"Your little hand's wrapped around my finger. And it's so quiet in the world tonight. Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming. So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light. To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret. I'd give all I have, honey. If you could stay like that. Oh darling, don't you ever grow up. Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little. Oh darling, don't you ever grow up. Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple. I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart. And no one will desert you. Just try to never grow up, never grow up." -Taylor Swift

It was quiet as they walked into the chapel up to the little coffin that was held in the center of the room. Slowly she walked up to the coffin that held her son. He still had the same curly hair but his skin was no longer pale, it was blue and cold to the touch. She lightly brushed her thumb lightly against his forehead.

"Oh baby boy. I'm so sorry."

Sonny stood back at one of the pew just watching his wife, waiting for her to break down like he knew she would eventually. He couldn't see their son again, he knew it would just hurt him worse and he didn't think he could endure any more pain. So he watched from afar.

"Mommy loves you so much still, I'll never forget you baby boy. You were mommy's saving grace. You saved me Bryson, don't ever forget that."

She looked back to her husband and frowned. She didn't understand why he wasn't standing with her, but she couldn't force him. She could admit it was painful to see him without color in his face.

"Your hair is curly like Uncle Johnny's was when he was a baby. I wish I could've saved you baby, I wish."

It was slowly killing her to see him and him not make any noise or look up at her with those big brown eyes; to see that little coffin was killing her. Finally she made her way back to her husband. They went home together.

The gurgles that exited through the baby's lips filled the room with a sound she was only happy to hear. When he started to doze off so would she, but if he didn't she would sing to him.

"Rock a by baby in the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bow breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all."

Her words were mere whispers, yet he heard her so perfectly. His chocolate brown eyes glistened at her. He was perfect just like she imagined he would be.

"Momma's never going to let you fall, baby boy. I promise."

She looks up to see Sonny standing in the nursery doorway. She catches him doing this every night. It's like a constant religious practice to him and her. He's so amazed that he can't bare to take his eyes off his new family.

He's transfixed by her.

Claudia looks down to her son and whispers something inaudible to Sonny so he walks another few steps into the nursery. She continues to rock in the perfect blue glider. She looks like an angel, illuminated by the moonlight shining through the windows.

He swears that maybe she is an angel sent to be his personal savior. Yet she's never once put up an actual attempt to save him. She just does it by being herself.

"You know you can come in, he's our baby not just mine."

"I know that but he just looks so perfect nested in your arms."

She nods with a gentle smile.

"It feels like my arms were made to just hold him."

He bends down and kisses both of their sleeping foreheads after a short period. He takes his son from her and puts him in his cradle. Then his picks up his wife and take her to bed.

She awakes, frightened. Jolting the entire bed.

A cold sweat coats her fragile body.

"Aren't you supposed to be warm to sweat." She hisses.

Her husband is up in a flash, looking at her questionably. She still feels like she's in her dream. So she gets up without a word and goes to the room across the hall. He follows knowing what will happen next.

She looks around the room. She searches the crib that sits against one of the walls, throwing every single stuffed animal they had once purchased out onto the floor. Her eyes meet his. She looks like she's in pain.

"Where is he? Where's our son?"

"Claudia, it's okay."

"No, I can't find him. Where is he? He was here!"

She falls to her knees, breaking down to sobs. Sonny wraps his arms around his wife, trying to comfort her.

"He's gone, Claudia."

Her eyes meet his. And she realizes once again, that this is not a dream, this reality. And the word 'gone' is just another word for dead. Another word that he hopes won't hit her as hard.

It's her life.

She hates it, she hates every little bit of it.

"I don't want him to be gone." She sobs.

He holds her for a very long time, her sitting in his lap, her crying into his neck. What she doesn't know is he wants to cry too.

But he can't let her see him be weak.

"What time is it?"

Another question she seems to ask every night. Enough so that he had a clock installed in the nursery that would never be used. Because she asked every night without fail. He couldn't fail her by not knowing the time too.

He turns his head and looks at it.

"Two."

She trembles in fear. The dreams are getting shorter. They used to last all night. Then this week she got up at seven, then six, then five and so on. But down they're becoming closer together and she fears that maybe one day the dream will disappear.

She hates waking up and being scared, but at least in her dreams the baby is alive. Her baby.

Their baby.

