Characters are always the property of Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 8 Memories

EPOV

I was livid, but not sure where to specifically direct it. First, tiny little Alice. Annoying, spastic Alice! She had returned from her little imprisonment with a souvenir. Not that Jasper was any better. They acted like it was no big deal having a Volturi Guard on our plane. Then, Jasper dragged the girl into the luggage compartment like a caveman. It was repulsive, disgusting. Yet, Alice hadn't minded in the least. Neither had the girl.

She was the one I really wanted to hate. She was a mean-spirited, torturous, beautiful, perfect monster. Both Jasper and Alice had suffered from their internment. This girl could have killed them, yet they treated her like gold. It was sickening. Even level-headed Jasper. I couldn't help but wonder if the beautiful vixen had some acute power of attraction. I know I had felt it the second my eyes met hers. The fact that her thoughts were silent to me was giving me a headache, which only incensed me further. Why was she the only being, alive or dead, that I couldn't hear? There was nothing from her and it was infuriating.

I was growing more and more restless. Desperately trying to tune out Alice and Rosalie's endless prattle, I paced back and forth between the seats and attempted to pick up anything of the conversation behind those doors. I could hear nothing from the luggage area. Perhaps the girl had the power to block others' thoughts. Then again, Jasper maybe trying to block me. To make the pounding in my head worse, Alice was bombarding me with visions and ideas she'd had while in Volterra.

In my attempts to ignore her, I rested my head against the cool metal of the door separating us from the cockpit. Through Carlisle and Esme's thoughts I could see the blanket of dark sky ahead, just beginning to gray around the edges. We were fleeing from the inevitable sunrise. It was an ominous feeling. Carlisle rested his hand on Esme's knee, while she chatted animatedly with the Greenland ground control, requesting permission to land. Carlisle reminisced silently, but the story was not unfamiliar to any of us. He had always been open about his past. Now, I found myself angry that he had been and I knew this woman, this Bella, from his memories. I could see her as she truly was, but wanted to believe none of it.

And all of it made me furious with Carlisle most of all. Furious his memories nailed the personality, but dulled the person. In his mind, she had always been beautiful, but it hadn't compared with the way he viewed Esme. It was obvious that to Carlisle, there was no doubt where his heart belonged.

In person, Bella was flawless. Truly a devil in angel's clothing. Her pale smooth skin had the texture of silk. It had taken everything I had not to reach out to touch her while in the car. Just the memory of grazing Bella's breast as I shut the door made my jeans tighten considerably. It had felt like a zap of electricity shot between us. And that was through her shirt, thin as it might be. I could only imagine what it might feel like to touch her bare flesh. The idea made me shudder.

Over one hundred years of existence I had seen hundreds of thousands of women. None had sparked a passion so fierce, so strong as this one. Knowing everything that had happened between my father and Bella made it feel even worse. Esme wasn't jealous in the slightest that Carlisle's old flame was sitting less than 50 feet away from them. It didn't make sense that my own jealousy should be boiling over.

It didn't help that I had seen Carlisle touch her in the way I found myself desiring. He'd whispered sweetly into her ear, kissing her neck between words; felt her strong fingers slide through his golden hair. He'd run his hands down her silken plait; had her lips press urgently against his; felt her naked body slide the length of his; made her moan his name in passion.

But it was none of these memories he revisited as we flew through the air toward Greenland. He was remembering his last day with Bella. The day everything between them changed.

"I'm home," he called softly into the darkened and sparsely furnished home they had once shared.

He was anxious to see her as always. Above all else, Bella had passion. She was the first vampire Carlisle had felt any kind of connection with. Not that it compared to what he felt toward Esme, or any of us, for that matter, but it was a unique bond, one that he had never had with another woman except Esme. He loved her.

I watched his memory step through the door and I could feel it: excitement, nervousness, love. My last hope lay in the fogged memories, in which Bella hadn't been in love with him, either. Carlisle remembered her desire for him, her passion, but he never saw more than lust in her sexy stares and perhaps she could just feel the same pull to Carlisle that we all did. It was hard to ignore such a pure spirit.

Carlisle dropped an arm full of books onto the lone table. Bella stepped elegantly into the room. I was able to see her clearly now. The image of perfection was no longer dulled by Carlisle's mind. She smiled, but I realized as Carlisle did, it wasn't a warm greeting.

"Where have you been?" She demanded, her voice ringing with anger.

Carlisle sighed, stepping closer. "Hunting."

Bella's eyes flashed dangerously. I immediately marveled at the clear bright red that blazed from them. She had fed recently.

"Of course," she hissed back. Even in the sarcastic tone, it sounded like music. "You were supposed to meet me at the tower."

The relationship they had was built purely on passion, but that easily transferred from their lovemaking to their arguments. Carlisle rarely won. But the topic they were approaching was quickly steering toward unfamiliar water. She had so far left him alone with his chosen lifestyle, aside from some teasing bedroom talk. Now, as she eyed him angrily, Carlisle knew a flood gate had been opened. Whatever tolerance she had shown was quickly fading.

