost as intelligent as me. I could definitely see him being marginally worth my attention."
Confession Cam – Alehandro
"Two hundred thousand dollars and a hot girl who isn't some vapid, lovestruck airhead," the Spanish teen said, counting on his fingers. "All right, so it isn't the first prize million, but I'm not going to turn my nose up. Heather has proven to be a most... intriguing person, quite possibly a low-end match for my own impressive self." He smiled at the camera, showing off his impressive features. "And if she does manage to take home the grand-prize, I fail to see how that could damage her appeal."
Meanwhile Cody was also off by himself, rocking back and forth on the ground, his knees held up to his chest. This was not his typical panicked rocking, however, but a sincere attempt to psyche himself up. His teal eyes were locked on Mount Killawaya in the distance, focusing on the volcano he would soon have to climb as he steeled his resolve. It seemed to be working, he didn't feel the sense of dread he would have thought someone facing a volcano would.
"I'm gonna make it, you can't stop me now, just you try," he quietly sang to himself as he continued to rock back and forth. His mind began to rewind its way through everything he'd been through on the quest for the million. Being hit, banged up, squished, blown up, struck in the groin on numerous occasions, attacked by vicious animals, and a vicious Courtney, the maulings, the beatings, the insults. That was something of a mistake, as his eyes suddenly got wider and a sick feeling appeared in his stomach.
'Stop that Cody, you're here to psyche yourself up, not psyche yourself out,' berated a voice in his head.
"I don't want to do this," the tech-geek whispered. "Historically I've had a lot of bad luck with these dangerous stunts, and the last thing I want is to be sent home in an urn."
'Good gravy, what the heck happened to you?' the voice asked. 'Where did all the self-confidence from season one go? What happened to the Code-Meister, the Coolest Dude in the Burbs?'
"He got mauled by a bear and lost the girl of his dreams, remember," Cody answered.
'So you just give up? Lay down and let Heather take the million?'
"Heather's not so bad. She's not nearly as mean as she was on the island."
'Not the point! You wanna be taken seriously; you gotta do more than look cute and be a poser.' At this, Cody got a little angry.
"I am not a poser," he responded. "I'm just not all that eager to wind up in a body cast again. Especially with third degree burns all over my body."
'I bet Sierra wasn't too keen on being in a wheelchair, but that hasn't stopped her from giving her all. And Gwen didn't look overly eager to risk an allergy attack back in Australia, but you'll notice she did it. And here you are, in the finals, with a chance to win it all, and all you seem able to do is think about all the things that can go wrong.'
"You must admit they're valid worries."
'And Heather's probably thought about them too. But you know what? She'll most likely be right at that starting line and I just pity the volcano if it tries to stop her.' As Cody mulled this over, he started to feel a little silly. He was having a conversation with himself to convince himself to run up an active volcano for money. If that didn't qualify as self-destructive behavior, he didn't know what did.
"Cody?" a sudden voice asked beside him, startling the boy into falling over on his side. Sierra looked down from her wheelchair, a touch of concern on her face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."
"No problem," Cody responded, bounding up to his feet as though nothing had happened. "Did you want something?" he asked, trying to change the subject quickly.
"I just wanted to say how proud I was of you for beating Alejandro. Chris let me use one of the show's computers to check my fansites. You should see how many posts there are congratulating you. I bet a few servers are gonna shut down because of it."
"Uh thanks," the gap-toothed geek said, unsure of how really welcome such news was. The last thing he needed was more pressure.
'I don't know pressure seems to bring out the best in you,' the voice said again. 'Look how it helped you perform against Alejandro.' Again a determined look came to Cody's face. By Golly the crazy voice in his head was right! Now was not the time to turn into a quivering jellyfish, no matter what he was about to face.
"Win or lose, I've gotta give it my all," he declared, getting a round of applause from Sierra, who had no idea of the conversation her teen idol had been having in his head but wanting to be supportive nonetheless. Satisfied that he was sufficiently ready for what lie ahead, Cody grabbed hold of the handles of Sierra's wheelchair and began to push the bald girl forward. "Let's go back. The Total Drama crew is not gonna know what hit them."
