A/N: Mid week post time already! Well, I changed my mind – author's prerogative, right? This was going to be a very short posting, but when I stepped back from the next couple chapters, I realized they needed to be together in a single segment. Once I did that, the breakpoint seemed much more natural. And so, instead of a three-pager, we have seven.

Anger, confusion, pain, determination, hope, selflessness all collide in the emotional aftermath of the failed bonding attempt.

Chapter 10

Volu had summoned Gatebi and Flint to the gathering room once Ettwanae had collected herself. It reminded Warren of an Earth-style family room – plenty of places to sit and relax, with various sized chairs and one long couch that were molded extrusions of Volu's bulkhead. Although the furnishings looked firm, as soon as one sat down, their softness welcomed you; the supple leather-like texture of Volu's interior "skin" was sensual to the touch. But no matter how soft the setting, Warren suspected the news would still hit hard.

Ettwanae and Warren took separate chairs as close proximity encouraged uncomfortable sensations. Flint and Gatebi sat side-by-side on the long lounger that protruded from the opposite wall, both faces filled with anxiety.

'They know something is wrong,' Warren thought to himself, studying their expressions. He'd let Ettwanae break the news as it wasn't his place – these were her friends, not his. He turned his attention to Ettwanae. Her eyes glistened as they moved from Gatebi to Flint.

"My friends," she began in a tight voice, "the bonding failed."

Gatebi and Flint exchanged perplexed looks.

"Failed?" Flint questioned. "So it's not happily ever after? But I thought-"

"You are not soulbounds?" Gatebi interrupted, but gently, her eyes fixed on Ettwanae.

Ettwanae broke the gaze and looked down. "We are, but there are…complications."

Flint took on a posture and expression that indicated he was prepared to be angry. "What the fuck do you mean by complications?" He looked hard at his friend. "Did this dude shoot you down, Twae? Is War not gonna help us?"

"No, Flint. We tried. It isn't meant to be right now."

"What ya mean, right now?" The teen waved his hands in confusion. "I don't get it, Twae. You two were all over each other – that means your soulbounds – meant for each other and all that shit. We need ya to be bound for the amulet to work, but now there's complications and it's a no-go? What the hell?"

Gatebi rested her hand on Flint's forearm in a motherly gesture to quiet his outburst. He jerked his arm away. "Don't!" He gave a quick glare to the Alcab before turning again to Ettwanae. "We was nearly killed savin' this guy from them and it was for nothing?"

"Flint, the reason we came looking for Warren wasn't because I thought he was my soulbound. That was unexpected."

"Yeah, so it was bonus, but it meant everythin' was gonna get easier, right? So what the hell happened?"

Warren knew Flint wasn't going to let it go. "Flint, it's my fault. I'm not able to bond with Ettwanae."

Flint shook his head in confusion. "So you're not soulbounds."

"We are, Flint, but the bonding is…blocked." Ettwanae replied, obviously attempting to spare Warren.

Eyebrows raised, Flint looked to Warren. "Cuz you're Human?"

"No. It's more complicated," was all Warren gave him. He didn't want to go into the details of his relationship with Ztar.

"No one's telling, is that it? After all we've been through together?" The teen's eyes burned into Ettwanae's. "So what the fuck we suppose to do now?"

"We continue to search as we have been, Flint. We will find the right clues if we don't give up," Gatebi encouraged, though her face did not reflect confidence.

Flint stood in a flare of anger and turned sharply to the Alcab. "Like we've been doin'? We got nothin', Gabby! It's been how long since we snatched the node? A year? Dead-ends everywhere! We haven't found the other nodes, no other Eshaaru…we got nothing! Nadda, zip, zero. Then he comes along," Flint gestured sharply toward Warren. "Finally, we get a break thinkin' Twae can get the amulet working a little and we gotta chance. Then what? Mysterious complications?" Flint stomped toward the door. "And you say, don't give up. Well, I've had it. I'm done. This whole searchin'-for-Eshaaru business ain't even my problem – nothin' to do with me. I risked my ass more than once for what? We're not gonna find any Eshaaru or that damn library or any more of the fuckin' nodes. It's all bullshit!" The teen stormed out leaving stunned silence in his wake.

