Disclaimer: Ayyy-YUHtuhTUHtuhTUHtuh-tuhTAAHtuhTAAAH, I don't real-ly OWN THIS SHIIIiiiiIIIT! TAH!

Yeah, I know. Lame. Whatever. And now for something completely different…

Chapter 5: Shiek Yerbouti and the Vanilla Fudge Mudshark

The core of Motoko Aoyama's Shinmei-ryu training centered on the detection, identification, and eradication of evil in every form. She was, in fact, quite good at detection and eradication, and often trained the hardest in these particular aspects.

It was in identification that she had the most trouble of all.

Such was the difficulty that evening. When Kitsune had returned late that afternoon, her story had seemed true enough to Motoko; of course, she could be a master at deception when she wished, but by her body language at least the bulk majority of what she had told had been the truth. The fact that Keitaro's story had matched hers well enough to confirm it, of course, lent greater credibility: the kanrinin was by far the poorest liar Motoko had ever met. Though she doubted he was telling them everything that had happened, he'd given no real sign of deception in what he had told.

Still, in spite of a lack of evidence, something did not seem to fit right.

After rain had washed out her trip to the inn's hot springs, Motoko had returned to her room. On the way back, she'd paused to take notice of their activities, and found nothing incredibly out of the ordinary. Kitsune was in her own room, nursing a drink; Keitaro had apparently turned in early for the night.

The only odd thing, to her mind, was that it was unusually early in the evening for the kanrinin to be turning in. She considered it carefully a moment, mentally reviewing the way he'd appeared that afternoon. Aside from the specifics of the situation, Motoko had noted a few things that had seemed unusual to her at the time. Though he was certainly acting as he normally might in such a situation, it seemed he was doing just that: acting like he normally would, as though a part of him wasn't quite up to being himself. To be sure, he wasn't (as far as she could tell) up to his usual random and perverse acts, or trying to cover up or explain them as usual; yet somehow it seemed as though he wasn't trying to get away with something so much as trying to end the conversation quickly.

She wondered what the rush might have been. Had he been concealing something after all? Or was something else wrong altogether? She looked at his doorway again. The lights were out, though she could hear him inside. Was he trying to rest? Perhaps that was it. If he'd been tired, his behavior would make a little more sense. Somewhat more satisfied by this thought, Motoko finally left the second floor entirely and continued to her own room.

As thunder rumbled outside minutes later, however, an unusual sense of distant foreboding crossed Motoko's mind. Whatever had happened today, something wasn't quite right, and though it didn't seem to be the kanrinin himself it somehow was related to him. There was some distant, approaching evil hovering on the edge of her senses she couldn't identify, like a cloud hidden among clouds that was slowly awakening into a coming storm. Now that she was fairly certain it wasn't the kanrinin himself that was the source of it, she could only wonder why she still felt it had something to do with today, and with him.

At the very least, Motoko reasoned as she prepared herself for a night's rest, the kanrinin hadn't tried anything perverted tonight. For that, she would have to let the matter rest. For now.

Late that night, Keitaro sat by himself, thinking.

Hours earlier, Kitsune had (very reluctantly) left for her own room; neither of them had wanted to start a confrontation with the other residents over their proximity to one another tonight, and they'd been fortunate to have the weather give them some forewarning. When it had begun to rain, Kitsune had known they were out of time, since both Naru and Motoko had gone to the hot springs. Since the area was essentially outdoors, both were likely to have ended their baths the moment the rain had begun. They'd separated only just in time even then, as a minute after she'd gone back to her own room and he'd turned out his lights to go to sleep, he'd heard both Naru and Motoko moving up toward their rooms on the third floor. At least one of them had paused along the way, but hadn't stayed long.

Still, even interrupted like that they'd enjoyed a fair amount of time together in peace, about half an hour or so. Most of it had been spent in close contact, holding and kissing one another while they still had the opportunity.