Carlisle's shoulders slumped a fraction. "Why? So Aro's brother can belittle me?" His voice stayed as calm as ever amid the tension that was building between them.

With an effort to calm the situation, Carlisle opened his arms, palm up in a defeated gesture. She gnawed absently on her lip, obviously trying to think it over. From other memories, I knew she was stubborn, but not unwilling to listen to reason.

"It was a genuine offer," she finally soothed, but it was obvious she had been humiliated by his absence.

Carlisle closed the space between them in one long stride, slipped his hands inside the opening of her dark cloak and around her thin waist. He looked into her eyes, feeling torn. It wasn't the first time he wondered how they could ever stay together. Bella and her lust for human blood counterbalanced his own desire to help humanity. But he held faith that she would eventually see, would eventually convert. He had always thought he could wait.

"Everyone was there," Bella continued quietly. "The brothers, the entire Guard, and they brought in genuine Americans. They were simply fabulous."

In the here and now, the thought made Carlisle's stomach churn, but he pushed it away.

"You know I can't-"

"Can't!" She suddenly shouted, pushing him away forcefully. "You mean won't. Why are you being so damn stubborn, Carlisle? Quit trying to deny your instincts. Don't fight against your nature."

Carlisle sighed. "You know I can't do that. The utter disregard for life here is stifling. Worse than that, being here, in the center of some of the most atrocious acts of mankind, is driving me insane."

A sneer stretched across Bella's beautiful skin. Though it looked simply wicked, it did nothing to lessen her beauty. "Do you know why there was such an elaborate feast tonight, Carlisle?"

He shook his head, keeping his eyes on Bella's which were growing wilder by the second. "In honor of my induction into the Elite," she hissed at him. "You weren't even there to show me support."

"I don't support it." It was the first time I had seen Carlisle's eyes flash with anger. "How could I? You're destroying what I want to save. Our kind has the ability to save life as much as take it, Bella, and I want to believe I was given these senses to rise above my nature; to use it for another purpose. Everything you do goes against what I feel is right. I can't pretend it doesn't get to me."

"Oh, and it's been peaches and cream for me, then? Do you realize how humiliating it is to know I'm the one everyone talks about? Because I'm the one who fucks the nut?"

Her insult felt like a slap. "Aro told you he thought it was commendable, what I'm trying to do."

She snorted. "And you don't see the warning? He said it for my benefit, so I would know. They don't trust you already, Carlisle, and you haven't been here long. Without me, they'd have destroyed you long ago."

Carlisle stared at her, understanding dawning. She was right. He had been very naive to trust Aro. Aro would never approve of his choice to savor life. It was too far beyond the Brothers' realm of control. He existed free from the primal urges they knew and that scared them. Bella was the only thing keeping him alive inside Volterra's walls.

He thought about how her urges screamed for sex, for passion on a bestial level. As a man, Carlisle willingly complied, but more than anything, he wanted to build a relationship based on love, trust and respect. Those were not qualities Bella freely shared, nor did most of their kind. That was the only reason he had tolerated. It was in those tense moments that Carlisle truly pieced his own desires together. More than anything he wished to be loved because of what he was, not despite it. He made a spur of the moment decision that ultimately changed his entire life.

"Let's leave Volterra."

"Excuse me?"

"Let's just leave and get away from this. We could be happy." It was only a partial truth. They could be happy. For awhile. That truth was something of which they both were constantly aware.

"How can you ask me to leave?" Carlisle looked away from the goddess, a feat I now found impossible. "It's foolish. Everything you could ever want is right here. When are you going to get over this ridiculous phase and start behaving like a vampire?"

Carlisle's freshly fed eyes flashed in anger. "It isn't a phase." Truly, he had never once even considered the other option.

A thick silence hung in the air. Finally she spoke, her words falling from her tongue like an avalanche. "So you would give away Volterra and glory for eternity to hunt animals? You'd give away me?"

He studied her as she waited for him to reply. In her fury, she was taking deep breaths and her chest heaved up and down, a motion barely discernible through the thick wool cloak, but Carlisle analyzed her quickly. "It's not as if you'd do any different," he said in a defeated and unfamiliar tone.

He understood all too well the pull the Volturi had on her and the realization seemed to exasperate her further. "Are you asking me to choose sides?" Her eyes flashed violently.

Carlisle recognized the end. He swooped down and picked up the books he had discarded and started toward the door. Bella stared at him, her face a mask of anger. "I would never ask you to choose," he said softly. "I guess this is goodbye, then." Then, he dropped his own act and showed her how it was hurting him to do what had to be done. His hand reached for the door handle. "I love you, Isabella."

Instantly, Bella was behind him, arms flung around his waist. Carlisle sighed and turned toward her. The hope that she had changed her mind, that she would flee the city with him, rolled through his head. She placed her soft lips to his gently, then leaned away. He searched her expression, noting the ghosts of tears swimming behind her lashes. Bella brought her hand upward and slapped him full across his face.