Ettwanae was near tears and Gatebi sat visibly shaken. Warren swallowed hard at the pain and frustration expelled in Flint's outburst. Likely, he spoke what the others were unwilling to verbalize. What could Warren say? The odd, little assemblage had obviously pinned much hope on the bonding. In their eyes, he failed them.

Gatebi looked at Warren. "He believed things would become easier. That if the two of you even partially activated the amulet, there was hope." She rose, walked to Ettwanae and knelt beside her, taking a hand into hers. "He's disappointed, but he'll stay. I'll talk with him."

"Thank you," Ettwanae whispered.

"What do we do now?"

Ettwanae turned to Warren with Gatebi's question. Her expression asked the question she did not. Will you stay? Warren couldn't answer; not yet. He needed time to think. The hesitation made the air thick.

The Eshaaru turned back to the Alcab. "We haven't decided."

Gatebi's eyes flickered between Warren and Ettwanae, but she did not force the issue. "It would help to know why the bonding failed. You say you are soulbounds…the failure makes no sense."

Ettwanae looked to him. Warren changed his mind decided they deserved to know the essence, if not the details, of the failure. "I'm already bound to another, Gatebi. Until that bond is broken, Ettwanae and I cannot be."

Gatebi's eyes widened, flickered with silent emotion, then moved to her friend's face. "I hurt for you, Ettwanae," she offered so softly it was barely audible. Rising, Gatebi released Ettwanae's hand. "I'll be with Flint," she said looking at Warren with a hardened face before stepping out the door.

He wanted to explain and dispel the condemnation he saw, but did not call her back.

"I'm going to my room to rest, Warren." Ettwanae stood without looking at him. "We'll talk later."

Warren was suddenly alone in the emotion-laden room. Even Volu's constant presence seemed to have abandoned him.

###

Ettwanae curled into a ball on her bed against the anguish. She'd lied about wanting to rest. She didn't need sleep – she needed to get away from Warren. Longing and need clawed at her insides. It was too intense, too painful. What she needed was distance between her and her soulbound; a physical separation to dull the pain of being near him, yet being forever out of reach. Fate had cruelly thrown up a barrier between them they could not breach. "Why, Goddess?" she demanded, sobs threatening to explode. "Just tell me why!" Her voice would have reverberated throughout the bedchamber if not for the absorptive nature of the organic ship.

When the only response was silence, she curled tighter. She wanted to cry and scream until the pain was expelled, but she knew it would not. 'I won't cry, I won't.' Ettwanae held to self-control by a thread. Volu was leaving her alone. That was good. This was her pain; her despair to bear.

And so she lay there, letting thoughts flow. While Warren had asked questions as if he planned to join her despite the failure, he hadn't said he would stay. "…tell them things hadn't worked out" – the words had cut quick and deep. And then there was his silence when Gatebi asked her question. Who could blame him if he decided to return to his home? The picture Volu painted was one of a misery if they remained together. She wanted him to stay, but that was selfish. If he stayed, could she bear watching his pain? Could she put him through that? At least if they parted, the anguish would lessen to a dull ache, and as time passed, it would fade altogether.

'I need him, Goddess. Please, please help us find a way. I'm begging you,' she prayed with every fiber of her being. 'I've lost so much already…mother and father, my people, Bhenra, my Sat'rey friends. Isn't that enough?' She drew the bed linens to her chest in a desperate, surrogate hug. 'I can't lose much more!'

She listened quietly hoping against hope that she'd hear Ozshi'wanae. Only the sound of her own breaths came. Was the Goddess that cruel? So detached and uninvolved she did not even bother with a response? Was it possible she was mocking Ettwanae with her silence?

