Characters are always the property of Stephenie Meyer.
Chapter 9 Blizzard
Edward disappeared over a small hill. I felt the urge to run after him, but my eye was caught by Carlisle's. He wore an easy grin and he offered the crook of his elbow to me. As much as I wished otherwise, there was something very comfortable and familiar about my flesh touching his. I gazed out into the darkness one last time, scanning the ice for any sign of Edward, before allowing Carlisle to lead me into the house.
The house was sprawling. From outside, it was hard to grasp its size. The white of its exterior gave the illusion the house disappeared into the encroaching snow. Inside was a different story. It was a six bedroom (all complete with huge marble bathrooms and Jacuzzis), two family roomed mansion that sprawled over an acre. Its decor was subtle and light, adding to the serene ambiance.
Despite the size, it didn't take long for the tour. So far, Carlisle had kept the conversation light. He wondered if the flight had been terrible, if the others had been kind, and what I thought of the frozen wasteland outside the walls. I answered all his questions directly, if not completely honestly. He had always had such an effect on me. We finally entered the dining room where a huge circular table sat in the center of the room. He pulled out a chair and I slipped down, carefully watching him as he pulled out the chair next to mine.
His gaze was intense, but he seemed unwilling to say anything. I found my sense of ease swirling away as his eyes searched mine. Finally, I cleared my throat uncomfortably and the corner of his mouth lifted sweetly.
"Oh, Bella. It's been too long."
His voice whirled through my mind like a ghost. Carlisle was from so long ago, but he still held tight to a part of me. I hadn't been aware of it in so many years, but there had always been the piece that couldn't help but love him. He was the most kind and compassionate soul in existence.
I nodded at him, not sure what to say. Yes, it had been too long, but in many ways it hadn't been long enough.
"I really thought I'd never see you again," he finally said. The honesty in his voice made no doubt it was something he would have regretted.
"It's good to see you found what you were looking for." The fire in my voice surprised me. I hadn't meant it that way.
As rude as it seemed, Carlisle hardly noticed. "I'm still working on it," he chuckled. After a short silence he spoke again. "You're hungry."
His eyes never left mine and I knew I couldn't disagree. I'm used to centuries of regular, gluttonous feeding. In Volterra, it was difficult to go more than a day without a tour rolling through. It was a never-ending buffet. Needless to say, I was nearing the limits of my satiated state. "I am." I admitted quietly.
"That was the reason I wanted the others leave before speaking with you." He paused as if weighing his next words very carefully. "My family and I maintain the highest level of tact, despite what you may think. Nord is a small town. Any single person will be missed there. You will not go into Nord. You will hunt animals for the duration of your stay."
"Animals?" I shouted indignantly. "You've got to be joking. I'd never. I couldn't! You're joking!" My voice hinted on hysteria, but Carlisle simply sat as calm as ever.
"Animals," he answered definitively.
"You've got to be kidding me!" I said again. "Accidents happen all the time on ice. Out here, no one would ever expect anything unnatural."
Carlisle's ocher eyes flashed with anger. "Not here." He finally puffed out through clenched teeth. "If any of us saw a lost or injured human, we would take him back to town. We would do anything in our power to save him. I don't expect you to go that far, but I do expect a shred of humanity."
It felt like we were right back where we left off. I crossed my arms over my chest and sat back in the chair. "I'm not a human," I growled.
He met my narrowed look with one of his own. "But you can still feel compassion, Isabella."
"Why bother?" I wondered. "Humans are so weak. They don't last long, anyway. I'd just be saving him from years of dying at a slower pace. I see nothing wrong with that."
Carlisle was silent as he stared at me in open shock. "What's happened to you?"
"What do you mean?" I was the same as I had always been. Maybe too much so. It was the 'family' man in front of me that was so different than the lover I knew.
"You are not the same woman I remember," he said harshly. "The Isabella I knew still had some understanding of right and wrong, twisted as it was even then. It was still defined as a part of you. I never expected you to let it fade completely."
My temper flared. "Did it ever occur to you that I can discern right from wrong just fine? That has never been an issue for me. Did you ever think that maybe it's your value system that's out of whack?" My patience waned quickly.
"Do you forget you were once human, too?"
The grandfather clock in the entrance way began to chime. The sharp echoing sound diffused the silence that had overtaken us and snapped me back into action. I jumped to my feet. "I'd appreciate it if you kept your opinions to yourself."
"I'm not forcing anything," he responded, slowly standing to look me in the eyes again. The weight of his accusing glare was heavy. "I'm asking for the courtesy of allowing my family a place where we can remain inconspicuous. Your choices affect more than you or I alone. The least you can do is have the decency to leave their way of life intact.