Confession Cam – Cody
"Am I scared? Yes. Am I gonna let that stop me? Heck no!" Cody declared with great gusto. "I've been through too much to let this chance slip through my fingers. Heather may think having me for an opponent is a guaranteed victory, but so did Alejandro. I'm the Code-Man, the Code-Meister, the Codinator. So just sit back and watch me go." Cody leaned back, putting his arms behind his head as he gazed coyly at the camera. "And remember ladies, this soon-to-be millionaire is still single." Suddenly the brunette began to flail his arms as he lost his balance, falling backward with a hard thump.
Back at the beach Chris stood before the assembled cast with a bored look on his face, much to the worry of the two interns standing beside him. As anyone who knew Chris McLean could attest, a bored Chris was a dangerous Chris, because that was when he tended to think of way to alleviate that boredom, ways that often resulted in lengthy hospital stays for his interns. Nearby Heather also looked bored. Bored and angry if the glares she was casting about the beach were any indication.
"If Cody's chickened out, does that mean I win by default?" she finally asked the host, who was giving the interns an unsettling look. This succeeded in getting the middle-aged celebrity's attention, and allowing the two interns to beat a hasty retreat from the scene.
"No," Chris replied in an annoyed voice. "Seriously, what is it with you rotten kids and trying to end this show with a snoozefest? It's like you don't even care how that would affect my ratings! So selfish." Putting two fingers to his lips the stubbly heartthrob gave a sharp whistle. Grumbling loudly, Chef Hatchet walked up to his supposed boss.
"What did I tell you about callin' me like a dog?" the burly co-host growled as he glared angrily. In what could only be seen as a near fatal lack of the self preservation instinct, the narcissistic star ignored this warning.
"I don't care! I've got a show to do and half my finalists are missing," Chris whined. "Go find Cody and drag him back here, kicking and screaming if you have to." A hand suddenly gripped a stubble covered chin in thought. "In fact kicking and screaming might actually be a plus for ratings."
"That won't be necessary," a high pitched voice declared, causing everyone's heads to turn in the voice's direction. Cody and Sierra had returned. With a smile on her face, the injured uber-fan grabbed the wheels of her chair and propelled herself forward, freeing up her crush to do something he hadn't done in what seemed like a lifetime; strut his stuff.
With a long, slow stride and his arms swinging back and forth purposefully, the scrawny geek made his way towards the cameras, passing the bleachers with a seeming disregard for those who were supporting him. Stopping just in front of the rest of the teens, he quickly turned around, giving them all a wink as he made a clicking sound with his mouth, pointing his fingers like guns. With a loud sigh, Sierra swooned in her chair while the rest of Team Cody adopted amused expressions.
Confession Cam – Leshawna
"Mmm-hmm. So it looks like Shorty got his groove back," the extra-large sister said, her hands on her hips as an eyebrow rose. Then she smiled approvingly. "I gotta admit I did kinda miss that ol' swagger he had back on the island. I don't think he was that hopped up when he was with the Drama Brothers. If Heather thought this game was done, she's gonna be in for a surprise."
As she watched Cody make his entrance, Heather couldn't help but glare at the scrawny boy. Though she didn't really have anything against him, or at least anything beyond the normal animosity she held for anyone standing between her and a million dollars, the Queen Bee couldn't help but dislike the change in her opponent's demeanor. Confidence was never something you wanted to see in an opponent. Quickly she gave a purposeful glance towards Alejandro. Much as she hated to admit it, she would have to rely even more on the mastermind's promise of help.
Now that he had all of his competitors in place, Chris's good mood returned and he began to smile again.
"Glad to see that we're all here."
"Here, ripped, ready to go," Cody confidently responded. "Just show me where the starting line is and enjoy the view. This cat is ready to play." With that, the tech-head dropped to all fours, pantomiming a sprinter getting ready to race. Subtly he arched his back, more than likely attempting to give the impression of some wildcat ready to pounce. Sadly the geeky teen's scrawny body more resembled a kitten. Chuckling, Chris reached down and grabbed Cat-Cody by the collar of his shirt, yanking him back up to his feet with a small yip.
"Woah there Romeo, we've still got one more challenge to attend to first," the host explained.
"What?" Heather asked, startled by this news. "But you said…"
"I said the race up the volcano was the final challenge, not that we didn't have one more to do before that. Really, the tiebreaker was completely unexpected."