Anger suddenly swept through her like a firestorm and she sat up abruptly. "You're a lie, Ozshi'wanae! A fable passed down from generation to generation. Nothing more than a child's story to comfort little ones in the night!" she cried out in wrath. "If you were real, you wouldn't allow all this pain. A true goddess would not treat her children like this. She'd be loving and caring. I don't believe in you, do you hear me! I'm turning my back on y-you as you have on m-me!" Now the sobs were breaking free from her chest. "I- I hate you! Just when I found som-someone to love…one of my- my people…my s-soulb-bound..." Then no more words could escape pass the sobs. She gave in to them and collapsed on the bed, wings in a tight wrap over her body.

She cried for her Baumpa, her parents, her people, herself. So lost and alone… The pain was piercing and to her core. Tears fell over being hunted, being perhaps one of the last of her kind. Despair poured into the blanket she had in a strangle hold. She imagined the wrap of her wings were her mother's arms. More sobs for the life with her family and with her Baumpa stolen by the Shozen. How she hated them!

###

As he sat alone, Warren decided he was grateful the trio left. It gave him a chance to clear his head. Decisions were needed. Moving to the lounger, he pulled his legs up and wrapped them with his arms, chin resting on knees, and drew the wings around himself. Warren sighed deeply within the white cocoon that had been his private refuge for nearly as long as he'd had wings.

The failure hurt. It hurt much more than he would have expected. Yes, he was disappointed the one supposed key to locating the ancient library was denied them and he'd let unintentionally everyone down, but it was a different emotional pain that was unexpected…the probability of losing Ettwanae. She had him in a tightening grip. What surprised Warren was he had little desire to fight it. He wanted to be in her grip. So much so, it nearly frightened him – emphasis on nearly. More accurately, he felt awed rather than frightened. Taken aback by the intensity of the feelings? Yes. Fearful of it? No.

'If this is some sort of mind control or pheromone influence, I'm impressed.' As much as his rational brain said either or both was a possibility, he crossed them off the list. No, something else was happening, something far more profound. Some deep part of Warren wanted the beautiful alien woman, maybe even needed her. Perhaps it was only lust talking, but he would like to find out. He'd like to have known what the bonding felt like, because what had preceded the attempt was amazing. But once again, life threw up a roadblock.

Ztar. Warren was bound to him? He carried a piece of the man's lifeforce with him? That had been shocking news, but explained the secondary pattern Fjai discovered. His mind slid back to things Ztar had said over the years they were together – that Warren was a need, was in his soul. Ztar's overwhelming longing transcended carnal desires. It was as if Ztar wanted to merge with Warren – to be joined. That intense hunger had held the Turzent in its powerful clutches for most of the six years they were together. Had Ztar's intense need joined with the psychic melding that fateful night to somehow forge the impossible? Did Ztar have a second pattern as well? Should he tell Ztar…ask him to be scanned? Did it matter if Ztar did? It was probably irrelevant for the Turzent.

Warren closed his eyes against the cascading questions. 'Is this the whole explanation to why I grew so attached to Ztar despite being straight?' Were all his tender feelings toward the man simply the lifeforce business? Was that what made sex with Ztar so incredible? Is that why in the hard month following his departure from Sat'rey Warren felt like there was a hole in his soul? Why the separation felt almost like a fierce drug withdrawal? Why he craved the Turzent's touch…the reason Warren had curled up in emotional agony on the floor from the longing?

'God, it all makes so much sense now!' he grimaced.

And he'd learned more disturbing information. 'When one of a soulbound pair dies, sometimes the other doesn't survive. Is it possible my leaving Sat'rey a year ago was similar enough to a soulbound death to cause that same sort of pain? If mere separation nearly turned me into basket case, what would happen if Ztar actually died? And what will happen to Ztar if I die?' He squeezed the wings tight in a quick, feathered hug. 'You'll survive, War. You're tough – so is Ztar.' He rubbed his eyes and opened the isolating cocoon. 'Nothing to be done about it. Other issues to deal with at the moment.'

Leaning back into the soft lounger, he sighed. Once again, he was facing a difficult, potentially life-altering decision. He was torn despite what he told Ettwanae he would do if the bonding failed. His heart, maybe his very soul, said 'stay,' but his head argued how foolish and rash that would be. A decision was needed by the time Volu was fit to travel. He would not drag the situation out with indecisiveness.