His thoughts turned back to the events of the day, and to the hellish wreck that had once been a public transportation vehicle. In the back of his mind, he knew he'd been on it before many times, and buses just like it. The thought of something that had been a part of the daily lives of so many people almost becoming their tomb disturbed him greatly. He'd seen them on board; the driver and passengers, suddenly and violently in a situation beyond their own control. They were injured and disoriented as the machine was struck and toppled over; they were blind and panicking as smoke filled the interior, their only way out crumpled and mangled shut. Keitaro hadn't pulled a stunt like what he'd had to pull with that door in years, but he certainly knew how. Because he did, and because he'd faced it all to the very end, he knew those people would be with their families tonight, alive and well. That fact alone was worth the pain, the exhaustion, and the risk.

It was late, and he was tired. His body ached to sleep, to wear away at the strain it had undergone. It was nearly midnight now. He slowly forced his mind to quiet itself down; there would be no rest for the weary if he kept thinking so much. Outside, the rain got even heavier, and the thunder louder.

Somehow, he finally managed to lapse into a fitful night's rest.

The downpour lasted the rest of the night and the majority of the next day unabated.

Haruka Urashima scowled at the foul weather from under her umbrella and raingear, a cigarette barely staying lit between her lips as she walked away from the building that for years had served as both residence and livelihood, the Hinata Tea House. She was at odds with the weather this morning; more accurately, one could say she had half a mind to strangle the rain clouds with her bare hands at the moment. The elements had taken their best shot at her early in the morning, when errant lightning had knocked out the Tea House's power and phone lines. This was problematic, of course, for running a proper business, let alone for making breakfast. Unfortunately, getting the problem fixed meant calling the utility companies, and the nearest working phone (she hoped) was a walk through the pouring rain away at the neighboring Hinata-Sou. Her irritation was compounded by the fact that the wind had also decided to get in on the act, and random gusts kept driving the rain sideways past her face.

Being at odds with Haruka was never a good idea to begin with. Messing with Haruka's morning dose of nicotine was much worse by far, and the clouds were quite lucky not to have necks. If they did, they'd be broken at this point.

In spite of all this, Haruka remained quite calm.

She entered the former inn with her own set of keys; she was, after all, related to the owner (present and former), and was in effect the "house mother" of the place, a position that made her both advisor and, oftentimes, disciplinarian to both the current landlord and his tenants. It was still relatively early, she knew, but by now Keitaro and at least most of his tenants would be awake.

To her surprise, so was the one she hadn't expected to be.

"Morning, Haruka! Lovely weather we're having, huh?" Mitsune greeted her with an almost cheeky smirk, looking at the now damp and barely lit tube hanging from the older woman's lips in amusement.

"Bite me, and good morning to yourself, Mitsune" she grumbled back as she removed her wet gear. "Is the phone here still working? I lost mine with my power last night to this upper atmospheric pain in the ass we're having."

"Uhh, far as I know, it is. I don't think anyone's made any social calls yet this time of the morning, though, so I don't think anyone's tested it yet. Go ahead and try if you like," the younger woman replied casually.

"Thanks. Let Keitaro know I'm here if you see him." Haruka decided to give up on her ruined smoke and lit another one instead. "I hate rainstorms," she muttered to herself in the process.

As she went to leave the room, Mitsune suddenly stopped her, speaking up again. "Uhh, Haruka…would you mind terribly if I talked to you about something? After you're done racking the utilities over the coals, of course."

Haruka glanced back at her with some caution; usually, when Kitsune had something to discuss with Haruka, she was either up to something, or worried about some problem she couldn't readily deal with on her own. Either way, it wasn't usually good news. Still, Haruka wasn't one to ward the Fox off without finding out which of the two it was first. "Sure, no problem. Just give me a minute."

"Thanks," Mitsune said in a surprisingly genuine tone.