"Oh for the love of… Haven't you gotten enough camera time, you has-been?" a disgruntled Gwen asked, trying to block the bright sun with her hand.
"No such thing, Gwendolyn," Chris answered, causing the Goth to quiver. Then the host put on a pair of fake glasses, his favorite prop when he wanted to look like an intellectual. "Now then, time for a history lesson." From out of nowhere he pulled a gigantic book, one that looked suspiciously like the same one he'd read "The History of Canada" from during the season one Awake-A-Thon. "Believe it or not, Hawaii was not always the vacation hotspot it is today. Back in the day, before planes made it easy as one-two-three to come here, it was mainly a place for Hawaiian natives to hang their hats. Wasn't much to do here, but there were still volcanoes, which would constantly try to erupt and make this whole place look like Pompeii. You guys still with me?" he asked, looking to his captive audience. Most of the cast-mates were leaning against each other, drowsy eyed or actually sleeping as the host talked. "HEY! Eyes on me people! Anyway, as you can imagine, old-time Hawaiians didn't much like this, and they believed that by tossing someone into the volcano, they could prevent it from blowing its top. Wicked, right? Of course our lawyers won't let me toss one of you into an active volcano; way too much paperwork." A somewhat stressed Heather and Cody slapped each other a low five in relief. Neither one had liked where this little story had been going, and hearing Chris's plans had been thwarted was probably the best news they'd had all day. "So, that being said, I've come up with a good substitute." Chef suddenly tossed down two round mats, one red, one blue. "You're going to build your own sacrifices, modeled off of each other, from the natural resources of the island." At this Heather bent down and picked up a twig.
"There, do I win?"
"Oh that's droll, honey, you're a laaaaaugh riot," Noah said in his steady deadpan voice, clearly not amused.
"Shush! It's MY time with the camera now," Chris commanded. "As I was saying, you're both going to make substitute sacrifices of each other. Life-sized ones. But it wouldn't be very entertaining just filming you two playing with driftwood and pineapples, so we're tossing in a twist." Chef grabbed both the geek and the Queen Bee in an arm each and deposited them on the mats, Cody on blue, Heather on red. "You can't leave these mats here." At that point the host stopped talking and only smiled, creating a long silence. Finally it was Heather who decided to comply with his silent request.
"Okay, I'll bite. How are we supposed get the materials?"
"I'm glad you asked that Heather. You're each going to pick two helpers from the peanut gallery to be your go-fers."
"Ha, just try to find someone willing to help your skinny butt," Leshawna called.
"Ahem," Alejandro called as he cleared his voice for attention. "If I may, I'd like to take this moment announce that I am officially placing my support behind Heather to win this game." As the Spanish contestant said this he lifted a pennant with Heather's smiling face on it. "I would also like to urge the former contestants who comprised Team Alejandro to join me on the newly re-christened Team Heather." The former campers were all quite surprised as Lindsay, Tyler, Katie, Sadie, and Courtney each held up a flag just like the Latin teen's.
"What?" Gwen asked incredulously. "How can you all support Heather? You know she's a snake!" While four of the five looked just a little uneasy with what was quickly becoming an apparent unpopular choice, Courtney was not about to be cowed.
"She may be a snake, but at least she's honest about it," the tanned girl bit back. "Besides, if you and that… delinquent are going be supporting skinny over there, that's all the reason we need to back Heather." Alejandro snickered before casting a knowing smirk to the raven-haired finalist.
"Great, so we have actual teams to pick from," Chris happily exclaimed, clearly pleased with this turn of events. "Cody, Heather, pick two people each to help you. Just remember to pick wisely."
"That's easy," Heather confidently declared. "I pick Alejandro." Bowing gallantly, the Spaniard walked over to the girl. Quietly she whispered to him, "Time to prove yourself."
"As you wish Senorita. Allow me to begin so by offering you a bit of advice." Alejandro was suddenly whispering into Heather's ear, causing her eyes to narrow in distrust.
"You can't be serious."
"Considering your choices, I think it's your best option for this challenge," he pointed out. With an exasperated breath, Heather complied.
"Fine, I also choose Courtney." Turning up her nose at the other members of the Peanut Gallery, the C.I.T. walked over to stand beside her new team. Satisfied, Chris turned to Cody, waiting for him to make his decision.