"You could choose to leave here tomorrow, but I must look out for the future and safety of every one in my family. We depend on our secrets and we've already left ourselves more exposed and vulnerable just for having brought you here."
My anger all but dissipated in the sharp tone of his words. I felt ashamed I had even argued the point in the first place. Of course he was right. They simply placed too high a trust in Alice and Jasper. Alice's visions were highly unlikely and Jasper knew how on-edge I was. Bringing me here and not destroying me the first chance they had was a grievous error on their part.
"On the other hand," Carlisle broke through my thoughts, "you are not a prisoner. You are free to come and go as you please."
I sneered at him, hiding my emotions. I didn't have to stay. I could always escape to Canada. Except that I couldn't. I felt I owed Jasper and Alice something. In too many ways, I was still very much a prisoner here.
"But, please, Bella, hear me out." Golden eyes flashed with genuine sincerity. I couldn't help but hesitate. Gone was the hard tone he used before. Compassion swirled fervently in his eyes. "I meant only to give you some advice. You may do with it what you will, but please understand that choosing not to listen would be worse than destroying you. What it would do to Alice is...is...unthinkable. The disappointment."
His words penetrated my mind as did the look on his face. I sighed, understanding at last. It always came back to Alice. People just couldn't help the draw of the small little pixie. Carlisle was looking out for her. She believed in me so much that her family believed too, without even understanding exactly why. They just trusted her and she trusted me for whatever reason. Venom started to rise in my throat, making me uncomfortable and slightly nauseous. She trusted me to be something I was incapable of being. It would kill them all to see her hurt and she'd be hurt after I failed.
"Then what?" I asked him. "Demetri will be on us like white on rice. We can't stay here forever."
"That's a discussion for the entire family, Bella."
So used to being involved in most decisions in the Guard at an executive level, it was hard not be offended by the innocent remark. As the pair in charge, we should –
But I had to stop myself. Here, I was nobody. I was nothing. I had inadvertently put myself in Carlisle's control despite his words that I was free to leave. The thought sickened me.
"There's one last thing I need to, er, discuss." Now, he seemed almost embarrassed and ducked his eyes away for the first time. I sighed loudly. Right away I knew this was one conversation I really didn't want to have with him.
"Honestly, Carlisle," I said. "It really isn't necessary."
He eyed me. "Esme is my wife."
"Yes, yes," I waved my hands at him, trying to dismiss it. I wasn't interested in hearing the gory details of how perfectly his life had worked out. It would only serve to reinforce how simply empty mine had become. I didn't need it spelled out for me. In one swift movement, I was at the entrance to the wide hall leading to the rest of the house. "Which room can I use?" I demanded, anxious to get out of there.
He stared silently for awhile longer before finally answering. "Third bedroom on the left. I'll have one of the girls bring you some clothes, if you'd like to get cleaned up."
I sprinted from him and into the sanctity of the brilliantly white bathroom, not even stopping to take in the bedroom. I immediately began filling the huge tub, throwing in some of the scented salts from the shelves. The air filled with an amazing floral aroma and my muscles loosened a bit. Now, this was just what the doctor ordered. Pardon the pun.
It was hard to tell how long I had been lying in the tepid water as the jets pushed around my body. I floated, just beneath the surface, thinking hard on what I was feeling. Despite Jasper's analysis on the flight, it did little to determine exactly the root of my problem.
I was naturally jealous that Carlisle had moved on so definitely and completely, while I hadn't changed. Knowing the last time anything impacted me was the day he left Volterra made it harder to take in. Try as I might to deny it, it was true. My old self – the lighter, happier self – had quieted and grown weak until she was someone I didn't recognize anymore. She no longer existed. I executed her as soundly as I had thousands of other souls since.
The initial problem was that failure hadn't existed for my previous self. All that changed when I failed with Carlisle. Afterward, my life had been an existence of personal failures, but it had begun when Carlisle disappeared out the door. I had often wondered why I couldn't settle with a mate. Why was I content to move from man to man while most of our kind mated once and forever? I was almost glad of the inch of water covering my eyes. It gave a relief my tearless sobbing would not.
On top of everything else, my mind was continuously drawn to Edward. He told me he'd stay close. Why on earth had I even asked him to stay? It seemed like such a weak and foolish thing to do and like so many other things I'd experienced recently, so out of character. What was it about the bronzed-haired god that attracted me so completely, so irrevocably? The more I thought of him, the more I wanted to and that was not a healthy habit to start.