Haruka sighed to herself as made her way to the nearest phone. Usually, they came to her at the Tea House on their own when they had problems; more often than not, they seemed to revolve around Keitaro more than anything. Though she was well aware of what he could physically do if he so chose, the reason he never chose to do it to or in front of them eluded her.

In his place, she'd have kicked their asses halfway to Kyoto and back for the things they put him through daily a long time ago. Patience, it seemed, was more his virtue than hers.

Ten minutes later, she hung up the phone in mild exasperation. There had, apparently, been quite a few outages due to the weather all over the place. Though Haruka held quite a lot of sway with more than one local official (either by personal connection or by a degree of intimidating reputation), the best time she'd managed to get for anyone to come out and fix her lines was still late that night or early the next day. Granted, it was better than three, but it still left a lot to be desired.

Deciding the day was basically blown as far as opening shop for business, Haruka settled herself in the dry shelter of the commons room rather than face the rain and a lightless home front again. For a moment, she considered her options. If the repairmen didn't get her by tonight, she'd likely have to spend a night here, taking one of the spare rooms. She'd need Keitaro's permission, of course, though she doubted he'd refuse at any rate. Knowing him, he'd more than likely let her stay a week and haul her bags up himself through the rain if she let him.

One of these days, she knew, his almost irrepressible noble impulse would bring more hell down on his head than he ever bargained for. Ironically, it was his very unwillingness to publicly show off what he could do that kept it from finding him thus far. It wouldn't last forever, but for now it made his life both a lot simpler and a lot more of a headache at the same time.

But that wasn't up to her, of course. She just had to be ready when it happened.

A few moments later, a slow shuffling announced the presence of the kanrinin himself. Carrying a mop and bucket, he was somewhat surprised to find her there as he entered the common room and stopped to greet her.

"Oh, hey Aunt Haruka—" WHACK! "OW!"

"It's Haruka-san, for the umpteenth time! Don't call me 'aunt'," she scolded him, putting the fan she'd used on the back of his head away in her clothing again. Somehow, she never missed, even on a backward blind swing, as she had just proven. He'd been calling her "aunt" since he was a toddler; truth be told, they were biological first cousins, though she was the older of the two by a number of years. In spite of this, she had been adopted by their grandmother, and thus (technically speaking) was both. Much as she acted the part of an aunt, even a second mother, she still hated how old it made her sound.

"Sorry," he said, rubbing the back of his head and yawning. "I heard you were having trouble with your phone from Kitsune. Anything I can help you with? I might be able to help fix it…"

"Don't worry about it, Keitaro. As far as I know, it's the main lines that got hit, and that makes it the utilities' problem, and they'll take care of it by tomorrow. Besides which, I don't want you getting yourself electrocuted," Haruka replied politely.

"Oh…alright. Well, you're welcome to stay here if you'd like in the meantime; I know you don't care much for this kind of weather."

Haruka turned to look at him as she spoke, not noticing his condition until she saw him. "I know, Kei. Well, how have you been…oh, hell, Kei, you look terrible! What happened?" She got a good look at him. The circles under his eyes were even deeper than usual, and she could see his entire form sagging. He seemed thinner and even more careworn around his face than ever, as though he'd been doing far too much on far too little rest. She'd seen him like this before a few times, and had been forced to intervene on his behalf in some way each time. Now, though, he looked even worse.

"I'm okay, Haruka, just a bit tired really. I've…been a little busy lately," he replied in a slightly distracted tone, as though there was a lot more on his mind than he cared to divulge. "Still am, I'm afraid. Call me if you need anything." On that, he made his way out of the room, apparently on his way to tackle another chore. A moment later, he stopped, changed direction, and went another way, as though he'd forgotten where he was going.

'If he keeps going like that,' she thought as he left, 'He's going to need more than he can give.'

Her thoughts were interrupted by the reappearance of Mitsune a minute later, who was glancing in every direction to make sure they were alone. Satisfied, she sat across from Haruka and asked, "Umm, I take it you're free to chat now?"