And it was a complicated decision to make. His first instinct was to choose Sierra, who had been of incalculable assistance in his journey to the million. And he was quite sure the wheelchair would be no impediment to HER helping him. But to ask her to put her health on the line again would make him no better than someone like Alejandro who manipulated other's feelings for his own gain. Gwen would also be a good choice, he had no doubt she'd do her best to help him, but Cody wasn't about to give Courtney a chance to hurt the Goth if he could help it. Just like he couldn't risk Leshawna getting side-tracked trying to thrash Heather. Owen was pretty good at throwing Alejandro off his game, but he wasn't exactly the most reliable when it came to staying on his own. Noah would be helpful in actually planning out what he wanted to do, but not so much in collecting what he needed to win.
Then Cody spotted Harold. The ultra-geek always claimed he was in possession of "mad skills," and while they were usually hit or miss, the tech-head decided that building a replica of another human being out of beach debris and fruit was weird enough to be something Harold would be good at.
"Harold, think you can give me a hand over here?" he asked. Like a rocket the glasses wearing teen was on his feet.
"My mad skills are completely at your disposal, dude," Harold declared as he ran to his friend. Again teal eyes scanned his friends, searching for someone who would compliment his team. Duncan was a no-go, Eva quite frankly scared him, and Izzy was… missing, which was a worrisome situation in and of itself. Geoff and Bridgette weren't available. That left only Justin and Trent. And Justin wasn't exactly the most hard-working guy Cody knew.
"I'll take Trent as well." At the sound of his name, the musician rose and took a bow before moving over to the mat.
"I'm behind you bro," he said, giving Cody a high-five, and accidentally hurting the brunette's hand.
"Ah, sweet," Heather commented. "Two geeks and a nutjob."
"Better than two snakes and a Courtney," Harold bit back.
"I think we better get the contest started before this breaks down into a fist-fight," Chris observed. "Oh yeah, and since it just wouldn't be a grand finale without a big musical number…" A familiar chime sounded, causing the competing teens to all groan.
Heather: This show will soon be done at last, the final challenge is coming fast. The million's finally in my sight, so Cody you should just take flight.
Cody: You say you've changed, that may be true; still I am not gonna lose to you. You think that money is as good as free, but the win today will belong to ME!
Heather and Cody: I'm gonna win. (It won't be you.) You might as well start crying now. (boo-hoo.) Listen now to the words that I rhyme, this is the season that will beee MINE.
Heather: (to Alejandro and Courtney) I need a body that's skinny and bare, with noodle-like arms and ugly hair. Tiny feet like a little girl, with a weirdo smile that makes me want to hurl.
Cody: (to Trent and Harold) Her skin should be all gnarled and rough, with mannish thighs that are suspiciously buff. Use an old pineapple for her head, don't worry 'bout the leaves, I want it bald instead.
Heather and Cody: I'm gonna win. (It won't be you.) You might as well start crying now. (boo-hoo.) Listen now to the words that I rhyme, this is the season that will beee MINE.
Alejandro: (lifting sticks for inspection) Gangly legs? A grasping hand? Should we fill his undies up with sand? (laughs)
Heather: Yes.
Trent: (glaring at Alejandro) A tiny heart? A twisted smile? But what doll could copy her villainous style?
Harold: (in his show clothes) Yo, it's a battle now as old as time. Wicked and Nasty versus Good and Kind. The million bucks is up for grabs, all Cody needs to do is beat that ugly hag.
Heather: HEY!
Heather and Cody: I'm gonna win. (It won't be you.) You might as well just crying now. (boo-hoo.) Listen now to the words that I rhyme, this is the season that will beee MINE.
Courtney: (Stopping in her task and gazing at the sky) I've been betrayed by love and friend, all I want is this tale to end. If Duncan and Gwen want Cody to win, not choosing Heather would be a sin.
Heather: I feel the pain in your broken heart, but get back to work or your lip I'll part!
Cody: We have to win, so come on guys. Move so fast your feet can fly.
Heather and Cody: I'm gonna win. (It won't be you.) You might as well just crying now. (boo-hoo.) Listen well to the words that I rhyme, this is the season that will beee MINE. You're gonna see, when this show is done, you'll be all alone…
Heather: …Because. I. Just. WON!
Commercial Break