Both sets of eyes opened wide, neither believing what she had done. Without another word, Carlisle stepped through the door, letting it swing open, and ran into the night. It was in those moments he realized he could not change Bella's path. She was slipping further away and his only choice was to move on. He would leave Volterra and Bella, and never look back.

He hadn't. Centuries later, Carlisle hadn't thought back on Bella and the way things might have been had he chosen to stay, or she chosen to leave. Carlisle had found where he belonged and the people he belonged with. Seeing Bella again after so many years was like a breath of fresh air to him. Now, he saw hope for her future. In his mind, there was a chance to undo what centuries had created.

As Esme began the descent, Jasper and Bella emerged from the back of the plane and slid into their seats. I watched her carefully as she absently twirled a piece of hair around her finger, determinedly keeping her eyes on her feet. Though I knew she was a wicked creature, barely capable of compassion, I found that I didn't care. Her silent mind and deep crimson eyes filled me with desire, and it was something I couldn't deny. My instincts screamed at me to run to her, bend her over, and slam myself into her like an animal.

I caught Jasper looking at me, one eyebrow raised. He was undoubtedly experiencing my unexpected whirl of lust. It was embarrassing. No woman had ever made me think these thoughts and now I couldn't stop. I was genuinely glad no one could read my mind.

"Where we landing?" Emmett boomed. "We can't be stateside already."

I shook my head and smirked. As I did, Bella's gaze sought me out. Despite myself, I flashed a grin and said, "Greenland."

"Excellent!" Emmett hollered loudly. "Polar Bears!"

Jasper and Alice owned a home in the very northern town of Nord. It was there we went after landing. Greenland was an expanse of snow and ice and that was about it. They had chosen the location specifically for the remoteness. That, and the property sat on the largest oil field in history, though it would be several decades before someone discovered it. Eventually, the 200 acres would make our family billions.

The family had split up and separated into the same groups we had driven before, with Carlisle and Esme joining Emmett and Rosalie in the other vehicle. I uncharacteristically let Alice drive, just to have the option of being able to gaze at Bella without distraction. Besides, these were huge, roaring snow plow monstrosities, with thick, spiked tires, that gnawed the ice beneath us. Emmett was sure enjoying the other one, but Alice already had experience. Thankfully, the vehicular monsters were quick and we made good time plowing through the nearly 400 miles. We were lucky it wasn't snowing.

The house itself was small compared to most of the Cullen domiciles, even though there was plenty of space for us to stay somewhat comfortably for an undetermined amount of time. The structure was made of thick stone and nestled into a sparse forest. Ice covered everything this far north, but it was pristine. There was no wonder why Jasper and Alice had decided to search out a home here. The frosted landscape gave way to fancies of Christmas, angels and easy peace. It was breathtaking.

Despite the amazing scenery, my focus lay elsewhere. I couldn't not gawk at Bella. She had captivated my every sense. The longer I was around her, the more under her spell I seemed to fall. She could laugh just as easily at Alice's jokes as she could tell Jasper off. She was a confident, intelligent, sexy woman and I found myself more and more turned on. More than a few times I caught her staring back at me. A delicate smile played across her lips and I was mesmerized by the Mona Lisa-like expression. She had probably been Da Vinci's inspiration when creating the portrait, though he hadn't done her an ounce of justice. She was by far the most beautiful sight I had ever beheld, dulling the miles of sparkling ice stretching in every direction.

Almost as soon as we arrived, Jasper and Alice left with Em, Rose and Esme to hunt some of the grumpy bears that were virtually everywhere out here. I laughed aloud as Emmett's head swirled with his last encounters of the white northern bears. They were worse than any grizzly. His mind shifted to a video he saw of a shark crashing through a thin barrier of ice and biting down on the surprised bear, dragging its head and front paws into the water. At first, he imagined himself snapping the beast in half like that, but his thoughts turned to musings on whether a shark might be a good snack. He was deciding to ask Jasper if he wanted to give it a try, as I lost Emmett's thoughts to the distance.

Carlisle stood next to me and Bella still hovered hesitantly next to the snowdozer. Her gaze flicked uncomfortably between us, almost like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi. Carlisle smiled warmly, an action I mimicked. She still seemed wary, but when my father stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, she returned the gesture. The jealousy began to brew in stomach again and I had to remind myself not to snarl at them.

The embrace was brief, but he kept his hands firm on her elbows. "You look stunning," he said to her.

Bella smiled. "It's been a long time, Carlisle."

He nodded. "Too long. I should have come back to see you long ago."

Red eyes met mine and a burning ignited inside me. She shied away from Carlisle and he dropped his hands. God, what would I give to see what she is thinking right now. Carlisle turned to me. "Edward," he said softly. "I think we need some time alone."

I nodded, but wanted nothing less than to leave the sight in front of me, even if his hands were on her instead of mine. Bella's eyes widened, and she shook her head. "No. I don't think I'm ready for this," she pleaded.

"I won't be far," I promised, unwilling to disappoint my father, no matter how badly I never wanted to leave her side.