"Free as ever. Fire away," Haruka replied. After seeing Keitaro, she had more than one thing to ask Kitsune about anyway.

"I don't know what you do or don't know about what I'm going to ask, but it CANNOT leave this room, okay?"

Haruka was becoming increasingly intrigued. The Fox was a well-known conspirator, of course, but there was a tone of deadly seriousness in her voice now that she'd never heard her use before. "Go on."

"Alright. Uhh…in the last few days, a few things have been happening, big things, and they've made things a bit more complicated. Well, a lot more, actually."

A pit began to grow in Haruka's stomach. "How so?"

"Well, a few nights ago, there was…another incident, with Keitaro. Nothing too much out of the ordinary, mind you, but…well, a pretty rough one on him. I wasn't there at the time, but from what I saw afterward he'd been hit by Su first, then Naru, then Motoko, like a pinball."

Haruka winced to herself. She'd seen the end results of their attacks more often than anyone; individually, they were bad enough, but anytime they happened in combination, the damage was magnified significantly.

"Anyway," Mitsune continued, "the thing was that he didn't fly quite as far as he usually does, and when he landed, it happened to be right nearby where I was walking. I got curious about it somehow, and… I ended up seeing him, and he was hurt badly. Really…really badly." Now it was the Fox's turn to cringe. "But then…he healed himself! He did it right in front of me, without realizing I was there until afterwards."

Haruka frowned darkly. "So, you finally saw what you've all been doing to him for once? About damn time."

"Yeah, I…I know that now," the younger woman replied softly, her eyes lowering. "Anyway, when he realized I was there, I…I ended up running away. I…couldn't face him just then, not like that. But it didn't do me any good; I ran into a gang of thugs by accident, and they weren't the sort you want to run into alone on a Friday night."

Haruka started. "What!? What happened? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Mitsune quickly tried to reassure her. "It's okay, I'm alright, I shouldn't be but I am. Keitaro helped me. When they tried to attack me, he mopped the floor with them! They're all in jail now, I'm sure, but he didn't stick around to take credit for it. He carried me home instead; I'd…well…kinda fainted at that point," she admitted, a bit embarrassed suddenly.

Haruka calmed, though only partly. "Shit, Mitsune, you're supposed to let me know right away if something like that happens to one of you!"

"Yeah, I know, I know but…well, a lot's happened in the last few days. This is the first chance I've really had so far."

Haruka was nonplussed, but let the matter slide for the moment. "What about Keitaro? Is he okay?"

"He's well enough, or was at that point. They didn't hurt him at all; I don't think they ever had a chance, after what I saw him do. I never knew he could fight like that! But then, until that night I thought he was practically immune to harm, too. He did end up carrying me back here and spending the rest of the night doing repairs, though. He…also tucked me in and left me breakfast in the morning." The young woman flushed slightly and shifted nervously in her seat, somewhat uncharacteristically.

Haruka's eyebrow went up. Kitsune being a flirt and causing no end of men's nosebleeds (Keitaro's in particular) was quite a common sight; Kitsune acting nervous or embarrassed about any guy (and again, Keitaro in particular) was a much different story. "Hmmm…not quite so careless and stupid as you thought he was, eh?" she pried suggestively. Mitsune pinked even further. 'Yep. Nailed it on the head.'

"Yeah, I, uhh…I kinda started to figure that one out." Mitsune struggled to regain control over herself, annoyed that she'd been seen through by Haruka as quickly and easily as she had. As the older woman went to light a fresh smoke, the Fox decided to drop her next bombshell and even the score a bit. She lowered her voice to a more secretive, conspiratorial tone.

"I ended up talking with him about it later on; I…actually apologized for my end of…of his suffering around here. Anyway, we got a bit closer as we talked, and I learned more about him. And just yesterday, at lunch, we…decided to become a couple."

Haruka's eyebrows both went way up and her jaw hung slightly open, her still unlit cancer stick dropping in her lap. "What!?"