When I finally stepped from the bath, I wrapped a fluffy white robe around my body. The soft cotton felt amazing against my skin. I felt like I hadn't been clean in months. Too many sticky thoughts had been weighing me down. I found a comfortable track outfit sitting on the corner of the dresser. It was white, blending in nicely with the subdued hues of the house. While I naturally preferred a much darker and more serious wardrobe, the fit of the soft cotton was more comfortable than the tight and sleek clothes I wore in Volterra.
Once I was properly clothed again, I searched for a brush to comb through my tangled tresses. With no luck, I ran my fingers through it a few times, piling it loosely onto my head and twisting it into a sloppy bun. I looked myself over in the mirror, struck again by the contrast I saw there. I had always considered myself somewhat plain, willingly drab. Seeing myself like this, though almost mundane in its simplicity, seemed right.
Suddenly, I could hear a hushed conversation from another room. Quickly exiting, I crept silently down the hall. I hesitated outside the door Carlisle had named as his. Inside, he and Edward were immersed in deep discussion.
"What could it mean then? Is it just a coincidence she ended up with Alice? Should we help her do it?" The velvet words were saturated in genuine concern.
Carlisle answered him. "I'm not sure. There's still the possibility the outcome may change." He sounded weary and my panic began to steadily build. If Carlisle doubted, then what chance did I have?
Edward sighed audibly. "She's sure it will happen no matter what precedes."
The men were silent. I imagined Carlisle, in his golden glory, and Edward, the bronze god sitting behind this very door, speaking of me as if they should care what happened when they should be relieved if this was all true. But they seemed to put so much trust into Alice and her uncanny ability. Truly, they did not doubt her. I was having a difficult time reminding myself that I was removed from the situation. I'd already taken control of something they seemed to think was undeniable. They obviously did not know me well at all. Perhaps Carlisle chose to forget, but I was quite possibly the most stubborn creature in existence. I had made up my mind. Alice's premonition wouldn't come true. I wasn't going to let it.
Finally, Edward spoke again, choosing a new subject. "But can we trust her?"
My body tensed for the answer. Could I be trusted? My loyalties have always been to the Volturi. It was more than a job, it was who I was. Carlisle must have answered him with his thoughts. It was an insane irritation, but instead of busting through the door and demanding his opinions, I continued down the dark hallway.
It wasn't long before I realized none of the others had gotten back yet. My mind flickered briefly to the clothes that had been placed on my dresser as I soaked in my tub full of angst. Part of me hoped it had been mysterious Edward who had crept silently in. I pulled at the jacket and brought it to my nose, inhaling deep into the fabric. The scent was mouthwatering, but too muddled a mixture for me to pinpoint if Carlisle or Edward had handled it last.
Unable to reach a definitive conclusion on the matter, I wandered aimlessly throughout the house. Thoughts swirled through my head as I paced the sprawling rooms. That's when it struck me. A break in the resolve. I had been so foolish. My stomach had been twisting and knotting since I met these Cullens. I felt threatened and uncomfortable from the beginning. I was so frustrated and the answer suddenly seemed simple: run. If I wasn't a prisoner, I wasn't staying.
Taking off with all my speed, I charged toward the door, flinging it wide in my haste. A fine sprinkling of snow had begun to fall, but the heavy gray clouds hung low in the sky, promising something more. As if to reassure that fact, the wind howled across the icy plain and hit my cold skin.
Thank God, you can only die once, I thought, and I threw myself into the night.
I was glad for the light colored clothes as I sprinted through the steadily falling snow. It would be harder to spot me, as long as no one could zero in on the red stripes down my legs. In any case, I didn't feel any one following me as I sped into the blizzard.
I had gone a few miles to the west before I crossed paths with an alarming scent. My nose wrinkled the instant I smelt it. It was fouler than anything I'd ever come across before. Curiosity getting the better of me, I followed as it crossed north and then back east. Instinctively, I knew it went toward the town.
I retreated into a crop of high rising cliffs just to the south of town and studied the busy little village in wonderment for a long time. Humans go about their business obliviously, to and fro, never imagining for one second that I could easily swoop in and obliterate their entire town. The blizzard would act as a natural silencer for their screams. The Cullens wouldn't be able to hear their terror. I was half tempted to do it, just to spite Carlisle, but the other scent created an unnecessary problem. It was definitely neither human nor vampire, but otherwise I was at a loss to its origin. I determined quickly that an attack wasn't worth it with an unknown element at play.