'Let's step back and try look at things with some semblance of detachment, Worthington. First, the failed bonding changed everything and changed nothing. Changed the potential relationship with Ettwanae and changed nothing about my desire to get rid of the nannites. It all boils down to a two-prong question – what to do about Ettwanae and whether or not to pursue a miracle cure for the nannites.'

Prong one – Ettwanae. He wanted to be with her. It was illogical, rash, and irresponsible. It was perfect, right, and meant to be. His brain and heart collided. He focused inward, listening, opening himself to whatever his inner voice may have to say. 'You want her. Don't care why or how,' his soul murmured and he sighed in acceptance feelings that couldn't care less about logic or sensibilities.

He reached out to the heavens, the universe, the hand of fate…whatever might be listening. 'Why have you once again made things difficult? Why throw up a barrier? Am I to turn away?' He paused in hope a higher power may answer. 'I don't want to turn away. Is that my answer? If it is, why do I always have to fight so hard for what I want? Why?' he demanded. Only stillness replied.

With no divine revelations forthcoming, Warren needed to make his own decision. 'You know what you want, flyboy, you want Ettwanae in your life. I want her and I to become us, or at least a chance to see if we can,' he summed up. 'But she needs to find her people. If you want to be together, it will have to be out here, not on Earth. At least for a while.' Yet joining Ettwanae in her quest required putting life on Earth on hold – again; ironically, with another alien. 'What is it about you and repeating themes, Worthington?'

A rush of logical, pragmatic arguments against pursuing a relationship with the alien woman hit him. Foolish. Illogical. You have responsibilities on Earth. She's not Human. In the end, he sighed. 'Don't let your heart rule your head, War ol' boy. Focus on your goal – getting rid of the nannites. If a relationship with Ettwanae happens, it'll be bonus,' he finally concluded in a compromise that seemed acceptable from all perspectives.

'Perfect lead-in to Prong two – the nannites.' Being free of the last remnant of Apocalypse was powerful enticement. What would life be like not living under that cloud? He closed his eyes and imagined not worrying about them reactivating; not living with the uncertainty of what they might do to keep their host alive; not fearing the nannites may somehow transmit to another person or spread into the populace despite the built-in safeguards. A chronic weight would be lifted. He took in a deep breath of imagined freedom. It would be wonderful!

He had to try. He owed it to himself. All he'd endured, all the shitty, cruel hands life had dealt him. He deserved a bit of good fortune. All he had to do was take the chance offered, as remote and unlikely as it was to succeed. As a wise person once said, you'll find the only things you truly regret are those you didn't do.

The words of wisdom Srandrez Moit'de had shared came to him – "Universe sometimes like gardener. Put people where they needed." Perhaps that was what was happening. The universe brought Ettwanae and Warren together for a joint purpose. Perhaps he was to help her find her people and she to be the key to finding his miracle.

Warren made his decision. He'd not live the rest of his days regretting not pursuing the long shot chance of being truly free. Just as he would not kick himself for years over turning his back to possibility of having found his soul mate. If Volu had spoken truthfully, being around Ettwanae would be uncomfortable at best and intolerable at worst, but he wouldn't know until he tried. Besides, he could always return to Earth if it became too much.

'Follow your heart, flyboy…it says don't close the door on Ettwanae. And follow your head regarding the nannites and find a way to rid yourself of that infestation. Coincidently, or maybe not, she is as likely a path to your cure as any.'

With his mind made up, Warren considered the next step. A flash of concern hit him. Volu. Would she be accepting of him staying after her warning of what that would mean emotionally? Realization came that his biggest challenge may be convincing the obviously protective Eshaar'ne.

"Volu?" he called softly.

"Yes, Warren?"

"How soon before you're ready for FTL?"

"I wish to wait another five standard hours before making the attempt."

"It's a short trip back," he spoke the obvious.

A long pause followed, the living ship perhaps waiting for him to say more. "It is," Volu finally broke the silence. "Are you leaving us?" The voice was stiff with neutrality.