Mitsune couldn't help but giggle at the sight. "Yeah, kinda surprised me at first, too, but…it was my idea to get together with him, and his to make it official to each other, so…now we are."

Haruka recovered quickly, and began to chuckle heartily. 'Dammit, who would've thought? Now I owe Hina fifty thousand Yen,' she thought to herself, silently cursing the day she thought she could out-bet the original owner of the inn. "I take it that's why you want me so tight-lipped about everything, right?" she asked.

"Umm, part of the reason, yeah. We're the only ones that know, right now," she said, checking around again to make sure there were no prying ears about. "If that were all of it, though, I wouldn't bug you about it, though. See, something else happened right after we got together, just yesterday, and it's the main reason why I needed to talk to you."

The pit in Haruka's stomach deepened. "What is it?"

Mitsune looked at her seriously. "That bus accident yesterday…did you hear about it?"

Haruka's brow lowered in thought and curiosity. "Yeah, I think so. Caught a bit about it on the news last night. Said somebody managed to pull everyone out alive, but they didn't know who it was yet."

"I do," Mitsune said quietly. "Not only did he save their lives, he saved mine again. And he damn near dropped dead from exhaustion afterwards."

Understanding dawned on Haruka immediately. Suddenly, the conversation had grown much more serious. "Oh, hell."

"Yeah. I know, pretty wild, huh?" Mitsune said, not noting the full extent of the change in demeanor Haruka had just undergone. "From what I saw, he hit the bus sideways—hit it with his hand, mind you—and then he tore the bus's door off its hinges. It was all mangled shut, and he got all super ki powered or something! He pulled almost all of them out himself, even jumped in to grab a couple kids. On top of that, he warned everyone before it blew up!"

Haruka nodded, processing the information. Fighting the thugs was one thing, she knew, and wasn't going to draw that much attention; what Mitsune was telling her now, however…

"How is he? Was he hurt?" she asked.

"Umm, not exactly. I mean, he was a bit scraped up and singed afterward, but nothing too serious along those lines. But, he really wore himself out doing it all. I mean, he didn't even make it down to dinner, I had to bring it up to him with Shinobu last night. He'd basically burnt himself out doing all that, and he was tired enough to begin with! He was better off after eating, but…it really worries me. I mean, in that condition, if he accidentally crossed Naru or Motoko, or if one of Su's inventions went haywire again…I don't think he would have survived it at that point. I want to help him out, Haruka. He got lucky last night, and part of that was me stacking the deck in his favor as best I could, but…I'm scared to death he won't be so fortunate forever. I don't think I've ever seen him get so worn out before, ever. And that's why I need your help."

Haruka felt a chill in her spine. She knew far more than either the Fox or the kanrinin did, and what she knew was not good news for either of the two. Keitaro had, by Mitsune's account, practically given a public display of power that wouldn't go unnoticed. In the back of her mind, she'd always known it was almost inevitable; much as Keitaro kept his strengths private, it was only a matter of time before he'd have to use them. Right now, his problems seemed pretty well-defined: he was beginning a new relationship, his nature had driven him to great deeds, and his deeds were quickly wearing him out and leaving him vulnerable in ways he otherwise wouldn't be. His life was in danger for that reason alone, if nothing else were to come of it.

Unfortunately for Keitaro, his tenants were no longer his greatest threat. At the moment, time was.

Haruka rubbed her temples, thinking furiously. The first problem was, indeed, how tired he was. That had to be remedied, NOW. He would need as much time as he could get to recover, and there was little enough now to spare as it was. "Mitsune, I can help you both, but this isn't going to be very easy. Keitaro…might be in worse trouble than you know."

Mitsune blinked in surprise. "W-what do you mean, more? What could be more trouble than what he's in now? He's already facing death as it is!"