He's happy she's talking, it's a good sign. The day of the funeral and from then on she only talked to him. Not even Johnny. But it wasn't some contest he won this time versus Johnny, because he'd much rather see Johnny everyday and see his son everyday then have her not talk to her beloved brother.

It's only been a week since the memorial. Lots of people showed up. Mostly for Sonny, but they stayed for Claudia. Carly even remarked that Claudia broke her heart. Something very uncalled for coming from Carly's mouth. Her and Claudia were what Claudia called "frenemies". He never understood it, but maybe he didn't want to.

"Sonny…?"

"Yeah."

He calls out like he's a hundred miles away, then strokes her hair to tell her he's still near. They have this own language; one they made up of course. Where he doesn't have to say anything but 'yeah' and she knows he's there. It's the same with her.

"Why'd we have to be ones?"

"What do you mean?" He asks, trying to play dumb.

He loves the sound of her voice.

"The ones to lose him."

She breaks down again and this time he can't stop it. It automatically happens, he doesn't know what to do. So he sits there and holds her. Until the sobs turn into hiccups and the hiccups turn into light snores for the both of them.

The stuffed animals are scattered around them. The baby clothes are still strewn across the room from last week. The changing table is flipped over from one of many of Claudia's episodes.

The whole room is remnants of what they have lost.

Johnny lets himself in with the key Sonny had him made. He knocks on their bedroom door but they never answer. He thinks he's still sleeping like they sometimes are. So he does what he usually does which is go sit in his nephew's room. He sits in the rocker and pretends that he's holding Bryson. He guesses that helps him cope, because he has to be strong. Not just for Claudia.

Sonny's grown to need him too.

But he finds an anomaly when he walks into the nursery he finds his sister and his brother-in-law on the floor, sleeping. Claudia's grasping a teddy bear for dear life, while Sonny's arms are wrapped around Claudia. As soon as Johnny steps another foot into the room, Sonny jolts awake. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and looks at his brother-in-law. He gets up and shakes the younger man's hand.

"Should I pick her up and take her to our bed?"

Johnny shook his head.

"We're better just laying a blanket down on her, she'll wake up."

Sonny cautiously walks to the crib where several blankets lie. He pulls the Winnie The Pooh one up and lays it down on his wife. They walk out of the room and down to the living room. They sit on the couch. They sit and stare until one of them finds something to say.

"How's the business doing?"

"Sonny-"

"Johnny, you don't need to give me details, I just want to know how my business is doing."

Sonny is on hiatus ever since Bryson died. He knew he couldn't leave Claudia alone for that long.

"It's going good, Sonny. And it was the best decision for you and my sister."

Sonny nods. His wife couldn't have handled it. She needs him. They stop as they hear her voice, coming from the upstairs. Sonny stands and goes to greet her at the bottom of the steps. She's grasping the blanket he put over her. She sees her brother and does a half smile. It's fake and they all know it.

But it's hard enough to walk when all you feel like doing is crying.

"Hi Johnny."

Her voice is small and is different from how it used to be. She used to be so strong, it showed through her voice. But after days of not even using her voice, it's small and weak.

She plops herself down on the couch, not even looking at the hand Sonny was holding out for her. She looks at him and kisses him lightly on the cheek. He shakes his head at her seeing her go through the motions isn't the best thing she can do for herself.

"Sonny, can I have some alone time with my sister?"

Sonny looks at his wife, who's sitting on the couch. She's wrapped herself in a ball. He knows that she does that as a defense mechanism, one that doesn't work. Because nothing can deflect the pain she's feeling.

"Claudia….?"

"It's okay Sonny."

Sonny nodded slowly, then made his way upstairs to go to their bedroom. Where he would spend a few minutes letting himself feel the depths of his own grief. Once he was up the stairs, Claudia felt like she could speak again.

"Thanks for asking for him to leave us be."

Johnny eyed his sister suspiciously.

"Why?"

"He needs his moment when he can be weak without worrying about me. He tries to do it at bed during the night when he thinks I'm sleeping, but I hear him. Why'd he have to die John?"

She doesn't cry this time, but her voice falters. He goes and sits next to her, rubbing her back gently.

"He just wasn't meant to be, sis. You can't dwell on this. You couldn't control what happened to him, no more than you can control most things."