Shrugging it off, I moved away from the teeny city and began running west again. My best bet seemed to be Canada. After that, I wasn't sure. I was still a little torn about returning home with Alice's premonition continuously flashing through my mind. In my haste to leave the house I'd forgotten how unlikely it was that I could ever return to Italy. I already felt stripped of my rank and title. They, more than likely, assumed me dead. Perhaps they think I was caught as the prison collapsed. No one would really miss me, anyway. It seemed much better to stay away. Not to disrupt the lives of my friends.
So, I kept running toward Canada. Away from the Cullens. Away from Volterra. From now on, I was on my own and glad I knew how to kick some ass, because having my dinner served to me on a silver platter for three centuries did nothing to hone my hunting skills. It shouldn't be difficult to recruit some help. If I thought he'd be able to decipher it, I'd send Felix a coded message, and ask him to meet me. Jane might be able to do it, but I had no hope for Felix. Good in bed, but otherwise useless. I even considered sending a coded letter to Demetri, but his crude and wild manner – while not in bed – was offensive.
No, I'd find new friends later. All I had to do is get off this freakishly huge island!
The barren trees gave little cover as I twisted my way through the thin, weak trunks. Only knowing a basic geography, I was still sure most of Greenland was uninhabited throughout the center. People tried to settle along the coasts where the worries of living on a perpetually frozen, but extremely volcanic land aren't as threatening. All I could do as I streaked across the open spaces was step as lightly as possible and hope I wouldn't be unlucky enough to find footing on eroded earth.
Because it's me, I eventually distracted myself with foolish fantasies involving Edward and myself. One wrong step brought my foot ankle deep in a scalding hot mud pool, laying hidden just beneath the surface of the eroding dirt. My dulled pain receptors barely registered anything was wrong, but I knew the longer I left myself exposed to the overheated mud, the greater chances for real injury.
The problem was I was stuck fast in the thick black gunk. I quickly exhausted my options as I fumbled around for something to use as leverage. In the cold, icy wilderness, there was nothing of any use nearby. My last idea was not a pleasant one, considering the angle my foot was lodged.
My fingers wrapped around my thin calve. This wasn't going to be pretty. Before I lost the nerve and opted to stay forever in this icy grave, I yanked my leg upwards. Easily exerting every bit of force I had in my underfed and weakened state, I heard the sickening crack of a bone snapping. I had to bite hard on my lip to hold in the anguish afraid that if I slipped, my will to go on would vanish.
Just as I began to fear it was hopeless, my leg ripped free of the sludge and the power of my own strength sent me sprawling backward into the snow. For awhile, I just laid panting as the storm gathered in intensity. The snow came down in frosty blankets, slanting at a wild angle from the east. I idly wondered if it were possible to have hurricanes this far north. My knowledge of the icy country was painfully nonexistent, but that I thought this was exactly what an iced hurricane would look like.
When I could think and breathe clearly again, I quickly assessed the condition of my leg. I knew it was broken, but there was no way to heal if I didn't feed. The sooner, the better. The pain didn't seem overwhelming, so I decided that I'd still chance Canada. The urge to escape the Cullens had only grown more insistent.
With great care, I used my arms to pull myself upward. I deliberately kept any weight from my left ankle, but there was nothing to use for balance. So, despite my graceful vampire abilities, I felt my right leg begin to slide forward on a hidden sheet of ice. I tried fruitlessly to put my arms out and catch myself, but forgot my injury in the moment. I bent my knee, trying to use my other leg to catch my body before I went down.
It all happened so fast. My scream echoed around me, but was absorbed by the howling storm. My body collapsed on the ground, taken by agony. I had crushed my entire foot and had never felt such pain since my change. My mind only screamed along with my body. I was completely incoherent, yet glad I was alone with my misery.
Suddenly, there was a iron grasp on my shoulders, reminding me they were still up there by my neck. I'd been so lost in the gripping pain, but the weight of the hands brought me a sense of reality. I whimpered miserably, refusing to open my eyes. I hoped they would at least kill me quickly. I was not used to suffering such misery. Instead, my body was lifted from the snowy ground and I was nuzzled against a solid chest.
"You need to feed." I was shocked to hear it was the velvety voice of Edward.
Gently, his fingertips brushed hair away from my face. It was stiff and frozen like leafless twigs, but he was careful not to break it. His golden eyes locked onto mine. It was impossible not to notice they were swimming with desperation.
"Are you alright?" he wondered.
Still shocked, I could only nod at first. His mouth was so close to mine and his shaky breath flooded my senses. Finally, I dared open my mouth and after allowing a breath of his delicious taste to roll over my tongue, I answered him more truthfully than I intended.
"I am now."
The corner of his lip twitched upward. Edward had no further comment. I savored the flavor and feel of him as he gathered my injured and weak body into his and ran into the storm.