"A lot more than you know, Konno-san," Haruka said gravely. "But there's no time for explanations now." She stared at Mitsune hard, her expression so deadly serious it sent chills down the younger woman's spine. "Listen to me, and listen well. You and Keitaro are going to have to leave for a while together. He desperately needs rest, and he won't get it here in a million years. I need you to convince him to go, and quickly. Knowing him, he won't be very willing at first, so tell him I will take over as kanrinin while you're gone. I'll do what I can to deal with the others before your return. Can you do that for me?"

Kitsune blinked in surprise, but nodded her agreement. She'd hoped for help, but she'd never expected Haruka to go quite so far, so fast! She couldn't argue with the idea of being alone with her new boyfriend, though, especially if it meant he'd be without the responsibilities and dangers of dealing with the Hina-Sou for a while. "That'd be great, Haruka! But…where will we go? And how long?"

"I can't tell you where you'll be going just yet; I have an idea, but it's best that you don't know until you get there. I'll have someone drive you both, someone I can trust. But you have to go as soon as possible. Tonight, even."

"Tonight!? Why so soon?" she asked, now thoroughly shocked.

"Because you are both going to need the rest and privacy for more than one reason, and you might not get the chance again for a while to come if you don't get it now."

Mitsune was stunned, then wary. "What do you mean, Haruka? What's going on? What aren't you telling me!?"

Haruka sighed briefly, then resumed her hard stare. "Listen, Konno-san: I promise you that you will know more later. For now, I need to know that you're ready and willing to stick by Keitaro absolutely; if you have any doubts, say so now!"

Mitsune registered the seriousness and urgency in Haruka's voice. She knew something, and whatever it was scared her now almost as much as facing down the business end of Motoko's sword herself. For anyone else, she might have backed off and gotten out of it while she still could. For Keitaro…she knew that simply wasn't an option to her. Come what may, she wasn't about to let fear get between her and him like that!

"I have no doubts, Haruka; I already promised to help him, and I won't back down from that. Whatever he's up against, I'll go with him to face it."

Haruka sighed in relief, and nodded. "Then pack enough for several days, and get Keitaro to do the same. Do not tell anyone else what you're doing, or where you're going, or why. In fact," she said, lowering her voice even further, "I'd drop your bags out your windows, and grab them from the outside individually. I need to make a few phone calls; you leave tonight. I will handle the rest. Go!"

Mitsune was in motion before she knew what she was doing. As she left to find Keitaro and pack, Haruka checked the room quickly herself. The others, it seemed, were occupied elsewhere at the moment. She made her way back to the phone. Dialing a number she knew by heart, she waited (and silently prayed) for it to connect. Finally, to her relief, it did.

"…….?"

"It's me, Haruka. What are you up to?

"………"

"Good, very good. Listen: I need you to pack your bags and a few supplies and come up, immediately."

"……?"

"No, that's not the reason why. If it was…look, never mind that right now, we've got bigger problems to deal with."

"…?"

"Bigger."

"…!"

"Unfortunately, yes. There's a problem, though: he's exhausted."

"…?"

"One of the girls figured it out, at least part of it."

"…??"

"Uh-huh."

"…!...?"

"You'll find out when you get here, baka. She's going as well."

"…?"

"Not yet. You'll have to tell them yourself; it isn't safe for me to do so yet."

"……?"

"I wish I knew. It can't be much longer, and we can't wait to find out. They'll both need what time they can get. Especially him."

"……"

"Okay, see you soon. Oh, and don't forget to bring it."

"…!...?"

"Of course I'm damn sure about this! We've been waiting for it, haven't we!? Just bring it all with you, and don't go waving any of it around where it can be seen."

"…!"

"Oh, very funny. Just get over here, will you!?"

"…!…"

"Alright. See you soon. Bye."

Haruka hung up the phone, sighing in relief and frustration. 'Damn fool was lucky to be on the other end of a phone line, and not in the same room!' she thought grumpily to herself, not sure whether to smirk to herself or put her fist through something. Still, she was glad he was still around to take the call; she needed his help most of all at the moment. The next few calls were just as urgent to be sure, but at least she had a better than slim chance of actually getting a hold of them than she usually did of him. Collecting herself again, she picked up and dialed the next number.