"Only for as long as it takes to make arrangements for my absence. I'd like to stay if you'll have me."

He counted the seconds…one thousand five, one thousand six…one thousand ten…

"Ettwanae wants you to join us, but her longing is minimizing how difficult that will be for both of you. If it becomes too painful, I will return you to Earth even if you both object. I will not jeopardize her physical or psychological wellbeing."

"I understand and would expect no less."

"Then I will do my best to help you find what you seek." The response was measured. "Etxan'Ir should contain vast amounts of biotechnical data."

"I am sorry, Volu, that I've disappointed you and Ettwanae. The bond with Ztar was unintentional."

Another stretch of stillness. Then, "Do you wish to bond with Ettwanae?"

"I think I do, Volu. It feels right – a down to my soul kind of right."

Warren could have sworn the mood in the room lightened. "Then we will find a way."

He and the alien were quiet for some time. Then Warren wanted to know something if he was going to be living inside Volu. "A question. It is you or Ettwanae or both that is telepathic?"

"We are telepathic together."

"Are you telepathic with anyone else?"

"No. Our mind-to-mind communication is the result of our joining. Neither of us can read minds, even between the two of us, although intense physical or emotional feelings can be transmitted. Our telepathy is simply a communication link."

"So you can't read my mind or communicate with me telepathically?"

"No. If you and Ettwanae became bound, then I could reach your mind with effort through hers, but not directly."

"Why?"

"It is as the U'larr created the Eshaaru and Eshaar'ne, Warren. That is the best explanation I can offer."

Fatigue was tugging on his mental shirtsleeve. The failed attempt and its emotion aftermath had taken a toll. "I have many more questions, Volu, but for now, I think Ettwanae had the right idea about a nap."

"I will wake you when we arrive at Earth if you still sleep," the voice came softly and soothingly.

Warren nodded, then spread out on the lounger and allowed sleep to take him.

###

How long she cried, she did not know. It seemed like a lifetime. When no more tears would come, she felt detached from her emotions. Easing up and stretching limbs and wings to release the stiffness, she felt lightheaded, but it passed quickly. As she wiped her face and blew her nose, she fully expected to hear Volu's voice at any moment, but as the seconds passed, the Eshaar'ne remained silent. 'Just as well,' Ettwanae thought. 'Nothing she can say to change things.'

Her mind returned to what do about the situation. 'The kind thing would be to release Warren,' she told herself in an odd calmness. 'Save you both from constant ache. Promise to return with the nannite cure once you've found Etxan'Ir, but leave him on Earth. Let him live a happy life with his friends and loved ones. Continue the search on your own and hope that you'll also find a way to break his bond to Ztar. Then if he still wants you…' She took a deep breath and released it gently. 'Yes, that would be the best decision. He'd be safe and pain free.'

"Volu?"

"My Poda." The voice overflowed with tenderness.

"I've made a decision."

"Do you wish to share it with me?"

Ettwanae stood and got a drink of water. "Yes. I've decided to follow my heart and continue the search for my parents and for Etxan'Ir. I will follow my head and take Warren back to Earth and leave him. When we find a way to free him from the nannites and the false bond, we'll return to Earth. I cannot ask him to bear the pain of us being together but not."

"You are certain?"

"I am."

"Then, all that remains is to tell him of your decision."

Ettwanae took a deep breath, the glass in her hand shook slightly. "For his sake, Volu, I must do this."

"Your decision is motivated by compassion, my Poda. Perhaps the telling will not be as difficult as you believe."

Ettwanae found the statement odd. Volu of all beings should know how difficult it was going to be to say goodbye to her soulbound, but she let it pass as an attempt to reassure.

###

A/N: This was a tough segment and I rewrote and reworked it at least a half dozen times. Hope I captured all the right emotions and thoughts the characters would have under the circumstances and interested in hearing your opinion on that particular point, if you'd be so kind.

The next installment reveals the outcome of the separate decisions Warren and Ettwanae have come to. Until next then, faithful readers!