"It's just that I've never seen my husband this defeated, I did that. I did that to him and I've done this to myself."

She rests her head on his shoulder, feeling like maybe she can gain some of his strength and happiness, his determination to do anything. She just felt like she didn't want to do anything but sit and mope. She didn't know how much longer that could go on feeling this way.

"No you haven't. Bryson had a genetic problem, you couldn't have stopped that."

She feels the too familiar tears stream down her face, she grabs his hand before he can go to wipe them away. She shakes her head. Crying is the only thing that reminds her she's still alive and not in hell where she belongs.

"I don't want to forget him, ya know? But the more I remember him, the more it hurts."

"Don't forget about him but move on."

"How do you move on when the one thing you knew you would always have is gone?"

That's a question that is unanswerable to him, he doesn't know. And he doesn't have an answer because this sort of thing was never meant to happen. So he cradles his sister's head and kisses the top of it gently. What else is he supposed to do? If someone had the answer he'd pay them to give it to him.

He'd give his life to them just for an answer.

Six Years Later:

"Miranda, you're going to make the ducks angry!" She warned.

Turning she sees her brother with his daughter and Travis running toward her. She picks up the little boy, and then notices the dirt all over him.

"What did you let him get into?" She asks her brother.

"He found the dirt, not me."

She gives him a soft smack on the arm.

"You were supposed to be watching him."

"I did!"

"Uh huh, sure."

She pauses looking at Miranda again who was surely pissing off the ducks.

"Miranda, get yourself over here now!"

The little girl comes running to her with tears in her eyes. Claudia kneels to her level.

"What happened?"

"The ducks were mean to me, mommy."

"That's because you made them angry, I warned you honey."

"What did we warn Miranda about?"

Sonny says coming behind her, holding their youngest daughter, Sophie. Today they had always made fun for their kids and Johnny always helped by bring Jonna with him.

"To be nice to the ducks so they won't be mean to her."

"It's true, honey, we have told you that a million times. How bout we go home and watch some movies?"

Miranda and Travis' eyes grew larger. They barely were ever allowed to watch TV, they spent most of their time outside playing or spending family time. So it was no surprise to their parents when their heads nodded vigorously.

"Say goodbye to Uncle Johnny and Jonna then."

Hugs were exchanged all around and then Johnny stands with his sister for a second, everyone else is in the car. No one can hear what he has to say.

"How are you doing, honestly?"

"Johnny, I'm fine, I'm generally happy most of the time. I still think about him everyday. About how he never cried or opened his eyes or how he would have three siblings now. But I don't dwell, even though the kids don't know about him. I just want to make this day special. I'm okay."

He kissed her forehead and nodded before going to his car and driving away.

"All the movies are in the attic, how bout we all go up there and look for them?"

Travis, who is three, and Miranda, who is six, both started running up the steps. Claudia starting after them. Sonny stood there and looked at Sophie.

"One day you'll be able to do that too. You're just too little right now."

The attic was filled with boxes, a lot of boxes. The kids and Claudia randomly opened them, each opening going at different boxes while Sonny sat with Sophie and watched. He noticed that Miranda was holding something, a picture it looked like.

"Hey Miranda, baby girl what do you have there?"

She walked over to him, a confused look on her face. The attention of Claudia and Travis had been drawn and they were already sitting by Sonny.

"It's a picture of you and mommy and a baby, but that's not Travis."

The three year old boy perked up at the mention of his name. Claudia and Sonny's eyes met knowing what this meant. They had to explain to her that she had an older brother.

"Come here, Miranda."

The six year old jumped up on her mother's lap, looking at her inquisitively.

"You're right this isn't Travie. This is mommy and daddy's first baby, his name was Bryson but he had a problem and is in heaven with God."

"Bryson, is Travis' middle name." Miranda told them.

Claudia smiled.

"That's right, because Bryson was so important that we wanted Travie to have part of him." Sonny informed her.

"Big brother?" Travis questioned.

"That's right, baby. Bryson was your big brother." She said, pulling her son onto her other knee.

From then on, Claudia and Sonny knew that every year on this day they would explain Bryson to their kids. The picture that Miranda found was put on the mantle with Miranda, Travis, and Sophie's baby pictures.

Hey guys hope you enjoyed. I love hearing what you guys think so please review. Remeber reviews=love!