**********

Mitsune hated running around. Her core philosophy in life had always been to avoid doing more than was necessary, and to find ways to reduce what she had to do even then. She was also fairly intelligent, and prone to planning ahead. Such it was that she kept a mostly-ready travel bag packed in her closet; all she had to do was add a few choice outfits, throw in a couple bottles of fresh sake, and zip it up. Five minutes and a dark plastic bag later, she was ready.

Her next problem would be more difficult: find Keitaro, get him alone, and convince him to go with her on a trip to parts unknown for an unknown length of time, all for the sake of resting up before a headlong plunge into something she was fairly sure was going to be either long and unpleasant, extremely dangerous, difficult, or some combination of all the above.

On the plus side, they'd get to spend a bit of time together unbothered and unmolested—or at least she hoped.

Finding him proved more difficult than she'd thought. He wasn't in his room, or the halls, or anyone else's rooms that she could see. Finally, she noted that the door to the inn's storage cellar was slightly ajar, and went inside. Sure enough, she found him there, but not how she'd expected to find him.

He had somehow fallen asleep leaning back against a wall, propped up by his mop (which had wedged itself in a crack in the floor in front of him). At his feet was a fresh, unopened bottle of cleanser and an empty bucket, both lying almost directly under his limp right arm. His left hand still held the handle.

"Kei?" she asked him softly, and he woke with a start.

"Huh, what? Oh, hey Kitsu-chan," he smiled at her brightly as he regained his bearings. "Sorry, didn't notice you there."

"Don't worry about it, Kei," she said, giving him a hug. "You still look awfully tired there. You okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, just…I'm still a little drowsy today. Storm kept me up last night, I think," he replied after returning the hug and coloring slightly. "Should have had more coffee, I guess."

She frowned. "I think more sleep and less housework is more like it! You know, I think you could really use a bit of a break from all this. Maybe take some time off."

He shook his head. "Yeah, but there's still a lot I've gotta get done around here. The place doesn't exactly run itself that well. Besides, I don't think I could afford a vacation." He scratched his head.

"Hmmm…what if I told you someone's offered to cover for you while we're gone?"

"Huh? Who—wait, we…what?" Keitaro tried to catch up with what she was saying.

"We, that's you and me together, going away for a while somewhere, with Haruka up there filling in as manager while we're gone, such that you can get some rest and we can spend some time together…without worrying about them," she said slowly, pointing when appropriate toward themselves, the commons, and the rest of the inn.

"How? Why?" he asked, surprised and more than a bit confused.

"Haruka!" she answered with a grin. "She's insisted. I told her about us."

"What? When?" he asked in shock.

"Just a few minutes ago! I asked her to help me help you, and she's arranging to have us get out of here for a while. While we're gone, she's going to do something about keeping them from getting on your case so much before we come back. She'll fill in for you as kanrinin while we're gone."

"Wow, that's…that's really nice of her. But, why?"

"Well, quite frankly, because both she and I now think you're going to drop over dead from exhaustion if you don't, and we're not gonna let you kill yourself working to death."

He frowned. "I get that, but…I'm doing a little better today, anyway." His voice sounded less confident than his words.

"Kei, you just fell asleep standing up right in front of me!" she told him, looking him in the eye. "Earlier this morning, when Su greeted you with her foot, you stayed in a heap against the wall for ten minutes before you came to, and it usually takes you less than ten seconds. You need rest, and you're not getting it here."

"I…I did?" She nodded earnestly. He tried to straighten up and apologize, out of force of habit; as he did, he swayed slightly on his feet. She caught hold of his shoulders before he could topple over.

"Kei, please hear me. You've done plenty enough around here, and you deserve a break for it. Hell, you should've taken three by now! There'll be time later to do more, but I know for sure that if you don't get a chance to really recuperate from everything for a few days you won't be alive to take one before you know it! You've gotta take some time to take care of you, once in a while, or you won't be around to take care of anyone else. Please? I…don't want to lose you to you. Not like this." She looked at him pleadingly, eyes open wider than usual and a look on her face that broke through any objection he could think of and couldn't bring himself to refuse. Finally, he relented with a sigh.

"Alright. When do we leave?"

"Tonight at the latest. Haruka's getting us a ride. Come on, I'll help you pack. Oh, and one thing before we go back up."

"What's that?" he asked.

"Is there any good rope down here? We're going to need it."

Hours later, the two were sitting out front of the Tea House under an awning, huddled together with travel bags at their sides. Haruka stood nearby, struggling yet again to keep the soggy roll between her lips from going out every thirty seconds. She watched the two of them together; with no one from the Hinata nearby, sheltered in the rain and semidarkness, they could comfortably sit together without being noticed. Keitaro was still struggling to stay awake, barely managing to do so; poor kid looked even worse for the wear than she'd initially thought. Kitsune rested against him, one arm around his back to both support and hold onto him.

"You sure about this?" he asked her presently. "I don't want to have to burden you with the inn…"

"Don't worry about it, kid. Last I heard, the repairs on the Tea House's power are going to take a while as it is. I'm going to close shop here for a while one way or another anyway. You're going to need all the rest you can get, so take it while you still can."

It might have occurred to Keitaro, as it had to Kitsune, that there was more behind that statement than Haruka was letting on, but either he was too tired to pick up on it or too relieved to have his burden temporarily lifted to care. He still worried deeply about his tenants, but he knew Haruka could and would take good care of them.

"What are you gonna do about them?" Mitsune asked out of curiosity, nodding back toward the inn.

Haruka smirked. "For starters, I'm going to start talking some sense into their thick skulls about him." She nodded in Keitaro's direction. "It's about time they had a bit of a reality check."

Keitaro looked up in worry. "Please, go easy on them," he pleaded. "This isn't really their fault, and I don't want them feeling guilty or anything."

She looked at him straight on. "One way or another, they're going to find out, Keitaro. Mitsune here already knows, and it'll be better for the both of you in the long run if they were told separately."

"What if they don't understand?" he asked, still unconvinced.

"They will by the time you get back," she reassured him. "I'll see to it that they do. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt them or anything. Just get them to open their eyes a bit."

He sighed, somewhat relieved. "Thanks, Haruka." Keitaro began to nod off again.

Five seconds later, however, he was jarred wide awake and almost clear out of his seat by the sound of a van crashing down out of the air and rolling to a stop in front of them.

A.N.: Don't ask about the title. Credit for its inspiration comes from Frank Zappa, and if you don't know who he was…well, don't say I didn't warn you if you try and find out. I'm not even going to attempt explaining it; he defies explanation. But his music is something else.

At any rate, took longer than I expected to tweak this chapter into shape, though I kept a bit more of the original than I anticipated at first. I think the main difficulty is in getting the characters to come out right, to try and anticipate how they might react to certain things for example. It's probably the main reason I picked Keitaro and Kitsune as a pair, aside from just liking them together: I kind of understand them a bit better than I do some of the others, or at least I feel like I do at any rate. Plus, I think they have a greater potential to develop than some of the others do; they have a little less hanging them up personality-wise than, for instance, someone like Motoko or Naru. Case in point: just think of many years and hemming and hawing it took for them to pair Keitaro and Naru in the main canon.

The next chapter or two will be a little less immediately dangerous for the duo, and a little more of a breather than they've had so far. Expect a little more romance, then a hell of a lot more action after that. Expect a few more characters along the way as well.

Also, if anyone knows of a bigger or cooler-looking shotgun than a Benelli M3 Super 90, feel free to let me know what it is/looks like soon, as I'm going to need its name before very long…